What's your favourite line from a (climbing) guidebook?
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bm

Social climber
pluto
Topic Author's Original Post - Jan 29, 2012 - 02:46am PT
I'm new to ST, and couldn't find this topic during a quick search, so my apologies if it's been covered elsewhere (and if it has, please direct me to the original thread).

***

Might be my distant Brit heritage but I'm a sucker for a droll one-liner tucked away in a guidebook. [Bruce] Fairley has more than his fair share and his Siwash Rock entry is a mega classic:

1) NW Face of Castle Towers: "Climb snow up the centre of face to bergschrund, which may be outflanked or crossed directly in sporting style."
2) Beach Group : "Named for the unusual ridge-top sand dunes on Beach Mountain. No concession stand reported yet."
3) Siwash Rock: "A sign has been placed on the southwest face threatening climbers with prosecution. The sign is cemented on and makes a good foothold."

But my all-time favourite goes to that wizened wizard of the Coast Mountains, in his 1968 supplement to "A Climber's Guide [1965] to the Coastal Ranges of British Columbia."

'The Witch's Tooth': From ledge E of objective (see Mt Tantalus) the route goes up a chimney system on the NE side. Chockstones provide entertainment."
Mungeclimber

Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
Jan 29, 2012 - 02:54am PT
awesome!
bvb

Social climber
flagstaff arizona
Jan 29, 2012 - 04:09am PT
I can think of a dozen classic sleepers squirrled away in Roper's green Sierra Totebook guide to the Valley. Stuff like "This route, having been climbed once, will hopefully fade into well-deserved obscurity." Or words to that effect.
ß Î Ø T Ç H

Boulder climber
bouldering
Jan 29, 2012 - 04:21am PT
Verm's Hueco guide: " ... it's dirtying your shorts starting a sit-down problem, then filling them committingly on the off-the-deck moves above ..."
edejom

Boulder climber
Butte, America
Jan 29, 2012 - 08:32am PT
"Old timers like to sandbag young upstarts on this "standard 5.9". Many climbers, especially those who have quickly reviewed the moves on a downward flyby, feel that the route is harder."

--Bill Dockins, author "Bozeman Rock Climbs" 1987 describing "Diesel Driver" in the Gallatin Canyon.
MisterE

Social climber
Jan 29, 2012 - 09:22am PT
From Backcountry Rockclimbing in Southern Arizona:

"Serenity Slab, 5.10d. Originally led with a headlamp, this short face/slab is best navigated in daylight."

"Warpath, 5.9-. (Pitch 2) Move left around the corner to the dike and belay when you get tired of the rope drag."
couchmaster

climber
pdx
Jan 29, 2012 - 09:46am PT
LOL!

A classic Jeff Thomasism from (old) memory and out of print guidebook that I still hear bandied about:

"They say it never rains at Smith Rocks, the surrounding area, however, receives 13 inches a year. LOL
drljefe

climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
Jan 29, 2012 - 09:58am PT
That would be David Lovejoy's Granite Mtn guide, ekat.
oldtopangalizard

Social climber
ca
Jan 29, 2012 - 10:13am PT
I don't know about favorite but I always remember Roper's take on Sun Ribbon.
In "84 a group of about eight of us were camped at Third Lake drinking hard and such deep into the night when we pulled out Roper's High Sierra book. When we got to Temple Crag one of us read the line 'exposed, committing and difficult route' and we thought about it. Well after another hour Adrian said " Let's do it, who wants to go?' Given Roper's enticing opening line, I had to go.
We split up on Sun Ribbon, Moon Goddess and the Swiss Arete. We ended up with a bivy on top, right above the rappel sight at Contact Pass. Most beautiful sunrise in the Sierra for me.
We rolled into camp at about 9 the next morning only to see one of the guys eating my breakfast to which he responded ' I didn't think you guys were coming back'.
Great memories.
Alex Baker

climber
Portland
Jan 29, 2012 - 10:24am PT
On the supertopo for snake dike:

"5.2 fingers over roof"
mrtropy

Trad climber
Nor Cal
Jan 29, 2012 - 11:08am PT
Someone will correct me but something from an old pinnacles guide like this:

....then make a 10.b mantel or die.
TGT

Social climber
So Cal
Jan 29, 2012 - 11:16am PT
From the 79 Wilts Tahquitz guide;

Magical Mystery Tour 5.11


With a name like this it is inappropriate to say more than that the route ascends the difficult buttress between the Sahara Terror and Hoodunett.
big ears

Trad climber
?
Jan 29, 2012 - 11:17am PT
From telluride rocks description of Lizard Head peak. "hike to the base, take a picture, turn around and go home"
philo

Trad climber
Somewhere halfway over the rainbow
Jan 29, 2012 - 11:20am PT
Too loose to trek. A short dirty little climb.

Old JT guide.
adam d

climber
Jan 29, 2012 - 11:22am PT
From Croft's "Good, Great & Awesome," I think about Mithral Dihedral, something like:

You'll be pulling like Sampson and panting like a pervert.
DanaB

climber
CT
Jan 29, 2012 - 11:29am PT
"Have you ever tried shoveling while hanging from the end of a rope?" A Climber's Guide to Bellefonte Quarry.

"The stability of one's brain is directly proportionate to the strength in one's arms on this climb." Directississima, Shawangunk Rock Climbs, 1972.

"This shift is not for the 9-5 crowd." Tough Shift, 5.10R, The 'Gunks Guide, 1986.
johntp

Trad climber
socal
Jan 29, 2012 - 12:03pm PT
Not sure it is a favorite, but a good one:

"Ker Plunk

This classic route ascends the narrow ramp on the lower left-hand side of the Lichen Wall above the water. It received its name when on the first ascent, Charlie pulled off a loose block and landed in the water."
funkazzista

climber
Italy
Jan 29, 2012 - 12:19pm PT
Place as much sh#t gear as possible (I had 5 equalized pieces and that wouldn't have held a fall). Relax. Make the final easy moves to the anchor.

From MountainProject
Russ Walling

Gym climber
Poofter's Froth, Wyoming
Jan 29, 2012 - 12:27pm PT
Shermans Hueco Guide:

Seka's Specialty, V2. Long cranks between jugs.


(for the youngsters, Seka was a somewhat famous porn star in the late 70's to early 80's)
MH2

climber
Jan 29, 2012 - 12:31pm PT
My current favorite, thanks to extensive use of Kevin McLane's Squamish guide, is "A fine situation indeed." It seems appropriately Brit-like for the OP.


The Art Gran Gunks guide gave a piece of beta which has often been useful over the last 40 years when trying to help a partner: "The crux is the type of thing that only moving up will solve." From the description for Fat Stick.


And while living in Chicago, you didn't have to get past the title of this guide: 50 Short Climbs in the Midwest, by Alan Bagg.
M. Volland

Trad climber
Grand Canyon
Jan 29, 2012 - 12:43pm PT
Pro to 3.5"
Gersh

Trad climber
San Diego, Ca
Jan 29, 2012 - 12:43pm PT
Mr TNT has some awesome stuff in his N Az. guidebooks
slabbo

Trad climber
fort garland, colo
Jan 29, 2012 - 01:34pm PT
The ross/Elms guide to NH from '78

"granite, amen"
AP

Trad climber
Calgary
Jan 29, 2012 - 01:46pm PT
there is a route at Skaha called "A Real Piece of Sh#t"
description: an awful crack climb disowned by the first ascentionists
Mighty Hiker

climber
Vancouver, B.C.
Jan 29, 2012 - 01:47pm PT
Siwash Rock: "A sign has been placed on the southwest face threatening climbers with prosecution. The sign is cemented on and makes a good foothold."

That was from the original Climber's Guide to the Coast Ranges, from 1965, and so written by Dick et al. We thought it worth repeating.

