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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Original Post - Feb 14, 2007 - 05:03pm PT
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Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Really?" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left shoulder and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams even more. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screames. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no," she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a minute and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 05:06pm PT
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two blonds were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks.
"these are deer tracks" one said.
"no, they are elk tracks" replied the other.
"deer!"
"elk!"
back and forth the argument raged, until they were both hit by the train...
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, Ca.
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Feb 14, 2007 - 05:07pm PT
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Ha, the broken finger one's the best. Maybe the pull-over one too.
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mojede
Trad climber
Butte, America
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Feb 14, 2007 - 05:12pm PT
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A brunette, redhead, and a blonde go into a bar known for its clever bartender. The brunette says, "I'll have a BL." The bartended quickly slides over a Bud Light to her. The redhead then orders a CL--upon which a Coors Light is placed in front of her. Finally, after thinking hard about it, the blonde says, "I'll have a fifteen." A puzzled look on the veteran tender's face is followed by him saying, "Okay, you got me there. What's a 'fifteen' ?" The blonde confidently says, "Duh, it's a seven and seven."
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Badwaters
Big Wall climber
Alaska
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:18pm PT
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A blond and a brunette get pushed out of a plane at the same time, who hits the ground first?
The brunette, blondy had to stop and ask for directions.
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:36pm PT
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in all fairness most (all but one ?) of my ex's are blondes, and they were some of the nicest, most intelligent women i ever met...
must be the holiday made me want to say that...(cues up willie and julio 'to all the girls i've loved before...' sniffle...)
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WBraun
climber
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:39pm PT
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Why are blonds considered dumb?
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 06:43pm PT
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Pagan--I'm blonde. These are just funny and not meant to be offensive, just silly...sorry if you were offended for your ex's.
(And trust me, EVERYONE has their blonde moments. Then after 60 they become "senior moments".)
Edit: Werner--Stereotype. It works to our advantage most of the time.
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Chiloe
Trad climber
Lee, NH
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:45pm PT
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Just tried the doctor joke out on my wife. She laughed too. She's not blonde, though.
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Nefarius
Big Wall climber
Fresno, CA
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:47pm PT
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OK, I'll start the bad blonde jokes then...
What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A BJ with handlebars
hahaha I love that joke!
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climbrunride
Trad climber
Durango, CO
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:49pm PT
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I don't know, Werner. Why ARE blonds considered dumb?
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 06:58pm PT
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L
I'm not offended - I just felt like I should try not to offend anyone else (I do that enough on here methinks...)
We're glad they came along
we dedicate this song
to all the girls we've loved before...
(I'm gonna have to follow that one with ben folds 'song for the dumped' - guaranteed to dispel any remaining melancholy...)
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 07:50pm PT
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Hay-zeus Pagan! You're starting to really depress me. Since you're putting on Willy...know what you get when you play a country song backwards?
You get your girl back
You get your dog back
You get your your truck back
And your mother not run over by a train
You get you house back
And your job back
And the toilet unclogged
And your guitar string fixed, etc...
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 07:57pm PT
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What's the first thing a blond does when he gets up in the morning ?
Gets dressed and goes home ;-)
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 08:07pm PT
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She, Pagan, she! Don't try honing in on female territory, fella. You guys did that with religion and look where it got us!
Yes, there are blonde bimboys (wasn't Dubya blonde as a child???). But the cliche is female and that's what makes it all the more funny. Of course, I just read Crowley's link to the Anne Coulter Action Figure...and the Anne Coulter quotes...it ain't really a groundless cliche in her case, is it?
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 08:36pm PT
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hehe - i see - now that the shoe is on the other foot the hand doesn't smell as good as the glove, does it ? wait a minute...that made more sense before i typed it...
somebody did a song called ' 'cause i'm a blonde' - gotta find it...
'and i just switched my major to veterinary studies because i love children...'
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 08:43pm PT
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Don't you mean "Now that the GLOVE is on the other FOOT?"
I see what you're trying to do...you're trying to confuse me, and you think just because I'm blonde that I don't know that Veterinary studies have to do with VETERANS, not children!
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Slakkey
Trad climber
From a Quiet Place by the Lake
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Feb 14, 2007 - 08:48pm PT
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Wait untill Crimpie gets a hold of this
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climbrunride
Trad climber
Durango, CO
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Feb 14, 2007 - 08:48pm PT
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"somebody did a song called ' 'cause i'm a blonde' - gotta find it... "
Great song! It was by Julie Brown, from the Goddess In Progress LP (1984). Also in that album was the classic The Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun. You wouldn't dare play that song nowadays.
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 09:05pm PT
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i think it actually was 'now that the hand is on the other foot the shoe doesn't smell as good as the glove'
it made more sense standing in the dishroom with the other waiters, pounding your seventeenth cup of coffee
and yes - that is the album ! thanks !
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andanother
climber
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Feb 14, 2007 - 09:11pm PT
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what's a blonde's mating call?
"I am so drunk"
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andanother
climber
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Feb 14, 2007 - 09:11pm PT
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What's an UGLY blonde's mating call?
"I SAID, I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DRUNK!!!!"
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 09:22pm PT
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And what's a Brunette's mating call?
"Hey, there's a drunk blonde over here!"
AC, I signed up. It looks like my kind of reading.
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Slakkey
Trad climber
From a Quiet Place by the Lake
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Feb 14, 2007 - 09:40pm PT
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My Late Wife was a Blond and she had a PhD. You Guys are clueless.
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 09:51pm PT
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We're not talking about your late wife here, Slakkey...and I'm very sorry for your loss.
We're ridiculing a stereotype that's been around for a long time and is slowly eroding--although not fast enough. If you followed the thread, you'd know that I'm a blonde (who's working on her Master's degree) and don't take the cliche personally when people say "Ah, another blonde moment, huh?"
I'm sorry if you get offended by blonde jokes--there wasn't anything personal--it's just generic comedy.
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paganmonkeyboy
Trad climber
the blighted lands of hatu
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Feb 14, 2007 - 09:53pm PT
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l - you beat me to it
No offense intended slakkey
very sorry.
my ex wife graduated suma cumme laude
and yes
she was a blonde too
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yo
climber
The Eye of the Snail
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Feb 14, 2007 - 09:55pm PT
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Stumbled ourselves on a little language trivia here, kids. And who doesn't love that.
The only noun in the English language with gender: blond/blonde.
/dorky
What about the blonde putting spermicidal jelly on her toast?
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 09:57pm PT
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Yo--You're telling me that a guy's OK with being called a Brunette? Pa-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssseeeeee!
Edit: I just realized that's the blondest thing I've said in a long time.
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yo
climber
The Eye of the Snail
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Feb 14, 2007 - 10:00pm PT
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You are so drunk. haha
What I'm saying is that men are blonds and womens are blondes.
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mtnyoung
Trad climber
Twain Harte, California
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Feb 14, 2007 - 10:01pm PT
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How are a blonde and a cowpie alike?
The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
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Gabe
climber
San Clemente, CA
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Feb 14, 2007 - 10:04pm PT
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A blonde being offended by a blond joke would be like me being offended by an irish joke. Excuse me, my beer needs me now......not kid'n neither! ...glug ..glug...glug.. AHhhhaa! Tastes Great.
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 14, 2007 - 10:07pm PT
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Yo--Yeah, I figured that out after I hit the post button. But I hate to delete my moments of true blondness, thus the edit.
I wish I was drunk...instead I think I'm just hungry. Time for dinner ya'll. Ciao!
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johnboy
Trad climber
Can't get here from there
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Feb 14, 2007 - 10:57pm PT
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Whats a blonde say after sex?
You boys all on the same team?
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goatboy smellz
climber
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Feb 14, 2007 - 11:13pm PT
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Whats blonde brunette blonde brunette blonde brunette...
