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BooDawg
Social climber
Butterfly Town
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Aug 27, 2018 - 05:24pm PT
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Although I never met Jeff, I honor him for his climbing accomplishments and for the life that he lived as a climber. I am deeply saddened to learn of his last year(s), allegedly receiving abuse from a partner who had supposedly loved him...
When I think of him, my thoughts of admiration go to him up on the Eiger...or on innumerable other climbs that he did...
Altho I would probably enjoy this movie, isn't it only entertainment? We who have done our own climbs have our own experiences to remember and to reflect upon. I would not financially support a viewing of this movie, however excellent, if it also supported someone who abused Jeff Lowe.
just sayin'... Ken Boche
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couchmaster
climber
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Aug 27, 2018 - 07:16pm PT
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More than being an amazing climber Jeff Lowe was an amazing man. He brought good to the world in so many ways. Nothing anyone says otherwise will change this one iota. This should be a thread of positivity, Jeff would want nothing less. It's how he lived his life, and we should all respect that.
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Bale
Mountain climber
UT
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Aug 27, 2018 - 07:17pm PT
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I like the movie. They could have made it a “superhero climber battles ALS with same determination that he used on Alpine faces”, but they delved into his human, imperfect life as a husband and father as well.
If the allegations against Connie are true, I find them unspeakably sad.
RIP Jeff.
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Fritz
Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Aug 27, 2018 - 07:29pm PT
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I have been friends with Jeff & Connie for the last few years.
When their relationship fell apart last spring, I contacted a close friend, who knew much more about the break-up, for the inside story.
It appears that the break-up has another story, which I am not qualified to share, but Connie may not be the villain that some folks, are trying to make her.
My condolences to all involved.
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Tamara Robbins
climber
not a climber, just related...
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Aug 27, 2018 - 09:11pm PT
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In my experience, it's dangerous territory to delve into any personal relationship... no one truly knows what's going on other than the two involved.
I spent days with both Jeff and Connie in the last month, and the only thing I have to add to this thread (which has taken an unfortunate and destructive turn) is that both of them had kind hearts and good intentions. I developed a strong bond with each - and neither of those bonds were based on discussion about their relationship.
My respect for both remains, and it's a pity to see the gossip and opinions here rather than the simple honoring of Jeff's life. Peace and Fireball Cheers from this girl.... ;)
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Fritz
Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Aug 27, 2018 - 09:15pm PT
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Tamara! Thank you for your insider's view.
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Jan
Mountain climber
Colorado & Nepal
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Aug 27, 2018 - 10:33pm PT
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I would like to add that I too have known both Jeff and Connie and there are definitely two sides to this story. Unfortunately there is also money involved. Regardless of personal feelings, the issue of the video will again be resolved through court order as it legally was in the recent past. I would also point out that ALS can affect the mind as well as the body.
The airing of this in public and people's willingness to jump to conclusions only dishonors the memory of Jeff whom I spent two afternoons with only a week or so before he died. He himself was full of wit, good humor and optimism at that time. His brave legacy is what we should remember, not the problems of the people around him.
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ionlyski
Trad climber
Polebridge, Montana
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Aug 27, 2018 - 11:20pm PT
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All I can say is "Tamara For President" !
Seriously.
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Tamara Robbins
climber
not a climber, just related...
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Aug 28, 2018 - 01:13am PT
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Hesitantly typing, as this fire needs no more lint. And though it strikes a personal chord, "it"'s not always about ME (dastardly thing, the realization of that - but there's prob another thread on that topic (that was a laugh at myself, for the uber-serious)).
I am acutely aware of the toll that caregiving extracts, and, that impact is especially significant when the one needing care is beloved.
Decided to chime in on this thread as my personal contact, and relationships, with Jeff and Connie lead to contemplation with consideration for both. My impression - regardless of the publicly aired crap show - is that they are/were two people. With love and tribulations and everything else.... Who did and are doing their best. Period.
