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KarlCBL
Trad climber
Santa Cruz
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Jul 27, 2010 - 07:18pm PT
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What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese
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ruppell
climber
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Jul 27, 2010 - 07:26pm PT
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What did the egg say to the boiling water??
It might take me a while to get hard I just got laid by a chick.
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MisterE
Social climber
Bouncy Tiggerville
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What are the two sexiest animals in the barnyard?
Brown chicken, brown cow!
(say it out loud)
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Gene
Social climber
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Just before Chelsea's wedding last Saturday...
Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom, so she asked Chelsea...
"Have you had sex with Marc?"
Chelsea replied.... "Not according to Dad"
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MisterE
Social climber
Bouncy Tiggerville
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A sloth gets mugged by two turtles.
The police show up and ask the sloth to describe the assailants. The sloth says:
"I...don't...know, ...it...all...happened...so...fast..."
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Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
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Short? You're so short that when you fart you get sand in your eyes.
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Robb
Social climber
The other "Magic City on the Plains"
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I wanted to do stand up comedy, but I was afraid that everyone would just laugh at me.
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H
Mountain climber
there and back again
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Whats the difference between a climbing guide and a ex-large pizza?
A pizza can feed a family.
What do you call a climbing guide without a girl friend?
Homeless.
Whats the difference between a climbing guide and God?
God does not think he is a climbing guide.
This is probably the only ST topic with over 100 threads that does not have a drift off topic.
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Wayno
Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
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Needledick the Bugf*#ker.
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pud
climber
Sportbikeville & Yucca brevifolia
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charlie.elverson
Trad climber
St. Paul, MN
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what has two legs and bleeds a lot?
HALF A CAT!!!
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Damn this looks high
Trad climber
Temecula, CA
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What can a woman put behind her ears to make herself more attractive?
Her ankles!
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Ksolem
Trad climber
Monrovia, California
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A quick one liner for a good weather day...
"It's so nice out I think I'll leave it out."
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dirt claud
Sport climber
san diego,ca
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Jan 20, 2011 - 01:08pm PT
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FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. "
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,
"but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze
and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
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Blissab
Trad climber
Westhampton, MA
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Jan 20, 2011 - 01:25pm PT
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Guy name San Andreas from the office takes a two week vacation in China.
While there, a major earthquake event takes place.
Upon being interviewed by a Chinese reporter, Mr. Andreas reponds...
"ITS NOT MY FAULT"
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Ihateplastic
Trad climber
It ain't El Cap, Oregon
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Jan 20, 2011 - 01:37pm PT
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This might be up-thread but I am lazy today...
An SEO copywriter walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house, Irish, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, liquor...
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Friedo
Trad climber
South Lake Tahoe
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Jan 20, 2011 - 03:24pm PT
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Ever notice how a Raven never gets hit by a car?
That's because there's always another raven in a tree yelling "Kaaawwwweeer, Kaaaawwwweeeerrr!"
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dirt claud
Sport climber
san diego,ca
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Jan 20, 2011 - 06:16pm PT
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A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man
standing alone. She approached him.
'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like
most -- cars and men.'
'What's your name?' she asked.
He said, 'B.J. Titsengolf.'
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matisse
climber
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Jan 20, 2011 - 07:36pm PT
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From my 8 year old nephew:
Q. why do squirrels do the backstroke?
A. to keep their nuts dry
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mark miller
Social climber
Reno
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Jan 20, 2011 - 07:59pm PT
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"So this Irishman walks out of a bar.........No really it could happen".
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