A blonde doing cartwheels.
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wootles
climber
Gamma Quadrant
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Feb 14, 2007 - 11:19pm PT
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What do you call 20 blondes standing shoulder to shoulder?
A wind tunnel.
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Feb 14, 2007 - 11:19pm PT
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Q. What do blonds and 747's have in common?
A. They both have black boxes
Q. What do blonds and bowling balls have in common?
A. They're both picked up, fingered, and thrown in the gutter
Q. What's the difference between a blond and a bowling ball?
A. You can only get 3 fingers inside a bowling ball
Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door
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phoolish
Boulder climber
Athens, Ga.
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Feb 14, 2007 - 11:36pm PT
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Stumbled ourselves on a little language trivia here, kids. And who doesn't love that.
The only noun in the English language with gender: blond/blonde.
/dorky
Not really. Actor ~ Actress is still in common use, like Waiter ~ Waitress, Masseur ~ Masseuse, archaically Tiger ~ Tigress, and a bunch more.
English is lousy with gendered nouns; people just tend not to think about them.
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johnboy
Trad climber
Can't get here from there
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Feb 14, 2007 - 11:48pm PT
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Blonde: I want to be the first person to land on the sun.
Teacher: You can't do that, the sun is to hot.
Blonde: Well duh, I was going to do it at night
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yo
climber
The Eye of the Snail
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Feb 14, 2007 - 11:57pm PT
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Whoa, phoolish, maybe you're right. Maybe it was gendered adjective? A blond guy and a blonde girl? Whatever. Clearly I wasn't paying attention that much.
Technically not a blonde joke:
Dude meets a girl at a party, asks her name.
She says, "Carmen."
"Oh, that's really beautiful, is that like a Spanish name or something?"
"No, I just made it up. It's the two things I love most: cars and men. What's your name?"
"Golf-tits."
(Or in my case, Beakseam-Mountain Dew.)
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WBraun
climber
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Feb 15, 2007 - 01:20am PT
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Are all these people in this thread blond?
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Anastasia
Trad climber
Mammoth Lakes, CA
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Feb 15, 2007 - 02:04am PT
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She was so blond...
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius."
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WBraun
climber
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Feb 15, 2007 - 02:07am PT
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"She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate"
I wish I could do that!
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Sittin' on the dock by the bay...
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Feb 15, 2007 - 01:10pm PT
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Why did the blond have bruises around her belly-button?
Because her boyfriend is blond, too.
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 15, 2007 - 01:32pm PT
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Eeeeeewwwwwwww...that's a nasty visual BITB. And funny.
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Apocalypsenow
Trad climber
Cali
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Feb 15, 2007 - 01:41pm PT
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What do a blonde and a cow patty have in common?
The older they are........the easier they are to pick up.
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bonin_in_the_boneyard
Trad climber
Sittin' on the dock by the bay...
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Feb 15, 2007 - 02:12pm PT
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What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
"Ughlmph!"
(Cinderella was blond, right?)
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 15, 2007 - 02:13pm PT
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This would be Deja blonde, Apoc. Mtnyoung posted this one pages back.
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MisterE
Trad climber
White Van
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Feb 15, 2007 - 03:42pm PT
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A blonde driving gets pulled over by a blonde policewoman.
The cop walks up to the driver and asks for her driver's license.
"What does it look like?" the blonde driver asks.
"It's about the size of a credit card and has your picture on it" replies the officer.
The blonde rummages around in her purse, pulls out a small mirror, and seeing her face, hands it to the cop.
The blonde policewoman looks at it and says:
"Oh! I didn't know you were an officer of the law, too! You can go."
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Fairfax, CA
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Feb 16, 2007 - 12:18pm PT
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Blonde goes to the doctor. Doctor examines her, says "You're pregnant".
Blonde says, surprised: "Oh, is it mine?".
Q: What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?
A: The 1984 hide 'n go seek champion.
A blonde is having financial troubles. She decides to kidnap a child for ransom. After watching at the playground, she pulls a kid aside and pins a note to his clothes. The note says: "If you want to see your child again, put $10,000 in a bag and leave it by the big tree tomorrow. Signed, the blonde".
The next day, sure enough, there is the bag. She opens it, and along with the money, there is a note: "I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another".
Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What is it called when a blonde dyes her hair?
A: Artificial intelligence.
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mack
Trad climber
vermont
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Feb 16, 2007 - 02:08pm PT
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There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
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wootles
climber
Gamma Quadrant
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Feb 16, 2007 - 02:15pm PT
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How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch-n-sniff at the bottom of a pool.
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 16, 2007 - 02:18pm PT
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Mack--That was a good one!
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Badwaters
Big Wall climber
Alaska
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Feb 16, 2007 - 02:20pm PT
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What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
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wootles
climber
Gamma Quadrant
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Feb 16, 2007 - 02:50pm PT
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L
climber
The City of Lost Angels
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 16, 2007 - 02:56pm PT
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Those look like some hairy legs there Wootles...is that you standing on that Apple scale?
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Jaybro
Social climber
The West
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Feb 16, 2007 - 03:52pm PT
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"'cause i'm a blonde' - gotta find it..."
Pagan, it's performed by Julie Brown, and featured, as a video, in the movie "Earth Girls are Easy."
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097257/
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Feb 16, 2007 - 05:06pm PT
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...
How dare you do that to a classic Apple Titanium Powerbook laptop!!
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Chewbongka
climber
लघिमा
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Apr 25, 2008 - 07:56pm PT
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bumpity for Lynne
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 25, 2008 - 08:04pm PT
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She'll laugh till she dies...if she gets any of the punchlines.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 25, 2008 - 08:09pm PT
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L you're the greatest. I can live on this for days. Maybe I can buy you a drink sometime. 2007 had a blonde topic? Thanks for digging it up.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 25, 2008 - 08:15pm PT
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Chewbongka, you're the one I need to thank. Sorry, I thanked L who needs to be scolded cause I got all three of them. Hah! Surprised you huh!
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 25, 2008 - 08:29pm PT
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Hey Sista Blondie--That was a joke further back in the thread.
You tell a blonde a joke on day 1.
Someone explains it to her on day 2.
She gets it on day 3.
Sssshhhh Lynne, we're from the same planet...laughing at ourselves is just a cover. wink, wink
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Beatrix Kiddo
Mountain climber
Littleton
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Apr 25, 2008 - 08:31pm PT
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I don't get it.
beatrixBLONDEkiddo
:-)
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Loomis
climber
Lat/Lon: 35.64 -117.66
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Apr 26, 2008 - 12:07am PT
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What is the mating call of a blond? "I'm drunk"
What is the mating call of a brunette? " Thank god all the blonds are gone!"
What is the mating call of a red head? "Next"
Q: How do you know when a blond has been at a computer?
A: There is whiteout™ all over the screen.
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Raydog
Trad climber
Boulder Colorado
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Apr 26, 2008 - 12:10am PT
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"If I have but one life to live,
let me live it, as a Blonde"
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 26, 2008 - 12:13am PT
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What a great way to end a "challenging and interesting" week. (Get the code words there for the economy sucks and it's impacting my business) I'm packing decided just to get out of Dodge city and try something new. But still here enjoying your "comments" as I pack.
Beatrix I don't get L's last post either I know we are from the same planet if you are talking about earth what's the shhhhhh
stuff about?
Wait! Now I get it!
Loomis, blondes always did have more class.
Raydog, agreed!
Have a great blonde weekend all. See you next week. Thanks again for the blonde posts. They were the best!
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Todd Gordon
Trad climber
Joshua Tree, Cal
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Apr 26, 2008 - 12:18am PT
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 26, 2008 - 12:26am PT
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Todd buddy, you lured this blonde back to ST with your picture.It does say it all.
