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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Topic Author's Original Post - May 4, 2006 - 11:12pm PT
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I just got word through a mutual friend that Jeff Schoen took his life this morning.
© Photo by Greg Epperson (hotlinked from climbing.com)
Jeff was one my favorite partners. I would pick him up in Berkeley and we
would drive to Sonora––but not before stopping at Peet's for a cup of coffee.
The hours in the car always went by in a flash.
Jeff was as real and genuine as they come, and a lot of fun to be around.
I miss him already.
I learned just yesterday that he was having a hard time. I was planning on calling him...
Take care, wherever you are.
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Aww man..........sad, sad news.
No more can I say.
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Jerry Dodrill
climber
Bodega, CA
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Jeff was a friend of so many friends. A loss for us all. Peace be with him.
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WBraun
climber
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Why? What problems did he have to cause this reaction?
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todd-gordon
climber
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I am very sorry to hear this. I haven't seen Jeff in years, but was always impressed with his strength, talent, and motivation; a brother in the climbing communtiy. May he now find peace.
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Russ Walling
Social climber
Same place as you, man...... (WB)
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wow... yet another one. This is bordering on epidemic. He has some good company wherever he is going.
Jeff was cool beans man. Once again, I'm sorry our loss and condolences to his family and friends.
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nature
climber
Flagstaff, AZ
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This is very sad news. My condolences to Jeff's family.
rest in peace my friend.
Doug
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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This is a loss for a lot of folks. Peace for them and Jeff too.
Even the strong are weak
peace
Karl
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jim thornburg
climber
el cerrito, ca
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My phone used to ring, and before I could say hello Jeffs voice would come across. He always started the conversation in the middle of a sentence, and I would be irritated, having to figure out what the f*#k he was talking about. Jeff was A-D-D I guess, and usually by the time I figured out what he was talking about, he had jumped to a new subject. It was always interesting though, and after a minute or two I would get the hang of what was basically a higher form of communication, and I'd let my mind jump around with his and we would f*#king JAM. It was amazing what an observant person he was, and I could bring up some obscure neurotic thought of my own, and he would have some ready insight that I didn't expect, and if you paid close attention, you'd realize that Jeff was always just a minute up ahead in the future of the conversation.
Jeff has been a big part of my life for the last ten years, and it's been awful to see him in so much pain for the last few months. I hope he found peace and I hope he's here, and can feel how much I love him.
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Crimpergirl
Sport climber
St. Louis
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Great sadness for all.
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can't say
Social climber
Pasadena CA
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Very sad indeed. I hope he has found the peace that seemed to have eluded him in life. My sympathies go out to his friends and family.
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golsen
Social climber
kennewick, wa
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Damn. I did not know him but my condolences to his friends and family.
Riley, what you said. I would be very interested in hearing what you have to say in some attempt in a different thread to possibly increase peoples understanding about such tragedies...
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addiroid
Big Wall climber
Long Beach, CA
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I am sorry to hear he is gone. But glad he's not forgotten. I remember seeing that Climbing mag cover. Awesome shot. I didn't know him, but I wish him peace!
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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Wow....I'm so sad...and shocked. And, Deb, I'm so very, very sorry for you.
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poop*ghost
Trad climber
Denver, CO
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I don't even know what to say, but my heart goes out to those who love and miss him. He was always so friendly and inspiring.
I can remember sitting across the fire from him on many nights up in T-M.
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JuanDeFuca
Big Wall climber
Stoney Point
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Sad to hear this news.
I have not really looked at climbing magazine for 20 years. Why was he on the cover for that particular issue?
Jeff
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 5, 2006 - 01:20pm PT
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Perhaps you could contact whoever the photo-editor was at that time and ask.
Here's a bit more info on the cover-photo––from the page I swiped it from:
http://www.climbing.com/photo-video/gallery/90s/index59.html
Also, I hope Greg Epperson doesn't mind that I posted it here.
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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I think it was on the cover because it was one of the most beautiful climbing shots ever. I saw an old copy of that magazine sitting around earlier this year and gave it to a friend because she thought that picture...and Jeff...were so nice to look at.
Jeff said that he and some friends we helping Greg out by being his models in exchange for, IIRC, cheeseburgers. He said he had so much fun when they took those picutres, and that they always liked working with Greg because he was so great to be around always knew were to get the really good eats afterward. There is probably more to the story, but that is the (very nice, IMO) part that he shared with me.
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klinefelter
Boulder climber
Bishop, CA
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Can anyone provide more information? I'm having trouble getting in touch with family, and would like some sort of confirmation.
What kind of pain was he in? Was he going through a seperation?
Jeff was a big brother, my first real climbing partner, and a good friend. I hope there's some mistake.
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shortguy
Gym climber
berkeley
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www.dailycal.org
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JNB
Big Wall climber
Northridge
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It sounds like it could have been an accident?
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Matt
Trad climber
places you shouldn't talk about in polite company
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just tragic.
thoughts to all who are/were particularly close w/ jeff.
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Deb Wolfe
climber
Durtongne
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Here's one from the archives. Jeff is responding to the hypothetical question of whether a manly man such as Jeff Schoen would be caught climbing in a thong. Whether you knew him or not, you'll catch a glimmer of what he was like.
***
QUOTING JEFF SCHOEN FROM
Original Thread
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.climbing/browse_frm/thread/759d08d945bd0d7b/bcc84795e06ad198#bcc84795e06ad198
"Not to be out done by CG in terms of boldness, I’ll happily list my undergarment assortment at the present.
1) A few pairs of tie died jockeys. I buy these on Telegraph Ave. Berkeley.
2) Countless pairs of Costco select euro trash briefs, not a white one in there.
3) Eddie Bauer, look like boxers, fit like jockeys. Recommended.
4) One pair of torn silk boxers with X and O that were given to me. Should these be chucked?
The need to match underwear color to torn out trousers is a regular concern in consideration of my belayers. The last pair of TW went out with the white painter pants of the 70’s era.
Jeff Schoen"
***
Last week Jeff and I went frolicking at the hot springs. When Jeff stripped down, I noticed that he had his underwear (see type 2) on inside out. And I said,
--hey honey, hard week?
In fact, it had been one of many hard weeks for Jeff. But that's the thing. What would have been a potential warning sign in someone else, seemed like a regular act of rebellion. And that his thousand watt smile, the one that could spark a fire in the tinder of regular old convention, would never possibly burn out.
peace,
Deb Wolfe
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pud
climber
Sportbikeville
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The copy of climber with Jeff on the cover greeted me every morning for what seemed like years in a pile of climbing rags hanging around my home. that one always stood out.
It seems more people than ever are losing hope these days.
From reading what others that knew him have written, it sounds as if he was a positive force in this life.
I hope he has found his peace.
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jim thornburg
climber
el cerrito, ca
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Jeff in his element, Sardinia, '01
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klinefelter
Boulder climber
Bishop, CA
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Now I'm really confused.
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 5, 2006 - 10:34pm PT
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Who isn't?
When I first met Jeff at Mission Cliffs in SF, I was thinking, who's the pretty-boy
rock-star strutting around with no shirt? But then again, I was strutting a bit myself...
