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frank wyman
Mountain climber
montana
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Aug 22, 2014 - 07:14am PT
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I was eating at a restaurant when I noticed a lovely lady drop her handkerchief and walk out the door. I quickly ran over, picked it up and and ran out into the parking lot. As I politely gave it back to her I noticed it was just a used printed kleenex....
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ionlyski
Trad climber
Kalispell, Montana
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Aug 22, 2014 - 08:18am PT
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First time i ever went to eat sushi. I was well into adulthood, probably about 40 years old. My eyes lit up when the waitress brought the big side dishes of green guacamole and the nice thin salmon slices. Oh, I thought, this is right up my alley as I heaped it onto my appetizers.
Well of course the guacamole was really wasabi and the salmon was ginger and my mouth got extremely hot! Pretty embarrassing.
Arne
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gunsmoke
Mountain climber
Clackamas, Oregon
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Aug 22, 2014 - 01:02pm PT
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No way can I compete with gonamok, but in little league I did proudly steal second base ... only to realize that the bases were already loaded. There was also the time I hiked out with a group including a girl I wanted to impress to More Monkey Than Funky, only to realize that I brought everything except my climbing shoes.
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Gorgeous George
Trad climber
Los Angeles, California
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Aug 22, 2014 - 02:14pm PT
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About 2006 I bought a beautiful Andalusan potrillo, four months old. I named him Lucero because he had a white star on his forehead. Andalusans are a special breed of horse (pura Raza Espanola) known for being highly intelligent with an especially elegant trot. Mexican charros like to teach them to dance (to Banda music, of course). He learned to dance with one trainer, then later I switched to another, Roman Marquez, who had a special talent for being patient and getting the horse to relax. To teach Lucero to lift his hind feet higher, Roman would attach an ankle bracelet made of a light-weight chain right above the hoof. As a young stallion, Lucero was very skittish, and we had to be careful not to scare him lest we get trampled. He would hear the jangle and would kick with his hind feet, as if trying to dislodge the bracelet. Putting the chain on took special care, as you would have to crouch down near his hind legs and slowly affix it to his leg just above the hoof.
We figured out one way to put the chains on was to do it in the arena, with the horse on the inside of the fence, and the one attaching the chain on the outside. This way, the fence separated you from the horse and you could avoid being kicked. You still had to be super careful, so it was a highly anxious operation.
One day I was putting the chains on Lucero, but when I crouched down I felt something bite me in the butt. I jumped up trying to see if it was one of the many gophers that populated the area, but I didn’t see anything. I crouched down again, and “ijole, otra vez,” something seemed to nibble me right in my butt cheek. Roman and I looked around but didn’t see any animals. Undeterred, I crouched down again only to feel the bite one more time.
This time, when I jumped up, I heard the distinctive jingle of my spurs. I was rather embarrassed to realize that the “bite on my butt” was being caused by me sitting on my spur when I bent down to put the chains on Lucero’s hind legs.
Just goes to show, you always have to be careful that something you do doesn’t reach out and bite you in the ass when you least expect it.
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Gorgeous George
Trad climber
Los Angeles, California
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Aug 22, 2014 - 02:26pm PT
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Got another:
One year I was doing the Whittier Hills Bike Challenge, 100 kms up and over the hills several times. Hundreds of riders were participating. As I came down to Painter about six of us stopped at the light all abreast of each other, side by side, proudly balancing our bikes without taking our feet off the pedals, when a car pulled up to my right with two very attractive women in it. As they cast a glance over at us I flirtatiously said hello, then promptly fell to my left, knocking over all my fellow bikers just like a row of dominoes.
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scuffy b
climber
heading slowly NNW
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Aug 22, 2014 - 02:33pm PT
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Thanks, Matisse,
those are great, even multi-generational in a sense.
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hooblie
climber
from out where the anecdotes roam
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Aug 22, 2014 - 07:14pm PT
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(repost) winter in oilfield, wyoming ... on a workover rig: the kind where the derrick telescopes up and down to roughly 80 feet but first you have to tilt it up with a big hydraulic ram under a hell of a lot of pressure.
mid way through this operation, a hose burst and our driller was in position on the throttle alongside where this thing was about to come crashing down onto the headache rack. luckily the rupture was limited such that the impact wasn't devastating but there were several seconds of high anxiety on the part of the whole crew.
quite a bit of oil had been discharged in the form of a fine mist so everything on that side of the location was shiny. we were all assembled in a little group, knees shaking and generally decompressing from the drama when i spotted what looked like an out of place white agate gleaming in front of me.
our habit was to look for arrowheads when we had the chance, and i thought i had the drop on the other guys regarding this curious find, so i slowly removed my glove, bent over and gently plucked the specimen from the ground.
turns out one of the guys had hocked a big loogy, and there i was dancing a little jig involving a lot of hand flapping trying to get the thing off my fingers.
the whole crew found this to be quite a break in the tension and over the next few days i was taunted with offers along the lines of: "hey hooblie! ... haucck, ptuuwey"
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limpingcrab
Trad climber
the middle of CA
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Aug 22, 2014 - 08:18pm PT
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This one is still burned into my memory.
It was 11th grade and all 400 people at my small high school were packed into the gym for a class vs class dodgeball tournament. My friends and I were sitting near the exit when the bell rang and everyone started heading our way. A friend jumped from the bleachers and hung from the poles holding the basketball backboard and I jumped and swung from his legs and let go.
He wanted to try too so I hung from the backboard next, but when he went to swing from my legs my shoes fell off and he went down, taking all of my garments with him with the exception of my small t-shirt.
There I was, swinging with my arms over my head, almost kicking freshman girls in the face with my business flying in the wind in all its glory. I let go with one hand to grab my underwear from my ankles but when I pulled them up I also pulled them in half.
There I still was, swinging naked from the backboard by one hand with my waistband in the other pulled up to my stomach while the rest of my underwear remained at my knees.
By the time I got the swinging under control, let go, hit the ground and made myself decent it was a solid 5+ loooooong seconds with 400 people staring at my junk (remember, we were near the exit and everyone was filing out). I can still see all the white's of their eyes and my teachers across the gym, mouth agape.
Did I mention I was new and it was a private Menonite high school so most of the girls in there probably didn't know what that third leg swinging over the tops of their heads was?
I think I blushed again just writing that.
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