Most Offensive Jokes


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Trad climber
Topic Author's Original Post - Jan 31, 2012 - 11:27pm PT
I can't believe it has been 5 years since the last post. I won't bump the thread, but if anyone has a sick sense of humor and could care less about religious or social sensativities, search for the topic title.

Disclaimer: Not for the religious or social sensitive. Parental Guidance advised. Stay away if you are a naive ninny or can't find humor in incredibly distastefull jokes.

Social climber
somewhere that doesnt have anything over 90'
Feb 1, 2012 - 12:15am PT
The Aristocrats (joke)From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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This article has multiple issues. Please help improve it or discuss these issues on the talk page.
It needs additional citations for verification. Tagged since November 2009.
It may contain original research. Tagged since November 2009.

"The Aristocrats" (also known as "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is an exceptionally transgressive (taboo-defying) dirty joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. Throughout its long history, it has evolved from a clichéd staple of vaudevillian humor into a postmodern anti-joke.

Steven Wright has likened it to a secret handshake among comedians, and it is seen as something of a game in which those who tell it try to top each other in terms of shock value. It is thought of as a badge of honor among expert comedians and is notoriously hard to perform successfully.

It is rarely told the same way twice, often improvised, and was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. It received publicity when it was used by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner in September 2001.

Contents [hide]
1 Joke format
2 History in print
3 2005 film
4 See also
5 Notes
6 External links

[edit] Joke formatThis joke almost always has these elements—alternative versions may change this form, but such versions tend to assume that the audience is already familiar with the joke:

The setup: The joke always begins with a family act going in to see a talent agent.
Those who meet the agent can include the whole family or just one family member (usually the father).
The agent asks what they do (sometimes after saying that he is not interested, and a plea from the father).
If the whole family is present, the act may be performed for the agent, rather than described.
There is also the possibility of a neutral observer telling the tale of seeing the performance to the talent agent.
The act: It is described in as much detail as the teller prefers.
While most tellings follow one of a few basic forms, the description of the act is meant to be an ad lib.
Traditionally, the description is crude, tasteless, and ribald. The goal is to significantly transgress social norms. Taboo acts such as violence, incest, rape, child sexual abuse, coprophilia, coprophagy, bestiality, and murder are common themes.
The punch line: The shocked (or intrigued) agent asks what the act is called, and the proud answer (sometimes delivered with a flourish) is: "The Aristocrats!"
The punchline may be modified in some variants, but generally such variants are told only in a context in which the original joke is known.
The Prestige:
Because the sense of what an aristocrat is has faded in many countries, the final line may simply be seen as the end of a rather bawdy joke rather than a punchline. In some regions the name of the act is "The Sophisticates" or "The Debonaires".
Originally the humor of the punch line was in the reading of the joke as a satirical comment on the decadence of the aristocracy - in modern performances the humour lies more in the anticlimax as the punchline is usually known beforehand by the audience.
Some versions of the punchline contain the set-up line "What the heck do you call an act like that?" followed by the punchline "I call it 'The Aristocrats'." The added set-up value of this version of the joke, in which the pitchman misunderstands the meaning of the phrase "What the heck do you call [that]?" as a request for information, when it is in fact meant to be an expression of incredulity or bewilderment, is lost in other tellings of the joke, with the simpler but less sensible question asked by the agent: "What do you call your act?"
[edit] History in printIn 2005, Jackie Martling's website cited "The Aristocrats" as appearing on page 987 of Gershon Legman's Rationale of the Dirty Joke, Vol. 2, published in 1975.[1] Legman retells the joke, complete with its traditional vaudevillian flourishes, although he does not attribute the joke to vaudeville roots. Instead, Legman learned the joke from a young man who grew up in a broken home.[citation needed]
In a 2005 interview, comedian Barry Cryer claims to have heard the joke "fifty years ago."[2]
[edit] 2005 filmMain article: The Aristocrats (film)
A film called The Aristocrats premiered at the 2005 Sundance Film Festival. Co-produced by Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza, directed by Provenza and edited by Emery Emery, the film is based on hours of digital video taken over several years, featuring comedians and others in the know talking about and telling their versions of the joke. "The Aristocrats" was Johnny Carson's favorite joke. Because of this, and because Carson died days after the film was screened at Sundance, Penn Jillette decided to dedicate this film to his memory. The Aristocrats features performances and commentary from some of Hollywood's biggest power players in comedy, TV and film.[3]

Rumors cited in this film suggest that Chevy Chase used to hold parties at which the goal was to tell the joke for half an hour, without repeating any of the acts contained in its performance.[4]


Social climber
flagstaff arizona
Feb 1, 2012 - 12:20am PT
Yep. The Aristocrats immediately came to mind when I read the title to this thread. Some great clips from it on YouTube, especially Kevin Pollack's impersionation of Christopher Walken doing the joke.