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spidey
Trad climber
Berkeley/El Cerrito
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I met Jeff during a trip to red rocks a few years back, and ran into him often at ironworks and climbing outside after that. I always loved that cover shot with him cranking that thin crack and nuts sticking out of his mouth. I didn't know him well, but he always struck me as a good, genuine, gentle soul, a fun guy to be around, and a very strong/talented climber. I remember a few months ago, I was out climbing in sonora and he and Deb pulled up in their sporty little supra or whatever, Jeff driving like a bat out of hell, screeching to a sliding halt and jumping out all jazzed to go climbing...I'm sure he will be missed by a LOT of people. My condolences to Deb and all Jeff's friends and family. Allen
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shipoopoi
Big Wall climber
oakland
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jeff was one of my dearest friends in the world. he was also extremely close to my wife. we are just reeling right now from the loss of this beautiful person. jeff was a groomsman at my wedding, and i was a groomsmen at his wedding three and a half years ago. we climbed el capitan together six times. the first one was excalibur, where he put an awesome contribution in, making the first free ascent of three 5.12 pitches en route to a 75% free climbing effort. on the first bivy, his first big wall bivy ever, i told him he had to take the most exposed position in the portaledge out on the face. he was like "ok, here i go, i'm going to do it, do i really have to do it?" just talking aloud and psyching himself up for it.
on zenyatta mondatta, when heather and i were getting really thirsty, he produced the miracle last liter of water that got us to the top, refusing any himself in true hardingesque fashion.
on the West buttress, we broke the speed record on the climb(since busted by another fast blonde).
a month ago heather and i took him up to yosemite to try to help him out with his depression. his mood was really dark, even though he was hucking laps on red zinger. everyday life in the city was getting the best of him, and we talked for hours about life, family, and work. although he was depressed, i had no idea he was suicidal. it just seems unbelievable that someone that good looking, who climbed that well, who was loved by so many, could be in that much pain.
last night, after hearing of jeff's death, he came to me in a dream. in the end we were outside, and i asked him, "jeff, what's up, did you kill yourself?". he couldn't make eye contact, keeping his gaze to the ground. He said, "Yeah, man, i did, and i'm really sorry." when i woke up i realized that he didn't mean to hurt any of us, he just had to do what he did, he was hurting that bad. jeff, heather and i send all our love your way, we'll never ever forget you. Shipoopoi
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briand
Trad climber
bay area
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Very sad to hear this. I don't even know what to say.
Met Jeff and Deb few years ago and really enjoyed climbing and hanging out with them. Jeff was very genuine and full of life.
Talked to him a few weeks ago and could tell he was stressed but didn't realize things were so low. If only....
I'm very sorry Deb. Our thoughts are with you.
Papa Bear & Family
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Gene
climber
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Radical,
Thank you.
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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My condolences to all who were close.
I will say that I am pleased to know that Jeff had many fine days under the sun. I remember the brothers from long ago; I have been inspired by Jeff's longevity as a climber.
Thank you Jim, Steve, et al, for your words which glimpse some of his sweeter living moments.
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jim thornburg
climber
el cerrito, ca
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Radical's post is very appropriate to this situation. I was blessed to be able to talk to Jeff for two hours a week ago. He was in such a negative tailspin. I probably said a dozen times "Jeff, all these thoughts are being caused by chemicals in your brain". But he couldn't hear that. Jeff was still trying to deal with so many stressful things, and he didn't feel like he could get away from them. He was dabbling with some meds but complaining that they made him feel worse in some ways. The illness Jeff was afflicted with was very powerful, and I got the feeling he was fighting as hard as he could. I'm not sure anybody or any community could have done anything that would have saved him. I've seen this happen twice now, and I tried hard both times, but of course I wish now I had tried harder.
Even in his torture, Jeff said some amazingly sweet things, both to me personally, and also about many of you.
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kevin Fosburg
Sport climber
park city,ut
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My sincere condolences to Jeff's loved ones.
I always liked running into Jeff at the crag. The last time was a few years ago in Maple. He had so much genuine enthusiasm and boyish lack of guile. I'm sad to learn that he was also in so much pain.
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Thomas
Trad climber
The Tilted World
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What did Jeff do for a living?
The Shambhala path is very powerful. I am sad to hear that Jeff still chose the way he did.
Very few Climbing magazine covers have stuck in my brain, but this was certainly one of them.
Radical, thank you very much for your post. I will be eagerly awaiting your thread on this topic. More of us could use it than one might think.
Peace to all....
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Jobee
Social climber
El Portal
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It is difficult to comprehend this loss. My condolences to Jeffs family, friends, loved ones, and to all of the the climbing community.
My love and heart goes out to you Jeff, you will be long remembered. Your radiant smile already lights the way.
The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone and is therefore absolutely and irretrievably lost. -schopenhauer
My mind keeps screaming NOOOOOOO!
Jo Whitford
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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thomas,
aside from the fairly well tutored concepts radical will likely and thankfully broach, check out the "because we hate ourselves" thread: it's relevant and cooking right along.
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mike griffith
Social climber
santa cruz
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you never really know how much you miss someone until he is gone. The loss of Jeff saddens me deeply - more so than I expected. He had such a good heart and was genuinely a nice person to the core. I liked him from the moment I met him.
About 15 years ago we played poker for the first time and I didn't really know him very well. He had a round about way of speaking that made me think he would be easy pickings. As we played his speaking became more round about and my money pile became less and less. Towards the end of the night it became clear to me that I was the one that was 'easy pickens.' Jeff took me for a ride that night and Ilearned a valuable lesson - never judge a book by it's cover. From then on I always respected Jeff and enjoyed our poker games very much.
I will miss you Jeff
Mike Griffith
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X-ray girl
climber
Oakland, CA
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This is such a sad situation. My heart goes out to Jeff. I think he tried in his own way to reach out and get help, but help didn't reach him in time. This has taught me a powerful lesson. That is to really listen to people and have the courage and stamina to stick close to those we love, even when the road gets really tough and treacherous. We all get so caught up in our own stuff that sometimes we can't see when someone we love is in real pain. Not the kind of pain that comes with a broken leg, but the kind of pain that is deep and dark and often too hard for us to take. Jeff was kind and fun and wild at heart and full of climbing spirit and pride. Those of us that know him loved these things about him and I think he will be remembered this way. I'm just so very very sorry that he was hurting that bad. I hope he is at peace and if we really have souls and they really go somewhere when we die I hope he can see all the love that is coming forth in this forum in his honor and I hope it makes him smile. Missing his presence, Heather Cross
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Maysho
climber
Truckee, CA
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This is so so sad. I have many memories of Jeff over many years; frolicking in Tuolumne, hanging out in the gym, helping out so much with the bandaloopers, and enjoying the after show celebrations, swimming the Muir Gorge and always climbing so well. The last time I saw him was at Donner Summit. I had just come through my own hard time with bad mental chemistry and had become alienated from the community of which Jeff was such a core member. Without hesitation, Jeff and Deb came over to me with big hugs and genuine love and caring which I will always value and remember. My heart goes out to Deb and Eric and all the rest of us who have lost such a sweet friend.
Peter Mayfield
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AndyO
Social climber
Brooklyn, NY
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Schneider called me yesterday with the news... So sad... Jeff was a great person, someone who I loved running into when I come home for a visit. Such a loss. My heart goes out to Deb and the rest of his family, as well as all of you that are in Berkeley and closer to the loss than I.
