I need some jokes - short ones.

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Messages 301 - 320 of total 1042 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
MisterE

Gym climber
Bishop, CA
Mar 22, 2015 - 09:10pm PT
Everyone jumped for Joy,

Joy jumped higher!
bookworm

Social climber
Falls Church, VA
Mar 23, 2015 - 09:19am PT
when hillary heard chelsea had a boyfriend at college, she decided it was time for the "talk"

hillary said, "chelsea, dear, i need you to be honest with me...are you having sex?"

chelsea thought for a moment, then smiled and said, "not according to daddy"
Stevee B

Trad climber
Oakland, CA
Mar 23, 2015 - 01:45pm PT
(This one needs to be said out loud)

What are the Super Mario Brothers's overalls made out of?
Denim denim denim
plund

Social climber
OD, MN
Mar 23, 2015 - 03:23pm PT
credit to South Park / comedybot

Why don't chickens wear pants?

'Cause their peckers are on their heads!


And a "paraphrased" Rodney....

The doctor tells me "You're overweight". I say "I want a second opinion". The doctor says, "Okay, you're ugly, too".
L

climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
Mar 23, 2015 - 03:24pm PT
"Okay, you're ugly, too".

LOL!
Fritz

Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
Mar 23, 2015 - 05:17pm PT
Q: When visiting India what did George W think upon seeing a woman with a red dot on her forehead?
A: Holy Shit!!!! She must've been hunting with Cheney
Fritz

Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
Mar 23, 2015 - 05:18pm PT
Q: What happened when George Bush said Global Warming is happening at a faster pace then he expected?
A: A cabinent member pulled him aside and told him not to worry it's spring time.
Fritz

Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
Mar 23, 2015 - 05:31pm PT
"The leader in this movement to defund Obamacare is Ted Cruz, the senator from Texas. He said, 'I will do anything and everything possible to defund Obamacare.' Really, how about lighting yourself on fire?" –Bill Maher


Fritz

Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
Mar 23, 2015 - 05:33pm PT
In a tragic fire yesterday, the Tea Party lost everything in their official library.

All five books were burned to ashes.

Worse yet!

Three of them hadn't been colored in.
MisterE

Gym climber
Bishop, CA
Apr 4, 2015 - 11:04pm PT
What has 7 arms and sucks?

Def Leppard.
Fritz

Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
Apr 5, 2015 - 12:07pm PT
You will never believe who I ran into today!






















scaredycat

Trad climber
Berkeley,CA
Apr 5, 2015 - 05:16pm PT


I think I'm in love with Fritz. Both for the above and for his "political" jokes.

Don't let it go to your head, dude!
Flip Flop

climber
salad bowl, california
Apr 5, 2015 - 06:06pm PT
What is the difference between a guide and the Buddha?

The Buddha knows that he's not a god.






Why is the Grand Canyon so wide on top?

So the guide can get his head down in it.
rmuir

Social climber
From the Time Before the Rocks Cooled.
Apr 5, 2015 - 06:52pm PT
Six out of seven dwarfs are not happy.
clinker

Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
Apr 6, 2015 - 12:39am PT
Fritz, that is awfully funny.
Flip Flop

climber
salad bowl, california
Apr 28, 2015 - 07:18am PT
Why do women fake orgasms?


Because they think that we care.
Gorgeous George

Trad climber
Los Angeles, California
Apr 28, 2015 - 12:38pm PT
George Bush was informed by the State Department that Brazilian troops were being sent into Iraq to assist the efforts.

Bush replied, great, how many is a brazilian?
thetennisguy

Mountain climber
Yuba City, CA
Apr 28, 2015 - 01:14pm PT
Why is Hillary running for President?



Because she wants to find out what it's like to sleep in the President's bed.
Jay Wood

Trad climber
Land of God-less fools
Apr 28, 2015 - 01:33pm PT
"I heard that you won the candy eating contest.

Did they give you a trophy?"


"No, all I got was some dumb plaque."



(I made this up while sitting in the dentist chair recently.)
Jaybro

Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
Apr 28, 2015 - 04:06pm PT
Why cant you hear a pteridactyl got to the bathroom?





































































The "P" is silent.....
Messages 301 - 320 of total 1042 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
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