I do not presume to know Sonja or her situation, but can say with certainty that it would not change anything I've "said" here (for those quick to be aggravated, I'm NOT saying her story is unworthy of respect).
Here's to a peaceful resolution of whatever needs resolved, and to Jeff being above and beyond it all now - chilling with the extraordinary cast who likely are winking at us, saying, "hey peeps, just go climbing ffs"
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Aug 28, 2018 - 06:52am PT
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+1 for Tamara - relationships are indeed very complicated, and sometimes yelling happens to communicate in some of them - money can make things even harder.
Regardless of everything, credit is due to anyone who gives a piece of their life to pushing someone around in a wheelchair and literally wiping thier butt - can’t knock that person too much.
The relationship and money chaos that was aired in the movie appears to have carried on to the end. Can’t really blame any of that on one person. It is what it is, still an amazing life.
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Largo
Sport climber
The Big Wide Open Face
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Aug 28, 2018 - 02:23pm PT
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This is the dark side of social media - where deeply personal affairs are publically aired out and in turn a trial of sorts is conducted on-line - despite the best intentions - I'm sure - of Jeff's people.
Life, death and money get the best of the best of us somtimes. I have fond memories of both Jeff and Connie. I'll hang onto those and let the rest go. It's none of my business and I won't make it mine.
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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Aug 28, 2018 - 02:23pm PT
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I hesitate to post anything in the context of other people's personal matter with ongoing suffering. I hope there is something redeeming in what I choose to write.
I personally have experienced my breaking point and resultant anger in a relationship when I didn't give myself permission to walk away. It got better when I dug deep into my emotional issues, but in the end it was not enough. It didn't really get better until I gave myself permission to walk away.
The decision to walk away in a situation where a person you love has a deep and ongoing need to be cared for (whether that need is real or projected), that gets messier. I don't trust that I would personally rise to a standard that I would be proud of, even at this supposedly more mature state of my development, based on what I have already seen of myself and my ex-spouse when constrained in a relationship that wasn't meeting either of our needs.
For that reason, I have no business judging anybody.
Abuse is abuse, victims need support to get out of it. Children of victims are also scarred. When people need to be continually cared for, even when friends don't show up and even when family doesn't show up and there isn't enough money to pay for as much help as is needed- someone has to get it done. The commitment to that earns respect that cannot be fully appreciated except by people who have carried similar responsibilities (which I haven't). All kinds of other stuff can be at play here. Everything is not black and white. We can all be angels and devils.
RIP Jeff. I hope each of the people who were close to him and cared about him find their own peace and acceptance, and a way back to love and forgiveness for the other people he cared about. One silver lining of all this- any party involved is free to walk away at this point. The shackles of money are lesser than the shackles of love for a person in need.
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johntp
Trad climber
Little Rock and Loving It
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Aug 28, 2018 - 03:56pm PT
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It's none of my business and I won't make it mine.
My thinking as well.
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deuce4
climber
Hobart, Australia
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Aug 28, 2018 - 06:27pm PT
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Everyone close to Jeff needs support right now. Seems like the peanut gallery (that we are all part of here) debate and opinioning on the intentions, comments, and thoughts of the people who are deeply grieving cannot be considered quality support. I sincerely hope mutual friends can, in time, help mediate the differences, and everyone can move forward. Strife after death slows the spirit from moving on.
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Delhi Dog
climber
Good Question...
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Aug 28, 2018 - 06:42pm PT
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Thoughtful post Nut...as usual-thanks.
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deuce4
climber
Hobart, Australia
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Aug 28, 2018 - 09:50pm PT
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It is possible to believe without passing judgement. Forgiveness is the hardest thing in life, and the most challenging after a loved one passes.
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Aug 29, 2018 - 05:49am PT
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it’s okay for the guy to call it out loud Except he didn’t, it was the daughter.
I read the sordid documents posted to Facebook and I just didn’t see much more than that there was some yelling, then Jeff eventually grew tired of it and left on his own. Meanwhile the daughter made a drama of it. It all sounds really messy, complicated and none of our business.