I knew Jeff since I was 13 or so, through City Rock. He used to invite me to parties at his house when I was in high school, and I'd get drunk with people who were twice my age in some cases. Of course, we climbed together quite a bit, especially in Yosemite and Sonora. Jeff was always a ton of fun to be around.
He will be missed.
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mara y.
climber
CA
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I started writing a terribly long and person note, but I've shared these thoughts with Deb and I hope talking with me helped a little bit.
I loved Jeff almost from the day we met back at City Rock in 1990 and will carry him in my heart till the day I die.
He was always there for me and I tried my best to be there for him.
I hope he is finally at peace with himself and can look down and see how much he was he was loved, valued and respected for the person he was- Mara
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Amelia Rudolph
Trad climber
Kensington
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Jeff first charmed me with his easy warmth, that smile, his sparkling, slightly mishevious eyes and idiosyncratic style back in 1993. His smashing craggy good looks did not go unnoticed either. But, it was, and still is his warm spirit, underneath his sadness and his sudden exit from the world of the living that I am holding onto. His warmth, oddness, strength, smile, insights, persistance and team spirit are some of the things that made him one of my closest friends. In the summer of 2001 when he was courtin' Deb, they both joined me and Project Bandaloop in the back country as part of the team. He had to leave us at one point to do something in town, but, showed up a couple of days later having walked 21 miles in that morning to find us and he was carrying fresh croissants, morning buns and gourmet grade Petes coffee. Now thats our Jeff.
Jeff contributed to several Bandaloop performances over the last 15 years and many good times in and out of the city. I miss him very very much. May you be working the Loft in the afterworld my dear.
Amelia
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chossman
climber
lone pine, ca
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Tears do nothing to express this loss. Shipoopi and Heather would stay at my house and Jeff used to be tagging along. Pretty soon he didn't need the Schneider's to stay the night, he was always welcomed. I can still here the way he would talk - quick bursts of words followed by long drawn out sylables. He gave so much to everyone around him. Truly a loving, intelligent and witty man. I wish he could see this thread. He wouldn't have done it.
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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I met Jeff once at the Leap on a climb which he was taking someone up... pretty easy for him. He was having a lot of fun on it, always nice to meet someone so at home climbing. He asked to pass and we said sure. I had always read about his ability and his closeness in age to me was an inspiration.
This is sorrowful news, my heart felt condolences to his family and friends.
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jim thornburg
climber
el cerrito, ca
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It was good seeing all of you last night. Some one brought up this route that Jeff did the FA of. It is such a classic. I think Amelia and Heather and Deb helped him with the FA. It's on Phobos Deimos, and it's two or three pitches depending on how you want to do it. In the photo Jeff is setting up for the crux dyno on the last move of the last pitch. I think he rated it .12c or d (and I would guess thats a bit of a sandbag)
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Fluoride
Trad climber
on a rock or mountain out west
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Condolences to all who knew and loved him.
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Mike P
Mountain climber
Berkeley, CA
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I'm here for my friend Jim Thornburg; before today I'd never been to this website. I just heard the news. Jimi, Shipoopi, Peter, Amelia, Heather C, family and friends I've not met, and most of all, Deb: my thoughts are with you.
My photos don't compare to Jimi's, but this is all I got: In December 1999 I bought a house and as part of the deal we had to have some old asbestos abated from the basement. So we called a firm that does this and some guys came out and whaled away on the framing getting it done. I made the mistake of telling Jeff and his then-girlfriend Jennifer (who was an environmental engineer) that I was having this done, and they insisted on coming over and hanging out on the sidewalk the whole day just to keep me company. The whole day. It was too loud to be in the house, so we just sat on the curb all day, following the sun, chatting, Jennifer keeping a watchful eye on the crew in the house and Jeff keeping things chill. It was a stressful period for me, there was a lot going on, this asbestos thing was feeling like it might be the straw on the camel's back... and they pretty much made it possible to get through that little episode, made it seem not so bad. I bought the burritos for lunch, but beyond that Jeff wouldn't accept any payment. Here he is, all the bags in the van, the welcome end to a hard day.
Thanks again, Jeff.
Mike Papciak
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chez
Social climber
chicago ill
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I only ran into Jeff a few times. Once in the early 90's in the Owen's Valley Gorge Putting up a route by the powerhouse, with a framing hammer duct taped to a cord on his harness.
The other time was earlier this year or late last year at the Stellar Brew in Mammoth Lakes, he was haulling a big trailer with what appeared to be all his belongings with a BMW or a Mercedes! What a crack-up.
Another sad loss indeed.
Bill McChesney
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X-ray girl
climber
Oakland, CA
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It warms my heart, in this sad time to see all the support we are all giving to Jeff and his family and to each other. Sometimes it takes something like this to show us how truly beautiful our little community of climbers really are. We are the brave and the fearless and we are wrought with pain and dark secrets. We love, we cry, we scream and we laugh. Reffrey, if you can hear us WE LOVE YOU!!!! Thanks folks, and keep it coming. Heather C.
PS Awesome pictures Mike P. and Jimi T.
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 9, 2006 - 03:34pm PT
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I hadn't seen or talked to Jeff since last year, when I saw him and Deb at Ironworks.
I remember thinking how happy and relaxed they looked together.
While I didn't know Jeff for as long––or as well as many of you,
being around Jeff was always a good experience. For a while we climbed at The House™.
I would drive my Hyundai Excel over to pick him up. Jeff was never ready to go.
While this might have annoyed me if it was anyone else, whenever I went climbing
with Jeff I just went into a very relaxed state of mind. I think Jeff liked that about me too.
He told me about a certain "Drill Sergeant" who was all-business, and rush rush rush.
He told me he really liked climbing with me because I was so laid-back about departing.
I mean, as far as I was concerned, there was no way in hell we were going
without the obligatory stop at the Peets up by the Claremont!
Jeff had so many funny and entertaining stories about many climbing personalities.
Then there was "The Warden" who reined-supreme over his minions and sub-men.
Knowing that Jeff had a thing for fast cars, I assured him that the same model car
that I drove had been clocked by the CHP at 105 MPH (Rodney King).
He also appreciated that I had a radar detector––which saved us at least twice,
and we talked at length about the merits of various models. I told him he should
shItcan the cordless one and get the one I had, since I had very obsessively researched
the best one to get––and learned that the best corded models had better reception.
Later, when the Hyundai "blew up" mid-span on the Golden Gate Bridge, I was stuck
riding a motorcycle for a while. So I would ride over to Jeff's place, and I would
dump all my riding stuff in his basement while he got ready. One time we took his Supra.
I noticed the sticky racing tires right away. I said:
"Hey Jeff, aren't those autocross tires?"
He really lit up and a very geeky conversation ensued, which probably would have
bored the fuçk out of anyone else. I remember saying "Holy shIt, those tires have
a tread-wear rating of 160!" I told him of how I had similarly rated tires on my
1979 Mazda RX7, and how I used to blaze on Highway 1 and Mt Tam like a bat out of hell.
He absolutely loved my most memorable story involving the RX 7. Hopefully
anyone who had a wild ride with Jeff will enjoy it too...
------------------------------
I was driving a friend from Mill Valley to the Steep Ravine hot-spring at 7:30 am.
I had just gotten the tires recently and was still breaking them in. The RX 7 was
a great car, and a '79 Car & Driver review had described it as having "tail-happy tendencies".
