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MisterE
Social climber
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Topic Author's Original Post - May 27, 2010 - 01:16pm PT
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There's a couple of other threads on "overheard", but one is about dumb stuff:
Stoopedest-thing-you-overheard-while-climbing
and the other is Facelift-specific:
Overheard-at-Facelift-Freelance-Reporting
Hey, if Climbing can do it...
I have two:
Climbing at Smith rock in the late 90's, me and my buddy ended up next to a French couple. They were talking to another duo of climbers next to them about coffee. The French guy was telling him about how much the French love their coffee. One of the other guys commented he was from Seattle, and it was a big coffee town. The French guy looks at him with complete disdain and says:
"Zees iz not a coffee town, zees is a milk town!" (apparently a reference to the "latte")
The Doctor and I were working on a few new routes in Sedona with a group, and David is trying to work out some sequences on top-rope. He is calling out to be lowered a bit at a time, and I heard:
"Little bit lower...little bit lower...STOP! Too far, UP!"
The belayer instinctively put all his weight on the device, but it did little. We all started laughing...up...hahaha
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
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May 27, 2010 - 02:37pm PT
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was just looking for an 'overheard' thread. ahaha good timing man
just saw this posted by a solid wall soloist...
[BW] Soloing has to be the biggest mind f*#k ever. Probably worse than girlfriends.
I'll let him cop to it. But I cracked a big old guffaw. funny becuz it's true.
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MisterE
Social climber
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Topic Author's Reply - May 29, 2010 - 01:17am PT
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Apparently, me and Mungie are the only ones that have overheard anything climbing-related that wasn't stupid or Faceliftcentric.
Carry on.
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corniss chopper
Mountain climber
san jose, ca
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May 29, 2010 - 01:38am PT
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OT - but very memorable and in Yosemite so..
Met a couple, going up, post holing our ski track, a mile higher than the bridge above the Snow Creek switch backs. w/ day packs!
They asked us how long it would take them to get to Half Dome.
Asked them if they had a map but they said they forgot it.
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Tony Bird
climber
Northridge, CA
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May 29, 2010 - 01:46am PT
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tourist at yosemite (1980s):
"they all have names, but it just looks like rock to me."
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bergbryce
Mountain climber
Berkeley, CA
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May 29, 2010 - 01:51am PT
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A friend overheard a dad in El Cap Meadows say to his family... "you know, all those climbers are a bunch of dirtballs, but you gotta admire what they do."
Stupid touron, we're dirtbags, not dirtballs.
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cintune
climber
the Moon and Antarctica
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Jul 16, 2010 - 10:11pm PT
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Heard a pretty good one today:
I love how the guy who says: "It's all about footwork," has forearms the size of tree trunks.
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mac&cheeze
Social climber
sl,ut
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Jul 17, 2010 - 02:07am PT
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zion, more than once in a day
"so you pound those clamps(cams) into the rock?"
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sac
Trad climber
spuzzum
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Jul 17, 2010 - 02:26am PT
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Whyyy... dang it...just the other DAY... at the crag...
I OVERHEARD someone:
"What kind of OIL did you put on your BOOTY !
Yep.
Good thing it was a "climbing related" question...
Yikes.
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MisterE
Social climber
Bouncy Tiggerville
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 17, 2010 - 03:29am PT
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Thanks for the bump, Cintune.
At Smith Rock, ran into a tourist who eyed my friends 'biners and quipped:
"I got snap-links just like those on my tractor back in Iowa!"
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climbingtrash
Trad climber
Virgin, Utah
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Jul 17, 2010 - 08:04am PT
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While at Indian Creek a few years ago...
Male climber steps away from the crag to water a Juniper.
Female climber calls out: "If I can guess what you got in yur hand can I have a lick?"