"And here's the kicker...grandma's dead."

Trad climber
Lone Pine
Feb 1, 2012 - 12:35am PT

Watch the whole thing... Hearing this come out of Bob Saget is pretty ridiculous...

Trad climber
Feb 1, 2012 - 02:12am PT
What's the last thing you wanna hear after giving Willie Nelson a blow job?

I'm not Willie Nelson.

Trad climber
OC in So Cal
Feb 1, 2012 - 10:57am PT
I'll give this a try:

Guy walks into a bar carrying an aligator.

Plops the aligator up on the bar, then orders a double shot of the cheapest tequilla.

Guy pulls out his dick, hits the aligator on the head, guy sticks his dick in the aligators mouth, then hits the aligator on the head again.

Aligator chomps his mouth closed.

Guy shudders, picks up the glass and downs the tequilla.

Guy hits the aligator on the head again and it opens its mouth.

Guy turns around and says in a loud voice: "Anybody man enough to do this"

Little voice in the back says: "Yes, but don't hit me on the head"

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Feb 1, 2012 - 10:59am PT
Two Irishmen walk out of a bar...
Hardman Knott

Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
Feb 1, 2012 - 11:09am PT
How did the necrophiliac's last relationship end?

The rotten cùnt split on him.

Social climber
Donner Lake
Feb 1, 2012 - 04:08pm PT
What did one gay mortician say to the other gay mortician?

Let's go in back and suck down a couple cold ones.

That Long Black Cloud Is Coming Down
Feb 16, 2012 - 05:37pm PT
What's the difference between the Catholic church and NAMBLA?

One is an organization run by creepy old perverts who like to diddle little boys.

The other one has no position regarding birth control.

Feb 16, 2012 - 05:40pm PT
T-Ball stand pitches a perfect game at the Special Olympics.

Mountain climber
Feb 16, 2012 - 06:14pm PT
Why do Jews have big noses?

Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
Feb 16, 2012 - 06:35pm PT
Because air is free!
can't say

Social climber
Pasadena CA
Feb 16, 2012 - 06:56pm PT
Why is it so hard for a woman to have an orgasm?

Who Cares

Gym climber
Feb 16, 2012 - 07:04pm PT
Can't say I've ever heard that question before....


Why are Jewish men circumcised?

Jewish women are suckers for anything 25% off.

Trad climber
Pebble Wrestling.... Badly lately.
Feb 16, 2012 - 07:21pm PT
Grandpa - that might make a lot more sense if you amend the joke to say:

a cute little blond in the back said "I would like to try, but do you have to hit me on the head?"

Ideeho-dee-do-dah-day boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom
Feb 16, 2012 - 07:29pm PT
"Sister. Let me look up your dress."


"Sure is a wonder"

"Sure is a wonder, what?"

"Sure is a wonder your guts don't fall out."

Mountain climber
South Lake Tahoe, CA
Feb 16, 2012 - 08:03pm PT
<insert Sarah Palin joke here>
manzanita man

Social climber
somerset, ca.
Feb 16, 2012 - 08:54pm PT
2 bums meet up in a park.

first bum "i had a good day, i found a pack of smokes and smoked them all to myself".

second bum "thats nothing. i was walking along the RR tracks and ran into this girl. we screwed all day long".

first bum "all day long?"

second bum "well maybe 1/2 a day.

first bum "did she give you a BJ?

second bum "no"

first bum "you are telling me that you screwed this girl for 1/2 day and she didnt give you a BJ?"

second bum "no....

i couldnt find her head.

Feb 16, 2012 - 09:04pm PT
Ya'll remember Christa McAuliffe, the teacher-astronaut who died in the Challeger disaster?

Her last words to her husband....

Honey, would you please feed the dog. I'll feed the fish.

{{rim shot}}

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