What this meant is that the rear wheels would easily break loose in a turn, but it was very
gradual and controllable; just back off the accelerator a tad and she straightened out nicely.
The rotary engine just loved to be operated right at the redline of 7000 RPM,
and the sound was awesome. So we're ripping over the hill with screaming engine
and scuffing tires (they didn't squeal––they made a scuffing sound when they slid out).
Right past the Slide Ranch, we came sliding around a corner where the giant land-fill area begins.
I was startled to see a CHP motorcycle cop standing on the far side motioning me to stop.
I about shat my pants. I'm thinking: "This is it; I'm going to jail"...
The cop leaned over to me and asked:
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Without thinking or hesitating, I blurted out with a straight face:
"Just testing the adhesion limits of the new tires, sir..."
Totally deadpan, and without showing any reaction whatsoever, he said:
"Do you want to end up over the side of the cliff?"
With genuine remorse, I replied:
"No, so I should probably slow it down a bit"...
He gave me a hard look and said:
"Yes, I think so"...
-and let me drive away.
----------------------------------
The last week has been surreal. I went to see The Bridge at the SF Film Festival
on Monday. I was still reeling from that when I talked to Jimi about Jeff on Wed.
I really wanted to talk to Jeff, but I had no way of knowing that I had less than 24
hours to do so. I have mixed feelings about this, because on one hand I was worried
about him and missed any chance I might have had to try to help him, especially since
my perspective is different than most (that's as far as I'll get into it here).
But on the other hand, all of my memories of Jeff are from happier times.
It's weird––Sunday was the worst day by far for me, sort of a delayed reaction.
I was over in Berkeley yesterday with one of Jeff's oldest friends, who was working
2 blocks away from where Jeff was found. He said by pure coincidence, Jeff appeared
two weeks ago at the Buddhist Center where he was working. Greg came out and
said: "Hey, you need a hard-hat to be here"... Jeff didn't recognize him at first,
but then gave him a big hug, and told him how happy he was to see him, and how he was
glad to have him as a friend. He had no clue whatsoever of what was to come.
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klinefelter
Boulder climber
Bishop, CA
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I've been waiting for good Jeffery driving story.
Jeff used to race (Indy cars or something) when he was in his twenties, and was a master driver. When I was a kid, maybe 19 or so, I remember the first time I rode with Jeffery down Tioga Pass Road in his old Dodge Colt (he'd buy the cheapest car he could that he knew would perform, and slap the most expensive race tires on it). Imagine now, riding down that treacherous grade doing 90, sliding every corner. Jeffery was always completely relaxed and in control, and I never made a peep. I saw it as a challenge, and I know he was trying to get a rise outta me, but I've never felt safer as a passenger - Jeff could stop on a dime, and perform absolute magic behind the wheel. He was a natural.
OK, occasionally I came close to shitting my panties, but I kept it to myself. I looked up that guy like nobody else, and always looked forward to a fun ride.
I have some slides getting scanned that I will share soon.
Peace.
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QX
Trad climber
Oakland
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May 10, 2006 - 02:42am PT
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Jeff was a close friend of a close friend. From the times I've talked with him, genuine and considerate are what sticks out in my mind when I think about Jeff. He spoke with you as an old friend would. This rock-star treated me as a peer when asking about my climbing, even though he knew that the hardest I'd ever led was
in the single digits, and my trad days were sooo long ago. And he always looked out for people. I remember him running after us to make sure we were awake enough to climb, make sure we had the right gear on us.
One summer at Banff, '98 maybe, we drove by a gear shop where they were displaying in the window a big painting of the Climbing cover shot of Jeff. Three of us were excitedly whooping it up, and Jeff just looked at it with a sideways glance and grin, and said quietly, "Oh yeah...", in recognition. Down-to-Earth, that's Jeff...
My deepest condolences to his wife, Deb, and his family. Also to Steve and Heather, Amelia, Jim, Jennifer, and all the others who've lost a dear friend, I'm so sorry. You've been in my thoughts since I heard the very sad news last night. -Chaincy
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Yorock1
Boulder climber
El Portal, Ca.
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May 10, 2006 - 11:00am PT
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Damn What Tragic News! I never knew it was that Bad Bro.
We talked and I knew the house was causing problems but never did I think it would come to this. Jeff was a great Friend. I met him in the 89 or 90. Back in the Day Show-Nuff And I would meet up @ jailhouse in the early days, Climbing till it was to hot and greasy to hold on. I remember Waiting for him and as he was dropping in to the curves I could hear his tires screeching. He latter let me know that the drivers side tire s don’t last that long. I remember the trip that he and I took with Eppi to the Needles, what a killer trip. It was cool. When Cityrock had the pumpkin pump he insisted I stay with him and we had so much fun eating Indian food and drinking beer. One of My Favorite Climbing Days was in 1992 with Heather, Jeff and I in Tuolumne, It was late in the fall and We Climbed and goofed off all day and than We all bivied in the Tm Rescue Site. As My Family Grew I got out climbing less and less, but Jeff was still a bro, Stopping by to visit on his way in and out of Yosemite. In the past year we did talk often but hadn’t managed to get together as often. Jeffe you will be missed. Peace Bro. Deb if you need anything @ all, anything!
Mark Deger El portal, Ca
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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May 11, 2006 - 02:57am PT
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Often the most sensitive are the first to go.
We should be so lucky they are here at all.
I'd love to hear more tales of his right good living.
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patagonia gal
Big Wall climber
oakland, CA
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May 11, 2006 - 05:31pm PT
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I first met Jeff in the early 90s, that fateful day Amelia, Jeff and I hung out in one of those beautiful meadows in Yosemite Valley. I remember lying in a tall field of grass and wild flowers laughing and playing as if it were yesterday. At the time I was just beginning to date my now (for ten years) husband Steve. I recall Jeff was also just meeting Steve at that time and was very smitten and respectful around him. That was 15 years ago and since then Jeff, I’d say, has accompanied Steve and I on around 60% of our
Adventures. Somehow (luckily) he was always there.
Jeff had a great style, especially his sense for fashion. My favorite part were his combinations…you know the tight sweat pants with the unevenly buttoned, silk, tye-died shirt ( Jeff loved silk) accompanied by the ever expanding quiver of Birkenstocks, from the roman wrap around version to the tightly woven slip on’s, Jeff had sandal for all occasions, even the special ones, although that might be due to the fact that my husband borrowed Jeffs “best dress” shoes and never returned them.
I actually got to both see and talk to Jeffe a lot in the past few months. Upon my return from Patagonia, on Feb 4th, I noticed a tremendous change in Jeff. Steve and I recently took Jeff to the valley to try to help, he was distraught. I tried to tell him it would be ok, that things were going to get better… I reminded him of summer…but it didn’t help. I realized then that the problem was too big for me to handle. It was at this point that I failed, for I should have contacted his wife Deb or his family, but I didn’t…
I didn’t want to get in the way.
Jeff could get depressed sometimes, but in the end, he was always just jeffe again…but this time was different.
