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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:37pm PT
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There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count, and those who can't.
John
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Off White
climber
Tenino, WA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:59pm PT
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What did Jesus say when they pulled the nails from his palms and lowered him down off the cross?
"THE FEET THE FEET THE FEET!"
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 06:08pm PT
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So... Jesus is walking through the desert when he comes across and angry mob about to stone to death a woman they suspect of being an adulteress. Jesus walks to the middle of the group and raises his hands to settle the crowd. He clears his throat and says:
"You accuse this woman of sin. Well let ye without sin cast the first stone!"
From way in the back an old woman runs forth. She picks up the heaviest boulder her spindly arms can lift and hurls it at the adulteress's head, killing her instantly.
Jesus just sighs and says:
"God dammit, mother."
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 23, 2009 - 07:19pm PT
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Dear zdon:
F*U*C*K*O*F*F
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GLee
climber
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Jul 23, 2009 - 10:35pm PT
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a Norwegian joke:
Q: What do you get when you eat Lutefisk laced with LSD?
A: A quick trip to Fargo
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Step Beyond!
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Jul 23, 2009 - 10:46pm PT
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A vulture walks up to a airline ticketing agent with a dead rabbit
The agent looks at the rabbit and says:
"You gonna check that?"
"No, it's carry-on."
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john hansen
climber
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Jul 23, 2009 - 10:56pm PT
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Jesus and Saint Peter are playing a round of golf with God.
St Peter steps up on the tee and hits a nice shot down the fairway.
Jesus is next and he cracks one about fourty yards past St Peters ball.
God steps up and shanks one into the trees, but a squirril bats it back out into the fair way and just before it stops rolling an eagle scoops it up and flies to the green and drops the ball..
It rolls into the hole,,
Jesus says,,,,, God , its just a game.
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john hansen
climber
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:26pm PT
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A building contractor is showing an electrician and a plumber thru a house they are going to remodel. In one of the closets they find an old oil lamp. When the contractor goes to grab the lamp out pops a geine.
He says " since there are three of you I will grant each one of you a wish."
The electrician says" Man, put me on a tropical beach with a couple coconut trees, beautiful women in bikini's running around. A Hammok and a case a Corona on ice ,, and I'll be set."
Poof,, he was gone.
The plumber says "You know, I just love Bass fishing. Just put me in little boat out on a lake where the fish are biting like mad. A couple sandwiches and some beers,, yea that's heaven for me..
Poof,, he was gone.
The Geine looks at the contractor and ask's him " And what is it you want?"
"I want those guys back here RIGHT NOW!!!
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Iron Mtn.
Trad climber
Corona, Ca.
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Jul 24, 2009 - 12:30am PT
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Two sperm are traveling out of a man's penis. One sperm says to the other "Whew! I hope we make it to that egg soon, cause i'm getting really tired!" and the other sperm says "You need to chill out man, we haven't even made it to the tonsils yet."
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Gary
climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
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Jul 24, 2009 - 01:30am PT
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An Irishman walks out of a bar...
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Guernica
climber
s x sw
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Jul 24, 2009 - 01:49am PT
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What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair in his teeth?
...gladiator!
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 24, 2009 - 11:05am PT
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What did the Mexican call his two dicks?
Jose,
and Hose-B.
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NikDF
Trad climber
Bay area, CA
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Jul 24, 2009 - 11:56am PT
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What is the difference between a hockey goalie and a hippie chick?
The goalie showers after 3 periods.
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wildone
climber
GHOST TOWN
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Jul 24, 2009 - 12:17pm PT
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John Hansen - You butchered that Joke !!!!!
Moses and Jesus show up to play a round of golf. The clubhouse manager tells them there's an old guy who wants to join up and make a threesome. They say it's no problem and for him to meet them at the first tee.
Moses gazes out at the distant green, sees a formidable water hazard between the the green and the tee, and winds up and really whacks a good drive. It goes straight for the water. He steps up and parts his hands in a spreading gesture, the water parts, and the ball rolls up onto the green, 20 feet from the pin.
Jesus congratulates him, steps up, surveys the scene, takes a monstrous swing, and hits it right toward the water! He stares intensely at the pond, and the balls skips right accross the top, never slows down, and lands 10 feet from the pin.
They start to look around for the old man and he comes hurrying up to the tee, flustered and disheveled. Moses and Jesus exchange a knowing look. The old man doesn't even look down range, winds up and fires a high slice, OB. A squirrel runs for the ball, grabs it, and runs up a tree. Just then, a redtail swoops in and plucks the squirrel from the tree, flies over the green, and the squirrel lets go of the ball from 40 yards up, the ball bounces twice, and rolls right into the cup.
Jesus looks over at the old man and says, "Nice shot dad."
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drljefe
climber
Old Pueblo, AZ
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Jul 24, 2009 - 12:57pm PT
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Whaddya call four Latinos in quicksand?
quatro cinco
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Jul 24, 2009 - 03:58pm PT
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A New Mexico cowboy was riding south, and eventually ended up in a small town in old Mexico. Famished, he found the only restaurant in town. As he sat down, he noticed the waiter bringing a dish that looked like two large meatballs to a man at the next table. It looked and smelled delicious, so he asked the waiter what it was.
The waiter said "Ah, Senor, that is the specialty of the house, It's bull's testicles fresh from the bull ring, made from our own secret recipe." The waiter made it sound so good, the cowboy ordered it. The waiter replied, "Ah, Senor, you see we are a small town, and we can only support one bullfight a day. The gentleman at the next table was here early, so he got to place the only order for today."
Disappointed but intrigued, the cowboy stayed in town that night, went to the bullfight the next day, then rushed to the restaurant and ordered the specialty of the house, but the waiter replied "Ah, Senor, you're too late again. You need to be here before the bullfight starts." The cowboy spent another night in town.
The next day, he went to the restaurant two hours before it opened, and was the first customer in. He again ordered the specialty of the house. This time, the waiter complied.
When the meal was finished, the waiter asked the cowboy how he liked it. The cowboy said, "It was delicious, but how come my serving seems so much smaller than those of the past two nights?"
The waiter replied, "Ah Senor, you see the bull -- it does not always lose!"
John
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knieveltech
Social climber
Raleigh NC
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Jul 24, 2009 - 04:50pm PT
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A wyoming cowboy and a Colorado cowboy where riding a fenceline one morning when they came across a sheep that ahd gotten it's head stuck in the fence. The Wyoming cowboy hopped out of the saddle and promptly has his way with the sheep while the Colorado cowboy watched in amazement. Once the Wyoming cowboy had finished the Colorado cowboy said "Wow, that looked like a lot of fun! Can I give it a try?". The Wyoming cowboy said "Go right ahead.". So the Colorado cowboy hopped off his horse and stuck his head in the fence.
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Ed Bannister
Mountain climber
Riverside, CA
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Jul 24, 2009 - 06:47pm PT
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Why do Alaskans bathe in Tide?
too cold outtide
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Gobee
Trad climber
Los Angeles
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Jul 26, 2009 - 03:06pm PT
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Here's one I got from Yabo himself. He thought it was so funny and laughed and laughed. But what was even funnier, was I didn't get it at first. OK OK;
How is an elephant like sex?
If he steps on you your F'ed!
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Grant Meisenholder
Trad climber
CA
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Jul 26, 2009 - 03:26pm PT
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A gentics professor walks into class, asks everyone to put their notes away because he's giving one of his surprise "quizzies". Half a hour later the last student hands it in and says, "Man, if that's one of your quizzies, I'd hate to see your testes!"
I know, I know....
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