Sobriety (off topic or not)?

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Messages 1101 - 1120 of total 1645 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Mar 23, 2013 - 11:49am PT
Oh i know i could not have a little sip o wisky and control myself. no kidding around there but i feel rock solid most of the time and things like getting sick and actually following the direction on the medicine bottle instead of (self medicateing) help to reassure me that I am in fact cured. being cured keeps me strong. i don't need that sh#t anymore because i am cured. helps me stay away from the poor me syndrome.....
happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Mar 26, 2013 - 11:58pm PT
Anyone else not drinking tonight? I could use a little company.
Michelle

Social climber
1187 Hunterwasser
Mar 27, 2013 - 12:14am PT
Jaybro yay!

I've been talking with the doc. my consumption isn't overly extreme. we have a specific plan to taper this month before my surgery. the concern is any physical detox issues need to be managed right now. stopping entirely at the moment is the concern. I know its contradictory to Pope Bill W and Jimmy K and the concept of just ending it. that can happen later. my reality is that I'm not chugging scotch like a fiend and that a managed slow down is called for. I've been honest with the doc. Also, I'll be taking some narcs post surgery and don't want to die. hopefully, can phase both beer and narcs out at the same time. I already quit smoking, so yay for now. its hard to unindoctrinate myself of the AA principles. I "grew up" among some VERY hard core NY and Ohio drunks and it's their voices I hear when the feeling of judgement overcomes me. I'm hanging in there though.

terrie, pm me and lets talk.
Elcapinyoazz

Social climber
Joshua Tree
Mar 27, 2013 - 12:42am PT
3 years as of yesterday.

S.Leeper

Social climber
somewhere that doesnt have anything over 90'
Mar 27, 2013 - 12:49am PT
3 weeks of sobriety.
S.Leeper

Social climber
somewhere that doesnt have anything over 90'
Mar 27, 2013 - 12:50am PT
happiegirl...im with you in spirit!
happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Mar 28, 2013 - 01:30am PT
Happy 3 years, 2 days and...1 Day at a time. elcapinyoazz!

And happy 3 weeks, S.Leeper!
Edge

Trad climber
New Durham, NH
Mar 28, 2013 - 10:24am PT
The funny thing about getting sober is that there are as many different approaches as there are people trying to get that monkey off their back. After a 33 year drinking career that ended in several year's worth of spectacular failure, I was blessed to find an approach that worked for me.

There is no doubt that AA and the 12 steps has a tried and true track record, but only when you have reached a point when you are ready to humble yourself, ask for help, and roll up your sleeves to do the work. Two months in a rehab was not enough for me the first time, and I continued my downward spiral for another two years. What that rehab stint did for me, though, was lay a foundation so that when I faced what I saw as a decision to either stop drinking or die, I knew what I had to do and checked myself back in. Coincidentally, it was on the day of my 49th birthday, and it turned out to be the best present I have ever received.

The previous resident of my rehab bed had left a card on the pillow that simply said, "Wait for the miracle to happen." At first I thought, "Yeah, right," but I held a place in my heart and head that there might be a solution. I worked my ass off, writing a 24 page First Step that was meant for me, and me alone; admitting that I was powerless over alcohol is the only step I need to do perfectly every day. I attended all of the meetings, asked for help by locating and calling a sponsor, and during my free time there I chose to work on my dis-ease instead of opting for the more "fun" alternatives.

One week into my second rehab I felt a change in my mental, emotional, and spiritual bodies. I couldn't explain it, and my family didn't believe it given my track record, but after one month I knew that I was ready to leave. Back home I worked the program hard, doing 120 meetings in 120 days even though I had no license and had to ask for help with rides; humbling and necessary. I worked the steps with my sponsor, spoke at meetings when asked, and prayed/meditated daily. Unbelievable to the drunk that was my former self, the obsession was lifted completely, and not once since leaving have I felt the urge to pick up. No drunk dreams, no twitching as I drive solo past a liquor store, no need to go back.

