I need some jokes - short ones.

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Silver

Big Wall climber
Nor Nev
Jul 1, 2010 - 01:23pm PT
Whats the difference between a Lawyer and a Carp?

Ones a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other one's a fish.

Your momma so fat that a fridge strapped to her side looks like a pager.

What do you have when you have 100 lawyers buried to their knees in concrete?

Not enough concrete.

noal elkins

climber
Jul 1, 2010 - 01:27pm PT
Did you hear about the junkie that shot up marsala sauce? He ended up in a korma.
Prod

Trad climber
Jul 1, 2010 - 01:55pm PT
If we post dwarf jokes, Chris might toss us out of here.

haha good one Anders.

I met a girl who was 2'11", Yeah I was nuts over that one.

What did the doe say when she came out of the woods "that is the last time I do that for 10 bucks"

Why did the Ram fall off the cliff? He didn't see the ewe turn.

Whats blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

Do you want off color jokes as well?

Prod.
Ron Anderson

Trad climber
USA Carson city Nev.
Jul 1, 2010 - 01:57pm PT
whats the diff between a road killed snake, and a road killed lawyer??














skid marks in front of the snake....
Mighty Hiker

climber
Vancouver, B.C.
Jul 1, 2010 - 02:00pm PT
Some of you are playing with fire. Google is a wonderful tool for finding jokes about any group you care to name. In other words, mutually assured destruction may be the result of some of the above 'jokes'.

At least I played by the rules, and provided a short joke.
Thorgon

Big Wall climber
Sedro Woolley, WA
Jul 1, 2010 - 02:02pm PT
If you are at home and you are mowing, does that make you a homo?


Thor
Studly

Trad climber
WA
Jul 1, 2010 - 02:32pm PT
Got a match?

yeah, your breath and a buffalo fart.
nature

climber
Tucson, AZ
Topic Author's Reply - Jul 1, 2010 - 04:25pm PT
I think I need to head over to Google and find some jokes about Canadians - especially the western type.
HighTraverse

Trad climber
Bay Area
Jul 1, 2010 - 04:26pm PT
Why do you want jokes about Canadians? They won't understand them.
Mighty Hiker

climber
Vancouver, B.C.
Jul 1, 2010 - 04:27pm PT
The "Canada Day" thread provides quite a lot of Canadian jokes, and later maybe I'll add more.
Ricky D

Trad climber
Sierra Westside
Jul 1, 2010 - 05:47pm PT
Where do you find a one legged dog?
Where you last left it.

What do you call a one-eyed, one legged, one armed person?
F*#ked.

A guy walks into a Idaho gun store and asks to buy the biggest handgun in the store. The clerk says what do you plan to shoot? "Cans", says the customer. "Cans?" says the clerk. Yeah, you know - MexiCANs, AfriCANS, Puerto RiCANS.





Ricky D

Trad climber
Sierra Westside
Jul 1, 2010 - 05:54pm PT
What do you call a naked person doing asanas?
Yogi Bare of course.

What do you call a naked girl doing the down dog pose?
A good date.
MisterE

Social climber
Bouncy Tiggerville
Jul 1, 2010 - 06:12pm PT
Specifically, some Canadian Lawyer jokes might bunch some pants :)
mark miller

Social climber
Reno
Jul 1, 2010 - 06:37pm PT
"An Irishman walks out of a bar............" No it really could happen.
Mighty Hiker

climber
Vancouver, B.C.
Jul 1, 2010 - 06:48pm PT
Specifically, some Canadian Lawyer jokes might bunch some pants
Hamster lover!
Mittens

climber
Jul 1, 2010 - 07:17pm PT
How do you make a girl cum?
-Who cares?!
drljefe

climber
Old Pueblo, AZ
Jul 1, 2010 - 07:19pm PT
What's the difference between pink and purple?




































your grip.
ex-bouldergirl

Boulder climber
boulder, co
Jul 1, 2010 - 07:23pm PT
Bad spellers of the world untie.

Friction is a drag.

Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it

Things are more like they used to be than they are now.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

A clear conscience is merely the result of bad memory.

le_bruce

climber
Oakland: what's not to love?
Jul 1, 2010 - 07:24pm PT
Q:What do Japanese men do when they have erections?

A:They vote.




Q: What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

A: Philippe Philoppe


Shortish:

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some as#@&%e wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"

The boy replied, "No sh#t??? Who did she play for?"
nature

climber
Tucson, AZ
Topic Author's Reply - Jul 1, 2010 - 07:27pm PT
ask and you shall receive.

maybe one day I'll relate why I asked.


So far my favorites:

1) deaf-genie
2) dude in plastic wrap
3) doe coming out of the woods.
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