So great to see you at J.T. You're the greatest long time friend. Amy really enjoyed meeting you again.What was your friends name I took home that night. He is super.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 26, 2008 - 12:29am PT
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Gotta go, but one last blonde question for Monday. Are boy blondes the same as girl blondes. I'm thinking of some boy blonde climbers right now, so blondies think before you speak.
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Fairfax, CA
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Apr 26, 2008 - 12:45am PT
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Two blondes live next door to each other. One day, they arrive at the same time, one with a bouquet of flowers.
"Those are nice, Who gave them to you?"
"Yeah, my husband got them for me. But now I'm going to have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air."
"Why, don't you have a vase?"
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 26, 2008 - 12:47am PT
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Klaus, are you blonde? Do you understand girl blondes, cause I never met a girl blonde that met the description in your post. Perhaps you are confused with other hair types. Or are you starting on the guy blonde blog?
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 26, 2008 - 01:11am PT
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ok Klaus, let's be friends. Life's to short. Yes I am blonde. (can't you tell)
What do you mean by Leichtfuss, that's a good one. It's an honest respectable german name that means light foot and it was my husbands name. He died 4 months ago.
The great people on super topo have supplied me with laughter which has helped to heal during this tough time. And you know these people for the most part don't even know about what happened in my life. I think they just sensed that this person needed some laughter. Like the two people tonight that posted the blonde jokes. So Klaus I hope we are friends. I know big wall guys have a big wall mentality and need it for what they do, but we can all care for each other as citizens on this planet.
Peace and Joy, Lynne
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 26, 2008 - 03:03am PT
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Hey Lynne,
Heart-felt condolences for the loss of your husband.
And you picked the right place to come to aid in your healing--there are some really great people on this forum. And some of the funniest stuff gets posted.
Don't take anything too seriously and stay away from the political/religion/historical/newsworthy/vegan/porno/trolling threads and you'll be just fine.:-)
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 26, 2008 - 01:16pm PT
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Yep--one of the few if only gender-specific words in the English language.
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Tahoe climber
Trad climber
a dark-green forester out west
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Apr 26, 2008 - 01:29pm PT
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:)
nice, L
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 26, 2008 - 01:36pm PT
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Hey Tahoe!
What are you doing inside on a day like today???
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quartziteflight
climber
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Apr 26, 2008 - 01:50pm PT
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Im a blond dude who climbs. And I have to say Im am so offended Im laughing me arse off....w00t!
Lynne,
The supertaco is a place of fun. Take L's adivice and stay away from the BS. Looking too deeply into a shallow pool may cause blindness. Sorry to hear about your husband.
cheers
Klaus,
Im always happy when I find any attractive woman who can put their ankles behind their ears....ha ha ha
(hurries along down the road to ruin)
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 26, 2008 - 01:54pm PT
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Whew eKat! You had me worried there for a moment...I thought maybe you'd actually become a brunette...heh-heh-heh!
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murcy
climber
San Fran Cisco
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Apr 26, 2008 - 02:05pm PT
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it's true that there are plenty of gender-specific nouns in english, in the sense that they apply only to males or only to females, but "blonde/blond" is also gendered when used as an adjective:
he has blond hair
she has blonde hair
i can't think of any other example of this in english.
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SteveW
Trad climber
State of confusion
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Apr 26, 2008 - 02:10pm PT
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Lynne
I just read about your husband. My condolences to you
and your family. I hope laughing on the Taco helps
with your grieving. Just make sure you grieving lasts as
long as you need. There is no specific time defined for it.
It's what you need, not what someone else thinks you need.
Regards
SteveW
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 26, 2008 - 02:12pm PT
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Murcy,
That's what I meant--what you said. (You're not blond/blonde, are you?)
Blond/blonde is the only gendered one in English--we had this discussion a while ago and no one could think of another one.
I found that rather strange, considering the composite that English is composed of, but there you have it.
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
On my way to Boulder
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Apr 26, 2008 - 03:06pm PT
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What is the difference between a brunette and a bag of trash?
At least the bag of trash gets taken out once a week!
Signed,
Once-a-brunette-with a lot of platinum (aka gray) now :)
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leinosaur
Trad climber
burns flat, ok
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Apr 26, 2008 - 03:28pm PT
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"He has blond hair, she has blonde hair"
I wouldn't think the gendered adjective would work that way, at least if it's a french or other latin-based words. In those languages, "hair" would have a single gender, regardless of the hair's owner's gender -
but still:
"A blonde chick and a blond dude walked into a bar."
You'd think the dude would have ducked . . .
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Brutus of Wyde
climber
Old Climbers' Home, Oakland CA
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Apr 26, 2008 - 03:33pm PT
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"it's true that there are plenty of gender-specific nouns in english, in the sense that they apply only to males or only to females, but "blonde/blond" is also gendered when used as an adjective:
he has blond hair
she has blonde hair
i can't think of any other example of this in english."
It was guy talk.
They were having a girl talk.
But seriously, she couldn't pour water out of a boot if instructions were printed on the sole.
A Dyslexic walked into a bra...
A termite walked into a bar, and asked "Where's the bar tender?"
A blonde walked into a furniture store to buy some blinds. "What size windows are you covering?" asked the sales person.
"I don't know." replied the blond. "But the guy at the computer store told me it comes with windows installed."
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Ouch!
climber
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Apr 26, 2008 - 03:33pm PT
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I have possum blonde hair and I'm hurt.
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 26, 2008 - 03:52pm PT
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Don't worry Ouch, there are Blond Recovery groups all over town...now if only they knew where they were, they could tell you.
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quartziteflight
climber
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Apr 26, 2008 - 04:48pm PT
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Q. What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A. A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes
Q. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A. It matches their mustache
Q.Why do brunettes wear training bras?
A. Because it's cheaper than changing their bandaids everyday
Q. What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
A. No one else wants it
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JOEY.F
Social climber
sebastopol
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Apr 26, 2008 - 04:54pm PT
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A blonde shot an arrow into the air.
She missed.
Why's everyone inside,stuck like me? The weather is so nice...
mopey pity party.
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Raydog
Trad climber
Boulder Colorado
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Apr 26, 2008 - 05:56pm PT
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good old fashioned political incorrectness
RE:
" ok Klaus, let's be friends."
Lynne, klaus is a coolcat, he's just funnin' ya.
Nice to have you here.
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TradIsGood
Chalkless climber
the Gunks end of the country
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Apr 26, 2008 - 08:42pm PT
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A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of world capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of London?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: L."
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p-dub
climber
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Apr 26, 2008 - 10:55pm PT
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Capital of London...
F'in hillarious...
So, they're both blondes?
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 27, 2008 - 11:21am PT
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The San Diego shark news story reminded me of my own close call years ago, but it didn't seem appropriate to post it on the thread when that poor guy had died and, obviously, I hadn't. So I figure this thread is a fitting place for it.
The Shark Attack
(a.k.a. Jaws Does Spring Break in Florida)
My four girlfriends and I were perpetually drawn to Fort Lauderdale, Florida for spring break during my decadent college days, for a variety of decadent reasons. Mostly we chose this location because it was the closest beach party scene to the Midwest where we (eternally poverty-stricken students) could vacation cheaply, subsisting exclusively on half-price Happy Hour boat drinks and free hors d’oeuvres.
Fort L was also selected because of the endless white-sand beaches and shallow warm waters stretching out for at least half a mile…beaches that were populated by more hot guys than girls, and more hot straight guys than hot gay guys. (We did, ironically enough, make the tiny mistake of booking a week at the Blue Marlin, a lovely inexpensive beachfront motel whose well-kept secret claim to fame was its notoriety as the local gay Hilton—but that’s another story.)
