Discussion Topic |
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| Messages 1 - 90 of total 90 in this topic |
noshoesnoshirt
climber
I don't even know any more
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Topic Author's Original Post - Jul 22, 2009 - 01:31pm PT
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 22, 2009 - 01:48pm PT
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What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
"Oghlmph!"
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The Wolf
Trad climber
East SF Bay Area
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Jul 22, 2009 - 02:21pm PT
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Jesus is on the cross and looks down at Peter and says "hey Peter I can see your house form here"
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Jul 22, 2009 - 02:25pm PT
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I only have one bad joke, but it's a good one.
Where was the first donut made?
In grease.
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 22, 2009 - 02:33pm PT
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Why did the honey bee wear a yarmulke?
He didn't want anyone to think he was a wasp.
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AbeFrohman
Trad climber
new york, NY
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Jul 22, 2009 - 02:44pm PT
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did you hear the white house gardener got fired?
He said he couldnt find the spade or the hoe.
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paul roehl
Boulder climber
california
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Jul 22, 2009 - 02:45pm PT
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What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.
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Phil_B
Social climber
Hercules, CA
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Jul 22, 2009 - 02:59pm PT
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Where did the general put his army?
in his sleevie!
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Jul 22, 2009 - 02:59pm PT
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^ hahahahahahah..... I have to admit a soft spot for jokes a (sheltered)eight year old would laugh at.
edit: it was for the 0 and 8 one, but the army/sleevie one fits too.
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cliffhanger
Trad climber
California
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Jul 22, 2009 - 03:00pm PT
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Not Politically Correct:
I guess we all need a few laughs in this time of financial turmoil.
I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'
The Asian lady said, 'Fluc you white people too!'
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maestro8
Trad climber
Sunnyvale, CA
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Jul 22, 2009 - 05:44pm PT
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How does Adolph Hitler tie his shoes?
In little knotsies!
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L
climber
The Paleozoic rift of the Caradoc drift
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Jul 22, 2009 - 06:07pm PT
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What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
The large pizza can still feed a family of four.
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Gene
climber
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Jul 22, 2009 - 08:26pm PT
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What did Batman tell Robin right before Robin got out of the Batmobile?
"Get out of the Batmobile, Robin."
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jmap
Social climber
NC
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Jul 22, 2009 - 09:06pm PT
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What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
One goes "choo choo choo" and the other goes "spit your gum out."
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AP
Trad climber
Calgary
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Jul 22, 2009 - 09:08pm PT
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What do you get when you cross an octopuss with an Italian?
I don't know but you should see it lay bricks
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Indianclimber
Trad climber
Lost Wages
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Jul 22, 2009 - 09:11pm PT
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Why was the broom late for work? It over swept because it was sweepy.
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Gene
climber
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Jul 22, 2009 - 09:52pm PT
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What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh
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TradIsGood
Chalkless climber
the Gunks end of the country
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Jul 22, 2009 - 10:30pm PT
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This thread.
Because with a couple exceptions, it is only riddles!
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Gary
climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
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Jul 22, 2009 - 10:47pm PT
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I bought a toaster oven yesterday and they gave me a bank.
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TradIsGood
Chalkless climber
the Gunks end of the country
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Jul 22, 2009 - 10:50pm PT
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I just wanna know which bank is giving 180 - 200 dollars for yen!
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Indianclimber
Trad climber
Lost Wages
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Jul 22, 2009 - 11:24pm PT
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A rabbi a priest and a monk walk into a bar the bartender says
what is this! Some kind of joke
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Fairfax, CA
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Jul 22, 2009 - 11:35pm PT
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A three legged dog walks into a bar....
He says.......
I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw.
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Jim Wilcox
Boulder climber
Santa Barbara
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Jul 22, 2009 - 11:44pm PT
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Guy walks into a bar carrying a set of jumper cables.
Bartender looks up and says, "ok, you can come in. Just don't start anything!"
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jfailing
Trad climber
Lone Pine
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:16am PT
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Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Captain...or Skully
Social climber
way, WAY out there....(OMG)
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:21am PT
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Ok, 2 ducks are in a bathtub.
The first duck says, Hey, pass the soap.
The other duck replies, What am I, a typewriter?
Sorry, I guess ya had to Be there, Ya know?
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:34am PT
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Chemistry jokes. They get no worse:
A proton sits down at the bar. Bartender gets him a drink, then another, then another. Bartender asks proton if he'd like another.
"No thanks."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:36am PT
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A neutron sits down at the bar. Bartender smiles and asks where he's been; pours him a drink, then another, then another.
