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Brian Hench
Trad climber
Seattle, WA
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Nov 17, 2006 - 05:09pm PT
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Kenny, that is a great story. Thanks for taking the time to set it down on pap..., er...ones and zeros.
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Steve Grossman
Trad climber
Seattle, WA
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Nov 17, 2006 - 10:29pm PT
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The old Bonney guide to the Winds has classics such as, "This climb proceeds up grassy ledges..." which was the ticket to adventure, one rope in all, on the North Face of Mitchell (5.6). Spent all day looking for that easy 5.6 climbing.
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TGT
Social climber
So Cal
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Nov 17, 2006 - 10:41pm PT
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Magical Mistery Tour
" With a name like this it is inappropriate to say more than that the route ascends the difficult buttress between Sahara Terror and Whodenett......"
I always thought Wilts was the class act as far as understated guideboook humor. Especially since memorizing a tree identification page in the introduction was key to making sense of important route landmarks.
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GhostClimber
climber
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Nov 17, 2006 - 11:14pm PT
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quote G Nome
I once did a Todd Swain route at Josh that was rated with a star. I should have known it was a mistake. Another time I did a Todd Gordon route in Indian Cove that had a star. That was another mistake. I just didn't expect to be able to pull the bolt out of the rock with my fingers though.
Was the Swain route "Poetry in Motion"?
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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Nov 17, 2006 - 11:15pm PT
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Great story RRK!
And Steve, man I climbed the N.Face of Mitchell looking for that bloody 5.6 route too... gardening out bottoming cracks to put psychological gear way out somewhere, certainly not 5.6.
But we did find the chimneys at the top (I think) and pulled to the summit and into the sunlight (hurray!).
If you want humor, just pick either of the AAC Guides to the Canadian Rockies (North or South). One of them has a picture with the caption "One of the unclimbed faces of the Canadian Rockies." You have to have climbed there to know what a sick joke that is! In fact, the whole idea that you could write a guide to a mountain range which is falling apart faster than routes are repeated is sort of a perverse joke... but it does lead to cool adventures.
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Steve Grossman
Trad climber
Seattle, WA
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Nov 17, 2006 - 11:55pm PT
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Don't remember chimneys at the top, but several hundred feet of slab with no pro and climbing at lightening speed to avoid the lightening bolts from an impending afternoon deluge. Dressed in wool and a 60:40 jacket, we dearly wanted to avoid getting caught out. The climbing we did that day was 5.9 with every bit of scratching and clawing that the grade implies when you are off route and wandering about with something much friendlier in mind.
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Rich the Brit
Trad climber
San Ramon, CA
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Nov 18, 2006 - 12:49am PT
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Southern Yosemite Guide - not in the guide itself, but a buddy wrote a disclaimer on the front of his copy:
"The topos in this guide book are fictional. Any resemblence of the topos in this book to climbs in the Southern Yosemite area is purely coincidental"
I think I remember climbing a right facing corner that faced distinctively to the left...
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Rich the Brit
Trad climber
San Ramon, CA
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Nov 18, 2006 - 01:23am PT
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From Stanage Guidebook (UK Grit Stone)
"8m (and getting longer) VS 5a (and getting harder)"
"Have fear, there's no gear"
"Outrageously simian move at 2/3 height - only those with the correct genes need bother"
"Finish warily up the steep wall or wimp rightwards..."
"...with a potential Desmond a 6m" - for the unitiated Desmond Decker was an early Ska and Reggae artist.
"...move left brings an obvious Thank God pebble into reach."
"The second ledge provides a rest - lying sideways."
"Free beer for life to anyone who can both 1) find this route, and 2) climb it at this grade."
"...climbed direct to an elephants arse without a crease...from which a super swooper is possible."
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 18, 2006 - 11:43am PT
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Warbler, yep--Hairline.
And the Rat Poison route is Sunshine (and it's not really that bad!).
"...climbed direct to an elephants arse without a crease...from which a super swooper is possible."
And that is friggin' funny...
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noshoesnoshirt
climber
hither and yon
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Nov 18, 2006 - 11:58am PT
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The "Swainbow Wall" variation to the Original Route on the Rainbow Wall in Vegas. Todd's guid esays some blather about it being a more logical finish to the route. Also mentions something about it being good Eiger training - that should have been a tip-off. My partner and I had schlepped up to the wall planning on fixing and firing, and ended up climbing below a very, very slow party of 2 who dropped rocks and gear all fecking night (those poor gals were moving so slow they must have climbed 'til midnight to gain the Over the Rainbow ledge). We caught on the OtR ledge the next day and they hadn't even made a pitch up the dihedrals. Since the ledge wasn't that spacious, and we were about ready to kill them for the forced slow-down combined with the constant bombardment, we took the variation. Whatta POS. Loose sh#t everywhere, wandering line, shaky anchors, and we missed the esthetically pleasing dihedrals.