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Gersh
Trad climber
San Diego, Ca
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Jul 19, 2010 - 01:48am PT
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Mid 80's at Cochiti mesa with Mickey the Japanese scientist who had just arrived on U.S. soil, hired by Los Alamos National Laboratory for something he couldn't be "too revealing with". We were in high school and rolling the first J he ever saw. "Illicit cigarette?...I never tried..." as he takes a couple of huge-@ss gackin' hits of some high quality and takes off into the northern New Mexico twilight. Police might have been involved later.
Same weekend, the Santa Fe hard-man Jean de Lataillade first notices us, as we drink some afternoon beers in the shade. (with ultimate distain)..."Cheap beer for lunch? No wonder you Americans are such shitty free climbers."
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Fuzzywuzzy
climber
suspendedhappynation
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Jul 19, 2010 - 12:07pm PT
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"Up rope......up rope.....UP ROPE, I AM NOT MOVING!!!!!"
"Watch me.... I'm going vertical".
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ydpl8s
Trad climber
Santa Monica, California
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Jul 19, 2010 - 02:06pm PT
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I was about 40 ft up and I hear a loud stage "cough" from my belayer. I look down and see all 3 of my copperhead placements (hate those things!) have popped out and slid down to his rope hand (yes, they all should've had runners on them). He says, "you might consider putting something GOOD in, as soon as you can!"...as he steps to the side to not be in my direct fall line.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Jul 19, 2010 - 03:56pm PT
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"Junior(I forget the name of the kid) - Remember what we said about being in the wilderness; no yelling!"
Said to toddler who was playing on the Welcome Boulder at the Gunks, and exclaiming his happiness in a voice which most would consider a normal child volume, and not yelling in any way.
Of course that wasn't "wilderness," but the parents were teaching their child something important, something that so many neglect - to be respectful when in natural settings(I had written "when in nature" but....well, that creates some strange imagery.
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pc
climber
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Jul 19, 2010 - 03:58pm PT
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"How'd you get the dope up there?"
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Jingy
Social climber
Nowhere
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Jul 19, 2010 - 04:04pm PT
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I always liked the mid-crux yalp of "uh, that holds off route!!!!"
there goes that on-site attempt!!!
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Captain...or Skully
Big Wall climber
Transporter Room 2
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Jul 19, 2010 - 05:15pm PT
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Which Dope?
The one on lead or the sack in the pack?
;-)
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MisterE
Social climber
Cinderella Story, Outa Nowhere
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 5, 2011 - 11:00pm PT
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Two from the ladies:
1. Kelly, a friend of Skip's yells down during a lead:
"fuuuuk! I need a cam as big as my head!"
2. Our friend Alicia. Quiet, girl-next-door type...until she gets gripped on a climb - then she turns into the Tourette-syndrome girl. Yelled at us from a particularly gripping lead:
"Fuk me gently with a chainsaw!"
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Jingy
climber
Somewhere out there
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thanks for the flashbacks!!!
Never knew those posts existed
(or maybe I found out late again)
Jul 19, 2010 - 01:04pm PT
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
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"Fuk me gently with a chainsaw!"
funny becuase that was in the news. some gal went to the hospital for some sex toy thing rigged to a table saw or something.
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MisterE
Social climber
Cinderella Story, Outa Nowhere
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 6, 2011 - 02:26am PT
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Wayno
Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
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Now I can say I've heard it all.
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Aya K
Trad climber
New York
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I swear I posted this, no??
At the tower last summer, on Soler, I got first pitch, after much effort and not a small amount of hanging, second who shall remain nameless finally arrives; I've been there about an hour at the stupid hanging belay and I know the second pitch is supposed to be harder, and so offer to take the next pitch too, but no no no. So first move off the belay, what does my partner do?
Following that was a lot of grunting, panting, and mostly french freeing. After about 40 minutes of "Take take take!! *panting* Ok! Slack slack, climbing! *grunt* Take take take!"
I get "Every time you don't take hard enough, I have to re-aid this, you know!"
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G_Gnome
Trad climber
In the mountains... somewhere...