Alcoholism is a disease of "more," and for me I chose to not be limited to meetings and the label "My name is Loran, and I'm an alcoholic." That will always be a part of my story, but I find that it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I see myself as an alcoholic first and foremost, then I cannot evolve. My old sponsor takes the alcoholic label with pride and after 25 years he still goes to 5-6 meetings a week; it works for him and he is happy.

I stopped going to meetings at the year and a half mark, save for a weekly Alumni meeting at the rehab where I can share my experience with those just starting their recovery. This is now the only place where I tow the line and introduce myself as an alcoholic, more for the benefit of the newcomer than myself because deep down I know that I can't ever drink in safety. When I leave NH in 6 weeks, I am fully prepared to leave that part of my identity behind and become "Loran: husband, father, climber, furniture maker, and a tiny speck of earthly dust with ties to the Divine." By "Divine" I refer to a Spiritual approach, not necessarily religious. The two can go together or not, find what resonates for you and run (don't walk!) with it.

Should I ever find myself thinking about a drink I now know that I can make a call or attend a meeting full of friends that I haven't met yet. Until that day happens, if ever, I choose to move forward and evolve into whatever my Higher Self knows it can be. I just can't drink.

I wish peace and serenity to all of you still struggling. Sobriety is available to anyone who wants it for themselves and is willing to do the work on their own personal evolution.

happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Apr 2, 2013 - 02:11pm PT
Hadn't seen that last post til just now. Thanks for that Loran!

I am struggling today. Not to stay away from a drink. I WISH I wanted a drink - hahah! (Not seriously, thank God). But I do keep getting some sort of movie-scenario scene in my head where "the drunk" goes on a bender and a half, running to escape the present, knowing that some day, somewhere, he will wake up and just - won't be - here, in the present. Thie lure of the drunken state. I am grateful I know better, but that isn't helping much with how I feel.

I am just tired and scared and overwhelmed. Having stress dreams each night and feeling like no matter what I do, it is not going to pull the rabbit out of the hat this time.

A sponsor once told me, when the feelings I am having are excruciating, to ask myself if I have what I need right now. Asking myself that question right now, the answer is yes.

But the voice in my head screams "RIGHT NOW WON'T LAST FOREVER!"

Please, voice in my head - just shut the flying f*#k up.


happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Apr 4, 2013 - 10:35pm PT
^I am sure I will feel like that again at times, but am sure glad I don't feel like that right now...

Anyway - someone posted this link to their Facebook Feed - a blog entry for Roger Ebert, written in 2009, when he had 30 years sober...

http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2009/08/my_name_is_roger_and_im_an_alc.html


It begins:
"In August 1979, I took my last drink. It was about four o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, the hot sun streaming through the windows of my little carriage house on Dickens. I put a glass of scotch and soda down on the living room table, went to bed, and pulled the blankets over my head. I couldn't take it any more."
thebravecowboy

Social climber
Colorado Plateau
Apr 9, 2013 - 05:07pm PT
What about mouthwash?

http://www.comedycentral.com/cc-studios/trevor-moore/omoirl/trevor-moore--what-about-mouthwash-?aXFk&xrs=csm_su_trevormouthwash&aQZk
Elcapinyoazz

Social climber
Joshua Tree
Apr 9, 2013 - 05:47pm PT
^^

Funny that you mention it. I'd seen some bit on a news show about hard core gutter drunks who would buy some bottom shelf mouthwash to guzzle. The story was from Denver IIRC, and it was a specific brand, Dr. something or other.

This was right around when I stopped drinking and I remember thinking "I'd better get some non-alc mouthwash, who knows it might trigger a craving". And I did switch to non-alc based, which happened to be the same stuff my dentist was recommending. Still using that type/brand.
Hankster

Social climber
Golden, CO
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 9, 2013 - 05:58pm PT
In the poorer days, I got hammered on scope. I'd got my neighbors house and tell them my plumbing was fucKed and then raid thier bathroom for mouthwash... fecking hienous man.
happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Apr 9, 2013 - 06:04pm PT
Early on, I didn't worry about guzzling mouthwash, probably because I could afford to buy booze if I wanted, and wasn't living with someone (where one might feel a need to be more secretive about getting caught with booze).

