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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Original Post - Feb 14, 2007 - 05:03pm PT
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Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Really?" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left shoulder and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams even more. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screames. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no," she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a minute and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 05:06pm PT
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two blonds were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks.
"these are deer tracks" one said.
"no, they are elk tracks" replied the other.
"deer!"
"elk!"
back and forth the argument raged, until they were both hit by the train...
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, Ca.
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Feb 14, 2007 - 05:07pm PT
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Ha, the broken finger one's the best. Maybe the pull-over one too.
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mojede
Trad climber
Butte, America
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Feb 14, 2007 - 05:12pm PT
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A brunette, redhead, and a blonde go into a bar known for its clever bartender. The brunette says, "I'll have a BL." The bartended quickly slides over a Bud Light to her. The redhead then orders a CL--upon which a Coors Light is placed in front of her. Finally, after thinking hard about it, the blonde says, "I'll have a fifteen." A puzzled look on the veteran tender's face is followed by him saying, "Okay, you got me there. What's a 'fifteen' ?" The blonde confidently says, "Duh, it's a seven and seven."
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Badwaters
Big Wall climber
Alaska
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:18pm PT
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A blond and a brunette get pushed out of a plane at the same time, who hits the ground first?
The brunette, blondy had to stop and ask for directions.
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:36pm PT
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in all fairness most (all but one ?) of my ex's are blondes, and they were some of the nicest, most intelligent women i ever met...
must be the holiday made me want to say that...(cues up willie and julio 'to all the girls i've loved before...' sniffle...)
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WBraun
climber
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:39pm PT
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Why are blonds considered dumb?
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 06:43pm PT
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Pagan--I'm blonde. These are just funny and not meant to be offensive, just silly...sorry if you were offended for your ex's.
(And trust me, EVERYONE has their blonde moments. Then after 60 they become "senior moments".)
Edit: Werner--Stereotype. It works to our advantage most of the time.
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Chiloe
Trad climber
Lee, NH
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:45pm PT
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Just tried the doctor joke out on my wife. She laughed too. She's not blonde, though.
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Nefarius
Big Wall climber
Fresno, CA
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:47pm PT
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OK, I'll start the bad blonde jokes then...
What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A BJ with handlebars
hahaha I love that joke!
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climbrunride
Trad climber
Durango, CO
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:49pm PT
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I don't know, Werner. Why ARE blonds considered dumb?
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:58pm PT
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L
I'm not offended - I just felt like I should try not to offend anyone else (I do that enough on here methinks...)
We're glad they came along
we dedicate this song
to all the girls we've loved before...
(I'm gonna have to follow that one with ben folds 'song for the dumped' - guaranteed to dispel any remaining melancholy...)
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 07:50pm PT
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Hay-zeus Pagan! You're starting to really depress me. Since you're putting on Willy...know what you get when you play a country song backwards?
You get your girl back
You get your dog back
You get your your truck back
And your mother not run over by a train
You get you house back
And your job back
And the toilet unclogged
And your guitar string fixed, etc...
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 07:57pm PT
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What's the first thing a blond does when he gets up in the morning ?
Gets dressed and goes home ;-)
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 08:07pm PT
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She, Pagan, she! Don't try honing in on female territory, fella. You guys did that with religion and look where it got us!
Yes, there are blonde bimboys (wasn't Dubya blonde as a child???). But the cliche is female and that's what makes it all the more funny. Of course, I just read Crowley's link to the Anne Coulter Action Figure...and the Anne Coulter quotes...it ain't really a groundless cliche in her case, is it?
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 08:36pm PT
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hehe - i see - now that the shoe is on the other foot the hand doesn't smell as good as the glove, does it ? wait a minute...that made more sense before i typed it...
somebody did a song called ' 'cause i'm a blonde' - gotta find it...
'and i just switched my major to veterinary studies because i love children...'
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 08:43pm PT
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Don't you mean "Now that the GLOVE is on the other FOOT?"
I see what you're trying to do...you're trying to confuse me, and you think just because I'm blonde that I don't know that Veterinary studies have to do with VETERANS, not children!
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Slakkey
Trad climber
From a Quiet Place by the Lake
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Feb 14, 2007 - 08:48pm PT
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Wait untill Crimpie gets a hold of this
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climbrunride
Trad climber
Durango, CO
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Feb 14, 2007 - 08:48pm PT
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"somebody did a song called ' 'cause i'm a blonde' - gotta find it... "
Great song! It was by Julie Brown, from the Goddess In Progress LP (1984). Also in that album was the classic The Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun. You wouldn't dare play that song nowadays.
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 09:05pm PT
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i think it actually was 'now that the hand is on the other foot the shoe doesn't smell as good as the glove'
it made more sense standing in the dishroom with the other waiters, pounding your seventeenth cup of coffee
and yes - that is the album ! thanks !
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