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Apr 15, 2011 - 11:59pm PT
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Heard from an observer at the Apes Wall at Malibu Creek recently:
Pull Harder!!!!
Not you, the belayer!
California semi-free, gym style climbing, involves constant hanging on the rope with each upward move supported by hard pulling by the belayer. When the climber finally reaches the top, after an hour or so to go 60 feet, he is ecstatic. F@cking clueless is what...
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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Apr 16, 2011 - 03:18am PT
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"
California semi-free, gym style climbing, involves constant hanging on the rope with each upward move supported by hard pulling by the belayer. When the climber finally reaches the top, after an hour or so to go 60 feet, he is ecstatic. F@cking clueless is what... "
One of the more baffling aspects of climbing. Right up there with the persistant mentor who beckons to the flailing toproper, taught rope and saggy genetalia and all, "just grab that hold there, move your foot up, there's a jug, unweight the rope and grab the jug, no with your hands. Now pull on it, yes, no, pull DOWN on the jug, put your feet on the rock, no not together, on the footholds, no don't use the rope..."
Look, if you're taking someone new up, they get 15 minutes. 15 minutes to climb ~100 feet. If they are hanging longer than that you will be instilling some kind of strange fetish dealing with a one-size-fits-all harness and ruptured testicles, complete with a climax when they finally top out. Not worth it.
On sail away a while back:
Climber - "This climb is great nutting practice!"
Belayer - "Your mom is great nutting practice."
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this just in
climber
north fork
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Apr 16, 2011 - 11:55am PT
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Fuk me gently with a chainsaw is my new favorite saying and should be a route name. This thread Rocks!!!!!
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JesN
climber
far away
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Apr 16, 2011 - 12:12pm PT
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A climber and his girlfriend (not a climber) are at a boulder. She's watching him do his climbing thing, not really interested in trying herself. He finally persuades her to try something "really easy". Hesitant, she gives it a go. First move, hand jam. "OOUCH" she screamed as her hand is ripped from the wedge.
"This stupid rock! It gave me, what do you call em, rock herpes?"
"Gobies, they are called gobies."
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MisterE
Social climber
Cinderella Story, Outa Nowhere
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 16, 2011 - 09:15pm PT
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OK, one more - overheard when an excited boy in Joshua Tree asks his new climbing girlfriend:
"Have you soloed The Eye?"
Girl responds:
"If any of your questions start with 'Have you soloed dot,dot,dot?' the answer is ALWAYS no."
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Bldrjac
Ice climber
Boulder
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Apr 16, 2011 - 10:49pm PT
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A friend and I were just in Grindlewald looking up at the Eiger, completely covered in a coat of winter snow. Six parties had just retreated.
My client who is just 19 years old and very gung-ho, looked at me and earnestly asked," what's the problem? It's only rated 5.8?"......we got a good laugh out of that.
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DanaB
climber
Philadelphia
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Apr 17, 2011 - 09:13am PT
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We were at Smith Rock a few years after sport climbing really started getting popular, siting down next to the trail and reading the guide. Two young hotshots come walking by, and then stop for a breather. They have gorgeous lyrca, 2% body fat, hair gel, neon harnesses, quickdraws all neatly racked and color coordinated to their sexy tank taps - they were just f*#king beautiful, they really were. One of them looks over at us and eyes up our fashion disaster clothing, home-made, mismatched slings, rack filled with booty biners, mangled wired nuts, and first-generation Friends. Turns to his partner and says: "Look. It's the Flintstones."
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Captain...or Skully
climber
My ready room
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Apr 17, 2011 - 09:17am PT
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Haha! Now THAT'S funny.....Great quips in here, ya'll.
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Tahoe climber
climber
Davis these days
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Nov 22, 2011 - 12:23pm PT
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Wait. That's not chalk! That's PIGEON SH#T!!!
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tolman_paul
Trad climber
Anchorage, AK
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Nov 22, 2011 - 12:36pm PT
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Fuk me gently with a chainsaw
It's a line from the movie Heathers.