But, once it was mentioned that there was a small amount of alcohol in most mouthwashes...that did it. I couldn't use the one I had (which did have it) without THINKING about that damned small amount. It wasn't long before I decided that it wasn't worth worrying about - just use non-alcohol wash!
tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Apr 9, 2013 - 07:32pm PT
Hit the grocery store after work today. the usual, flour, yeast, raisins a few cans of pears, 2 apples a candy bar and a bottle of tripple berry seltzer. I noticed that I physicaly tense up when I walk down the beer isle....
happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Apr 10, 2013 - 11:23am PT
Then don't walk down the beer aisle! (har har)

One thing I heard in early sobriety was that, when drinking, we were used to walking down the sidewalk and falling into a hole in it, and then bitching about finding ourselves in the damned hole, wondering how the hell it happened.

Then, we stopped drinking and walked down the sidewalk and fell into a hole in it, and found ourselves bitching about it, wondering how the hell it happened.

Then, we began to see, while walking down the sidewalk, that there was a hole in it, and fell into it anyway... But while we were bitching about how it happened, we began to see that we had ignored the awareness of that hole!

Then, we walked down the sidewalk, saw the hole, became aware - and fell in ANYWAY!

Then, we began to walk down the sidewalk, and when we saw the hole - stepped around it.
Edge

Trad climber
New Durham, NH
Apr 10, 2013 - 11:31am PT
Terry, when I was drinking and fell into a ditch, I just moved in some furniture and started selecting mud curtains. Today, that behavior is unacceptable; any and all urge to pick up is gone, baby, gone.

I have no problem walking down the beer and wine aisle, driving past the liquor store, or having my wife or son keep alcohol in the house. I have no need for that anymore, and have evolved spiritually, mentally, & emotionally to the point where it is not an issue. Now that is freedom, a gift of sobriety.

The only thing I seem to be addicted to is adrenaline.
happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Apr 10, 2013 - 12:32pm PT
I'm similar to you, Edge, in that alcohol doesn't affect me -truly an amazing gift, although I was never "itchy" over it while drinking. My trigger, amongst society, was a fear I wasn't wanted in the crowd, that I wasn't good enough to be there, or somehow didn't deserve it.

In the third drink, I'd have those feelings melt away and began to relax. By the fifth, I was talking way too loud, and becoming a know it all. But apparently, I wasn't THAT bad, because people usually told me how entertaining and interesting I had been the night before. I wouldn't know, since always blacked out soon after "the melt."

Those feeling do still come up for me, when I am amongst others. Sometimes they don't -now THAT is MY gift from sobriety. WOW!

But sometimes they do. Sometimes I am walking down that sidewalk and those feelings are right there and I still walk in. The party at Seth's was an instance(though I wasn't aware of feelings of discomfort. But, instead of recognizing that I was doing my normal - sitting alone and watching things but not interacting, and making myself step around that hole and talk to people - I left.

Oh well....things take time. Some things take a LOT of time. SushiFest will be an opportunity for me to try again.
tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Apr 10, 2013 - 07:27pm PT
It is basicly impossible to avoid the beer isle in the grocery store. That is the same place i get my seltzer water and they organize the store so that you have to walk past certain items to get to other items. dairy for example is at the back of the store so you walk past more products to get your milk. Anyways i have no problem walking down the beer isle. i am not actually tempted to buy anything. i simply noticed that i tense up sometimes when i am in that isle.
Norwegian

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Apr 10, 2013 - 08:25pm PT
hey hank i know your pissed
cause i lipped off over there
on my cover of your sobriety thread.

so might i post hear,

i like to stand around my
7 left over cans,
and get real close to their
label.
i touch the can with a yearning heart,
and realize that only a thin
ribbon of aluminum keeps us
apart.

sometimes i rub the can.
then i even bite it gently,
like i would a nipple.

i've got pretty impressive
canines, almost vampire-like,
so if i really got after it,
i could prolly puncture a wee-breach
in the container and catch some
fumes, maybe a bubble or two.

a little bit of worship ain't sin
in my religion.
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