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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
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"Fuk me gently with a chainsaw!"
funny becuase that was in the news. some gal went to the hospital for some sex toy thing rigged to a table saw or something.
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MisterE
Social climber
Cinderella Story, Outa Nowhere
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 6, 2011 - 02:26am PT
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Wayno
Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
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Now I can say I've heard it all.
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Aya K
Trad climber
New York
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I swear I posted this, no??
At the tower last summer, on Soler, I got first pitch, after much effort and not a small amount of hanging, second who shall remain nameless finally arrives; I've been there about an hour at the stupid hanging belay and I know the second pitch is supposed to be harder, and so offer to take the next pitch too, but no no no. So first move off the belay, what does my partner do?
Following that was a lot of grunting, panting, and mostly french freeing. After about 40 minutes of "Take take take!! *panting* Ok! Slack slack, climbing! *grunt* Take take take!"
I get "Every time you don't take hard enough, I have to re-aid this, you know!"
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G_Gnome
Trad climber
In the mountains... somewhere...
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Apr 15, 2011 - 11:59pm PT
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Heard from an observer at the Apes Wall at Malibu Creek recently:
Pull Harder!!!!
Not you, the belayer!
California semi-free, gym style climbing, involves constant hanging on the rope with each upward move supported by hard pulling by the belayer. When the climber finally reaches the top, after an hour or so to go 60 feet, he is ecstatic. F@cking clueless is what...
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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Apr 16, 2011 - 03:18am PT
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"
California semi-free, gym style climbing, involves constant hanging on the rope with each upward move supported by hard pulling by the belayer. When the climber finally reaches the top, after an hour or so to go 60 feet, he is ecstatic. F@cking clueless is what... "
One of the more baffling aspects of climbing. Right up there with the persistant mentor who beckons to the flailing toproper, taught rope and saggy genetalia and all, "just grab that hold there, move your foot up, there's a jug, unweight the rope and grab the jug, no with your hands. Now pull on it, yes, no, pull DOWN on the jug, put your feet on the rock, no not together, on the footholds, no don't use the rope..."
Look, if you're taking someone new up, they get 15 minutes. 15 minutes to climb ~100 feet. If they are hanging longer than that you will be instilling some kind of strange fetish dealing with a one-size-fits-all harness and ruptured testicles, complete with a climax when they finally top out. Not worth it.
On sail away a while back:
Climber - "This climb is great nutting practice!"
Belayer - "Your mom is great nutting practice."
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this just in
climber
north fork
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Apr 16, 2011 - 11:55am PT
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Fuk me gently with a chainsaw is my new favorite saying and should be a route name. This thread Rocks!!!!!
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JesN
climber
far away
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Apr 16, 2011 - 12:12pm PT
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A climber and his girlfriend (not a climber) are at a boulder. She's watching him do his climbing thing, not really interested in trying herself. He finally persuades her to try something "really easy". Hesitant, she gives it a go. First move, hand jam. "OOUCH" she screamed as her hand is ripped from the wedge.
"This stupid rock! It gave me, what do you call em, rock herpes?"
"Gobies, they are called gobies."
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MisterE
Social climber
Cinderella Story, Outa Nowhere
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 16, 2011 - 09:15pm PT
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OK, one more - overheard when an excited boy in Joshua Tree asks his new climbing girlfriend:
"Have you soloed The Eye?"
Girl responds:
"If any of your questions start with 'Have you soloed dot,dot,dot?' the answer is ALWAYS no."
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Bldrjac
Ice climber
Boulder
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Apr 16, 2011 - 10:49pm PT
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A friend and I were just in Grindlewald looking up at the Eiger, completely covered in a coat of winter snow. Six parties had just retreated.
My client who is just 19 years old and very gung-ho, looked at me and earnestly asked," what's the problem? It's only rated 5.8?"......we got a good laugh out of that.
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DanaB
climber
Philadelphia
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Apr 17, 2011 - 09:13am PT
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We were at Smith Rock a few years after sport climbing really started getting popular, siting down next to the trail and reading the guide. Two young hotshots come walking by, and then stop for a breather. They have gorgeous lyrca, 2% body fat, hair gel, neon harnesses, quickdraws all neatly racked and color coordinated to their sexy tank taps - they were just f*#king beautiful, they really were. One of them looks over at us and eyes up our fashion disaster clothing, home-made, mismatched slings, rack filled with booty biners, mangled wired nuts, and first-generation Friends. Turns to his partner and says: "Look. It's the Flintstones."
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Captain...or Skully
climber
My ready room
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Apr 17, 2011 - 09:17am PT
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Haha! Now THAT'S funny.....Great quips in here, ya'll.
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Tahoe climber
climber
Davis these days
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Nov 22, 2011 - 12:23pm PT
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Wait. That's not chalk! That's PIGEON SH#T!!!
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tolman_paul
Trad climber
Anchorage, AK
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Nov 22, 2011 - 12:36pm PT
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Fuk me gently with a chainsaw
It's a line from the movie Heathers.
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nita
Social climber
chica de chico, I don't claim to be a daisy.
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Nov 22, 2011 - 12:41pm PT
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Wish Mr and Mrs E were still posting.
plus 1..
Hey newlyweds, how goes it?
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Fish Finder
Social climber
THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART
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Nov 22, 2011 - 01:01pm PT
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Ya and if your lurking Eric,
I wanted to thank you guys for being so generous and sharing not only wine & champagne from your wedding ,but also a special marinade that E made.
I just slow cooked a pork roast that had been soaking in it for a few days.
It was Frickin Fantastic.
Thanks E and Muppet.
Gregg
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briham89
Trad climber
los gatos. ca
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Nov 22, 2011 - 01:37pm PT
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Little bit lower...little bit lower...STOP! Too far, UP!
sounds like prom night in high school....
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HighTraverse
Trad climber
Bay Area
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Nov 22, 2011 - 01:52pm PT
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If you carry bivvy gear, you will Many years ago.
As a partner and I were staring up at Sentinel and discussing what gear we'd have to take on the Steak Salad. "bivvy bag, small stove, top ramen". I think it was Ron Kauk overheard us and gave us his pearl of wisdom.
A couple of years before that, struggling up P1 of the South Face of the Column. The sloping slab clawing at our haul bag. Some rocks come tumbling down. BIG rocks and we duck up against the back wall to hide.
Soon a head appears over the lip, on rappel. English accented: It's all safe now BloodyHell is what I still think when I remember it.
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sac
Trad climber
Sun Coast B.C.
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Dec 21, 2011 - 12:55pm PT
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One time... my Friend B. and I were a ways up NE Buttress if Higher Cathedral.
There was this dude... w/ glasses on, working on freeing this huge roof crack up ,and to the right of our route.
I was waiting @the belay,all was very quiet, when I heard a terrible blood curdling scream, like a scream! Yeah, freaked me out, thinking the dude w/ the glasses was... anyway, a pause,quiet again, and then I hear a yell:
"Send up the hammer, the pins, and the weed"
Perently there was no fall, dude w/ the glasses dropped his cam, and was quite upset.
Good times.
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originalpmac
Mountain climber
Anywhere I like
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Dec 21, 2011 - 01:43pm PT
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While new routing a four pitch aid line (ouray) bro is up there pounding a bolt says to me "send me up that weed". Takes a couple of puffs, continues to hammer. Me "send back down that weed" we had a good laugh on that one.
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