Neutron asks, "How much do I owe you?"
Bartender says...
"For you? No charge."
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FeelioBabar
climber
Sneaking up behind you...
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:36am PT
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How are Walmart and Michael Jackson the same?
Both have little boys underpants half off!
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:38am PT
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How is Michael Jackson like tuna fish?
They both come in little white cans.
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TwistedCrank
climber
Ideeho-dee-do-dah-day
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:49am PT
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What does Michael Jackson like about twenty nine year olds?
There are twenty of them.
Jacko jokes. Feck yeah!
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:56am PT
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What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Would you please stay out of my sun?"
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FeelioBabar
climber
Sneaking up behind you...
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:59am PT
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What's a perfect 10 to Michael Jackson?
Two five year olds!
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 12:01pm PT
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How do you know when it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Fairfax, CA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 12:13pm PT
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This electron goes into a bar....
It asks the bartender- "Hey, can I sit at that table over there?"
The bartender says-
"Probably"
(I just made that up)
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 12:18pm PT
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Quantum states. Nice :^D
~~~
Another (miserable) chemistry joke. Or maybe physics:
What has less energy: steak or hamburger?
Hamburger. It's in the ground state.
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 12:27pm PT
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Okay, last one, 'cause frankly telling science jokes leaves me feeling guiltier than telling Michael Jackson jokes.
Two bears fall into the water at the same time: one in Montana and one in Alaska. Which one dissolves first?
The one in Alaska because it's polar.
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Gooney
Trad climber
Longmont, CO
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Jul 23, 2009 - 12:31pm PT
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Men are like linoleum:
If laid right the first time, they can be walked on for years!
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TGT
Social climber
So Cal
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:02pm PT
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A man joins a nudist colony. On his first day there
he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous
petite blond walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did
you call for me?"
The man replies "No; what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule
here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies
down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have
his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters
the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge,
hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for
me?" says the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you
fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily
spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted
by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key
back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."
"But sir," she replies, "You've only been here for a few hours."
"You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old; I only get an
erection once a month and I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!"
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Gene
climber
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:19pm PT
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Why don't blind people skydive?
Scares the hell out of the dogs.
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:19pm PT
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Four lesbians are sitting at a bar drinking and laughing it up when they get into an argument over how big they are. The first one says, "I'm so big, my girlfriend can fit her whole hand inside of me."
The other three laugh, and the second one says, "I'm so big, my girlfriend can fit her whole FOOT inside of me."
The other two laugh hysterically, and the third one says, "Whatever, I'm so big, my girlfriend can fit her whole HEAD inside of me."
The fourth one laughed so hard she slid down her barstool.
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dangry
Trad climber
tahoma, ca
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:39pm PT
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what's the difference between a hippie and a trampoline?
You take your boots off when you jump on a trampoline.
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:46pm PT
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Once there was this hunter, out in the forest, hunting bears.
As the hunter approached a clearing in the forest, he saw a bear. One of the biggest bears he'd ever seen. So he crouches down behind a largish rock, takes careful aim with his shotgun, and fires. After the smoke clears, he runs down to the clearing, and the bear's body is gone!
He searches the clearing, but to no avail. Then there's a tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. The hunter looks around, and it's the bear! "You just tried to kill me, didn't you?". Says the bear."Uh, no. No I didn't". The hunter, taken aback by a talking bear, lies."Yes you did. Don't lie, or I'll rip your arms off" "Uh, yeah, yeah I did." "Alright", says, the bear, "I'll let you go if you do one thing for me." "What's that?", inquires the hunter. "Give me a head-job." "What?" "On your knees" So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the clearing.
Well, the hunter's pissed-off. "Humiliated by a bear!", he thinks to himself. "I'll teach that bastard". He runs to the local town, buys a 30:06, and runs back to the clearing. The bear is still there, basking in the sun. "I've got you now, bear", the hunter says to himself, and opens fire from behind the rock.
Again, after the smoke clears, the hunter runs down to the clearing. No bear. Tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. Gulp. "You just tried to kill me again, didn't you?". Says the bear. "Uh, no. No I didn't", lies the hunter. "Yes you did. Don't lie, or I'll rip your legs off" "OK! I did." "Alright", says the bear, "I'll let you go if you do one thing for me." "What's that?", inquires the hunter. "Drop your pants and bend over" "No way!" "OK. Prepare to get your legs ripped off." "Alright! I'll do it, you bastard" So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the clearing, walking rather gingerly.