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Nick Danger
Ice climber
Arvada, CO
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Aug 29, 2018 - 06:49am PT
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My heart-felt thanks to Nut and Largo for posting their bit of wisdom. I wasn't there and therefore cannot judge what was or was not acceptable. Like Nut I too have sometimes manifested poor behavior in relationships despite best intentions and I have worked to improve on that score - we are all human and we all screw it up sometimes. Caring for others is indeed hard work.
I will choose to honor Jeff's memory with this tiny vignette: My mates and I were at the base of some ice climb in Provo Canyon in the mid-1970's when Jeff walked up and greated us (Jeff was breaking barriers on ice on a regular basis in those years and we all knew it). We chatted a bit as we tied in and racked up. We knew who Jeff was but we were just dudes no body knew. Jeff was just a totally down-to-earth dude who shared our passion for the frozen steep. He was outstandingly supportive of our efforts and genuinely friendly, then wandered off to do something spectacular (Stairway to Heaven I think it was).
Rest in Peace Jeff, you truly were The Man.
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Tamara Robbins
climber
not a climber, just related...
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Aug 30, 2018 - 06:19pm PT
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Abuse subject aside (which I'm actually unclear about.... Connie being abused by Jeff? Jeff by Connie? Connie by Sonja? Sonja by Jeff? etc....) Here are my thoughts.
I've, personally, not known mudslinging to be a common characteristic of grief over the loss of a loved one...yes, we all grieve in our own ways - but in my experience genuine sorrow isn't in concert with lashing out. Frankly, those two things have distant foundations from one other. Personal vendettas provide a different launching pad - and should be perceived with caution.
Jeff told me in his final week, that he was sorrowful that he would NEVER obtain the forgiveness of his daughter. I am sorry that Sonja felt abandoned and hurt by her father. I'm equally sorry that Jeff's last months were spent in a futile attempt to amend a relationship that he himself said could never BE amended. (much of what's been posted paints a different picture of that relationship - what I'm stating is based solely on my first hand conversations with Jeff)
While the high ground is indeed what Largo posted, in all likelihood speculation will continue. Hopefully the words I'm writing will benefit clarity rather than fuel a fire. Jeff would not want to be exempted from culpability here, he expressed many regrets to me - he owned those. We all make choices that define our lives, and have perceptions and perspectives that shape our reactions and actions. Every person has some responsibility for where they are at. (yup i accept the potential of being lambasted for that statement - via those who buy into a very first-world interpretation of the word "victim". So be it.)
My intention is not to judge, but to offer a dimensional layer to these murky waters. IMO, tip your hat or raise a glass to Jeff, send Sonja and Connie (and all the others who were close to Jeff) strength, peace, and love... and go bask in the joys of life! (or, on a lighter note, just take a swig of Fireball - "it freshens the breath and the attitude".... ) ;)
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Jan
Mountain climber
Colorado & Nepal
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Aug 30, 2018 - 06:53pm PT
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To back up Tamara, I visited Jeff twice in his final week, once with Tamara and once on my own. Jeff and I were "climbing friends" as he described me to his doctors. On the other hand, it was clear that he and Tamara had a much closer bond and that he confided in her. I personally trust what she says about the situation.
I do know that Connie kept Jeff alive at home for 8 years and saw him through many near death experiences through the close watch she kept on his many medical problems. Once she was made unwelcome, it was only a short time before Jeff was institutionalized, and a month later he was in the hospital. He left the hospital free of infection (I heard the doctors go over his lab results with him). He was looking forward to a private room which he could use as his office to finish his book. He was in a good mood and making fun of his brother Greg for being a pessimist and worrying about him too much. A week later, after he was transferred to a nursing facility to be near Sonya and Valentine, he was dead. You can draw your own conclusions about who took better care of Jeff.
The only advice I can give to the situation is that I hope all concerned, can eventually come to forgive each other and perhaps themselves, for not being perfect human beings. Clearly they all loved Jeff each in their own way.
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