no one in aa can tell anyone what to think or do about anything-although many may try to push their will on you.remember these are rooms full of people learning howw to live-ie-they are human.keep an open mind-take what you find useful and leave the rest.going to aa is not joining a cult with set "rules" of conduct,it is simply somewhere where people who are alcoholic are helping each other stay sober,one of those ways to stay sober is by helping others stay sober[the 12th step].I was very put off early on by those that would either imply or directly declare what I"must do""must beleive etc."but thats not how it works.the steps are suggestions-you are not required to do anything.if you are alcoholic-in aa you'll find other alcoholics who are trying to stay sober.do yourself a favour-keep an open mind and read the bigbook.you never know,it might save your life.it did mine.
eventually I beleive,for the alcoholic it comes down to this-die,go insane,go to prison or go to AA.
Dirtbag- Glad you found some help via Al-Anon. Many AA'ers do that program too, after they have gotten steady with sobriety. Like I said, it was very helpful for me in dealing with that dysfunctional work relationship I had. And it is useful for me nearly every day, including here on Supertopo!
Keeping the focus on myself- what a powerful concept!
John, I just run away from people trying to covert me to their religion, even a really nebulous one that lets you define a higher power anyway you want, so with all respect that approach is a massive turn off. Athiests are not people who haven't spent time thinking about religion or the meaning of life, they just came to different conclusions, and their beliefs are just as much a part of their identities as others.
There are plenty of atheists in AA. The question is: What are you holding onto which you feel people are trying to "convert" you away from? What part of you needs an adversary to push off of.
AA is not for everyone, but it is especially for those like me who need to "quite fighting anything and anybody." There's too much ritiousness, blind willpower, and aggression hooked up to this, the Royal Road to the Next Drink.
+1 for what JL says. I'm a totally secular guy, and I never figured people in AA were trying to convert me to some religion or other. I was, and still am, grateful to the meetings for the chance for me to STFU for a bit and listen to some wise, funny and somewhat dinged-up people talk about what their experience was like. When I went in, I didn't feel like my way of doing things was working all that well, so why not listen? I heard a lot of neat stuff. That was 10+ years ago. I still don't climb gud.
But if a metaphorical, imagined higher power, makes you alien from the true self that's drowning in booze, then more higher power to u, may your higher power, kick your true selfs ass....
I just keep it simple. My higher power has morphed over the years. It's easy now. I don't try to define. I just live. Let others have opinions and let them spin. I am more myself than I have ever been and more at peace with all others. Even my x-wife.
So today is Day 1. it's time. the cost is just too high and there are things (my sanity, peace of mind and emotional balance) I desperatly want to maintain. I cannot live a graceful and loving life the way I've been. I hurt other people that I care about and this makes me deeply sad.
I'm grateful for this thread. thanks for letting me share.
thanks folks. I'm struggling right now with mindfully and objectively looking at myself and how my behaviour. accepting the ugly parts of me is just no fun. I hurt myself and people that care about me way too many times and like I said, the cost is just not worth it. I've been sort of cruising along and living an unauthentic life. I want to be a shining, loving light that the people around me get nourished from but I'm afraid of being that person. one thing in my favor is that I am stubborn as hell.
on the God topic. I just don't know. I've been casting my pain out to something out there, seeking guidance. no burning buahes but its good mindfullness practice.
Way to go Michelle. We all had the speed wobble at first but they don't last forever - easy to say, hard to believe if you're just hanging on.
Per the higher power thing - an imagined metaphorical crutch is just one way to configure it. The mistake is in believing that God MUST be this or nothing else. Most of the people I know who seem to radiate the charmed connection with and apparently are hard wired into that most nebulous higher power vibe cannot quantify or explain it and insist the trying to do so is just another adventure in spinning in the toilet. The trick, I believe, is to get that power to work in your favor, or put differently, to somehow align ourself with that power, which is a behavioral, not a cognitive process. Remember the motto: Knowledge availed us nothing. Not something, but nothing at all. It's very counterintuitive to a mind spinner like me.
But I've seen miracles . . .
Again, hang in there Michelle. You have all of us at your back - of that you may be sure.
mostly I approach things in a Zen sort of way. I'm a strong advocate of personal responsibility and that I am totally responsible for the choices I make. sometimes, like now, the image in the mirror is ugly. avoidance only makes it worse. In a way, I feel sort of free and awake. I've been snoozing at the wheel. I hope that someday someone may find my story as usefull as the stories of others have helped me.
I've been around on ST for a while and while I like to make fun of it, I've met some awesome people and made alot of e-friend that are valuable. its nice not to be alone :)
Good for you, Michelle. Glad to hear that you're taking this step. If you need any support or need to talk, please send me a message. We are all here to help each other.
Michelle sending good vibes your way. That personal inventory part can be hard to handle. Just get it done and move on. It really is worth the effort. I just love living in my own skin. Even when I am in pain.
I don't get down on myself for stupid stuff. I just say I will learn to do it better. I really work on the self talk stuff and don't let myself say things to me that I would punch someone else in the mouth if they said it to me.
Try to be good to yourself through the tough parts.
It is always good to have friends and peers to help with the perspective part of getting sober. It helps also to have friends that will call you on crap too.
It really comes down to balance and patience.
Just letting you know there is another someone out there that cares.
Best wishes for finding what you need, Michelle. I come here often for strength and counsel in the daily struggles we all face. Most helpful. Though a life of sobriety is not my expectation, I am 3 months now without intoxicants. I'll be back to check in but without a chip in my pocket. You guys and gals are my program.
"Work your own program. That's some of the best advice I've heard lately."
That's all we can ever do IMO.
Our tendency to work someone else's program (and the insanity and grief that causes) is why Alanon was created. That's an exceedingly slippery but effective program if you can ever get hold of it.
The greatest advice I ever got in Alanon was from an old timer. I was complaining about not knowing what to do with an impossible significant other. He said, "Leave her alone." In other words: Let her work her own program. Or not. Anything else is playing God, and that doesn't work for sh#t.
Leaving people alone, to wrangle things their own way, but with mutual support, is the essence of recovery IME. The only thing I can say for sure about an alcoholic is that they should never take a drink. Beyond that is truly beyond me, and is none of my business.
Let us know!