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Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
Dec 30, 2013 - 10:05pm PT
i borrowed this from one of russ' threads,
though it was mine before it wasn't.

so i was, uh, yea.
sitting next to this 'reputable' woman,
we both bar-stooled,

and she's grabbing at the front of
her dress, near the belt,
totally distracting me from our 5 conversations,

and i'm like,
"you need to take a piss?"

and she goes,
no, im trying to work a fart out.
of course i looked even dumber than i usually do,
and she goes on to tell me
that sometimes when a woman is sitting down
and farts, the fart excapes forward through
a little connection seam
and gets trapped in the vagina.

so she was wiggling it out.

my god. i had little to say after that.

Social climber
Colorado Plateau
Dec 30, 2013 - 10:23pm PT
jesus weege. cunnilingus just took a real sh#t, err hit.

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
Dec 30, 2013 - 10:23pm PT
Give a man an inch, and he wants a foot.
Give a man a foot, and he wants a yard.
Give a man a yard, and he wants a swimming pool installed.

Trad climber
Nedsterdam CO
Dec 30, 2013 - 10:48pm PT
"Everyone is dead, film at 11."
Spider Savage

Mountain climber
The shaggy fringe of Los Angeles
Dec 31, 2013 - 12:06am PT
I HATE the Eagles.

I love Joe Walsh, and all the guys in the Eagles, before, after and separately or together. I just can't stand that commercial crap they did together.

It's important that you know this so don't forget.

There may be a quiz later and you'll want to pass.

Topic Author's Reply - Dec 31, 2013 - 12:17am PT

Trad climber
Top of the Mountain Mun
Dec 31, 2013 - 01:02am PT
The mountain goes up to the exact spot where it goes down.

Topic Author's Reply - Apr 22, 2014 - 08:30pm PT
Don't pet a growling cat on the belly.

Mountain climber
honeoye falls,ny.greeneck alleghenys
Apr 22, 2014 - 08:39pm PT
Take me drunk,I'm home.

Topic Author's Reply - Apr 22, 2014 - 09:09pm PT
If you are not 100% sure she is pregnant, don't ask.
Off White

Tenino, WA
Apr 22, 2014 - 09:25pm PT
Play with a cat, sometimes you bleed. That's just the rules.
Captain...or Skully

Apr 22, 2014 - 09:39pm PT
Sometimes? You have a hella polite cat.

Boulder, CO
Apr 22, 2014 - 09:47pm PT
Drive Fast.
Take Chances.

Kennewick wa
Apr 22, 2014 - 09:57pm PT
When in doubt, whip it out!

from out where the anecdotes roam
Apr 23, 2014 - 12:38am PT
from the north pole, every direction is south. or more generally, there's no not looking at the other side

Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
Apr 23, 2014 - 04:18am PT
one day my friend and i were
couching it, watching the idiot box
drinking coors.

he had a bad case of the hiccups.
friend number two walks into the room,
"papa bear, you know i got the sure cure for those."

"oh, yea, what is it?"

now papa bear was an english major
and he minored in cliches, so he knew all the tales...

"close your eyes and don't open them until i say."

so papa bear closes his eyes.
i'm glad that i was sitting kitty corner to josh,
observing all this...

friend #2 pulls down his drawers, underwear and all,
bends over and backs up to within 6" of papa bears face.

"ok, now open your eyes."

papa bear opens his eyes and lets out a curdle of surprise and terror
and jumps sideways on the couch landing on my leg,
but that is better than going face
with friend #2's hairy buthole and scrotum and other assorted junk...

and sure enough,
his hiccups were gone.
Captain...or Skully

Apr 23, 2014 - 08:49am PT
Haha! He'll never get hiccups again!

Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
Apr 23, 2014 - 09:26am PT
"I hate the f*#king Eagles"

I don't really, probably at about the same level as skip

I like the gypsy kings cover of Hotel California....
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Apr 23, 2014 - 01:48pm PT
Credit: mouse from merced
Credit: mouse from merced

Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
Apr 23, 2014 - 01:54pm PT
Shoot low, they're riding Shetlands.
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