And finally, there was the ever-present allure of a Jimmy Buffett (our Son-of-a-Son-of-a Hero) encounter in the Florida Keys, where he’d been playing impromptu acoustic guitar concerts on the pier at sunset, and breaking his leg at softball games—but that’s another story, too. We’re discussing shark attacks now.
As friends went, we were amazingly compatible. We all loved to be in the water: the four of them liked it about 4” deep, enough to keep you cool without actually ruining your hair. I preferred it about 4’ deep, a perfect depth for swimming 2 miles every morning in an open ocean venue. Forget the black stripes and chlorine—white sand and no lanes ruled. The water never got much above your chest around Fort L, and was always crystal clear and luxuriously warm. Stopping to catch your breath and sight-see was as easy as putting your feet down.
On this trip, however, we were all a bit…well…just a bit more restrained about getting in the water that first day. Even 4" seemed...creepy.
We had wisely watched the movie Jaws the night before cramming our 5 nubile young bodies into the rusty yellow Pinto (yes…da-da....da-da…a Pinto) and rocketing south. We laughed somewhat nervously about the whole shark schlock thing. The grossness of Chrissie’s remains covered in feasting crabs. How we’d all jumped when the head popped out of the hole in the boat. What a hunk Roy Scheider was, especially in that Irish wool sweater. And of course, Saturday Night Live’s Land Shark parody gurgled up from the murky depths and attached itself to our every comment.
As it happened, our theme song for the trip became an alcoholic-nymphomania permutation of the peppy little:
”Show me the way to go home,
I’m tired and I want to go to bed.
Had a little drink about an hour ago,
and it’s gone right to my head...”
And one of our naughty little verses:
Show me the way to the bar,
I gotta find a hottie for my bed.
I’ll down a dozen boat drinks & an oyster or 2
But there ain’t no way I’m giving him head…
At strange and often inappropriate moments, one of us would break suddenly into this song, and being loyal friends, the rest of us would be compelled to accompany her. This almost got our entire “Pinto-load of smart-ass missies” (I quote) incarcerated somewhere in Kentucky at close to 4:35am, when Shelly was pulled over for going 57mph in a 55 zone. It was the rusty yellow Pinto, I know it. It attracted highway patrol like gnats to a squashed banana.
The memory of the movie got funnier and more slapstick as we mulled it over, chewed on it, candy-grammed it, and generally applied the shark theme to everything from a driving-on-E gas tank to one of us needing to pee really badly and the driver perversely refusing to stop. We pretty much laughed ourselves right out of the scare zone.
And pretty much fell right back in it the next day as we stood ankle-deep in eddying foam, looking out at mysterious turquoise surf charging towards us there on the shore.
Behind us stood our gloriously thrifty and disappointingly gay motel, the Blue Marlin. Before us spread the deep Blue Atlantic, where a recent report of a sand shark biting the toe of a 14 year old boogie boarder had immediately thrown all of us into Total Recall of just how terrifying Jaws had truly been. Yes, this shark had only been about twelve inches long. And yes, the kid had actually stepped on it in two feet of water. But damn! Puncture holes on your toe are still puncture holes on your toe. Piercings were only acceptable on the ear as far as we were concerned, and there had to be gold involved.
So that first morning we stood there on the white sand gazing out to sea like marooned sailors straining to catch the song of Sirens. We were contemplative. We were meditative. We were assessing our options. Eating, shopping and drinking boat drinks into delirium were late afternoon or evening activities and would not even be considered before 4:00pm. We were left with either swimming foot-long-shark-infested waters or lying on the beach bronzing our alabaster Midwestern bodies.
The bronzing won.
It wasn’t fear, mind you. It was vanity.
We looked like anorexic cousins to the Pillsbury Doughboy, the half-starved offspring of the Stay-Puff Marshmellow Man, a troupe of half-baked white breads from the Heartland. We spread our towels. We oiled our Casper flesh. We prostrated ourselves beneath His Majesty The Sun as only the young and blissfully naďve can.
And we were changed.
We went from ghostly pale to hot tamale red in literally the blink of an eye.
Well, my compatriots did. I am blessed with Native American heritage, and though the proportion is small, it was enough to give me that healthy glow of warm autumn wheat burnished by rays of gentle Sol. I had tan-lines, not branding scars. I looked like a blonde from an exotic Polynesian island instead of yahoo Missouri. I thanked my distant Comanche ancestors for that small gift, and for the unprecedented wisdom to use SPF15 lotion that first day.
My four friends, unfortunately, seemed to have sprung from good Irish and English stock. Good Northern European melatonin-deficient wisdom-impeded stock. Their chameleon coloring ranged from ruddy grapefruit pink to, as I mentioned before, an eye-scorching hot tamale red. SPF was not in their vocabulary it would seem.
Poor Margie. She spent the rest of our spring break indoors reading trashy romance novels, watching Magnum P.I. and drinking heavily of pina coladas (like a good Catholic girl should, she said) when she wasn’t actually pouring them all over her seared body.
The other three Caucasians, with the help of Hawaiian Tropic After-Sun-Intensive-Care-With-Cucumbers-and-Novocain Lotion, followed by a self-tanner called B-Tan, were able to immerge the next day with not-quite burns, not-quite tans. They were an interesting spectrum of orangish-pink color (self-tanners have come a long way), like curry-coated pickled pig’s feet, or tandoori chicken smothered in butterscotch pudding. Visually quite…interesting. But the important thing was that these friends were not in sunburn hell like Pina Colada Margie.
All was well in Ft. Lauderdale that second day of our adventure, as Unusual Circumstances forced us to break our long-standing code of ethics and start shopping at 9:15am. This deviation from protocol was followed by boat drinks at 2pm, during which time we sat at a rotating bar’s outer most table—with the every-2-minute ocean view—and attempted to write postcards to The Ones We’d Left Behind.
It might have been the slowly orbiting room.
It might have been trying to focus on writing very tiny words on half of a very tiny card while consuming ridiculously large strawberry margaritas in quantities never before attempted by young women without beer bellies.
It may even have been the mystery hors d’oeuvres and raw oysters which appeared and then disappeared with such rapidity as to defy the natural laws of physics. Whatever the cause, by 5:45pm we were each and every one of us blazingly inebriated and threatening to projectile vomit mystery hors d’oeuvres all over the madly whirling walls and windows and even innocent bystanders within the centrifugal force field.
A brave yet kindly bartender herded us gently towards the door, and leaning haphazardly on each others’ shoulders like a huddle of drunken rugby players, we crab-walked out into the sultry night air. Spinning slowly in our own orbit of perpetual motion-sickness, we miraculously found our way to our room—10 feet from the rotating bar—and plummeted into hotel beds that were, incredibly, slowly spinning, too.
I lost consciousness before the meteor shower of mystery hors d’oeuvres filled the air, but from what Hot Tamale Margie said, it was a sight to behold. There in the Blue Marlin that night…a kaleidoscope of strawberry-oyster-pineapple-ViennaWiener-zucchini, and things no human could possibly have seen before nor would ever wish to see again, screamed through the heavens at warp speed. Sadly, none of those meteors disintegrated in the atmosphere...men with Hazmat suits were needed for the clean-up next morning.
With so much intervening gaiety, not to mention boat drinks that can kill more brain cells in one evening than the number of soldiers killed in all the world wars, you can imagine our collective memory of the movie Jaws had grown dim and moss-covered. About this time, had I been writing a screenplay instead of an autobiographical short story, you would’ve heard a very soft, eerily distant da-da. Luckily I’m writing the latter.
Da-da.