"I'll f*#king get the bastard this time", the hunter thinks to himself, and buys a bazooka. He runs back to the clearing, and blasts everything into oblivion. Trees are on fire, rocks are broken, the ground is scorched. Again, after the smoke clears, the hunter runs down to the clearing. No bear.
Tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. Gulp. "You're not here for the hunting, are you?", says the bear.
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:56pm PT
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Alright, I think the quality of the jokes is getting a little too high here (myself not included, obviously). Here, let's get us back on track.
What does one call a midget with a large gold necklace?
Only the coolest key chain EVER!
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 03:09pm PT
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How do you get two trombone players to play in tune?
You shoot one.
John
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nutjob
climber
Berkeley, CA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 04:22pm PT
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Sorry bonin', a little correction in order:
Okay, last one, 'cause frankly telling science jokes leaves me feeling guiltier than telling Michael Jackson jokes.
Two bears fall into the water at the same time: one in Montana and one in Alaska. Which one dissolves first?
Water molecules are non-polar, and so the Alaska (polar) bear would not dissolve !
I better come up with a good joke to restore my karma...
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nutjob
climber
Berkeley, CA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 04:24pm PT
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Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: garbage truck!
Q: What is green, has 4 doors, and buzzes?
A: A 4-doored electric grape!
Q: How do you keep a moose from charging?
A: Take away it's credit cards!
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nutjob
climber
Berkeley, CA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 04:26pm PT
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A string walks into a bar, asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender points up at a sign which reads "no strings served here."
The string goes outside and roughs himself up, gets all twisted, and goes back inside. The bartender says, "hey aren't you that string I just refused to serve?"
The string replied: "I'm a frayed knot."
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 04:54pm PT
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That last one's new to me, nutjob -- and I'm still laughing. Thanks.
John
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:00pm PT
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Q: How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
A: Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:02pm PT
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(For JE)
A party of economists was climbing in the Alps. After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun. Finally he said, "OK, see that big mountain over there?" "Yes", answered the others eagerly. "Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it."
(Eleven out of seven economists agree on the cause of the recession.)
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:03pm PT
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A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed, so he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3 AM and says, "Oh, shit! It's so late, my wife's going to kill me! Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands. Then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is really pissed off. "Where the hell have you been?!?!" "Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah?" She grabs his hands, which are covered with white powder, and screams, "You liar! You went climbing again!!!"
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:04pm PT
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So this mountain guide bites it in a climbing accident. Of course for all his sins he goes to hell. As he is rappelling down through hell with the Devil to his appointed station he sees this other guide whom he knows that also just cashed in his bingo chips. However he is in the arms of this gorgeous naked babe. He turns to the Devil and asks "What's up with this, how come this scumbag has this beautiful woman in his arms." The Devil turns to him and says "Never you mind, that woman's punishment is my concern".
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:05pm PT
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Your karma's fine, nutjob. Not so sure about your facts, though ;^)
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:06pm PT
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Three guides die and are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first German guide, "What is Easter?" The guide replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful." "Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the French guide the same question, "What is Easter?" The French guide replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second guide, shakes his head in disgust,tells him he's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the Canadian guide. He asks, "What is Easter?" The Canadian guide smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third guide continues: "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
(All shamelessly borrowed from http://walkhigh.co.uk/acatalog/Jokes.html);
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:08pm PT
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Q: What do ski guides and surgeons have in common?
A: They both bury their mistakes.
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:08pm PT
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Q: How do you know that Jesus was a rock guide?
A: Well it could be the long hair, beard, hangs out with the same three single guys, always wears the same clothes, no girlfriend, is a carpenter in the off season and has scabs on the back of his hands.
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Shouldah
climber
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:12pm PT
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what do you call a guy from pakistan who has seen everything and done everything?
Bin Dare Dondat
*extra points if you can name the movie
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:36pm PT
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MH,
I just shared your joke with the office. Smiles all around. Thanks!
If you lined all the economists in the world end-to-end, they'd still be pointing in different directions.
John
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:37pm PT
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There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count, and those who can't.
John
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Off White
climber
Tenino, WA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 05:59pm PT
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What did Jesus say when they pulled the nails from his palms and lowered him down off the cross?
"THE FEET THE FEET THE FEET!"
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 06:08pm PT
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So... Jesus is walking through the desert when he comes across and angry mob about to stone to death a woman they suspect of being an adulteress. Jesus walks to the middle of the group and raises his hands to settle the crowd. He clears his throat and says:
"You accuse this woman of sin. Well let ye without sin cast the first stone!"
From way in the back an old woman runs forth. She picks up the heaviest boulder her spindly arms can lift and hurls it at the adulteress's head, killing her instantly.
