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Prezwoodz
climber
Anchorage
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Mar 10, 2011 - 01:45am PT
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jsj, I though about it for a long time once...Life gets better and its only one we have. I kept hoping things would improve and they didnt then i realized I was romantizing what I thought the other side would be. When you take that path there is no going back.
I feel like we need a climbers only hotline. This professions dangerous.
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Truthdweller
Trad climber
San Diego, CA
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Mar 10, 2011 - 03:12am PT
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"This is bordering on epidemic" - Russ Walling
Yep, I agree. Alcoholism, drug addiction, overeating, pornograpy, depression, mental illness, suicide, etc... they're only symptoms of the real problem. Dang it, I wish I could say something!
I lost a best friend from high school to suicide out on Fiesta Island here in San Diego back in 2006, and another childhood friends Mother and Father in a quadruple homicide in Chula Vista years earlier, and the same friends brother off the Coronado Bridge before that!
So, so sad...I wish I could do something for the hurt that the family must be going through.
I'm so, so sorry...
:-(
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Mar 10, 2011 - 11:16am PT
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Like Melissa said JSJ, those life truths you pointed out in the Indian Creek stories are universal but rare insights. Something to hear more of and expound on. Can only do it this side of the ground.
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Jobee
Social climber
El Portal Ca.
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Mar 10, 2011 - 12:35pm PT
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Jeff made a difference in many of our lives.
He popped into my mind just the other day, I could see him clearly, remember his voice, here his laughter, and his words. His energy for me was filled with grace.
Life matters. Living is good .., we breathe, we endure, we suffer, and we rejoice.
YOU matter Jsj ... every breath, even when it hurts.
YOU matter.
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Mar 10, 2011 - 01:01pm PT
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Us humans have a funny way of imbibing in the human condition, which I have ultimately found to be pain and suffering. It's those precious moments in between this condition that make life so worth turning the page for.
A few years ago, I was as sick as anybody could imagine. Literally, it was living one moment at a time--I couldn't possibly think of what it would be like to feel whole again, to be able to stand up and walk across the room. To relish the taste of a good beer, some fresh veggies, or even just to enjoy the sun hitting my face. Moment to moment, I had to convince myself that there was something that would come to me later that would make it worth traveling through the 'human condidition' that I was experiencing.
I ran into Jeff at 5 & Dime, always seemed to be cruising on the edge of a breaking wave, and always seemed to be cheerful with a pretty gal by his side. It spun me when a couple of weeks later I heard the sad news.
We all go through them dark moments. The world collapsing around us as we look through our peep-holes. The boat rolling, capsizing. The will to pull through, to know that Winter turns to Spring, to Summer. We have friends. We will drink a fresh glass of pure water. We will know happiness again.
Trust yourself to that, one foot goes in front of the other, even if only in spirit. One day, you'll know what it's like to shift your weight onto that forward foot, and it feels good again.
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stilltrying
Trad climber
washington indiana
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Mar 10, 2011 - 02:17pm PT
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Well said K-man. I have to battle depression a lot and like you said it is the good times in between that make it worthwhile. This time last year I had just met you in El Potrero and that trip with Scott made all the aches and pains worth it. I was super impressed with your climbing and outlook on life as well as your ability to knock off a fair quantity of tequila in the evening and climb hard the next morning :) Fighting illness myself has given me an appreciation for what others like yourself have overcome to keep on going. Climb On.\
Mike T
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crøtch
climber
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Mar 10, 2011 - 06:26pm PT
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JSJ - Your stories have inspired me for years. Please stick around and please go talk to a professional. Don't succumb to the darkness.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Mar 11, 2011 - 12:39am PT
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I add to the thoughts here....don't know if I know you jsj, but that doesn't matter at all. You are a bro with us here on the planet.
So tonight, step outside and consider the stars. Get comfortable with the breeze in your face and the faint illumne of the moonlight. It's for you.
Feel your face. Make your mouth smile and trace it with your fingers. Find a grassy hill and roll down it. Skin touching earth. Wet grass, dark night. You are alive.
Get sweet comfort from getting to know who you are. A special, special person. There won't be another you....or me....or anyone that has posted here.
I know how the dark hole can appear in front of you out of nowhere and begin to swallow your heart, body and brain. Someone else said the same. But IT WILL PASS. A new day will dawn for each of us to nourish us and give us new opportunities, loves, joys, peace and a will to endure.
Give it a moment. We all here really love you. You could call or e-mail any of us Anytime and we will be there for you. You are special and you are indeed, loved. Peace, lynne
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stilltrying
Trad climber
washington indiana
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Mar 15, 2011 - 05:21pm PT
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Wow LL, that was a fantastic post :)
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Mar 15, 2011 - 09:26pm PT
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Lynne, that is so wonderfully inspiring. It worked for me!! Thx...
Mike, nice to hear from ya. Yes.
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 4, 2011 - 05:22pm PT
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Five years ago today...
I hope you are in a good place, Jeff - I miss you!
To anyone who is genuinely feeling suicidal, or is on a downward spiral, you need to know that is indeed possible to "snap out of it" either as a gradual process, or literally overnight as was the case with me. I had thoughts of suicide going back as far as 14 years old, and always kept it to myself. Never took meds (other than coffee, which works wonders for depression).
Five months before Jeff threw himself under the rear wheels of a truck, I posted this:
http://www.supertopo.com/climbers-forum/117438/Photo-report-The-Golden-Gate-Bridge-is-awesome
It was one of a few walks out on the bridge I made when I was feeling really low. It was around this point I actually shared my feelings and thoughts with 2 or 3 of my closest friends for the first time. One friend suggested that perhaps jumping was the best thing, all things considered. That really struck a chord with me, because I was so sick of being miserable. I realized that words and moral support can only do so much.
Then on May 4th, 2006 I got the news of Jeff. Somehow I snapped out of it. I'm not even sure how. Although I still have normal ups and downs like everyone else, I have not contemplated suicide since. I think it was sheer willpower. I wish I had some secret to share but don't. All I can say is hang in there if you're feeling depressed or hopeless, it CAN get better and it WILL.
I would like to add that I would choose suicidal depression over heartache any day of the week; the former is easy enough to "fix". ;-) But remember that at least 2 GG Bridge jump survivors are on record stating that they regretted jumping the moment their hands left the rail...
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all in jim
climber
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Rest in peace, Jeff. You are missed and remembered, every day.
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 4, 2012 - 10:16pm PT
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Six years ago today...
Miss you, Jeff!
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Loomis
climber
Peklo Vole!
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I miss this man, so full of life energy.
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all in jim
climber
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Hey Jeff you are always remembered and loved.
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wayne w
Trad climber
the nw
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R.I.P Jeff. Miss you, and your infectious enthusiasm.
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nature
climber
CO
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wow.... six years.
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teamwhipper
climber
Bay Area, CA
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Nov 27, 2013 - 01:56pm PT
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Happy 55th birthday, Jefe.
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