For non-Vancouverites, Siwash Rock is a remnant volcanic dyke/plug, about 15 m high, just off the Stanley Park seawall in downtown Vancouver. It may have been the site of the first climbers' access-related arrest in North America, in 1969.
Jaybro

Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
Jan 29, 2012 - 01:55pm PT
"these boulders are big! They make their own weather"

The Jenny lake bouldering sheet.
dmons

climber
Jan 29, 2012 - 02:01pm PT
"a very hard start followed by a very hard middle section capped with a very hard finish make this a very hard climb"

white line, 12.a

bellfonte quarry


the most amusing guitebook ive ever come across
apogee

climber
Jan 29, 2012 - 02:05pm PT
Todd Swain's Red Rocks guide describes the chossy 5.4 direct finish of the Rainbow Wall as "..good training for the Eiger!"
dmons

climber
Jan 29, 2012 - 02:13pm PT
sounds about right,
most of that eiger could use a copious slather of sika
Tony Bird

climber
Northridge, CA
Jan 29, 2012 - 02:37pm PT
from the last edition of chuck wilts's guide to tahquitz-suicide:

"john long's 1973 ascent of paisano overhang will probably never be repeated."


from the east side guides by marty lewis, peter croft and john moynier:

"marty has not climbed el capitan, mt. everest, or any 5.13s."


and from dick ingraham's guide to the organ mountains of new mexico, generally made available, in lieu of publishment, at the NMSU library:

"the origin of the name ORP is lost in antiquity."
Brian in SLC

Social climber
Salt Lake City, UT
Jan 29, 2012 - 03:05pm PT
"The granite, like even the best of women, cannot take more than an occasional pounding."

Desperate Grace: a book of climbs. 1975.

Guidebook for Little Cottonwood Canyon in Utah.
KabalaArch

Trad climber
Starlite, California
Jan 29, 2012 - 03:25pm PT
From a Welsh guidebook:

"Climb up to the first hold."
Nohea

Trad climber
Living Outside the Statist Quo
Jan 29, 2012 - 04:10pm PT
Croft Climbing Mt Whitney

"it was at this point just a few years ago that I received a sound bitch-slapping from an angry grouse"
Thomas

Trad climber
The Tilted World
Jan 29, 2012 - 05:01pm PT
"Always exciting, but never outrageous."

Describing an exposed three pitch route called Ecstasy (5.7) at Seneca Rocks, WV. The climb is a perfect introduction to the place.

Also, Rob Robinson's guide to the Tennessee Wall has page after page of priceless route descriptions. Always entertaining!

Cheers!
onyourleft

climber
Smog Angeles
Jan 29, 2012 - 05:44pm PT
Another one from the Cochise Stronghold section in Bob Kerry's "Backcountry Rockclimbing in Southern Arizona"

There are those who claim that on a really windy day they've seen a plume of granite coming off Rockfellow Dome.

(personally verified...)
ec

climber
ca
Jan 29, 2012 - 06:12pm PT
“Of course, there is always a danger that a newly published guide like this will attract hordes of outsiders who will bolt their way up existing routes, trash campgrounds, and generally be a pain in the ass. However, this guide is being offered with the faith that fellow climbers will use good judgement, raise their skills instead of their hammers and will respect Mother Earth.”

Roland Burkert
May, 1983
Stonemashers’ Rockclimbing Guide to the Kern River Canyon and Environs
Ksolem

Trad climber
Monrovia, California
Jan 29, 2012 - 06:36pm PT
Another one from Sherman's old Hueco guide...

As you approach Heuco Tanks from the south, you first glimpse of the rock will be disappointing, unless you are from Stoney Point.
Norwegian

Trad climber
Placerville, California
Jan 29, 2012 - 06:38pm PT
i like the yosemite line,
i think it's sachar cracker,

ballet turns to boxing turns to ripping out gorilla's unborn children,
or something to that effect.
east side underground

Trad climber
Hilton crk,ca
Jan 29, 2012 - 06:47pm PT
from the ORG guide some years back , one of my routes .. " a lame route with a even lammer name" the irony is that I niether reported the route and did not name it as it was published. Thanks guys!
MarkWestman

Trad climber
Talkeetna, Alaska
Jan 29, 2012 - 07:16pm PT
In Croft's Sierra book he relates a story about his partner for Bear Creek Spire being so wasted on a one day push that he was hallucinating seeing suitcases in the woods on the hike out. The punch line at the end:

"when he mentioned the abandoned Winnebago a few minutes later, I just kept on walking..."
jschwarz0

Sport climber
Petaluma, CA
Jan 29, 2012 - 07:21pm PT

Various yose guides:

Just because you can climb 11a does not mean you can fly!
jogill

climber
Colorado
Jan 29, 2012 - 07:24pm PT
Geology: The boulders are composed of stone

Yvon Chouinard in our guide to the Jenny Lake Boulders ca1957
Gary Carpenter

climber
SF Bay Area
Jan 29, 2012 - 07:44pm PT
From the Croft & Lewis "Bishop Area Rock Climbs" describing Pratt's Crack Gully area:

The namesake and landmark feature of this area is the eerie looking wide crack running up the back of a massive open book, first climbed by the brilliantly bold Chuck Pratt. One hundred and fifty feet long and every inch of it off-width, this route is now seldom climbed, coveted only by the very brave and the borderline retarded.

……In the years that followed, Pratt’s sister crack “Shelia” was climbed and then the four pitches “Rites of Spring”. Both followed burly Yosemite-style cracks as well, but thankfully without any embarrassing wide crack stretches of groping and cuddling.
yedi

Trad climber
Stanwood,wa
Jan 29, 2012 - 07:52pm PT
Isn't it in Roper's guide to climbing in Yosemite " there are many ways to die while climbing in Yosemite"
buckie

Trad climber
Oregon
Jan 29, 2012 - 09:26pm PT
Jeff Thomas, Oregon Rock, A Rock Climbers Guide. Route: Smith Summit East Wall. The entire route is rotten, difficult to protect, and ugly. A true Oregon death tour.
Brian

climber
California
Jan 29, 2012 - 09:35pm PT
"...overhanging, off-fist combat."
klk

Trad climber
cali
Jan 29, 2012 - 11:24pm PT
"a note on ratings: ratings are bullsh#t."
big ears

Trad climber
?
Jan 29, 2012 - 11:24pm PT
"The only guaratee of accuracy for the ratings in this guide is if you are a 5'6" 150 pound male male, with a deformed left heel, a preference for climbing cracks on sunny 60 degree days with relatively low humidity, and your first name start with a "C" and ends in a "Y"

From Clay Frisbie's Arkansas Rock vol 1
Mighty Hiker

climber
Vancouver, B.C.
Jan 29, 2012 - 11:30pm PT
"Dogs have a habit of infuriating bears and flushing out ones which you would not otherwise get to meet."

"Hunters in fall are by far the most dangerous animal in the mountains. Happily they are seldom found more than a few hundred feet from a road."

 Alpine Guide to Southwest B.C. (Culbert, 1974)
RadDad

climber
Thorp, WA
Jan 30, 2012 - 12:32am PT
From Becky's Cascade Alpine Guide for a variation on the North Face of Mt. Index.

"...ascend a steep wall to a large hanging brush patch. Imitate a gorilla through the brush and bear right..."
George R

climber
The Gray Area
Jan 30, 2012 - 04:50pm PT
More Roper

Regarding short-hand terms such as "pins" for pitons:
"The fact remains, climbers are inordinately fond of one syllable words."

G
Gene

climber
Jan 30, 2012 - 05:14pm PT
Even more Roper:

Girls often carry rurps on key chains; it seems safe to say that more rurps are sold for reasons of status than for actual use.


In Yosemite, they [nuts] can be used in approximately 30% of the cases where a piton is required.

In the never-ending search for immortality, the first ascent party dignified this variation with the name "Lancelot."

g
jahil

Social climber
London, Paris, WV & CA
Jan 30, 2012 - 05:25pm PT
The section at the start of Croft's The Good, The Great and The Awesome asking the reader not to fill summit registers full of poetry.

In fact just about everything in that book is a laugh, I just like to read it for the giggles - that its a guide book as well is a bonus.

steve
jfailing

Trad climber
A-Lone Pine
Jan 30, 2012 - 05:51pm PT
Another +1 for Croft's Good, Great, and Awesome - it really does make one laugh out-loud while reading.