Quite naturally, our fear of sharks had been irrevocably replaced by fear of sunburned flesh and boat drinks, so that morning (actually, it was noon), when the term “strawberry margarita” had become synonymous with death, we wild Missouri gals crawled from the Blue Marlin, dragging like sea turtles across the burning white sand, and slowly bee-lined for the water. Throwing dehydrated tan or orangish-pink bodies into the foaming turquoise, we let Mother Ocean rock us gently in her salty bosom.
There are no words to describe how good that water felt, how reviving the spray upon our faces, how cooling each wave as it baptized us with saline forgiveness for our excesses of the night before. I felt reborn, and slowly rose to my feet, looking out at the glistening waves.
Da-da.
“I’m going for a swim. Anyone want to come along?” I asked buoyantly.
My three beach-debris friends didn’t move, but continued to lie there letting the 3” deep water lap them and the sea foam build honeycombed ruins around their limbs. It appeared lifting an eyelid was asking too much.
It was close to one o’clock. The sun high in the sky gave promise to a searing afternoon, and I was determined to get some mileage in before retreating to the coolness of the room and making peace with the boat drinks. One more half-hearted glance at those inert bikini-clad mounds I called friends, then I turned, high-stepped past the breakers, and plunged into the azure world of the gilled and finned.
Da-da………Da-da.
Gliding underwater like a sea creature finally returned to its home, I torpedoed away from the breaking surf and skimmed my belly across the ocean’s soft sandy floor, peering right and then left. The water was clearer than glass. I could see for a hundred yards in every direction, and the sand seemed strangely brilliant beneath four feet of sea. Looking up, the sun appeared as radiant as if I were lying on the beach next to my inanimate cohorts.
Da-da.
Bursting lungs forced me to the surface, and I hit the atmosphere like a porpoising spinner, breached half out of the water, and came down in full breath-stroke stride. And then it was reaching, pulling, take-a-breath, look. Reaching, pulling, take-a-breath, look.
The exhilaration of open ocean swimming is indescribable. I was a dolphin cutting the thin surface tension, sleek and fast and silvery strong. My pace accelerated and my limbs kicked and pulled with a synchronicity typically reserved for competitive swimmers. The blood pulsing through my veins matched the water pulsing over me; my heartbeat sounded in my ears, and I felt each breath in my heart. It was magical. Euphoric. It was being in the Zone. I knew I could’ve swum to Cuba and not even felt winded.
Of course I stopped long before the shores of Fidel’s island kingdom, not wanting to worry the orangish-pink blobs attached to the shore. Maybe half a mile out, I could just pick out the glow of their neon skins.
Breathing hard and feeling good, I rolled to a stop. Like a racer who’s just won the stage. Standing in the chest-deep water, I laughed up at Mr. Sun in his blinding sky, feeling ecstatic just to be alive, young and strong there in the crystalline saltwater. A sprint back would make up for last night’s debauchery, I figured, and dove beneath the waves to begin my return journey to shore.
Da-da…...da-da. Da-da…da-da.
And then it dawned on me: Just prior to plunging my face beneath the water, out of the corner of my right eye, I'd caught the movement.
It was quick and dark. And it was right behind me.
Da-da. Da-da.
Like the victims of all those tragic newstories you read, I literally felt the blood turn to Type A sorbet in my veins. It then left my extremities like a Bullet Train and congealed itself in my torso, where it could feed my heart and lungs as I either fought desperately but without hope, or futilely tried to flee for my life. There beneath the waves, those once friendly invigorating waves, I kicked numb legs and thrust arms I could no longer feel as I struggled for the surface.
Unlike my earlier graceful porpoising, I broke the surface this time like a beleaguered elephant seal, floundering and graceless, gasping for air and sucking in water. My tippy-toes were touching sand and the water was only chest-level, but I was as helpless as a bait ball in the deep when it came to a shark.
At that thought I furtively glanced back....and there it was. A huge dark shape at least six feet long.
Da-da.
It was less than two feet from me.
Da-da.
Kαρχαρίας. Morski pes. Squalo. Tubarăo. さめ. Shark!
Da-da-da-da.
Every language had a word for it, and every one of those words meant death.
Da-da-da-DA-DA-DA.
It’s impossible to run in water that deep, but that didn’t stop me from trying. And then I threw myself into a manic Olympian sprint-swim like I’ve never swum before. Frantically kicking and pulling with arms that didn’t want to obey, legs turned to granite obelisks moored to the ocean floor. I was so numb with a prehistoric terror that I couldn’t even feel fear—just rage and frustration that for some strange reason, I wasn't making any progress. I was not getting away from Jaws and his terrible song. I was splashing and thrashing and going absolutely nowhere, and he was almost upon me.
He was toying with me, just like in the movie.
”Fock you fish!” I blubbered more in my mind than aloud, the final defiant act of a bait ball.
Similar to the gush of air from a slashed tire, the last of my frenzied energy suddenly dissipated into the waves and I stopped dead in the water, bent forward with my face semi submerged, gasping for air, sobbing with frustration and a strong sense of betrayal, into a deaf Mommy Dearest ocean.
“OK you bastard!” I choked out through lips that didn’t work. “Go ahead and eat me! I don’t give a fock—you—pork-nosed bastard!”
The final words gurgled from my throat like blood from a severed limb, and in the manner of an unrepentant Roy Scheider sans pressurized scuba tank, I slowly turned to face my razor-toothed doom.
It was big and black.
It had stayed right there with me as I tried to escape.
It basked now on the ocean’s floor...
on sand strangely brilliant in the high midday sun.
It...couldn't…be.
But it was.
It was my own shadow.
And yes, I am blonde…why do you ask?
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nita
climber
chica from chico, I don't claim to be a daisy
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Apr 27, 2008 - 11:54am PT
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Lynne, LOL..After seeing Jaws, I was nervous swimming in any body of water... even swimming in Tenaya Lake made me a bit scared..Now that's a brown skinned blonde. ;-)
I was just reading this thread, and read about your husband..:-( ;-(
Hope you are enjoying connecting with friends on the Taco...
Always remember to take care of yourself- and Play after every storm. Salud..nita
ps..Let's see a picture of you from the past & now..Post up on the *Who In the Hell are you people thread.*
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 27, 2008 - 12:05pm PT
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Nita--L isn't Lynne, silly. It's Catwoman. :-)
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nita
climber
chica from chico, I don't claim to be a daisy
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Apr 27, 2008 - 12:13pm PT
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L, Did you notice mornings are not my thing,very blonde of me, very observant of me.. Funny story! I always love your writing!!
Miss L, You better come to the faceLift and camp at Yellow Pines!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TICwNPzQ0jg&feature=related
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 27, 2008 - 12:17pm PT
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I'll be there N! Can't wait to meet you and this crazy crew.
More coffee will help...I'm brewwing some now. ;-)
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Apr 27, 2008 - 12:31pm PT
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L
What a story!!!!! Wooo hoooo. Only the Shadow knows. . .
LOL
FLIPPER wins AGAIN!!!!! hee hee heee
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SammyLee2
Trad climber
Memphis, TN
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Apr 27, 2008 - 12:36pm PT
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L
Your story and style are publishable. I read such garbage in magazines and newpapers and web blogs, I think, why not this? Someone is missing the boat.
And btw, my much smarter than me, blonde daughter, knows more blond jokes than anyone. She can keep them going and going and going. Funny, smart, beautiful girl. (er, young woman)
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Apr 27, 2008 - 12:47pm PT
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SL2
Have your daughter post up! SOON!!!!
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 27, 2008 - 12:49pm PT
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Steve, Sammy--wow, thanks you guys! Glad you enjoyed it.
Sammy, get more jokes from your daughter and post up!
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tradmanclimbs
Ice climber
Pomfert VT
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Apr 27, 2008 - 01:16pm PT
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Nice story L.
What do you call a smart blonde? Golden retriver.
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 27, 2008 - 01:45pm PT
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DMT,
I think we are brother & sister separated at birth. I can name any Buffett song in two notes...heh-heh-heh!
