Everything In Australia is Trying to Kill You (OT)


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Topic Author's Original Post - Jul 27, 2014 - 08:39pm PT

And they don't even mention the deadly coral


the platypus


and the ants



Jul 27, 2014 - 08:49pm PT
Funny stuff E.

We headed up up to a climb at Arapiles, and we politely let the local Aussies who arrived nearly at the same time (slightly lagging) go first. It turned out that being overly polite was the wisest move of the trip we shortly learn. The man leads, woman follows: "Bloody hell" she says even though not far off the deck, "did ya see the Funnel Web Spider dear? "Uhhh, no", dear confessed to not seeing it (RIGHT IN THE CRACK AS IT TURNS OUT.]

I asked her: "how did you determine it's a Funnel Web Spider?"

She pauses and stares at me like I'm daft or making sport (she's following a climb but only up @ 12 feet) before noting: "Well the funnel web right here (points to a funnel shaped web right in the crack) is a dead giveaway". After the inevitable pregnant pause - I apologized for being both a dumbass and a yank as well. She says, "you'll be fine if you used these face holds over here"(to the left) and don't stick yer fingers in the crack nearby here (pointing at the funnel shaped web seemingly less than 2 feet away from her face).

Examination of bite records has implicated wandering males in most if not all fatal funnel-web bites to humans.

More info why you do not thrust your fingers into cracks blindly can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_funnel-web_spider but they thankfully do have an anti-venom which will save your life if you screw up. For myself, it wasn't my lead, I didn't volunteer, and I was much much more than 2 feet away as I went by. I spent the rest of the trip and every climb I was on looking for webs, but fortunately saw none perhaps because we stayed on the better established routes.

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Jul 27, 2014 - 09:33pm PT
Geez, no love for the snakes? It's the only place with more poisonous than non-poisonous
snakes, including three of the world's four most poisonous or the top four by another list. *
According to the Australian Venom Research Unit they have 20 of the 25 most toxic snakes!

*Inland Taipan
Eastern Brown
'regular' or Coastal Taipan
Tiger snake

Jul 28, 2014 - 12:26am PT
Not long ago I provided the reference to a presentation by Douglas Adams on this precise subject. He is dead now so there is no point in repeating myself. And I never repeat myself anyway. There is already little enough reason for me to speak in the first instance, If you do find his talk on parrots and the universe, you will have done yourself a favor.
Ben Emery

Trad climber
Australia via Bay Area via Australia...
Jul 28, 2014 - 04:37am PT
Everything In Australia is Trying to Kill You

Not true; the koalas will just give you chlamydia (well, if you're inclined to get that friendly with them) and the kookaburras just want to steal your lunch.

As far as the funnel webs go, the Sydney funnel webs (which are the ones with the capacity to cause you real grief) are not found anywhere near Araps. Which isn't to say there wasn't something in the crack that wouldn't have given you a nibble, couchmaster, but it was unlikely to be fatal :-)

Other than stumbling across the odd brown snake(generally in a hurry to get away) the worst threats I've come across at Araps are the other campers who want to serenade the entire campground with bongos or their new guitar-chords-in-three-easy-steps skills until all hours. And maybe the sandbagged Kevin Lindorff routes.
goatboy smellz

Jul 28, 2014 - 05:01am PT

Trad climber
Nedsterdam CO
Jul 28, 2014 - 06:52am PT
Platypus venom? That's a new one for me.
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jul 28, 2014 - 07:16am PT
My sheila loves the Western Ozzy fishing movies.

Replay is edited into the end of the clip, after the rehash among the party.

Where's Dundee when ya need 'um?

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Jul 28, 2014 - 08:42am PT
Ben Emery, nice try, but it won't fly. We believe Mr E. I go straight from the Sheraton to Bondi
for a barbie and a look at the sheilas, but you won't catch me going into the bloody water.

Jul 28, 2014 - 08:56am PT
Face climbing good...


Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
Jul 28, 2014 - 09:44am PT
And then there is "death by kangaroo." 60% of all traffic deaths in Australia involving animals are caused by kangaroos.

Boulder climber
Salt Lake, UT
Jul 28, 2014 - 10:46am PT
And wombats...don't forget those. One of them bit me.

Of course I was reaching into its cage at a wild animal park, so probably my own fault.

Sport climber
Jul 28, 2014 - 10:48am PT

Backpackers are warned against humanoid Australian serial killers...

Trad climber
Millbrae, CA
Jul 28, 2014 - 01:27pm PT
It's a terrifying place. If I ever go I will only go to the Opera, go to the beautiful beaches, put on lots of sunblock, and only go ankle deep in the water, and then visit the beautiful cities where I will only walk on concrete and avoid all animal life while on the way to excellent restaurants where I will eat great food and drink wonderful wine. But I won't go anywhere near those deadly climbing areas.

Topic Author's Reply - Jul 28, 2014 - 05:53pm PT
It just doesn't end - someone seemed to have forgotten the plant killers...



Jul 28, 2014 - 05:57pm PT
It was originally a prison colony for all the bad animals

Topic Author's Reply - Jul 28, 2014 - 05:58pm PT
^^OOOO! English Slam with a muffin and marmalade!

Topic Author's Reply - Jul 28, 2014 - 07:57pm PT
Well, almost everything...

Native nudity alert!


Jul 28, 2014 - 10:35pm PT
David Gulpilil grew up in the bush, absent any contact with non aboriginal peoples. Walkabout was his first film. He also made "The Tracker" wherein he was made to walk while the rest of the party rode horses. If you watch carefully you will see in his stride he raises his knees unusually high. Based upon his upbringing I am led to wonder if that gait may be more energy efficient. On the other hand it may also be more effective in avoiding funnel spiders. Fascinating.

I have the answer to your problem. Just give some thought to the whether she knows whether dimensions not lying in the TEV brane can be infinite. This lady knows.

There. That ought to fix your heart.

Oh, and I almost forgot. She climbs.

Social climber
CHC, en zed
Jul 29, 2014 - 12:25am PT
Come to Australia, you might get accidentally killed

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