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cintune
climber
Midvale School for the Gifted
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Sep 25, 2012 - 10:18pm PT
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Why does Jerry Sandusky like having sex with twenty-eight-year-olds?
Because there's twenty of them.
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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Sep 25, 2012 - 10:26pm PT
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Oh, and there is such a thing as inoffensive jokes?
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snowhazed
Trad climber
Oaksterdam, CA
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Sep 26, 2012 - 12:29am PT
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A man is having sex with a woman from behind and she looks back at him and says "That's excruciating." He says "That's an awful big word for a 10 year old."
A man and a girl are walking through a forest at night. The girl says "Mr., this forest sure is creepy." He says "You're scared? I'm the one that has to walk back alone."
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ATS
climber
Mountain Project
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Sep 26, 2012 - 04:44pm PT
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A man and a girl are walking through a forest at night. The girl says "Mr., this forest sure is creepy." He says "You're scared? I'm the one that has to walk back alone."
That was a good one...
On a tombstone:
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.
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ATS
climber
Mountain Project
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Sep 26, 2012 - 04:46pm PT
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Bank Robbery In Minnesota!
A hooded robber burst into a Minnesota bank and forced the tellers to
load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave Minnesota
customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robbers
face. The robber shot the customer without a moments hesitation. He
then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking
straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone in the
bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in
silence. The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly
to afraid to speak. Then, one old Norwegian named Ole' from Minnesota
tentatively raised his hand and said,
"My wife got a pretty good look at you."
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ATS
climber
Mountain Project
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Sep 26, 2012 - 04:48pm PT
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My favorite lawyer joke:
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.
"Then you must come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.
"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here," said the man.
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, "I got a wife and six kids!"
"Bring them as well!", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "I'm most happy to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall."
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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Sep 26, 2012 - 05:08pm PT
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Most offensive jokes are funny, most inoffensive jokes are not.
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this just in
climber
north fork
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Sep 26, 2012 - 05:12pm PT
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What's the worst part about eating a girl out?
Chewing through the diaper.
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this just in
climber
north fork
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Sep 26, 2012 - 05:18pm PT
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you already told her twice.
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this just in
climber
north fork
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Sep 27, 2012 - 03:34pm PT
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What do you call a black abortion clinic?
Crime Stoppers
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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Sep 27, 2012 - 03:36pm PT
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I am a bit appalled by the anti-semetic humor, Anne frankly think you guys are sick.
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TFPU
Sport climber
Idaho
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Sep 27, 2012 - 03:42pm PT
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^^^^^^Lighten up, Francis
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TwistedCrank
climber
Dingleberry Gulch, Ideeho
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Sep 27, 2012 - 03:47pm PT
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A GI returns from the war with 5 dollars in his pocket.
Horny as hell he finds the first whore house he can.
Asks if there is anything available for 5 bucks. There is.
He goes to her room - when he enters the room and finds here lying there not moving with a spaced out look on her face.
Undeterred the GI hops on a pounds away.
After some time he notices that the girl is foaming at the mouth.
The GI freaks out and runs out of the room and informs the proprietor of her condition.
The proprietor responds "That's OK. Hey Joe. Run to the morgue and get another corpse. This one's full."
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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"I couldn't find her head."
Whoa, I get it. Finally!
So, a German Shepherd comes home after a long day in the field, only to find his best friend in bed with his wife.
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The Hopper
Trad climber
orange county, ca
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What did the leper say to the hooker?
Keep the tip!
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zBrown
Ice climber
chingadero de chula vista
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What did Charles Whitman say to Walt Whitman?
However, lately (I cannot recall when it started) I have been a victim of many unusual and irrational thoughts
and
"A person could stand off an army from atop of it (the tower) before they got him."
one thing lead to another
Walt replied
If you done it, it ain't bragging.
Due to his status as a veteran Marine, Whitman was buried with full military honors and was laid to rest in a casket draped with the American flag
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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"You're a disobedient one, aren't you. I love it when you resist so much."
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ruppell
climber
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A grandson and grandpa are out fishing on the lake one morning. The grandpa pulls out a bottle of Jack and proceeds to take a swig.
Grandson "Hey Gramps can I have some whiskey?"
Grandpa "Can your dick touch your as#@&%e?"
Grandson "No"
Grandpa "Well then that's your answer"
A little while goes buy and the grandpa pulls out a cigar and lights it up.
Grandson "Hey Gramps can I have a puff of your cigar?"
Granpa "Can your dick touch your as#@&%e?"
Grandson "No"
Grandpa "Well then that's your answer"
After a few hours go buy the bottle of Jack is gone and Gramps is getting pretty hungry. Just then the Grandson pulls out a huge sandwich for lunch.
Grandpa "Hey Grandson can I have some of that sandwich?"
Grandson "Can your dick touch you as#@&%e?"
Grandpa "While yes. Yes it can."
Grandson "Well then go f*#k yourself!"
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Rock!...oopsie.
Trad climber
the pitch above you
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ruppell, thanks for the leadin
what's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
tioga can't take a joke.
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Land of God-less fools
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The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered the door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." said one trooper...
"Tell me, please! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay..."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "Well, what's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound King crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.."
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