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Eubanks,D
Big Wall climber
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Jan 20, 2011 - 09:17pm PT
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Why do jewish people watch porn backwards?
They like watching the prostitute give the money back!
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Fairfax, CA
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Jan 20, 2011 - 09:27pm PT
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What is the shortest distance between two jokes?
A straight line.
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Ihateplastic
Trad climber
It ain't El Cap, Oregon
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Jan 22, 2011 - 06:58pm PT
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cliffhanger
Trad climber
California
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Some actual headlines:
~Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted~
~Miners Refuse To Work After Death~
~Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant~
~War Dims Hope for Peace~
~If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile~
~Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures~
~Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide~
~Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge~
~New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group~
~Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft~
~Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half~
~Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents~
"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"
Keeping busy: Mets agree with Church, Pagan
"Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?"
"Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder"
"Iraqi Head Seeks Arms"
"Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over"
"Child's Stool Great for Use in Garden"
"Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead"
"Tiger Woods Plays With Own Balls, Nike Says"
"Kicking Baby Considered to be Healthy"
"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges"
"Psychics Predict World Didn't End Yesterday"
"Sun or Rain Expected Today, Dark Tonight"
"Statistics Show That Teen Pregnancy Drops off "Significantly After Age 25"
"Jane Fonda to Teens: Use Head to Avoid Pregnancy"
"Circumcisions Cause Crybabies"
"Clinton Apologizes to Syphilis Victims"
"Student Excited Dad Got Head Job"
http://www.listafterlist.com/tabid/57/listid/13177/News++Weather/Funny+and+Stupid+Headlines.aspx
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KlimbingKafir
climber
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What did Davy Crockett say to Daniel Boone at the Alamo?
Where the f*#k did all these gardeners come from?!?!?
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cliffhanger
Trad climber
California
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actual newspaper headlines:
British Study Finds Less Traffic When Roads Close
Tomatoes come in Big, Little, and Medium Sizes
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier than Clean Ones, Study Shows
Clinton Wins Budget, More Lies Ahead
Bible Church's Focus Is On the Bible
Lawmakers to Consider Housing Felons in Jail
Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find
Some Phone Psychics Provide Useless, Erroneous Information
Retirement Will Be Cheaper If You Spend Less
Official: Only Rain Will Cure Drought
Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
Lack of Brains Hinders Research
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut
Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear
Two Sisters United After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
How We Feel About Ourselves is the Core of Self-Esteem, Says Author
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
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Anastasia
climber
hanging from a crimp and crying for my mama.
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Why does O. J. Simpson want to move to Alabama?
Everyone has the same DNA
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
What is the best Iraqi job?
Foreign Ambassador
What is Iraq's national bird?
Duck
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The Doctor
Social climber
Da Bronx
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What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and Sarah Palin's vagina?
Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you around for a week after you dump a load in it.
Heard both of these at work this week.
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perswig
climber
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(props to Matisse' nephew's squirrel/nut joke - I'm totally using that one)
What'd the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
(sorry)
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tom woods
Gym climber
Bishop, CA
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What's the secret to blond humor timing.
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tom woods
Gym climber
Bishop, CA
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I'll tell my all time favorite if you guys can handle it.
Some of you who know me, may know this one.
Why couldn't Hitler drink tequila?
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Fritz
Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
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tom woods: Ok! I'll beg for the punch line---please.
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tom woods
Gym climber
Bishop, CA
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Why couldn't Hitler drink tequila?
It made him mean.
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Gordon
Trad climber
South Florida
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A guy walks into the doctor's office with a carrot shoved up his nose.
The doctor takes one look at him and says, "I know what's wrong with you... You're not eating right."
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Gordon
Trad climber
South Florida
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Three gals are sitting around talking about cosmetic procedures. The first says, "I'm thinking about getting a boob job." The second replies, "That's so yesterday... I'm thinking about getting my arsehole bleached." The third says, "Yeah, I'm not sure I can picture your husband as a blond."
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shipoopoi
Big Wall climber
oakland
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what do the unabomber and a girl from kentucky have in common? they both have been fingered by their brother.
what is the difference between a blonde and a 747? not everyon has been in a 747.
what do walruses and tupperware have in common? they both like a tight seal.
somebody stop me! ss
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tom woods
Gym climber
Bishop, CA
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I like the brown and sticky one, Hankster.
It's a high quality lame joke.
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Studly
Trad climber
WA
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Tami, you're so short you play handball against the curb.
Do you know the only person that thinks your jokes are funny?
Me neither.
;)
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Charlie B
Social climber
Santa Rosa, Ca
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What has 9 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a ditch covered in leaves?
Russel
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on a wall?
Art
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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The Pope and Sarah Palin are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Mrs. Palin and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Palin replied, "I seriously doubt that you can do that with one little wave of your hand? Show me!" So the Pope backhanded the bitch and the crowd cheered wildly!
Don't you just love happy endings?
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