Played par-3 golf in Valdosta and shopped a lot the summer after highschool (where I lived in New Symurna Beach with a friend's family and pretended to work). But full-time living in Val? Naw...couldn't do it. But it does sound like you had a heck of a time.
Too bad about losing the sign...that would've been some keepsake.
Did you ever track down Jimmy? We found his house one night after dining on mushroom sandwiches, but were too paranoid to...never mind--that's another story....:-)
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Fletcher
Trad climber
Pasadena, CA
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Apr 27, 2008 - 03:16pm PT
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Awesome story L... well told! Thanks for sharing that.
Parrotheads unite! Time to go put on a Jimmy Buffet CD...
Fletch
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 27, 2008 - 06:13pm PT
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Thanks Fletch.
DMT...did you find a note pinned to your sleeve? Or was is just "take care, my African friend" and you were outta there?
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Chiloe
Trad climber
Lee, NH
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Apr 27, 2008 - 07:49pm PT
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A story well told! You must have many more.
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 27, 2008 - 10:36pm PT
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Dingus,
Were you...drinkin' double?
Causin' lots a trouble?
Did the Man look in the window of the bar and he grinned?
Well...
I stepped on a pop top
blew out my flip-flop.
Cut my heel
had to head on back home.
But there's booze in the blender
and soon it will render
that frozen concoction that helps me hang on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi Chiloe! How's the 600 page labor-a-love coming?
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onyourleft
Social climber
SmogAngeles
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Apr 28, 2008 - 01:22am PT
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L:
Priceless! Your own shadow... Freakin' hysterical. Love the writing! Keep at it girl!
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 28, 2008 - 01:25am PT
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I see you made it back safe and sound. Great catching up.
Glad you liked the blonde fish tale...truth is always funnier than fiction in my world. :-)
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TradIsGood
Chalkless climber
the Gunks end of the country
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Apr 28, 2008 - 07:48am PT
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L - Did it bite you?
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Apr 28, 2008 - 11:34am PT
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L
I'm a bit disappointed about that projectile vomiting of
yours. Didn't your head spin around like Linda Blair's???
Was it green pea colored???? Inquiring minds want to, no
demand to, KNOW!!!!!
yuk yuk yuk!!!
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 28, 2008 - 11:43am PT
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Ok, it's Monday and back to being blonde. Gone over week-end. Just caught up on all the great posts!
Klaus, friends it is!
You're not blonding me about blonde/blond are you? No, I just looked it up. Another important fact of life for this blonde.
Really liked the blonde shot an arrow into the air and missed. And the golden retriever (note spelling blondies)
Nita, There are some not great and one horrible pic on 70's Josh reunion, one with J.B. not to bad.
SO, the blond question of the week (Since we are speaking of guys now, see this blonde is teachable) is: ARE BOY BLONDS THE SAME AS GIRL BLONDES? Be creative but clean, I have an overactive imagination. I have a couple of blond boy climbers in mind when I ask this question.
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 28, 2008 - 11:54am PT
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TIG...As a matter of fact, it did. Right on the...derričre. Have you ever seen a deadly Shadow Shark's bite??? Hideous. Simply hideous. Wish I could show it to you...:-)
Steve...read it again. I thankfully passed out prior to the Mystery Hors d'Oeurves meteor shower...it was those orangy-pink gals who littered the atmosphere that night in the Blue Marlin.
I was, however, on the Hazmat clean-up crew (out of dire necessity, let me tell you)...which could've stimulated a similar sort of eruptive event, but thankfully I had my snorkel gear and was not above mouth-breathing during the entire operation.
BTW--What degree are you working towards in school?
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 28, 2008 - 12:15pm PT
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Just thinking, why do blond boy climbers always look so smart?
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TradIsGood
Chalkless climber
the Gunks end of the country
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Apr 28, 2008 - 12:22pm PT
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L L,
Because you are a blonde.
EDIT:
Did you ever ask where to find beer goggles at your local sporting goods retailer?
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 28, 2008 - 12:29pm PT
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Hey, that was a serious question. Most of the blondes I dated when I was young were smart, but I married a curly brown hair. Go figure.
Don't drink my beer with goggles, I use a slice of lime.
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 28, 2008 - 12:32pm PT
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Lynne,
You should post a pix of yourself on the Who The Hell thread...and that one of you with JB ain't bad at all.
None of us like how we look in photos. Skinny mirrors are the only true reflections, if you know what I mean LOL.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Apr 28, 2008 - 12:36pm PT
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Lynne
Don't believe L. She's as gorgeous as can be, especially as
CATWOMAN!!!!!
L It's Elementary, my dear, Elementary Education. I'm gonna be
teacher in my third, or is it fifth, makeover. . .
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 28, 2008 - 12:49pm PT
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Steve,
I think you stay young and flexible changing careers every so often, especially if you have a lot of talents and want to express them. Teaching is an awesome choice!
(Can't wait to read the TR of you and your kids on the rocks.)
Edit: Meeeeoooooowwwww....
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 28, 2008 - 01:06pm PT
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In real life vs. internet life I am a little shy. I'll see about a pic. What do you want? Past, present or future. I'm at work now so it would have to be manana.
Hey you guys, I was serious about today's question. Give something to think about. Post Up, pleasssssse.
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TradIsGood
Chalkless climber
the Gunks end of the country
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Apr 28, 2008 - 01:12pm PT
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You can't be serious!
It is a blonde humor thread.
Time to start laughing.
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Tahoe climber
Trad climber
a dark-green forester out west
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Apr 28, 2008 - 01:33pm PT
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Okay, okay, I've had just about enough.
It's time for the pic of L as catwoman to pop up. If she's as cute as her personality seems here on the forum it will be something special to see, indeed.
-Tahoe (blond) climber
edit no info on blond male climbers other than observing my own, often stupid, behavior.
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tradmanclimbs
Ice climber
Pomfert VT
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Apr 28, 2008 - 01:45pm PT
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I knew a blong guy who used to spend more time in the bathroom than any woman pimpin up for a night of drinking.. he is all fat and lazy now. Go figuer...
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 28, 2008 - 02:05pm PT
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tradlsgood, Thanks! Whats come over me!! I'm alittle slow today.
Even for a Monday. Too much time in the sun over the weekend. It was 100 degrees here in our part of S.D. County.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 28, 2008 - 02:36pm PT
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The finely tuned, analytical blonde brain is beginning to kick in. I see an emerging pattern beginning to take place and an answer forming to my original b. boy vs. b. girl question.
First, a blonde girl would never call herself stupid like blond
tahoe climber called himself. We girls know we are highly intelligent.
Next, girls know you realllly can't spend enough time primpin in the bathroom.
Deduction: B. boys are way different than B. girls. They take themselves way to seriously. That's why this thread is going nowhere.
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 28, 2008 - 02:38pm PT
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Tahoe...just for you.
(My alter-ego from the night of The Rope...)
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Tahoe climber
Trad climber
a dark-green forester out west
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Apr 28, 2008 - 09:44pm PT
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NICE, L!!
bwhahahahahahahah!
LL: I was kidding.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Apr 28, 2008 - 10:49pm PT
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Tahoe climber, never tell a b. girl you are kidding, she might take you seriously!
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Chiloe
Trad climber
Lee, NH
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Apr 30, 2008 - 12:04pm PT
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L:
Hi Chiloe! How's the 600 page labor-a-love coming?
Hatin' it. Made no progress this week, we tripped out to the southland where Les celebrated a birthday descending Lower Eaton Canyon, then a quick visit to Josh.
I see airplanes in our future today.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Sep 16, 2008 - 09:16am PT
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Bump
Just because. . .