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nita
Social climber
chica de chico, I don't claim to be a daisy.
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Nov 22, 2011 - 12:41pm PT
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Wish Mr and Mrs E were still posting.
plus 1..
Hey newlyweds, how goes it?
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Fish Finder
Social climber
THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART
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Nov 22, 2011 - 01:01pm PT
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Ya and if your lurking Eric,
I wanted to thank you guys for being so generous and sharing not only wine & champagne from your wedding ,but also a special marinade that E made.
I just slow cooked a pork roast that had been soaking in it for a few days.
It was Frickin Fantastic.
Thanks E and Muppet.
Gregg
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briham89
Trad climber
los gatos. ca
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Nov 22, 2011 - 01:37pm PT
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Little bit lower...little bit lower...STOP! Too far, UP!
sounds like prom night in high school....
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HighTraverse
Trad climber
Bay Area
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Nov 22, 2011 - 01:52pm PT
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If you carry bivvy gear, you will Many years ago.
As a partner and I were staring up at Sentinel and discussing what gear we'd have to take on the Steak Salad. "bivvy bag, small stove, top ramen". I think it was Ron Kauk overheard us and gave us his pearl of wisdom.
A couple of years before that, struggling up P1 of the South Face of the Column. The sloping slab clawing at our haul bag. Some rocks come tumbling down. BIG rocks and we duck up against the back wall to hide.
Soon a head appears over the lip, on rappel. English accented: It's all safe now BloodyHell is what I still think when I remember it.
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sac
Trad climber
Sun Coast B.C.
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Dec 21, 2011 - 12:55pm PT
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One time... my Friend B. and I were a ways up NE Buttress if Higher Cathedral.
There was this dude... w/ glasses on, working on freeing this huge roof crack up ,and to the right of our route.
I was waiting @the belay,all was very quiet, when I heard a terrible blood curdling scream, like a scream! Yeah, freaked me out, thinking the dude w/ the glasses was... anyway, a pause,quiet again, and then I hear a yell:
"Send up the hammer, the pins, and the weed"
Perently there was no fall, dude w/ the glasses dropped his cam, and was quite upset.
Good times.
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originalpmac
Mountain climber
Anywhere I like
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Dec 21, 2011 - 01:43pm PT
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While new routing a four pitch aid line (ouray) bro is up there pounding a bolt says to me "send me up that weed". Takes a couple of puffs, continues to hammer. Me "send back down that weed" we had a good laugh on that one.
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Bobert
Trad climber
boulder, Colorado
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Dec 21, 2011 - 03:21pm PT
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Years ago just after I opened my climbing shop, a customer came in and asked "You got any of those Cretons?"
My friend Bob Beal was manning the counter. He pulled on his mustache for awhile then said "You mean Pitons."
"Yeah, yeah, that's it. My shoe size is 10."
Bob handed him a Long Dong and said "That oughta do it."
Customer left happy.
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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May 23, 2015 - 11:36am PT
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Way way way back in the day, Alan Watts to Scott Davis after we did West Face of Monkey Face.
"What? You aided the first pitch? You can't do that, I've almost completely freed it now!"
Scott replies, " Yeah, ....you know that little tip jam way up there near the anchor? It's a hand jam now."
(Said totally to wind Alan up, which of course it did.)
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Gary
Social climber
Where in the hell is Major Kong?
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Jul 12, 2016 - 02:12pm PT
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OK, one more - overheard when an excited boy in Joshua Tree asks his new climbing girlfriend:
"Have you soloed The Eye?"
Girl responds:
"If any of your questions start with 'Have you soloed dot,dot,dot?' the answer is ALWAYS no."
The Eye was one of the first leads for my wife. She actually took a nice little whipper on it, but got back on the rock and finished. There was a group of cub scouts up there, and when she popped up into the eye one of the scouts gets this wide-eyed look and says, "IT'S A MOM!"
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