Jesus just sighs and says:
"God dammit, mother."
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 23, 2009 - 07:19pm PT
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Dear zdon:
F*U*C*K*O*F*F
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GLee
climber
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Jul 23, 2009 - 10:35pm PT
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a Norwegian joke:
Q: What do you get when you eat Lutefisk laced with LSD?
A: A quick trip to Fargo
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Step Beyond!
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Jul 23, 2009 - 10:46pm PT
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A vulture walks up to a airline ticketing agent with a dead rabbit
The agent looks at the rabbit and says:
"You gonna check that?"
"No, it's carry-on."
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john hansen
climber
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Jul 23, 2009 - 10:56pm PT
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Jesus and Saint Peter are playing a round of golf with God.
St Peter steps up on the tee and hits a nice shot down the fairway.
Jesus is next and he cracks one about fourty yards past St Peters ball.
God steps up and shanks one into the trees, but a squirril bats it back out into the fair way and just before it stops rolling an eagle scoops it up and flies to the green and drops the ball..
It rolls into the hole,,
Jesus says,,,,, God , its just a game.
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john hansen
climber
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:26pm PT
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A building contractor is showing an electrician and a plumber thru a house they are going to remodel. In one of the closets they find an old oil lamp. When the contractor goes to grab the lamp out pops a geine.
He says " since there are three of you I will grant each one of you a wish."
The electrician says" Man, put me on a tropical beach with a couple coconut trees, beautiful women in bikini's running around. A Hammok and a case a Corona on ice ,, and I'll be set."
Poof,, he was gone.
The plumber says "You know, I just love Bass fishing. Just put me in little boat out on a lake where the fish are biting like mad. A couple sandwiches and some beers,, yea that's heaven for me..
Poof,, he was gone.
The Geine looks at the contractor and ask's him " And what is it you want?"
"I want those guys back here RIGHT NOW!!!
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Iron Mtn.
Trad climber
Corona, Ca.
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Jul 24, 2009 - 12:30am PT
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Two sperm are traveling out of a man's penis. One sperm says to the other "Whew! I hope we make it to that egg soon, cause i'm getting really tired!" and the other sperm says "You need to chill out man, we haven't even made it to the tonsils yet."
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Gary
climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
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Jul 24, 2009 - 01:30am PT
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An Irishman walks out of a bar...
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Guernica
climber
s x sw
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Jul 24, 2009 - 01:49am PT
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What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair in his teeth?
...gladiator!
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 24, 2009 - 11:05am PT
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What did the Mexican call his two dicks?
Jose,
and Hose-B.
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NikDF
Trad climber
Bay area, CA
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Jul 24, 2009 - 11:56am PT
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What is the difference between a hockey goalie and a hippie chick?
The goalie showers after 3 periods.
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wildone
climber
GHOST TOWN
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Jul 24, 2009 - 12:17pm PT
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John Hansen - You butchered that Joke !!!!!
Moses and Jesus show up to play a round of golf. The clubhouse manager tells them there's an old guy who wants to join up and make a threesome. They say it's no problem and for him to meet them at the first tee.
Moses gazes out at the distant green, sees a formidable water hazard between the the green and the tee, and winds up and really whacks a good drive. It goes straight for the water. He steps up and parts his hands in a spreading gesture, the water parts, and the ball rolls up onto the green, 20 feet from the pin.
Jesus congratulates him, steps up, surveys the scene, takes a monstrous swing, and hits it right toward the water! He stares intensely at the pond, and the balls skips right accross the top, never slows down, and lands 10 feet from the pin.
They start to look around for the old man and he comes hurrying up to the tee, flustered and disheveled. Moses and Jesus exchange a knowing look. The old man doesn't even look down range, winds up and fires a high slice, OB. A squirrel runs for the ball, grabs it, and runs up a tree. Just then, a redtail swoops in and plucks the squirrel from the tree, flies over the green, and the squirrel lets go of the ball from 40 yards up, the ball bounces twice, and rolls right into the cup.
Jesus looks over at the old man and says, "Nice shot dad."
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drljefe
climber
Old Pueblo, AZ
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Jul 24, 2009 - 12:57pm PT
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Whaddya call four Latinos in quicksand?
quatro cinco
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Jul 24, 2009 - 03:58pm PT
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A New Mexico cowboy was riding south, and eventually ended up in a small town in old Mexico. Famished, he found the only restaurant in town. As he sat down, he noticed the waiter bringing a dish that looked like two large meatballs to a man at the next table. It looked and smelled delicious, so he asked the waiter what it was.