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Mar 29, 2009 - 08:16pm PT
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and bump again
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Mar 30, 2009 - 01:57am PT
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Sure Missing L. Hi out there Gal !!!!
This was one of my first threads on the forum. The forum that saved my life. What a grate mentor and psycho therapist. Thanks and Peace to All...we be doing better....little by little. Lynne
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Mar 30, 2009 - 05:34am PT
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hey there lynne and nita....
missing L, too....
hope we get another update somewhere...
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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A little something for no shirt to kick back with tonight. Life is ok...one step at a time and a sense of humor :))
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Bump to laugh again!!!111
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hobo_dan
Social climber
Minnesota
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L
I completely resemble your shark story
That was fabulous
murf
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divad
Trad climber
wmass
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Jun 20, 2009 - 04:35pm PT
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So, I'm out on a bike ride, climbing up a long hill out in the boonies when I catch up to a group of other cyclists. I say my hellos and howya doings and start chatting with members of the group. One asked if I was from around this area and I replied that yes, this is one of my regular routes. As we passed a side road that headed up a steep hill, I was asked where that went to. I said that the pavement ends, turns to dirt and deadends soon and then added that there used to be c*#k fights up there until they got raided by the cops. A blonde in the group says, "OMG, you mean like swords?"
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pinto
Trad climber
methane,NM
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Jun 20, 2009 - 08:57pm PT
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just had to post to this one
How can you tell if a blond is having a bad day?
she can't find her pencil and her tampon is behind her ear.
How many blond's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None blond's don't screw in lightbulbs they screw in hot tubs.
that's all folks.............
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Jun 20, 2009 - 11:10pm PT
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Being Blonde....well back in the day....this is one of my fav threads.
Why would anyone NOT want to be blonde ? It is a totally fun and very enlightening life. Ah yes, Cheers to the Blonde Life. Peace, lynnie ....now where did I put my pencil ???????????
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tinker b
climber
the commonwealth
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Jun 21, 2009 - 12:32am PT
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why did the blonde stare into the refridgerator???
the orange juice said concentrate...
a guy is driving down a mountain road when suddenly out jumps a bunny. he screeches his brakes, swirves, but alas he hits the rabbit. he gets out of his car distraught. he is one of those sensitive vegan peta dudes, and he doesn't even kill mosquitos, so he is pasing up and down pulling his hair out, really upset when a blonde pulls up.
"what is the matter?" she asks.
"well you see i was driving, and this rabit jumped out in front of me. i tried to stop, i tried to swerve, but i hit it and i think it is dead, i have never killed anything in my life."
the blonde takes a look at the rabbit, and then goes back to her car and brings back a can and sprays the bunny.
immediately the bunny jumps up, hops a few hops, turns around and waves, and again hops a few hops, turns around and waves, until it turns a corner and can no longer be seen.
the guy is elated. "what was that stuff, i need to get some that was incredible."
"i don't know, it says for damaged hair and permanent wave!"
one of my favorites...i altered it with the blonde just to fit the thread, but now that it is done, maybe it should have been a blond guy. i just read this thread for the first time, hilarious...l's shark story is the best...
peace
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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This one fits better in this thread than in the Canada day one:
As a North Bay trucker stops for a red light on Hwy.11, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.
As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says,............"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in CANADA , and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!!!"
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Superfly
Big Wall climber
Rifle, CO
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Great Canadian Kev-Heather joke!
Superfly
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Tinker B and Mighty Hiker .... Grate!!!
I have a Guy in our work complex that copies great blonde jokes off the internet and brings them over to me. He says it makes his day to see a dumb blonde that understands a dumb blonde joke. hahaha. He doesn't know I just LOVE to laugh....it's good for yo. Smiles and Peace, lynne
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Jennie
Trad climber
Idaho Falls
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Norwegian Blonde: "Why are more girls from Sweden in international modeling than Norway?"
Swedish Blonde: "Because there are more girls in Sweden that look like cute blonde Finnish girls !"
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Step Beyond!
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I knew I took up Finnish Carpentry for a reason!
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jul 26, 2009 - 02:08am PT
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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "...let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."
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John Moosie
climber
Beautiful California
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Jul 26, 2009 - 02:49am PT
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Corn flakes, hahahahahahaha.. Thanks Mighty, That was great.
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tom woods
Gym climber
Bishop, CA
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Jul 26, 2009 - 03:13pm PT
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What's the secret to blond humor?Timing.
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Fairfax, CA
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Jul 26, 2009 - 03:45pm PT
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A blonde goes to the dry cleaners & asks to have her sweater cleaned.
The attendant doesn't hear her, says "Come again?"
The blonde blushes, says "Oh no, it's just mustard this time."
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L
climber
Waist deep in grinning 'gators and wonderin' WTH?
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 9, 2009 - 12:35pm PT
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REPLACEMENT WINDOWS
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind, and yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
“Hellloooooo,” I said. “Just because I'm blonde doesn't automatically mean I'm stupid, you know.”
So that’s when I reminded him of just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year: That in ONE YEAR these windows would PAY FOR THEMSELVES!
“Helllooooo,” I said. “It's been a year!”
There was dead silence at the other end of the line...it lasted so long, I finally just hung up. He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.
My mom just sent this to me...and I've got to admit, there's nothing like a mother's unrestrained show of affection to get you feeling all warm-n-fuzzy first thing on a Monday morning.
And yes, my mom IS a brunette...why do you ask?
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Whoo Hoo, finally some funnies from the
great cat person of the taco stand.
How's about another story sometime?????
:-)
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John Moosie
climber
Beautiful California
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“Helllooooo,” I said. “It's been a year!”
hahhahha. I burst out laughing with that one. Thanks L, glad to see you posting.
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Fletcher
Trad climber
somewhere approaching Ajna
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L, that's got to be one of the best blonde jokes I've heard. Extra funny that your Mom sent it to you.
EricWhoThinksHe'sStillBlondeThoughTheLastTimeWasWhenIWasAKid
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Gobee
Trad climber
Los Angeles
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Dec 14, 2009 - 02:39pm PT
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Password....
>
> During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the
> following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento
>
> When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to
> be
> at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
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L
climber
Fish do WHAT in this water???
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 14, 2009 - 04:06pm PT
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>That would be even
>funnier
>Gobee
>if you
>took the
>cut-n-past carrots
>off next time.
>;-)
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Anastasia
Mountain climber
hanging from a crimp and crying for my mama.
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Dec 14, 2009 - 05:58pm PT
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Well, I am not afraid to make fun of myself...
A Greek father approached his daughter on her wedding day with a little advise. When your husband tells you to turn around, no matter how much he begs and pleads to you... Don't do it.
The daughter agrees to her father's advise and promises to never allow her husband to turn her around.
The couple are then happily married and six months later they are in bed together when her husband asks her to turn around.
"No!" She replies, "my father told me to never turn around, I promised that I will never let you do it!"
The husband responds... "What's the matter, you don't want to have a baby?"
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L
climber
Round-n-round-n...I forget...what was I saying?
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 1, 2010 - 01:25pm PT
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From OnYourLeft:
A groundskeeper in a zoo saw a blonde happily throwing twenty-dollar bills
into the monkey cage.
"Excuse me," said the groundskeeper. "Why are you throwing those
twenties at the monkeys?"
The blonde laughed and pointed to the sign in front of the monkey cage.
"Hellooooooooo!" she giggled. "Can't you read?"
The groundskeeper looked at the sign:
Please Do Not Throw Food To The Monkeys. $20 Fine.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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L
Welcome back. . .
hee hee hee. . .
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Moof
Big Wall climber
A cube at my soul sucking job in Oregon
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"The husband responds... "What's the matter, you don't want to have a baby?""
I don't get it?
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L
climber
Round-n-round-n...I forget...what was I saying?
