real men

Having partnered BB on our last trip to Baffin, where I admittedly climbed too slow while leading the fourth A5 5.14cX pitch in 32 minutes, I can report the following:

Burt declared me way light after my slow pitch, and took over. He threw me in the pig, put it on his back, and proceed to hike the next 27 pitches, 25 of them 5.13c or harder and up to 5.14d A6M (the "M" is for Manly pitch, obviously, no women need apply - as if they'd ever get out of the kitchen anyway) , in a little under 2 hrs. Back to back 5.14bR slab pitches slowed him a bit due to having to dig the microscope out of the pig to identify the actual holds on the pitch, hence the slow time.

It was still a car to car...well, sea kayak to sea kayak time of 6:47:23, a world record and as Burt frequently reminded me, he could have gone twice as fast solo without dragging me along as ballast. The paddle from Baffin out to the Atlantic, down the coast, and eventually into NYC was achieved in 17hrs, against a 27knot headwind with two stops to bludgeon great white sharks to death with his bare hands, for our sushi course to sustain the journey.

Burt of course lead the way and towed me behind in the inflatable. He was greeted with a fitting hero's welcome when we reached Manhattan, by none other than Donald Trump himself, who gave a yooouuuggge, classy, very classy party with the Slovakian Super Model team atop the Trump Plaza hotel, and accommodations in the Presidential Suite. He pitched Burt on being his VP running mate, but of course Burt plays second fiddle to no man, not even THE DONALD.

While I bench 460, squat 725 for reps, and have 19in guns on a 5'9"

Last I saw him, he was ridiculing me and joking about turning in my man-card. He said his next objective has something to do with overthrowing Putin and re-naming The Russian Federation to Burtland, as he views Mother Russia as one of the last bastions of true hardmen, where teenage boys wrestle polar bears and presidents rule with iron fists. Of course the women folk stay where they belong - cooking borscht, suckling babies, and sweeping the dirt floors. He couldn't get into details, lest the intel compromise his coup, although I suspect once the russians get a look at a true man like Burt, they will cower in fear, bow at his feet, and welcome their new manly overlord.

.........last bastion of the caps lock