The waiter said "Ah, Senor, that is the specialty of the house, It's bull's testicles fresh from the bull ring, made from our own secret recipe." The waiter made it sound so good, the cowboy ordered it. The waiter replied, "Ah, Senor, you see we are a small town, and we can only support one bullfight a day. The gentleman at the next table was here early, so he got to place the only order for today."
Disappointed but intrigued, the cowboy stayed in town that night, went to the bullfight the next day, then rushed to the restaurant and ordered the specialty of the house, but the waiter replied "Ah, Senor, you're too late again. You need to be here before the bullfight starts." The cowboy spent another night in town.
The next day, he went to the restaurant two hours before it opened, and was the first customer in. He again ordered the specialty of the house. This time, the waiter complied.
When the meal was finished, the waiter asked the cowboy how he liked it. The cowboy said, "It was delicious, but how come my serving seems so much smaller than those of the past two nights?"
The waiter replied, "Ah Senor, you see the bull -- it does not always lose!"
John
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knieveltech
Social climber
Raleigh NC
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Jul 24, 2009 - 04:50pm PT
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A wyoming cowboy and a Colorado cowboy where riding a fenceline one morning when they came across a sheep that ahd gotten it's head stuck in the fence. The Wyoming cowboy hopped out of the saddle and promptly has his way with the sheep while the Colorado cowboy watched in amazement. Once the Wyoming cowboy had finished the Colorado cowboy said "Wow, that looked like a lot of fun! Can I give it a try?". The Wyoming cowboy said "Go right ahead.". So the Colorado cowboy hopped off his horse and stuck his head in the fence.
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Ed Bannister
Mountain climber
Riverside, CA
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Jul 24, 2009 - 06:47pm PT
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Why do Alaskans bathe in Tide?
too cold outtide
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Gobee
Trad climber
Los Angeles
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Jul 26, 2009 - 03:06pm PT
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Here's one I got from Yabo himself. He thought it was so funny and laughed and laughed. But what was even funnier, was I didn't get it at first. OK OK;
How is an elephant like sex?
If he steps on you your F'ed!
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Grant Meisenholder
Trad climber
CA
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Jul 26, 2009 - 03:26pm PT
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A gentics professor walks into class, asks everyone to put their notes away because he's giving one of his surprise "quizzies". Half a hour later the last student hands it in and says, "Man, if that's one of your quizzies, I'd hate to see your testes!"
I know, I know....
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 26, 2009 - 03:31pm PT
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Jokes like that may cause some to become a little testy...
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ChrisW
Trad climber
boulder, co
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Jul 26, 2009 - 07:32pm PT
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If you are American before you go in the Bathroom and you American when you come out of the bathroom. What are you when you are in the bathroom?
European.
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noshoesnoshirt
climber
I don't even know any more
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 26, 2009 - 10:30pm PT
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Comic Sans walks into a bar
the bartender says
"I'm sorry we don't serve your type here"
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pip the dog
Mountain climber
planet dogboy
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Jul 26, 2009 - 10:53pm PT
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Have you heard they are now using lawyers rather then white rats for medical experiments? It's true. There are three reasons:
[1] There are now more lawyers then white rats.
[2] The lab techs don't get so emotionally attached to lawyers.
[3] There are some things that a rat just won't do...
as told to me by this excellent guy i met at B'man in about '98. later i introduced myself and eventually asked him what he did 'back in the world' -- turns out he was the (then) dean of Boalt Hall, the law school at UC/Bezerkeley.
^,,^
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Step Beyond!
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Jul 27, 2009 - 10:46am PT
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Did you hear Melinda Gates is divorcing Bill?
She found out what "Microsoft" really meant!
Ba-dum Ching!
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Fairfax, CA
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Jul 27, 2009 - 10:58am PT
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What's the difference between snot and cauliflower?
Kids will eat snot.
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john hansen
climber
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Jul 31, 2009 - 10:11pm PT
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Polynesian Joke..
What do you call two Samoan's wrestling on a couch?
Tofellafalloffasofa
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Step Beyond!
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Jul 31, 2009 - 11:01pm PT
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Wasn't there one about the mountain lion with the injured leg who walked into the bar and said:
"I'm lookin' for the feller that shot my paw."
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Eric McAuliffe
Trad climber
Alpine County, CA
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Jul 31, 2009 - 11:42pm PT
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What is the relationship between a pumpkins circumfrance and its radius?
Pumpkin Pi!
I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not panicking, like his passengers.
not mine but i got a crack outa these
E
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| Messages 1 - 90 of total 90 in this topic |
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