Flatulance forced bailage...


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Topic Author's Original Post - Sep 21, 2007 - 11:36am PT
Bailed last week off a wall due to HEINOUS partner flatulance. The final straw was the shart. Met the guy on-line....first route together.

A new first?

Dude, if you have a problem, see a doctor, don't bring it on the wall.

Any one have nightmare bailage/partner stories?


Mountain climber
Sep 21, 2007 - 11:37am PT
Too bad. It could have been a gas.

Social climber
St. Looney
Sep 21, 2007 - 11:40am PT

bet you are happy you didn't share a tent with him. or maybe you did. that'd be even worse!
Toker Villain

Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
Sep 21, 2007 - 12:10pm PT
I had a "guiding the blind" gig in Boulder where a rather large client (one of eight having myself and two others as guides) shat his pants.

Oy vey!

In the after-climb discussion at a picnic table all the other clients kept moving away from him, and he would move to fill in the "gap" with the feces by now leaking out of his pants, and as the other blind clients jockey for position on the bench they began to acquire the leakage onto their own butts.

Sheesh what a mess!

Trad climber
So. Cal.
Sep 21, 2007 - 12:30pm PT
Thank you Lord Windesmere Milktoast.

Especially for the "Our sense of smell is in part based on taste. When we smell something we're actually sampling molecules of whatever it is that 'interests' us...So when we smell a shitty fart, we're basically tasting someone's shit!"

I had a similar experience midway up Fool's Rush on Taquitz.

I thought it was a fart, but realised it wasn't after it was too late.

When I got to the belay I had to take off my harness, my shorts, and my drawers, clean myself up, bury my drawers in the dirt, put my shorts and my harness back on, and then anchor myself.

As the anchor was a tree, my partner was yelling up at me wondering what the hell was taking so long. I kept yelling down that it was kind of a tricky anchor set-up I was working on, just be patient. When he joined me on the ledge, he took a long look at the anchor, which consisted of a sling wrapped around the tree, then a long look at me. He never said anything, but he must've known I was doing more than setting up a belay.

We didn't bail, though.
Alex Perry

Trad climber
Sep 21, 2007 - 12:48pm PT
hey you guys sure tell nice stories, real elevating. I guess it's true. You are what you talk about. This should rival the mountain meadows thread, for significant discourse. Look for them on the highlights page of superstupid, i mean, supertopo.

Ice climber
Ashland, Or
Sep 21, 2007 - 12:58pm PT
Bailed last week off a wall due to HEINOUS partner flatulance.

Weakest bailing excuse ever. Suck it up and admit that you are not worthy...don't pass the blame onto your partners.

Sharting is part of wall climbing. Get over it.

Sport climber
Tacoma, WA
Sep 21, 2007 - 01:13pm PT
Dingus - Your stories of flatulence had me crying here at work from laughter. Thanks for the good read!

Trad climber
Top of the Mountain Mun
Sep 21, 2007 - 01:20pm PT
I posted this one a while back....

Mother Nature is calling, says my crazy f-n buddy on the third pitch of Frogland. Dude, why didn't you do that on the ground. Ok, Ok., We're here on this big ledge, there is a big crack in the back, I'll watch the scenery while you take care of business.

CFB proceeds to take his pack off to prepare for the evacuation. I couldn't believe my eyes when the pack launched off of his back and landed in a tree 180 ft below. His water bladder turned to rainbows of water droplets as it disappeared over the edge.

While CFB takes care of business, I fix the rope for him to rappel down to his pack. Oh Oh Oh no, O M F G the stench from that crap discinigrated my nose hairs. CFB raps off and I am stuck on this ledge with the fowlest gut renching stench ever to eminate from a human. It's like I stuck my head in a septic tank.

The wind is blowing, but the smell is not moving. CFB retrieves his pack and I can not move as I have him on belay. Oh God, no, the s-stained toilet paper blows from the crack and is swirling around me. I want to remove my head and throw it up in the tree. Like skunk on a dog, the smell will not go away. 15 minutes later he returns, I rack up and am out of there lickety split. Two pitches later I can still not get that smell out of my nose.

To anyone who followed us, I am so sorry.

On another occasion ice climbing at Lee vining, we passed a large stinky brown streak half way up the wall. We were informed that on the previous day a climber was leading when he got the cramps and the sh##$$$ts and let her fly down the ice. That was not a pretty site.
'Pass the Pitons' Pete

Big Wall climber
like Oakville, Ontario, Canada, eh?
Sep 21, 2007 - 01:38pm PT
That has got to be the all-time lamest-ass excuse for bailing I have ever heard! It's not like there isn't wind on a big wall.

You're light! Shut up and climb. Sheesh.

[Heh heh, I said "lamest-ass"]

Trad climber
vagabon movin on
Sep 21, 2007 - 02:33pm PT
Try being 12 years old at camp in a horse line where the horse in front of you for 2 hrs named "Cisco" would let one loose every other trot....

They were audible fouls-

Trad climber
San Francisco, Ca
Sep 21, 2007 - 02:36pm PT
Had some beers last night at Hotel Utah. I don't think they've cleaned their lines since 1892. Anyway, my office smells so horrible right now I am dreading someone walking in. I want to keep the door open to encourage circulation, but fear a random visit. Between a rock and a hard place I guess.


Social climber
St. Looney
Sep 21, 2007 - 03:23pm PT
Still laughing. This stuff + Dingus' writing is almost more than I can take!

Social climber
92595, ca
Sep 21, 2007 - 03:45pm PT
partner shat on my rope once on the Prow. he had the runs for the whole climb. disgusting but WTF, he was my partner and we topped out.

brother came home once to find his son (my nephew) and 2 coeds nekked on the couch. All 3 had their legs spread lighting farts and laughing their arses off. My brother's only comment, "get off the couch or your going to burn the house down".
Big Breasted Woman

Trad climber
The Brown Crack
Sep 21, 2007 - 03:51pm PT
Hey Dingus! Check this out: www.fart-sounds.net. Once on that site, scroll done to "Fart Soundboard 1" and click on it.

Trad climber
Bay Area
Sep 21, 2007 - 05:19pm PT
farts on lead = jet propulsion
Ottawa Doug

Social climber
Ottawa, Canada
Sep 21, 2007 - 05:19pm PT
Dingus had me close to tears here at the warranty counter. What a great way to spend my evening. Laughter is sometimes the only way to make it through a day of retail/warranty.


Social climber
Sep 21, 2007 - 06:47pm PT
DMT you are my hero. Your tales of bodily function mishaps never fail to leave me crying and unable to breathe from uncontrollable fits of laughter. BBW, that fart soundboard is great, my dog came over and started sniffing the speakers on my laptop computer, priceless!

Social climber
Sep 21, 2007 - 08:50pm PT
Ahh yes- neanderthal humor The best kind, As a science teacher for the last 22 years I have had to perfect the lost art of fartriloquism.
Alas, even with my expertise, I will on occasion go "audible".
The one that stuck was when i was shooting a blowgun to demonstrate projectile motion. I figured I'm going to really zing the dart so I take a deep breath and blow-the dart jams- and the back pressure comes on me, in me, and then through me as I blast out a fart.
The worthless child in the front row, who never so much as breathed the entire year, comes to life and shouts "he farted!"
The mob scene from frankenstein was calm compared to my students as they ran out of my room grabbing anyone and shaking them saying "Mr. hobo farted"
The walk through the lunch room later that day was memorable as I could see many pointing and mouthing the words of an event best not repeated


Sep 21, 2007 - 09:22pm PT
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