Blonde Humor

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drljefe

climber

El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson

Jun 8, 2011 - 02:01am PT

I don't get it.
;^}

mcolombo

Trad climber

Heidelberg, Germany

Jun 8, 2011 - 11:43am PT

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-panel energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had
been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellllloooooo

just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year,
that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Hellllooooooo?
It's been a year! I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just
hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!!

onyourleft

climber

Smog Angeles

Sep 22, 2011 - 11:39pm PT

Blonde Joke O' The Day:

A road crew supervisor hired a nice-looking blonde woman to paint the yellow line down the middle of a road. He was skeptical about hiring her, but she appeared enthusiastic and told him that she really needed the job. So he explained that her task would be to complete 2 miles of line on her road, set her up with her brushes and paint, and got her started.

After the first day he was pleased to find that she did an excellent job and was able to paint 4 miles of road in her 8-hour shift. On the second day, she completed 2 miles of road. Although he was somewhat curious why on the first day she had accomplished twice as much work, he said nothing, as 2 miles was what the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it and looked forward to the next day, when he was sure that she would pick up her speed again.

On day 3, however, he was shocked to learn that in her 8-hour shift, she only completed painting 1 mile of road.
He called her into his office and asked what was the problem. “On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile. Can I ask you, what is the problem?”

“Well,” she replied, “I keep getting farther and farther from the paint can.”

Mighty Hiker

climber

Vancouver, B.C.

Oct 3, 2011 - 12:56am PT

A blonde is on board a small two-seater aeroplane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio mike (and having watched a few movies!!) calls "Mayday! Mayday! My pilot just died!"

Ground control receives her call for help and answers back, "Don't worry, Ma'am. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position."

"I'm 5’2” and sitting in the right front seat."

Ground control responds, "Repeat after me: Our Father... Who art in Heaven . . . "

John Moosie

climber

Beautiful California

Oct 3, 2011 - 01:36am PT

hahaha.. I love this thread. Where is the lovely L? Anyone heard from her recently? Climbed with her? Know how she is doing?

Fritz

Trad climber

Choss Creek, ID

Nov 15, 2011 - 10:17am PT

A blonde heard that baths in milk would
make her beautiful.

She left a note for her milkman Dave to leave 25
gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt
there must be a mistake. Dave thought she probably meant 2.5
gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the
milkman said, "I found your note asking
me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you
mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons.
I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk
and take a milk bath so I can look young
and beautiful again."

David the milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits.
I can splash it on my eyes."

climber

California dreamin' on the farside of the world..

Topic Author's Reply - Mar 8, 2015 - 10:57am PT

A man pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure his Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and he wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

He walked to the curb backward, pointing his finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave him a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"

Sierra Ledge Rat

Mountain climber

Old and Broken Down in Appalachia

Mar 8, 2015 - 11:22am PT

Three pregnant women - a blonde, brunette & redhead - talking about their pregnancies.

Brunette: "I'm going to have a boy, because I was on top in the dominant position when we had sex."

Redhead: "I'm going to have a girl, because I was on the bottom in the submissive position."

The blonde started crying. The other girls asked "What's wrong?"

Blonde: "I'm going to have puppies!"

climber

California dreamin' on the farside of the world..

Topic Author's Reply - Mar 8, 2015 - 02:25pm PT

Nice one, SLR.

Now this:

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she'd need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch talking to me."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the man asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added with a smile, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Reilly

Mountain climber

The Other Monrovia- CA

Mar 8, 2015 - 02:31pm PT

Swedes don't tell blonde jokes, but they do tell Norwegian jokes.

How do you sink a Norwegian submarine?

Put on yer scuba gear and go down and knock on the door.

climber

California dreamin' on the farside of the world..

Topic Author's Reply - Mar 8, 2015 - 02:40pm PT

Swedes don't tell blonde jokes

Are you tellin' me that with a name like Reilly, there's not a little part of you in there that wants to tell a good blonde joke?

Lollie

Social climber

I'm Lolli.

Mar 8, 2015 - 04:14pm PT

Reilly is so totally right.
:-D

SteveW

Trad climber

The state of confusion

Mar 8, 2015 - 06:17pm PT

And the crowd shouted "MORE, MORE"!!!!!!

stunewberry

Trad climber

Spokane, WA

Mar 8, 2015 - 06:28pm PT

Two crews of guys, they can be any nationality you want, are given the job of putting up telephone poles. The foreman explains the work to each crew, and sends them opposite directions along the road. At lunchtime, he returns and asks the first crew how many poles they've put up. "Twelve!" is the enthusiastic reply. "Great!" He says, and asks the other crew how many they've put up. "One!" they reply proudly. "W.T.F! One? Do you know how many the other crew put up??" asks the foreman.

"Yeah, but did you see how far they left theirs sticking out of the ground?"