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 1, 2010 - 06:28pm PT
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Hey Steve...How are ya? When do you start teachin'?
Moof...I'm not Greek...butt...
(OK, OK, OK, nevermind...A's gonna have to explain it to you...I'm too embarrassed.)
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Gene
Social climber
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L,
Subtlety is thy virtue. Well done.
gm
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corniss chopper
Mountain climber
san jose, ca
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
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the museum
Trad climber
Rapid City
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$20 fine! L is the best!
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L
climber
Round-n-round-n...I forget...what was I saying?
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 2, 2010 - 12:43pm PT
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Glad you liked it, TM. Here's one from another friend:
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
(scroll down)
v
v
v
v
v
^
^
^
^
^
(scroll up)
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Here's the one Steve Schneider told Daphne the other day...
"Why do blonde jokes have such short punchlines?"
"So Brunettes can enjoy them, too"
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Ricardo Cabeza
climber
All Over.
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Dunno if these were told, but,
Q-Why do blonde girls have sore belly buttons?
A-Blonde guys are dumb too.
Q-Why'd the blonde drown in the pool?
A-She found the scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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I been too buzy scrollin' for blondes. . .
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L
climber
A field of poppies...lovely, lovely poppies...
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 10, 2010 - 02:30pm PT
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This is a simple, yet highly accurate, Intelligence Test.
Please look at this photo closely.
Now answer the question: Which one is the blonde?
Go ahead, take your time.
Figured it out?
Great!
Let's see how you did...
A. If you answered: The one hiking the wrong leg, of course......you’re a GENIUS.
B. If you answered: How the heck am I supposed to know that?.......you’re an IDIOT.
C. If you answered: Who the hell cares!!!......you’re thinking with the wrong head. Please retake the test.
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bajaandy
climber
Escondido, CA
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Feb 10, 2010 - 03:07pm PT
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Feb 10, 2010 - 05:08pm PT
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L
WUZ THAT U HIKING THE WRONG!!!!! LEG?????'
hee hee hee. . .
Nah, you're better lookin'
Just sayin'
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luggi
Trad climber
from the backseat of Jake& Elwood Blues car
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Feb 26, 2010 - 04:25pm PT
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Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Feb 26, 2010 - 10:58pm PT
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luggi. . .
hee hee hee. . .
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L
climber
Just surfin' the tsunami of life...
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 3, 2010 - 11:50am PT
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Sven and Ole are sitting in a boat.
Ole asks Sven, "Vhy do scuba divers alvays fall backvards off 'der boats?"
To which Sven replies, "Vell, ya know, if dey fell forwards dey'd still be in 'da f*#kin' boat!"
It's just so refreshing to see how the blond gene presents virtually identically in both the female and male gender, isn't it?
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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oooooo!!!!!
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Ain't no flatlander
climber
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During a recent password audit, it was found that a
blonde was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she had such a long password, she said
she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters
long and include at least one capital.
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L
climber
Training for the Blue Tape Route on Half Dome
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 1, 2010 - 02:35pm PT
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"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
That has a nice ring to it.
I think I'll use it. ;-)
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a barstool and orders a beer. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl.
I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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John Moosie
climber
Beautiful California
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"No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
hahahaha.. thank you.. that was hilarious.
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drljefe
climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
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I don't get it.
;^}
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mcolombo
Trad climber
Heidelberg, Germany
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Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-panel energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had
been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellllloooooo
just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year,
that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Hellllooooooo?
It's been a year! I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just
hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!!
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onyourleft
climber
Smog Angeles
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Sep 22, 2011 - 11:39pm PT
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Blonde Joke O' The Day:
A road crew supervisor hired a nice-looking blonde woman to paint the yellow line down the middle of a road. He was skeptical about hiring her, but she appeared enthusiastic and told him that she really needed the job. So he explained that her task would be to complete 2 miles of line on her road, set her up with her brushes and paint, and got her started.
After the first day he was pleased to find that she did an excellent job and was able to paint 4 miles of road in her 8-hour shift. On the second day, she completed 2 miles of road. Although he was somewhat curious why on the first day she had accomplished twice as much work, he said nothing, as 2 miles was what the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it and looked forward to the next day, when he was sure that she would pick up her speed again.
On day 3, however, he was shocked to learn that in her 8-hour shift, she only completed painting 1 mile of road.
He called her into his office and asked what was the problem. “On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile. Can I ask you, what is the problem?”
“Well,” she replied, “I keep getting farther and farther from the paint can.”
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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A blonde is on board a small two-seater aeroplane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio mike (and having watched a few movies!!) calls "Mayday! Mayday! My pilot just died!"
Ground control receives her call for help and answers back, "Don't worry, Ma'am. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position."
"I'm 5’2” and sitting in the right front seat."
Ground control responds, "Repeat after me: Our Father... Who art in Heaven . . . "
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John Moosie
climber
Beautiful California
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hahaha.. I love this thread. Where is the lovely L? Anyone heard from her recently? Climbed with her? Know how she is doing?
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Fritz
Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Nov 15, 2011 - 10:17am PT
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A blonde heard that baths in milk would
make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman Dave to leave 25
gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt
there must be a mistake. Dave thought she probably meant 2.5
gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the
milkman said, "I found your note asking
me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you
mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons.
I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk
and take a milk bath so I can look young
and beautiful again."
David the milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits.
I can splash it on my eyes."
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L
climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 8, 2015 - 10:57am PT
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A man pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure his Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and he wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
He walked to the curb backward, pointing his finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave him a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"
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Sierra Ledge Rat
Mountain climber
Old and Broken Down in Appalachia
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Three pregnant women - a blonde, brunette & redhead - talking about their pregnancies.
Brunette: "I'm going to have a boy, because I was on top in the dominant position when we had sex."
Redhead: "I'm going to have a girl, because I was on the bottom in the submissive position."
The blonde started crying. The other girls asked "What's wrong?"
Blonde: "I'm going to have puppies!"
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L
climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 8, 2015 - 02:25pm PT
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Nice one, SLR.
Now this:
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she'd need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch talking to me."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the man asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added with a smile, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Swedes don't tell blonde jokes, but they do tell Norwegian jokes.
How do you sink a Norwegian submarine?
Put on yer scuba gear and go down and knock on the door.
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L
climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 8, 2015 - 02:40pm PT
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Swedes don't tell blonde jokes
Are you tellin' me that with a name like Reilly, there's not a little part of you in there that wants to tell a good blonde joke?
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Lollie
Social climber
I'm Lolli.
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Reilly is so totally right.
:-D
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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And the crowd shouted "MORE, MORE"!!!!!!
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stunewberry
Trad climber
Spokane, WA
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Two crews of guys, they can be any nationality you want, are given the job of putting up telephone poles. The foreman explains the work to each crew, and sends them opposite directions along the road. At lunchtime, he returns and asks the first crew how many poles they've put up. "Twelve!" is the enthusiastic reply. "Great!" He says, and asks the other crew how many they've put up. "One!" they reply proudly. "W.T.F! One? Do you know how many the other crew put up??" asks the foreman.
"Yeah, but did you see how far they left theirs sticking out of the ground?"
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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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Ho my god there are 200 of these dating back to 07?
I want to add but a blond married me . . .
That's all I got.
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MH2
Boulder climber
Andy Cairns
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L
climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 9, 2015 - 05:34am PT
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I want to add but a blond married me...
Hysterical!
What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box?
"OMG, donut seeds!"
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mcreel
climber
Barcelona
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I don't get it.
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L
climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 9, 2015 - 06:39am PT
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Mcreel...you're not a blonde, are you.
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JohnnyG
climber
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What do you call a smart blond?
A golden retriever.
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| Messages 1 - 200 of total 200 in this topic |
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