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Reeotch
climber
4 Corners Area
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Apr 28, 2015 - 04:19pm PT
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New bathroom designation: "Trans-Jenner"
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john hansen
climber
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Apr 28, 2015 - 06:55pm PT
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Bruce Gender
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Gary
Social climber
From A Buick 6
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Apr 28, 2015 - 07:37pm PT
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What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
"I can't control my pupils!"
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mcreel
climber
Barcelona
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Apr 28, 2015 - 09:45pm PT
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Termite goes into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender here?"
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MisterE
Gym climber
Being In Sierra Happy Of Place
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Apr 29, 2015 - 03:52pm PT
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What do you call a little burro? Burrito!
What do you call a little judge? Judge Ito!
*I know, it's bad - but it's short!*
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Apr 29, 2015 - 05:25pm PT
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what does a nosy pepper do?
it gets jalapeno business.
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Gary
Social climber
From A Buick 6
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Apr 29, 2015 - 08:21pm PT
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How do you drown a Hipster?
In the mainstream.
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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I was standing at the bar at Toronto International when this small Chinese
guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.
I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu ?"
He says "No, why the f*#k you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"
"No, I said, it's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick."
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Weenis
Trad climber
Tel Aviv
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May 30, 2015 - 02:30pm PT
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At a train station in Wyoming a cowboy, an Indian and a Muslim get on train. The three all exchange some small talk and after a bit the cowboy pulls his Stetson over his eyes for a nap. The Indian looks out at the plains rolling past and says to the Muslim "We were once many but now we are few".
The Muslim smiling, replies, "We were once few but now we are many".
The cowboy raises the brim of his hat and states "We haven't played cowboys and Muslims yet".
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Gary
Social climber
From A Buick 6
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My mother-in-law will never live long enough to be as old as she looks.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jul 31, 2015 - 04:54pm PT
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After years of wondering why he didn’t look like any of his siblings,
a man finally collected the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.
“Yes, you were adopted,” his mother replied as she started to cry softly,
“but it didn’t work out and they brought you back.”
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johnboy
Trad climber
Can't get here from there
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A guy was sitting with his wife that was on her death bed. She says to him, honey, I need to tell you something. I slept with your brother, your father and your best friend. The husband says, I know honey, thats why I poisoned you.
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philo
climber
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I think the guy I bought Velcro climbing shoes from was a drug dealer because they are laced and I keep tripping.
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Fritz
Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Little Johnny confides to a friend:
I used to have a cat that stuttered.
One day, I took the cat for a walk, & we ran into a Rottweiler.
The Rottweiler started growling and rushed my cat.
My stuttering cat started stuttering:
ffffsssss, & fffffffssssss,
but before it could say:
Fuk You!
The Rottweiler tore its head off.
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Gary
Social climber
From A Buick 6
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Aug 10, 2015 - 08:13am PT
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A fellow is on hos deathbed. The doctor says it's his last night on Earth, he won't make it through the night.
He calls his wife over, says he'd like to have sex one more time. She refuses, "Look, I have to get up in the morning, you don't!"
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cliffhanger
Trad climber
California
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Aug 10, 2015 - 03:42pm PT
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The other night there was this huge explosion because I foolishly tried to combine pasta with antipasta.
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Aug 26, 2015 - 12:21pm PT
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^^^ Good one!
A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS 460
when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist
was there waiting for the service manager when the mechanic shouted
across the garage,
"Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was
working. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and
asked,
"So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves
out , I repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything
back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that
I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7 million when you and I are doing
basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic,
"try doing it with the engine running."
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covelocos
Trad climber
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Aug 26, 2015 - 02:05pm PT
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why was the hippie drinking milk?
'cause he liked ice cream before it was cool.
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MisterE
Gym climber
Being In Sierra Happy Of Place
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How do you know Chris Sharma is sponsored by Volkswagen?
Because he yells "Passat!" when he tries hard.
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o-man
Social climber
Paia,Maui,HI
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Sep 10, 2015 - 08:47pm PT
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A police officer called the station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."
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