There's a section where he's emerging from having just onsight free-soloed Positive Vibrations (I think) during a wind-storm, and describes himself looking like a "bloody baker" by the end, covered in blood and chalk.

The picture of the "7 legged cow" in the Lewis/Croft guidebook is pretty humorous as well...
Anguish

Mountain climber
Jackson Hole Wyo.
Jan 30, 2012 - 05:53pm PT
"Follow the easiest combination of moves to the top..."

This was a description of a post-crux part of a climb on Ragged mountain or the at the Gunks, I think.
FeelioBabar

Trad climber
One drink ahead of my past.
Jan 30, 2012 - 05:56pm PT
"Bold Elegance on a sea of white granite"
j-tree

Big Wall climber
Classroom to crag to summer camp
Jan 30, 2012 - 06:16pm PT
Less funny when I was on the route, but the ST Snake Hike topo finishes with "4th class slabs forever" or something close to that.
ontheedgeandscaredtodeath

Trad climber
San Francisco, Ca
Jan 30, 2012 - 06:22pm PT
Toula's warning about agave spears on AZ approaches- "sucking a brew is better than a sucking chest wound."
Hard Rock

Trad climber
Montana
Jan 30, 2012 - 06:30pm PT
In the "Climber's and Fisherman's Guide to Gilbraltar Rock" (Wisconsin) by Jay Stewart:

The last sentence in the guide: "There is no fishing at Gilbraltar Rock".
bergbryce

Mountain climber
South Lake Tahoe, CA
Jan 30, 2012 - 06:32pm PT
Brushfreak Corner and Brushfreak Direct
2 routes at Echo Lakes in the Carville guide. They are only route names, but they are pretty funny ones.
I've yet to meet anyone who's climbed one of the "Brushfreaks".
Baggins

Boulder climber
Jan 30, 2012 - 08:49pm PT
Some british contributions, nabbed off a similar thread on ukclimbing

From beechy head guide (chalk cliffs):

"Single- and multi-pitch routes up to 400ft. Requires ice screws, pegs, large nuts (anything less than 7/8 is useless) BIG hexes, warthogs, a healthy disregard for sanity and wooden stakes for protection. An adze type axe is very useful as well, especially on steep mixed ground. Climbing here is notoriously difficult and dangerous. Even the HVS routes feel like E3! Do not attempt if a) you value your life, b) you are not happy soloing 5b and c) you think that chalk is about as inherently stable as soft water ice when the sun has been on it for a couple of hours. Routes here include the remarkable Monster Crack (E5/6 6b) previously graded as HXS with ***! I would advise seeking the advice of a local before beginning, and please don't climb here in the summer when the risk of falling rock, people or both is too high."

Desperation Crack ,Brimham Rocks:
"Large Freinds needed,preferably one pushing from below and one pulling from above......."

think its the rockfax description for Altar Crack

goes something like, " layback like you life depends on it, take care not to pump out as it quickly becomes aparent that, it does!"

Steve Ashton is brilliant. His description of Red Wall is great:

"Mould your body into the erosion holes, bridge and pinch to help distribute the load, breathe softly and speak quietly. Protection from slings draped over petrified chicken heads is illusory, but it does help to shed weight that might otherwise overload the footholds. The paradox is that this whole experience is compelling to the point of intoxication. Ice climbers will understand.”

Surprised no one has mentioned Breakaway yet:

"The graveyard at Morwenstowe is conveniently situated...ice screws, long pegs, a helmet and a strong belief in one's immortality are the main requirements for an aascent...after pitch two, retreat would be at best extremely difficult and at worst terminally easy".

And a personal favourite from one of the old FRCC Dow guides (loads more in the history section of the current one):

"In spring, the bluebells flower 20' below this traverse and care is required to keep them at this distance".

Fame but no fortune E2 5c, Chee Dale.
"To avoid the painfull experience of hitting the tree, don't fall off..."