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Nov 18, 2006 - 12:38pm PT
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"...topos have too much info and not enough soul." Brilliant, Kevin!
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Steve Grossman
Trad climber
Seattle, WA
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Nov 18, 2006 - 05:54pm PT
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"Topos are highly detailed schematic drawings of routes. Designed to supplement or even replace the written description, topos are controversial in that they tend to make climbing a bit easier on the brain. Routefinding problems are simplified; one knows just where to expect a fixed piton or an off-route arch. They encourage climbers onto difficult routes because of their unshakable belief in the topo. Some topos have listed the actual pitons used per pitch. Topos assure speed records; they also lessen responsibility. No more querulous statements such as, "I'll just look around this corner," only "Here we are and where the hell's the belay bolt." In other words, part of the adventure of climbing is removed."
Visionary words from the Book of Green
Steve Roper Climber's Guide To Yosemite Valley 1971
No hammers, no bolts, no chalk, no topos! What will we lose to nostalgic longing next? hahaha
Here's a gem.
Aunt Fanny's Pantry
I, 5.3 Sheridan Anderson and Leo Le Bon, 1965
For some reason this route is very popular. Ninety feet left of The Book Of Revelations is an easy-appearing gully/chimney with a four-trunked oak growing a few feet above the ground. One hundred and fifty feet of obvious climbing leads to a brushy terrace. Climb part way up the left side of a pillar to reach the "pantry."
Just makes you want to check it out, don't it?
Speaking of humor, is this the only Valley FA for SA aka E.L. Woolfinger III?
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Rhodo-Router
Gym climber
Otto, NC
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Nov 18, 2006 - 11:12pm PT
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BK STYLE CAPS LOCK
IF YOU SCREW UP THE APPROACH YOU MIGHT THINK YOU HAVE WANDERED INTO THE MAN-EATING DEVIL THICKETS ON THE PLANET BALDAZAR.
Or something like that. Funny book.
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WoodySt
Trad climber
Riverside
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Nov 19, 2006 - 01:20am PT
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Red Rocks a month ago. We entered at the second turnout and were using the guide to lead us to the formation. We hiked along for awhile in a wash. The guide said continue for about one hundred yards, then turn left at a bush.
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 19, 2006 - 12:14pm PT
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Wow, I cannot believe that there was actually a tree limb that you could use to access Hairlne, you must have been light! And you say it's getting bigger/easier?? Look out!
Reminds me of when I went to Micky's Beach Crack with Belizzi. He was pissed that he couldn't send it that day, after having it wired: "Damn, this thing has gotten harder or something!"
It fell down a week later.
Using Roper's green guide to climb in the Valley is taking extra on adventure. I tried to scope Arches Direct once...Trying to find bushes that were there 30 years ago, you never know if they are trees now or just grass...
When I started climbing, it was a good day to get in 5 pitches on one or two routes. Now we aim for a Grade V or a couple of Grade IVs in a day. Topos, cams, and familiarity have made it possible to move faster.
More humor from my favorite guide:
"If you can't find this route, you're in the wrong sport."
Period, end of route description.
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
St. Louis
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Nov 19, 2006 - 02:09pm PT
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RRK, don't leave us hanging...what is the Cat in the Hat significance?
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Nov 19, 2006 - 05:46pm PT
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Kevin, I've got a copy of the old guide, somewhere. I'll see if I can find it.
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Nov 19, 2006 - 06:29pm PT
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Here's the pages from the red guide regarding the northeast buttress of higher cathedral:
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RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
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Nov 19, 2006 - 07:52pm PT
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Crimpergirl wrote:
"RRK, don't leave us hanging...what is the Cat in the Hat significance? "
oops - sorry. We were boozing it up the next day when the Cat-In-The-Hat" issue came up. Burt still clung to the belief that we had been somewhere on the same planet as his intended route. He looked in his "book" for "Cat-In"The-Hat" and declared that the book must have been published before the route because it was not listed anywhere near the route that he had intended to climb. I remembered someone telling me that Cat-In-The-Hat was one of the most popular routes at RR - in fact McMillian climbed it that same week with Alan Steck so the name was fresh on my mind. I took Burt's book away from him and started looking in other canyons and presto - there it was . We only missed our destination by 5 miles or so which is not bad if you're talking nuclear weapons but pretty poor marksmanship for somebody with a map. I love to tell this story on Burt because he is always the most reliable and reflective person in our group and his judgment in these matters is generally beyond reproach. The story was just to illustrate our overall ineptitude with maps and guidebooks and to show the fun that you can have when you approach these situations with good humor. Many of our best routes were discovered while attempting to escape from some predicament of our own making.
RRK
PS - one pitch that we climbed a few years back was very accurately described in the guide as a "short but alarming pitch". The second time up we bypassed it. Anybody got a guess?
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Wild Bill
climber
Ca
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Feb 28, 2007 - 01:00am PT
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Bump, because it's climbing.
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