Sobriety (off topic or not)?


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Trad climber
Apr 10, 2013 - 11:23am PT
Then don't walk down the beer aisle! (har har)

One thing I heard in early sobriety was that, when drinking, we were used to walking down the sidewalk and falling into a hole in it, and then bitching about finding ourselves in the damned hole, wondering how the hell it happened.

Then, we stopped drinking and walked down the sidewalk and fell into a hole in it, and found ourselves bitching about it, wondering how the hell it happened.

Then, we began to see, while walking down the sidewalk, that there was a hole in it, and fell into it anyway... But while we were bitching about how it happened, we began to see that we had ignored the awareness of that hole!

Then, we walked down the sidewalk, saw the hole, became aware - and fell in ANYWAY!

Then, we began to walk down the sidewalk, and when we saw the hole - stepped around it.

Trad climber
New Durham, NH
Apr 10, 2013 - 11:31am PT
Terry, when I was drinking and fell into a ditch, I just moved in some furniture and started selecting mud curtains. Today, that behavior is unacceptable; any and all urge to pick up is gone, baby, gone.

I have no problem walking down the beer and wine aisle, driving past the liquor store, or having my wife or son keep alcohol in the house. I have no need for that anymore, and have evolved spiritually, mentally, & emotionally to the point where it is not an issue. Now that is freedom, a gift of sobriety.

The only thing I seem to be addicted to is adrenaline.

Trad climber
Apr 10, 2013 - 12:32pm PT
I'm similar to you, Edge, in that alcohol doesn't affect me -truly an amazing gift, although I was never "itchy" over it while drinking. My trigger, amongst society, was a fear I wasn't wanted in the crowd, that I wasn't good enough to be there, or somehow didn't deserve it.

In the third drink, I'd have those feelings melt away and began to relax. By the fifth, I was talking way too loud, and becoming a know it all. But apparently, I wasn't THAT bad, because people usually told me how entertaining and interesting I had been the night before. I wouldn't know, since always blacked out soon after "the melt."

Those feeling do still come up for me, when I am amongst others. Sometimes they don't -now THAT is MY gift from sobriety. WOW!

But sometimes they do. Sometimes I am walking down that sidewalk and those feelings are right there and I still walk in. The party at Seth's was an instance(though I wasn't aware of feelings of discomfort. But, instead of recognizing that I was doing my normal - sitting alone and watching things but not interacting, and making myself step around that hole and talk to people - I left.

Oh well....things take time. Some things take a LOT of time. SushiFest will be an opportunity for me to try again.

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Apr 10, 2013 - 07:27pm PT
It is basicly impossible to avoid the beer isle in the grocery store. That is the same place i get my seltzer water and they organize the store so that you have to walk past certain items to get to other items. dairy for example is at the back of the store so you walk past more products to get your milk. Anyways i have no problem walking down the beer isle. i am not actually tempted to buy anything. i simply noticed that i tense up sometimes when i am in that isle.

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Apr 10, 2013 - 08:25pm PT
hey hank i know your pissed
cause i lipped off over there
on my cover of your sobriety thread.

so might i post hear,

i like to stand around my
7 left over cans,
and get real close to their
i touch the can with a yearning heart,
and realize that only a thin
ribbon of aluminum keeps us

sometimes i rub the can.
then i even bite it gently,
like i would a nipple.

i've got pretty impressive
canines, almost vampire-like,
so if i really got after it,
i could prolly puncture a wee-breach
in the container and catch some
fumes, maybe a bubble or two.

a little bit of worship ain't sin
in my religion.

Social climber
somewhere that doesnt have anything over 90'
Apr 24, 2013 - 06:41pm PT
been struggling as of late.

Apr 24, 2013 - 07:04pm PT
Your not alone, we all struggle from time to time. Telling myself over and over I'm doing the right thing( not picking up a drink that is) works sometimes. Remind yourself of all the success you've had up to this point and strive for more!

Social climber
somewhere that doesnt have anything over 90'
Apr 24, 2013 - 07:25pm PT
great advice. I had a good day today ;)

Social climber
Joshua Tree
Apr 24, 2013 - 07:35pm PT
The fear of what happens if I slip up is enough to quash most of the incipient cravings I have. But they still pop up. At the weirdest times too.

I'm getting plenty of positive reinforcement from my climbing. Climbing long time dream routes that are only possible for me because I stopped. That alone would be worth it. But it was feeling out of control (i.e. addicted) that made me stop, the climbing better part is bonus.

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Apr 24, 2013 - 09:31pm PT
I am climbing better than ever despite nagging injurys associated with 51 yrs of hard work on the body.

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Apr 24, 2013 - 11:49pm PT
trad i've some tinkerbell
perfume that will probably
repel some of the butterflies
that must flock towards your brilliance.

you know,
in case they are impeding your
righteous ascent, jest
let me no.

i'll hook you into
a mutually viable economic contract.

of course your lawyer may be
present as long as her wallet
is spilling social courtesies.


Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Apr 25, 2013 - 01:26am PT
Nice job all. Looks like you are hanging there. Right on. Warms the soul. Coming up on 27 years next July. Working on new projects and eating better and losing weight.

Making another life change similar to quitting the booze. Sure has been a great ride so far with staying sober and knocking off the drugs. And it just keeps getting better. Even with bumps in the road. OMG it is better!


Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
Apr 25, 2013 - 07:26am PT
Ozzy relapsed, don't drop your guard,


Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Apr 25, 2013 - 10:59am PT
I,m not Ozzy. Guard up.


Trad climber
Apr 25, 2013 - 03:44pm PT
Having a tough time, though a relapse doesn't seem imminent. What good would it do? I'd still be where I am, but ashamed to admit it. A slip right now, for me, would be catastrophic. I am grateful that if I know nothing else, at least I do know that.

Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
Apr 25, 2013 - 06:29pm PT
makes me tired and stoopid,

i mean more stoopid, sorry,

the thrill is gone, sold the T shirt,

now i'm hooked on Red Bull, priced high because it tastes like crap,

hang in there Happygirl, don't let the bastards get you down,

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Apr 25, 2013 - 07:13pm PT
slip right now, for me, would be catastrophic need to stay whole, not just for yourself but Teddy too!

All the best,

Social climber
somewhere that doesnt have anything over 90'
Apr 25, 2013 - 08:39pm PT
I'm looking forward to going to a meeting on Monday, being around others trying to get healthy.

Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Apr 26, 2013 - 01:07am PT
happiegrrrl -- I think about what I don't want. I sobered up not to just stop drinking. It was all the consequences that I got sick of. Like flipping cars, blacking out and ending up in weird places.

Then today it is what I would not feel. Today I cried cause I felt so much. It wasn't good or bad. Maybe it sounds silly, but I am intense. I just won't go back to the coma that was my life before.

Sometimes staying sober is just waiting long enough to see that next thing that makes it worth it. Or like a really hard climb that you just have to stay in balance mentally and physically, even spiritually because the key to that pitch is just the next hold that unlocks the whole climb.

Awe well, sometimes I just stay sober cause my higher power and it's just easier. It really is the easier softer way. Even when it's hard.


Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Apr 26, 2013 - 02:14pm PT
my daughters saw it in my eye,
and understood my tone.

"here goes dad.
who knows where, but surely he is gone for
a moment or even a few days.

we respect his search. he always
comes back, eventually."

so we were whittling sticks in
the wood crib, we had a cozy fire
going. boston on radio waves...
not the horrible bombing story,
but instead, the band...


and i launch into a speech,
aimed at no one in particular,
mainly at the walls whom always make me feel

and this time i watched my girls.
they scrambled a bit,
then found a comfortable perch:
maki seated,
anna leaning on one of those walls.

.... "sobriety?" i begin.
"...those whom make this pledge
are valid olympians. yes they are.
though, their firm emotional stance
suggests to me a naivety poised upon hope and optimism.

they think that they can deflect the bullet of
their undoing...

... buy some time.
....sell some smile.
not me. i've been doon the sober road,
and, yea, it leads somewhere...

though it lead to the same place that
my path of enjoyable addiction terminates....."

a half hour of something has passed.

my girls are still watching daddy.
i've been making a lamp,
all the while during my oration.

never are they riveted upon me
as in times like these.

open beings. all three of us.
where's mom?

probably baking bread,
love her.

so i see that a conclusion is in order,
and i wrap up my fleeting understanding with this:

"...i've a candle.
i burn it, seeking zen escape.

though evertime i light this candle,
i hear harley davidsons.

the ignition of the wick sounds just like
a harley roaring up my serene river canyon.

i hate harleys, i don't know how many times
i've swung fists according to my disdain of
those super-disrespectful-fvcks whom deem
it their right to attack the innocent silence...

but this candle.
those harleys.

a lesson is at hand, for me and mine.

zen is suffering.
alcoholism is an illness worthy of my physiology.
it just is my path.

i dont f*#king care,
the bills are paid,
we've a tall castle or two in the mountains.
song is borne, daily.
understanding is upset. daily.

prosperity is prey,
we, hunters..."

and thus my shout fades to a whisper.

"nice lamp daddy. whose it for?"

"oh. this lamp is for rick sumner.
rick's a good man. he traveled many untrodden
paths in our sierras. proud paths. proud man, rick."

"how much money, daddy, did you sell it for?"

"200 dollars, sweets. though the money is for
another good man and our friend, blitzo. he's sick
and needs some help. so rick donated the money,
i donated the stone, and the hole thru,
and the electron transfer across our brow's."

.. the girls stare at me with their beautiful
eyes and deep wonder...

nothing more is said,
cause we don't know the intent of the universe.

so we fumble onward together, as genetic companions.

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