Jeffe was one of my best friends. He was always there for me. I’ll never forget his warm smile, mischievous sense of humor, and his enormous heart that touched everyone he met. He was my comrade, my confidant, my friend, and family. If one were to ask me what was most important to Jeff? I would reply: Being a great husband, Being a dedicated and observant son and brother and being a loyal and honorable friend. I now know my (our) lives will never be the same without Jeff. For me there is defiantly a huge void. If I could just stop crying, I might be able to begin to scream. I miss you Jefferoo. May your spirit rest gently. Siempre, tu es mi amor. Heather Baer.
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'Pass the Pitons' Pete
Big Wall climber
like Oakville, Ontario, Canada, eh?
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May 11, 2006 - 05:33pm PT
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I'm really sorry to hear of your loss, Dave. Why is it always too late when we hear about this?
Answer: You have to live every day as though it were your last.
This means we have to value those whom we love, and make the effort to keep in touch with them. Because after we're dead and gone, it's not about how much money we made, it's not about how much stuff we had, it's sure not about what rocks we climbed!
What you remember about someone is your love for them.
I just spent a week paddling, portaging and fishing with my dad. He's 81 this year, and he "carried his age" at least half a mile along one portage, before I ran back to "rescue" him. While his health is perfect, he could be dead tomorrow.
So I try to make the most out of every opportunity.
If there is someone whom you love, and haven't spoken to in a while, maybe today is a good day?
In Him,
PTL and PTP Pete
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klinefelter
Boulder climber
Bishop, CA
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May 11, 2006 - 06:18pm PT
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Well, a couple shots from back in the day, circa 1987 or so. Jeff had just bought a new glider and we went up to the Whites to test fly the puppy.
Notice the funky cords, with button missing on the fly. Also note the cloud street lining up along the range - a fine day for soaring. Jeff was an expert pilot in the day, logging many flights in excess of 100 miles.
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tarek
climber
berkeley
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May 12, 2006 - 04:35pm PT
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I didn’t know Jeff well, but he made an impression on me. In retrospect, my take on Jeff was off-base, and so his exit has shaken me up more than might otherwise be the case. Once, after I’d bugged him, he came over to train on a woody I had. He sat at the bottom of the wall twisting his neck sideways to scope out a line. After a while he lay back on the cushions. There was this patter about motivation and what he should do. Drawn-out “yeahs” and “I dunnos” probably meant a lot more than I knew. After 20 minutes or so, Jeff clearly wasn’t going to train. We chatted out on the street for a bit and he left. The incident made only a good impression because I admired that he did what he wanted to do and I took him as just a laid back California dude.
Several years later, we climbed at Sugarloaf for a day. On the way up I asked about the Climbing Magazine cover photo. Jeff said he had to dig pretty deep for the flash, that he’d wanted the photo to be untainted by hanging. He bent the curves on Highway 50. I was a bit gripped, but he clearly knew what he was doing. A week or so later, he called me from the east side. A tenant in a building Jeff managed in Berkeley had reported a leaky roof. “It’s the roof drain,” he explained, “could you go over there and unplug it?” He went on to say that he didn’t want his girlfriend to do it because the ladder reached well short of the parapet wall and you had do make “a move” from the last rung, using the corner of the building for balance. On the way to Sugarloaf, he’d mentioned that he was happy to have his cell phone so that he could deal with these issues from the crags and keep climbing. Looking back now though, given the way he boosted back to town even after I’d unplugged the drain, I figure he took things pretty seriously.
A few months ago, I ran into Jeff at the gym. He seemed overwhelmed by the work that needed doing on a house he’d bought. I went by there a few days later and he presented the job with a layer of complexity and projected difficulty that was alarming to me, but I just assumed that he’d California-dude himself through it and be out there in a hot tub in a year or so. Thinking that you could have done something more to help can be a self-centered exercise, and I wasn’t around Jeff enough to have those thoughts anyway. But it’s still sobering to realize what I missed.
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klinefelter
Boulder climber
Bishop, CA
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May 12, 2006 - 07:33pm PT
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Sometime in the late 80's, I was on the chase crew for a group of pilots during The World Hang Gliding Championship in the Owens Valley. Jeff and my brother Kevin were part of our team, and I was blazing up highway 6 towards Nevada to stay ahead of the them, when I got a distressed call from another pilot, Kari Castle. She was near White Mountain Peak when got hit hard by some gnarley air. Her glider crumpled up and she was plumeting down, but managed to successfully throw her chute. She called out on the radio while she and her glider tumbled towards the mountains under a tiny reserve chute - not a good situation, but she managed to relay her location.
Our team heard the call and located her near Barcroft Peak. I flipped the truck around and headed up Silver Canyon for a hastely planned self-rescue, while three pilots in the area made incredibly risky landings on the 13,000 foot summit to assist in the rescue. Landing a hang glider on top of the Whites in the middle of summer would be like soloing greasy 5.11.
Jeff, as you might have figured, was one of them - probably thinking this was his chance to be Prince Charming and save the damsel in distress. They portered Kari out to the road where the truck waited, and we completed a nearly flawless rescue in a matter of several hours.
Here's a picture of the carryout, Prince Charming on the right. Like Russ said above, Jeff was cool beans. And on that day, he was a hero.
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friendly hands
climber
SF cali
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May 13, 2006 - 02:39pm PT
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Like all here,my condolences to all who were touched by Jeff
My 1st impression of Jeff was of a kind, but deep minded man that always looked like he had a secret. I remember drinking wine at Roshambo winery in sonoma with him talkin about this beloved sport. The secret I found out later was of his routes on sonora pass on 5no6...I still have'nt found those f*#kers, and it's not out of my lack of trying. He asked me to go and check them out, wanting me to confirm his grades-knowing I have a place in my heart for the area . So,bueller,bueller.. anyone have info on these routes as far the approach from the LW? I would like to get on them like I promised him last year, for him . mike whipple
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stickyshoes
Sport climber
Oakland Ca
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May 13, 2006 - 03:42pm PT
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I am very sad to have heard the news today. My condolences and best wishes to Deb and his family. I have always thought of Jeff and Deb as a great couple and can only imagine how this must be devastating for her, and his close friends.
R.I.P. and asfe journey.
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jim thornburg
climber
el cerrito, ca
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May 13, 2006 - 04:22pm PT
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Mike Whipple asked about some of Jeff's routes on Sonora Pass highway. This is one that is absolutely brilliant - I told Jeff I thought it was the best route at the lost world (sorry Tom!). It's pretty hard, also. The first pic is on the lower crux (12ish) the second pic is the classic dyno crux near the end. It's on the right as you descend the canyon on the approach. There is a 5.10 approach pitch, and the second pitch is easy to spot - a beautiful wall with orange and yellow lichen streaks.
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Santelices
Trad climber
Victor, ID
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May 15, 2006 - 08:36pm PT
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Dear Friends,
It's great to read everyone's stories about Jeff. I moved away eight years ago now, and have not seen him since. I used to run City Rock, back when it existed, and have many fond memories of "growing up" around some very incredible people, Jeff among them. I remember years ago Schneider made up a partner list that he called "Big Time Climbers List." I was never a great sport climber, better at trad and big walls, so was bummed when I didn't "make the cut." I was bummed until I saw Jeff's name on the list and realized the level that was required to be on it. Schneider had also put a description of each climber next to their name. "Bad belay when women are close," he had put next to Jeff.
