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Baggins
Boulder climber
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Jan 30, 2012 - 08:49pm PT
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Some british contributions, nabbed off a similar thread on ukclimbing
From beechy head guide (chalk cliffs):
"Single- and multi-pitch routes up to 400ft. Requires ice screws, pegs, large nuts (anything less than 7/8 is useless) BIG hexes, warthogs, a healthy disregard for sanity and wooden stakes for protection. An adze type axe is very useful as well, especially on steep mixed ground. Climbing here is notoriously difficult and dangerous. Even the HVS routes feel like E3! Do not attempt if a) you value your life, b) you are not happy soloing 5b and c) you think that chalk is about as inherently stable as soft water ice when the sun has been on it for a couple of hours. Routes here include the remarkable Monster Crack (E5/6 6b) previously graded as HXS with ***! I would advise seeking the advice of a local before beginning, and please don't climb here in the summer when the risk of falling rock, people or both is too high."
Desperation Crack ,Brimham Rocks:
"Large Freinds needed,preferably one pushing from below and one pulling from above......."
think its the rockfax description for Altar Crack
goes something like, " layback like you life depends on it, take care not to pump out as it quickly becomes aparent that, it does!"
Steve Ashton is brilliant. His description of Red Wall is great:
"Mould your body into the erosion holes, bridge and pinch to help distribute the load, breathe softly and speak quietly. Protection from slings draped over petrified chicken heads is illusory, but it does help to shed weight that might otherwise overload the footholds. The paradox is that this whole experience is compelling to the point of intoxication. Ice climbers will understand.”
Surprised no one has mentioned Breakaway yet:
"The graveyard at Morwenstowe is conveniently situated...ice screws, long pegs, a helmet and a strong belief in one's immortality are the main requirements for an aascent...after pitch two, retreat would be at best extremely difficult and at worst terminally easy".
And a personal favourite from one of the old FRCC Dow guides (loads more in the history section of the current one):
"In spring, the bluebells flower 20' below this traverse and care is required to keep them at this distance".
Fame but no fortune E2 5c, Chee Dale.
"To avoid the painfull experience of hitting the tree, don't fall off..."
Is it the description for The Enchanted Broccoli Garden that ends 'Proceed to the pub and get drunk'?
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Alexey
Trad climber
San Jose, CA
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Jan 30, 2012 - 09:01pm PT
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Reid Book : Yosemite Free climbs"
Routes list in the end: Wasp 5.9d
( it is probably more funny for those who climbed it - it is at New Diversions cliff)
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Alexey
Trad climber
San Jose, CA
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Jan 30, 2012 - 09:09pm PT
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The supertopo suggested gear list for Crest Jewel includes "burly calves". ST is actually recommend "Buffet calves" - I remember this because in 2003 when Rick and I planned to climb Crest Jewel- Rick bend over from my question.
At this time my active and passive English was way worse than now.
And plus I was gumby and did not want to phuck up with gear preparation.
So I asked Rick - According tomST we need to take 10 quick draws and buffet calves - , btw what gear is that ?
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phylp
Trad climber
Millbrae, CA
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Jan 30, 2012 - 09:37pm PT
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OK, I need some help from the US east coast contingent on this one:
Apparently there was a New England climber, Joe Cody, who discovered obscure cliffs, did one or two gnarly routes on them, and wrote up a description in his guidebooks something like "with cleaning this will become a great route/ instant classic, etc.".
And subsequent guidebook authors, after these areas were developed, would quote joe in later guidebooks, saying "Joe wrote:..."
So now whenever I'm out and about with my husband, and we come upon a dirt-filled, chossey, unappealing-looking crack somewhere, my husband is apt to say - "joe wrote...", and it always makes me laugh.
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MH2
climber
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Jan 30, 2012 - 09:47pm PT
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Probably Joe Cote, "Cathedral's first regular", and an associate of ST's SteveA, I think.
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Seamstress
Trad climber
Yacolt, WA
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Jan 30, 2012 - 11:55pm PT
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"holds magically appear" Traprock
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Rick A
climber
Boulder, Colorado
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"... obligatory for hardmen."
Roper's 1971 guide about Reed direct.
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Floyd Hayes
Trad climber
Hidden Valley Lake, CA
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Check out the description of the climb for the Regular Route of Middle Spire at Phantom Spires in the SuperTopo guide for Lake Tahoe. I don't have it with me so I can't provide the exact quote, but as I recall it gives the option for the second pitch of "finishing with Anal Sex."
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thekidcormier
Trad climber
squamish, b.c.
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"Often wet, as is life" climbers guide to squamish regarding the route that goes by the name of rock on..
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Texplorer
Trad climber
Sacramento
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Numerous Beckey descent descriptions, "take the obvious gulley" that is never obvious.
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Eric Beck
Sport climber
Bishop, California
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Roper introduction: Quoting a letter to the San Francisco Chronicle from Thomas L. P. Davies. This was while the first ascent of the Nose was in progress: "It should be understood that these people are not climbing any more than my secretary is climbing when she takes the elevator up here top the 21st floor".
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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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May 23, 2015 - 02:39am PT
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Unheard of guide book copier, toad swine
In the third edition,of The Gunks Guide, on page 123
At the bottom of the page :
Mike ( you know who you are) 1990
Instead of traversing pull the roof and climb straight up past a pocket.
When speaking of a whole route that was at least independent from before half way, shared the most classic moves in the Gunks at the 5.8 grade and finished up the 'proud' line.
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couchmaster
climber
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May 23, 2015 - 09:03am PT
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In starting to describe one of my favorite routes another classic Jeff Thomas'ism from the old Smith Rock guidebook went something like this (I apologize for paraphrasing, but can't find the guide): "Lurking amongst some of the worst rock west of the Mississippi....."
And it is shockingly true. You are wandering over thinking "what the hell is holding this crumbly sh#t up?", come around a corner and BAMM!, there is this solid, beautiful dihedral with a perfect finger crack in the back that just slaps you right in the eyes. Jeff's succinct description captures the essence perfectly and memorably.
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