Is it the description for The Enchanted Broccoli Garden that ends 'Proceed to the pub and get drunk'?
Alexey

Trad climber
San Jose, CA
Jan 30, 2012 - 09:01pm PT
Reid Book : Yosemite Free climbs"
Routes list in the end: Wasp 5.9d
( it is probably more funny for those who climbed it - it is at New Diversions cliff)
Alexey

Trad climber
San Jose, CA
Jan 30, 2012 - 09:09pm PT
The supertopo suggested gear list for Crest Jewel includes "burly calves".
ST is actually recommend "Buffet calves" - I remember this because in 2003 when Rick and I planned to climb Crest Jewel- Rick bend over from my question.
At this time my active and passive English was way worse than now.
And plus I was gumby and did not want to phuck up with gear preparation.
So I asked Rick - According tomST we need to take 10 quick draws and buffet calves - , btw what gear is that ?
phylp

Trad climber
Millbrae, CA
Jan 30, 2012 - 09:37pm PT
OK, I need some help from the US east coast contingent on this one:

Apparently there was a New England climber, Joe Cody, who discovered obscure cliffs, did one or two gnarly routes on them, and wrote up a description in his guidebooks something like "with cleaning this will become a great route/ instant classic, etc.".

And subsequent guidebook authors, after these areas were developed, would quote joe in later guidebooks, saying "Joe wrote:..."

So now whenever I'm out and about with my husband, and we come upon a dirt-filled, chossey, unappealing-looking crack somewhere, my husband is apt to say - "joe wrote...", and it always makes me laugh.
MH2

climber
Jan 30, 2012 - 09:47pm PT
Probably Joe Cote, "Cathedral's first regular", and an associate of ST's SteveA, I think.
Seamstress

Trad climber
Yacolt, WA
Jan 30, 2012 - 11:55pm PT
"holds magically appear" Traprock
Rick A

climber
Boulder, Colorado
Feb 6, 2012 - 06:29pm PT
"... obligatory for hardmen."

Roper's 1971 guide about Reed direct.
Floyd Hayes

Trad climber
Hidden Valley Lake, CA
Feb 6, 2012 - 09:08pm PT
Check out the description of the climb for the Regular Route of Middle Spire at Phantom Spires in the SuperTopo guide for Lake Tahoe. I don't have it with me so I can't provide the exact quote, but as I recall it gives the option for the second pitch of "finishing with Anal Sex."
thekidcormier

Trad climber
squamish, b.c.
Feb 6, 2012 - 09:20pm PT
"Often wet, as is life" climbers guide to squamish regarding the route that goes by the name of rock on..
Texplorer

Trad climber
Sacramento
Feb 6, 2012 - 10:54pm PT
Numerous Beckey descent descriptions, "take the obvious gulley" that is never obvious.
Eric Beck

Sport climber
Bishop, California
Feb 6, 2012 - 11:54pm PT
Roper introduction: Quoting a letter to the San Francisco Chronicle from Thomas L. P. Davies. This was while the first ascent of the Nose was in progress: "It should be understood that these people are not climbing any more than my secretary is climbing when she takes the elevator up here top the 21st floor".
Gnome Ofthe Diabase

climber
Out Of Bed
May 23, 2015 - 02:39am PT
Unheard of guide book copier, toad swine
In the third edition,of The Gunks Guide, on page 123
At the bottom of the page :

Mike ( you know who you are) 1990
Instead of traversing pull the roof and climb straight up past a pocket.

When speaking of a whole route that was at least independent from before half way, shared the most classic moves in the Gunks at the 5.8 grade and finished up the 'proud' line.
couchmaster

climber
May 23, 2015 - 09:03am PT
In starting to describe one of my favorite routes another classic Jeff Thomas'ism from the old Smith Rock guidebook went something like this (I apologize for paraphrasing, but can't find the guide): "Lurking amongst some of the worst rock west of the Mississippi....."

And it is shockingly true. You are wandering over thinking "what the hell is holding this crumbly sh#t up?", come around a corner and BAMM!, there is this solid, beautiful dihedral with a perfect finger crack in the back that just slaps you right in the eyes. Jeff's succinct description captures the essence perfectly and memorably.
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