Jeff always seemed to be on the periphery of my own social network in those days. I did have the chance to sit and talk to him on a few occasions, and really enjoyed his intelligence and laid back attitude. I was also impressed by how much he did at a very high level. Now that I think about it more, Jeff was my landlord for a while when I rented a room from Shari (can't remember her last name...) right near campus.
Thanks to Bill Walsh for alerting me to Jeff's passing. To Jimi T, Heather B., Schneider, Amelia, Mike P., Deb and other family and friends- all my love. I'm sorry I can't be there to give you all a big hug.
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Matt
Trad climber
places you shouldn't talk about in polite company
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May 15, 2006 - 08:49pm PT
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one of the last times i saw jeff, just a few weeks before his death, he and deb came into a spot where my wife and i were eating to say hello. they were spending the weekend in a meditation retreat and had a short break for lunch.
i remember very clearly jeff's reaction when i asked him how he liked the meditation retreat- he responded without pause or expression, "actually, it's kind of tedious".
it was laugh-out-loud funny
(maybe you had to be there)
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The Light Within
Trad climber
Not Important
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May 15, 2006 - 09:57pm PT
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sorry sorry sorry.
suicide and death, especially of the young is never forgotton.
much to learn in years to come with this experience.
for me;
I thought about it everyday for months.
But I got help.
I found "safe" people to talk about it...can't talk to just anyone about this very personal thing.
Feeling very "stuck" that there is no way out, that it will be like this forever...ITS NOT TRUE!
can't snap out of it?
can't be happy like before?
Like a festering wound, it will get worse before it gets better;
that's how healing occurs....slowly slowly slowly like ascending a mountain in thin air for a view of the world.
A new thought, one gentle sparkling thought will come in for one day. That is the gift....for that day....
So you hang onto that one thought and let the other bad thoughts go through.
DON'T TAKE BAD THOUGHTS SERIOUSLY.
IT WON'T BE LIKE THIS FOREVER, NO MATTER WHAT YOU MAY "THINK"
People who love you will be scared if you mention how you feel;
find someone "trained" in listening. And talk talk talk about all the fear, and pain and grief and sadness that has been there.
Things may feel they will never get better; (they will in time)
Things are changing inside of you...like shifting sand reforming and recreating and deepening a very skilled landscape; even more beautiful and authentic than you could imagine.
I have been there, done that attempted and lost feeling of pain. Now I am out of it...9depression with suicidal thoughts). It took some work. Time.
I learned to take care of myself.
Something better was coming I could not embrace.....at that time.
People and relationships and love and life become more valuable and other "things" are not. Its like a new perspective on what is important in life will emerge.
Wait.
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simrob
Sport climber
somewhere
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May 16, 2006 - 12:55am PT
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Radical, you said "There are a number of reasons this is happening to climbers more then normal folks and I want to talk about it." Why do you think this is the case?
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Crag
Trad climber
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May 19, 2006 - 08:44am PT
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simrob,
I don't know why, I'm a survivor myself and I've always had trouble putting it into words let alone trying to make sense of the darkness and pain that pulled on me for so long. Ironically, I attribute climbing as a savior of sorts. The beauty and the harshness of it really helped clarify things for me. When life gets dark and I feel those all too familiar feelings rear their ugly head I take to the stone. Perhaps my approach is not the best and I should seek alternative treatments as many have encouraged me to do so.
My condolences to Jeff’s family and friends may your delightful memories sooth your pain.
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Sumo
Trad climber
Pleasanton, CA
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May 29, 2006 - 03:59am PT
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First, my condolences to Jeff's friends and family. Deb, Steve, Jo, et al... I can only imagine the suffering this has brought. I am truly sorry for your loss.
In the hope that this can assist some in understanding, please allow me to digress. I have struggled with mental health issues for as long as I can remember, and it's only been the last 3+ years that I've finally gotten some relief. I never made a serious attempt at suicide, but seriously considered it several times.
Many around me saw me as angry, depressed, or crazy. Others felt that if they could just say/do the right thing, or avoid saying/doing the wrong, they could stop me from hurting myself. They were, for the most part, completely wrong.
I was in pain, all the time. The fears and ever-oppressive anxiety was a constant pounding at my psyche, and while certain actions and efforts of others helped to provide a lifeline at times, in reality there was little or nothing anyone around me could do. It eventually took a call to the police (by a family member) and an abusive night spent at a psych hospital to realize that I needed help. Medication has helped me; I'm lucky in that I've responded to it.
What I mean to convey from my experience is that your love and support of Jeff was the best thing you could have done for him. Medical help is wonderful, but it doesn't always work, and the nature of depression (or other conditions) is that rational choices aren't, sometimes. Suicide, for me, was about escaping the intense pain. Do not assume that there was a "cause", or that any specific action would have solved his pain.
I only met Jeff once, briefly. He didn't know me, and I didn't really know him. I grieve for him still.
My Condolences,
Jeremy Pulcifer
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Thomas
Trad climber
The Tilted World
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May 29, 2006 - 12:23pm PT
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Wow. Well said, radical.
"They try to live the life of a pro athlete on the money of a dirt bag."
So much of my stress comes from that very reality. I am not a materialistic person. I don't long for the possessions of others. But I am eager for experience: extended trips, far off places; and that takes money.
Debt, debt, debt...dark, dark, dark...
Thanks again to all of you that have posted your support for Jeff and shared your insight into such situations. You are helping. You are there.
Stay fit.
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Sumo
Trad climber
Pleasanton, CA
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May 29, 2006 - 02:11pm PT
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Radical, another thing that I discovered is that as a person that struggled with mental health/mood disorders, is that I valued the clarity, the single-mindedness of climbing. In a very immediate way, climbing is peaceful. Kindof an island of sanity. It becomes a bit of an addiction, almost.
Again, this is only from my own experience and perspective.
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suzy
Sport climber
Oregon
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May 30, 2006 - 10:41pm PT
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To all of you who were close to Jeff–
I'm sitting here in shock and sadness over hearing about Jeff's death. I found out from Jimi this morning– I suddenly had this flood of memories beginning with the early 90's when I first met Jeff at City Rock...actually, where I first met a lot of amazing people, who later became my friends.
My fondest memories of Jeff were when he and his ex-gf would come up to Truckee (where I was living with my ex-bf) and he would just hang out on our tiny little porch and wait for us to come home every Friday night...he'd have all his stuff out on the porch, and it would annoy the hell out of our neighbor...he thought all climbers were crazy– Jeff was always smiling in that mischevious way...and had stories to tell as soon as we arrived– we climbed up at Donner Summit most weekends, and it seemed as if one summer he was there most of those weekends. These memories bring back a lot of smiles and laughter.
It's really strange because I was out at Smith this past weekend for the first time in two years, after a long hiatus from climbing...and suddenly, I began thinking about a lot of people from my past, and Jeff came up in my thoughts. I wondered how he was doing and mentioned him to a friend...I had this curiously sad feeling all weekend, probably a culmination of being at Smith for the first time in a few years, but there was something else that I couldn't quite explain.
My heart goes out to all of you, and especially to you, Deb. I'm so sorry for your loss...I wish I could put my arms around all of you and give you a big hug! I didn't know about Jeff's depression, but I've had my own bout with depression, and it's a very lonely place to be. I send my love to all of you.
um abraco,
Suzy
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Deb Wolfe
climber
Durtongne
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There will be a memorial for Jeff Schoen on August 12 Tenaya Lake. Come prepared with your best stories to give tribute to Jeff.
