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Indianclimber
Trad climber
Lost Wages
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Jul 22, 2009 - 11:24pm PT
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A rabbi a priest and a monk walk into a bar the bartender says
what is this! Some kind of joke
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Fairfax, CA
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Jul 22, 2009 - 11:35pm PT
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A three legged dog walks into a bar....
He says.......
I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw.
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Jim Wilcox
Boulder climber
Santa Barbara
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Jul 22, 2009 - 11:44pm PT
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Guy walks into a bar carrying a set of jumper cables.
Bartender looks up and says, "ok, you can come in. Just don't start anything!"
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jfailing
Trad climber
Lone Pine
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:16am PT
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Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Captain...or Skully
Social climber
way, WAY out there....(OMG)
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:21am PT
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Ok, 2 ducks are in a bathtub.
The first duck says, Hey, pass the soap.
The other duck replies, What am I, a typewriter?
Sorry, I guess ya had to Be there, Ya know?
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:34am PT
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Chemistry jokes. They get no worse:
A proton sits down at the bar. Bartender gets him a drink, then another, then another. Bartender asks proton if he'd like another.
"No thanks."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:36am PT
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A neutron sits down at the bar. Bartender smiles and asks where he's been; pours him a drink, then another, then another.
Neutron asks, "How much do I owe you?"
Bartender says...
"For you? No charge."
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FeelioBabar
climber
Sneaking up behind you...
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:36am PT
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How are Walmart and Michael Jackson the same?
Both have little boys underpants half off!
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:38am PT
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How is Michael Jackson like tuna fish?
They both come in little white cans.
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TwistedCrank
climber
Ideeho-dee-do-dah-day
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:49am PT
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What does Michael Jackson like about twenty nine year olds?
There are twenty of them.
Jacko jokes. Feck yeah!
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:56am PT
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What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Would you please stay out of my sun?"
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FeelioBabar
climber
Sneaking up behind you...
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Jul 23, 2009 - 11:59am PT
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What's a perfect 10 to Michael Jackson?
Two five year olds!
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 12:01pm PT
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How do you know when it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Fairfax, CA
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Jul 23, 2009 - 12:13pm PT
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This electron goes into a bar....
It asks the bartender- "Hey, can I sit at that table over there?"
The bartender says-
"Probably"
(I just made that up)
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 12:18pm PT
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Quantum states. Nice :^D
~~~
Another (miserable) chemistry joke. Or maybe physics:
What has less energy: steak or hamburger?
Hamburger. It's in the ground state.
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 12:27pm PT
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Okay, last one, 'cause frankly telling science jokes leaves me feeling guiltier than telling Michael Jackson jokes.
Two bears fall into the water at the same time: one in Montana and one in Alaska. Which one dissolves first?
The one in Alaska because it's polar.
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Gooney
Trad climber
Longmont, CO
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Jul 23, 2009 - 12:31pm PT
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Men are like linoleum:
If laid right the first time, they can be walked on for years!
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TGT
Social climber
So Cal
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:02pm PT
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A man joins a nudist colony. On his first day there
he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous
petite blond walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did
you call for me?"
The man replies "No; what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule
here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies
down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have
his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters
the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge,
hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for
me?" says the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you
fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily
spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted
by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key
back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."
"But sir," she replies, "You've only been here for a few hours."
"You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old; I only get an
erection once a month and I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!"
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Gene
climber
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:19pm PT
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Why don't blind people skydive?
Scares the hell out of the dogs.
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Up the 'Creek w/out a Prada
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Jul 23, 2009 - 01:19pm PT
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Four lesbians are sitting at a bar drinking and laughing it up when they get into an argument over how big they are. The first one says, "I'm so big, my girlfriend can fit her whole hand inside of me."
The other three laugh, and the second one says, "I'm so big, my girlfriend can fit her whole FOOT inside of me."
The other two laugh hysterically, and the third one says, "Whatever, I'm so big, my girlfriend can fit her whole HEAD inside of me."
The fourth one laughed so hard she slid down her barstool.
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