We will gather at the eastern shore of the lake at 6 pm.
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Tom
Big Wall climber
San Luis Obispo CA
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Feb 14, 2007 - 12:14am PT
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Bipolar people often are not diagnosed, especially if they are borderline bipolar, and are exceptionally capable.
The mood swings are not enough to throw up a red flag.
They achieve great things, and the achievement blocks any other investigation into them.
Jeff may have been like this.
In the borderline manic phase, he is extremely capable.
And, in the borderline depressive phase, he is having a downer, or is feeling sad, or it will pass.
But, as he grows older, the downer phase becomes stronger.
His physical ability to take advantage of the upper phase become less and less.
And dispair sets in.
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jsj
climber
Boulder
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I just climbed Jeff's route "Lighten Up" on the Chapel Wall.
http://www.mountainproject.com/v/california/yosemite_national_park/yosemite_valley/106267603#a_106267608
I never knew Jeff, but I had admired this route from the Great Escape which is nearby. After reading his story, I felt a strong affinity for Jeff. I struggle myself with life and battle almost daily (or so it seems lately) with finding meaning and reason to go on. Even though the route wasn't super-classic, it was a meaningful experience for me to climb it and think of Jeff. Someone said in this thread that it often seems like the most sensitive souls are hit the hardest by the world but we should be lucky to have them at all... Thank you for that. It's funny how we can sometimes be so brave and strong on the rock and yet have such a hard time translating that strength and courage to the rest of our lives. I don't know you Jeff, but I love you and am thankful for your soul.
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jiimmy
Boulder climber
san diego
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Very weird. I was just thinking about Jeff when I saw this post.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Social climber
valley center, ca
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Life.
To some given.
To some taken.
Life.
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couchmaster
climber
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Perhaps better written as "Life: from ALL taken" Lynn. Our turn will sadly come as well. Old friend Charles Reeves died a few days ago and I'm still thinkin' of him.
It just stopped raining outside so I'm out of here now. Take care all!
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east side underground
Trad climber
crowley ca
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met jeff schoen in the early eighties,when I was roomates with his bro eric (mellow brutus). A very good man, saw him in Mammoth as he was passing thru, just a short time before I heard of his passing.RIP
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Jobee
Social climber
El Portal
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Jeff,
Gentle, kind, inspiring, positive, talented.
The most genuine smile.
Fierce, brave, empowering, and of a powerful nature.
You lived a good strong life.
We miss you.
jow
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Jobee
Social climber
El Portal
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jsj
Thank you for remembering.
Perhaps you are reaching.
The struggle is worth living for...it's why we suffer...and partly why we are here.
Positive thoughts and happiness coming your way via El Portal on a very rainy day.
jow
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Topic Author's Reply - Oct 4, 2008 - 01:39pm PT
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I wanted to bump this thread on the anniversary of Jeff's passing, but it was too painful.
I still think about Jeff often, and I get very emotional when I pass through the area
of Berkeley where Jeff lived, the same area where he took his life. It's because
it's such a quiet, peaceful, serene place, and I always felt a sense of calm and comfort
on those streets - I'm not quite sure what it is, but those who walk there know what I mean.
Jeff's death––and especially the manner in which he died––totally devastated me.
I don't want to get into it too much on a public forum, but the following months
were very difficult, to put it mildly. This is what led to me getting my first ever cell
phone - it was important to feel connected to people, and it helped immensely.
Ironically, Jeff's cell and home phone numbers got transfered to my Razr from my
Mac's address book, and now they are on my iPhone. It makes me smile when I see
him in my contact list. Finally, I can focus on Jeff's unique and wonderful spirit, without
reliving (and endlessly obsessing) on the unimaginable horror of his death. Finally.
Josh - the TR you wrote on Jules Verne was one of the best things I remember from rec.climbing.
I hope you are doing well, and still climbing lots. Rock on Jeff, wherever you are!
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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hey there hardman knott.. say, i wish you a very deep and sincere "god bless you" at this hard time... all my "god bless yous" are sincere and with heartfelt love, but for you and your pain at this time of remembrance, i wish you so much much more, and in a deep personal way, that will help you heal inside, but in a way that your memories will still be there to be precious to you...
i am sorry to hear of this loss, though it be from so long ago... every loss, is still precious to someone, no matter now long, time passes over it...
god bless to you all, as well...
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shipoopoi
Big Wall climber
oakland
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Nov 24, 2008 - 09:10pm PT
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Well.... Happy birthday Jeffe we sure miss the hell out of you!!!!.....Always Will!!!
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Watusi
Social climber
Newport, OR
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Nov 25, 2008 - 01:40am PT
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Having just read this I wished to also express my sorrow over Jeff's passing, he was a great soul and will be sorely missed. Peace to you my friend. Michael Paul.
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thcass
Social climber
texas
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Jan 27, 2009 - 02:34pm PT
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WOW,
We need you, you need we, that's what is should be. Hurry back friend.
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klinefelter
Boulder climber
Bishop, CA
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Jan 27, 2009 - 04:34pm PT
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Cheers, Jeff. Thanks for taking me to the Valley and showing me the ropes, a thanks for taking me to Berkeley and showing me the City.
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Treetop
Social climber
Accomac, VA
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Feb 20, 2009 - 01:27am PT
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Jeff's friends reach far and wide. I knew him from the summer of 1989, hang gliding in Bishop and Death Valley. I lost touch over the years and just learned of his death. What a loss. I remember his drawl, his laugh, his quiet strength, his ease of being, his Buddhist faith, and his sharp wit. He was a blessing to this earth.
Condolences and fond memories from the East Coast.
Mona
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survival
Big Wall climber
A Token of My Extreme
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Feb 20, 2009 - 11:49am PT
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Somehow I never saw this thread.
Incredible what can be missed here when you're not looking.
So many of you wrote so beautifully.
He must have been an amazing guy.
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jsj
climber
Utah
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Jeff, why did you do it? I'm thinking about checking out again. Pretty clear we have no control over anything and things are pretty ugly. Is it better where you are?
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rottingjohnny
Sport climber
mammoth lakes ca
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No one knows if the grass is greener on the other side but at least on this side we know there is the option to water the lawns....Be tough and stick around.....
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jsj
climber
Utah
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Or fertilize the lawns on this side. Sorry, even now I can't help myself.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Yeah, I missed this the first time around. Sorry for the loss, guys. To all who knew him.
jsj, don't play with death. It's pretty serious. Stick around, are you that tired of climbing already?
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rottingjohnny
Sport climber
mammoth lakes ca
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JSJ......we all need help , constantly ....we're all in the same boat...right..?....What's eatin at you..?
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Matt
Trad climber
primordial soup
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@ Dean-
nice work
@ JSJ-
life has its ups and its downs, but the ups do keep coming!
i encourage you to consider the many possible futures which you may truly be greatful for, in days to come.
talk to someone.
peace.
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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Mar 10, 2011 - 12:18am PT
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jsj...I have to believe that Jeff took his life because of how he was feeling at a particular moment. He'd been having a lot of down moments, but not really that long before he was pretty happy too. If he'd stuck it out, I think the happy part would have been back around for him in time.
Please, be more patient than Jeff was and wait for life to feel beautiful again. Your posts on the IC thread show that you know a bit about a life with beauty and pleasure.
I didn't know Jeff that well, but he was a good kind person, and I miss him. I doubt that he would have wanted to inspire others to take their life too.
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mynameismud
climber
backseat
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Mar 10, 2011 - 12:27am PT
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Been there on the edge. It's worth hangin in there.
Doesn't get easier, but it does get better.
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Prezwoodz
climber
Anchorage
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Mar 10, 2011 - 01:45am PT
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jsj, I though about it for a long time once...Life gets better and its only one we have. I kept hoping things would improve and they didnt then i realized I was romantizing what I thought the other side would be. When you take that path there is no going back.
I feel like we need a climbers only hotline. This professions dangerous.
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Truthdweller
Trad climber
San Diego, CA
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Mar 10, 2011 - 03:12am PT
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"This is bordering on epidemic" - Russ Walling
Yep, I agree. Alcoholism, drug addiction, overeating, pornograpy, depression, mental illness, suicide, etc... they're only symptoms of the real problem. Dang it, I wish I could say something!
I lost a best friend from high school to suicide out on Fiesta Island here in San Diego back in 2006, and another childhood friends Mother and Father in a quadruple homicide in Chula Vista years earlier, and the same friends brother off the Coronado Bridge before that!
So, so sad...I wish I could do something for the hurt that the family must be going through.
I'm so, so sorry...
:-(
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Mar 10, 2011 - 11:16am PT
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Like Melissa said JSJ, those life truths you pointed out in the Indian Creek stories are universal but rare insights. Something to hear more of and expound on. Can only do it this side of the ground.
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Jobee
Social climber
El Portal Ca.
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Mar 10, 2011 - 12:35pm PT
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Jeff made a difference in many of our lives.
He popped into my mind just the other day, I could see him clearly, remember his voice, here his laughter, and his words. His energy for me was filled with grace.
Life matters. Living is good .., we breathe, we endure, we suffer, and we rejoice.
YOU matter Jsj ... every breath, even when it hurts.
YOU matter.
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Mar 10, 2011 - 01:01pm PT
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Us humans have a funny way of imbibing in the human condition, which I have ultimately found to be pain and suffering. It's those precious moments in between this condition that make life so worth turning the page for.
A few years ago, I was as sick as anybody could imagine. Literally, it was living one moment at a time--I couldn't possibly think of what it would be like to feel whole again, to be able to stand up and walk across the room. To relish the taste of a good beer, some fresh veggies, or even just to enjoy the sun hitting my face. Moment to moment, I had to convince myself that there was something that would come to me later that would make it worth traveling through the 'human condidition' that I was experiencing.
I ran into Jeff at 5 & Dime, always seemed to be cruising on the edge of a breaking wave, and always seemed to be cheerful with a pretty gal by his side. It spun me when a couple of weeks later I heard the sad news.
We all go through them dark moments. The world collapsing around us as we look through our peep-holes. The boat rolling, capsizing. The will to pull through, to know that Winter turns to Spring, to Summer. We have friends. We will drink a fresh glass of pure water. We will know happiness again.
Trust yourself to that, one foot goes in front of the other, even if only in spirit. One day, you'll know what it's like to shift your weight onto that forward foot, and it feels good again.
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stilltrying
Trad climber
washington indiana
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Mar 10, 2011 - 02:17pm PT
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Well said K-man. I have to battle depression a lot and like you said it is the good times in between that make it worthwhile. This time last year I had just met you in El Potrero and that trip with Scott made all the aches and pains worth it. I was super impressed with your climbing and outlook on life as well as your ability to knock off a fair quantity of tequila in the evening and climb hard the next morning :) Fighting illness myself has given me an appreciation for what others like yourself have overcome to keep on going. Climb On.\
Mike T
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crøtch
climber
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Mar 10, 2011 - 06:26pm PT
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JSJ - Your stories have inspired me for years. Please stick around and please go talk to a professional. Don't succumb to the darkness.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Mar 11, 2011 - 12:39am PT
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I add to the thoughts here....don't know if I know you jsj, but that doesn't matter at all. You are a bro with us here on the planet.
So tonight, step outside and consider the stars. Get comfortable with the breeze in your face and the faint illumne of the moonlight. It's for you.
Feel your face. Make your mouth smile and trace it with your fingers. Find a grassy hill and roll down it. Skin touching earth. Wet grass, dark night. You are alive.
Get sweet comfort from getting to know who you are. A special, special person. There won't be another you....or me....or anyone that has posted here.
I know how the dark hole can appear in front of you out of nowhere and begin to swallow your heart, body and brain. Someone else said the same. But IT WILL PASS. A new day will dawn for each of us to nourish us and give us new opportunities, loves, joys, peace and a will to endure.
Give it a moment. We all here really love you. You could call or e-mail any of us Anytime and we will be there for you. You are special and you are indeed, loved. Peace, lynne
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stilltrying
Trad climber
washington indiana
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Mar 15, 2011 - 05:21pm PT
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Wow LL, that was a fantastic post :)
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Mar 15, 2011 - 09:26pm PT
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Lynne, that is so wonderfully inspiring. It worked for me!! Thx...
Mike, nice to hear from ya. Yes.
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 4, 2011 - 05:22pm PT
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Five years ago today...
I hope you are in a good place, Jeff - I miss you!
To anyone who is genuinely feeling suicidal, or is on a downward spiral, you need to know that is indeed possible to "snap out of it" either as a gradual process, or literally overnight as was the case with me. I had thoughts of suicide going back as far as 14 years old, and always kept it to myself. Never took meds (other than coffee, which works wonders for depression).
Five months before Jeff threw himself under the rear wheels of a truck, I posted this:
http://www.supertopo.com/climbers-forum/117438/Photo-report-The-Golden-Gate-Bridge-is-awesome
It was one of a few walks out on the bridge I made when I was feeling really low. It was around this point I actually shared my feelings and thoughts with 2 or 3 of my closest friends for the first time. One friend suggested that perhaps jumping was the best thing, all things considered. That really struck a chord with me, because I was so sick of being miserable. I realized that words and moral support can only do so much.
Then on May 4th, 2006 I got the news of Jeff. Somehow I snapped out of it. I'm not even sure how. Although I still have normal ups and downs like everyone else, I have not contemplated suicide since. I think it was sheer willpower. I wish I had some secret to share but don't. All I can say is hang in there if you're feeling depressed or hopeless, it CAN get better and it WILL.
I would like to add that I would choose suicidal depression over heartache any day of the week; the former is easy enough to "fix". ;-) But remember that at least 2 GG Bridge jump survivors are on record stating that they regretted jumping the moment their hands left the rail...
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all in jim
climber
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Rest in peace, Jeff. You are missed and remembered, every day.
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 4, 2012 - 10:16pm PT
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Six years ago today...
Miss you, Jeff!
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Loomis
climber
Peklo Vole!
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I miss this man, so full of life energy.
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all in jim
climber
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Hey Jeff you are always remembered and loved.
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wayne w
Trad climber
the nw
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R.I.P Jeff. Miss you, and your infectious enthusiasm.
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nature
climber
CO
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wow.... six years.
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teamwhipper
climber
Bay Area, CA
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Nov 27, 2013 - 01:56pm PT
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Happy 55th birthday, Jefe.
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| Messages 1 - 118 of total 118 in this topic |
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