Random Acts of Writing. (psst. off topic)

Shortly after his triumphal return to the USA from a really, very fine Asian Presidential Ad campaign, Great Leader trump huddled with A.G.Sessions. The A.G. had just finished perjuring himself to Congressional interrogators. The substance of the meeting of the two predators centered on the three UCLA basketball players whom the President saved from "30-50 years at hard labor' in the Excellent Songgong Rehabilitation Facility in Gangrape, China.

Mr. Sessions said to trump "Them three boys wouldn't last one minute in one of those Chinese toenail factories. You tell 'em that, Mr. Trump, and tell 'em they owe their physcal (sic) health and sexyal self-respect to the fact that you pulled old Z's arm near outen its socket. Showed the Chinese we kick butt. Sir"

The elfin Sessions added "Course, them boys'll never get a job in the U.S.and A., long as you're at the rudder of State, and I got my shillelagh in the water. Hell's bells, we can lock 'em up here in our own great country. Shoot 'em, on a as-needed basis. At long last, it (sic) open season on colored boys, and I swear, my asthma and rheumatism's the best they been since Ronnie Reagan was slashin' the marginal tax rate and pimpin' 'welfare mothers'."

For two powerful men who despised each other, they shared a hearty laugh. The slight Attorney General, as a result of his feet not reaching the floor in front of his velvet-upholstered Queen Ann side chair, consistently spilled his swee' tea (sweetened iced tea), on the carpet, drawing ants. The President, not amused, sipped from his can of Diet Coke and scratched his nuts.

It is not fair to say that the United States of America is adrift. We are on a true and steady heading. No one great mind could have done it alone. Like one of those uneaten fruit cakes, there are many components, components that lead us toward a fatal collision with history. Fixings such as Vladimir Putin, the Koch Siamese twins, Mad Dog Mattis, Donald J. trump, the Steve Siamese twins, Bannon and Miller, and a candied fruit mix of DeVos, Zinke, Perry, Pruitt, Tillerson, Carson, with Mnuchin added as a lubricant and anti-drying agent. Ivanka, Donnie Jr., and Eric, each less than a trace. Hope, Huckabee and KellyAnne to preempt spoilage.

And who benefits from this madness? I suppose the top .1%, numbering at most 320,000 people. Throw in the mortuary owners who specialize in "preventable deaths resulting from no health insurance", and a score of yacht dealers.

Now, mull around in your mind two more figures. The remaining Americans, the scant 320,000,000 folks, who survive on stagnant wages, no retirement, shrinking health insurance, dying Medicare and Medicaid. The second number is 3,200,000. If just one in a hundred Americans has, and uses a pitchfork, there are three million, two hundred thousand pitchforks.

An editorial comment: One pitchfork is an agricultural tool. Millions of pitchforks are quite another thing.

President pro-temp Donald trump waited in the 4 million dollar armored Hummer limo as an under-the-table Haitian employee of Mar a Lago scurried into a Palm Beach Get-n-Go Convenience Store for the seventeenth time over the last month. Why was Maurice DuChamps shopping for the president? Paulo Rodriquez, owner of the Get-n-Go franchise, earlier revealed that "Mr. Trump, he is investing in the Power Ball with Power Play, plus the Mega Millions, as he has certain, pues, obligations to the Mafia of the Russians."

A surly black-shirted security fullback sporting a smart submachine gun grabbed Mr. Rodriquez by the throat and pasted a duck tape "silencer" across the man's face, tased him and left a warning letter signed by the president. It looked a lot like those big steakhouse menus favored by trump as he scuttles the USA.

I hid behind, of all things, the Cheetos display, unnoticed by Trump's thug. He rifled Mr. Rodriguez' pockets, stole two packs of Newport smokes and dragged the Haitian employee back to the armored limo.

I don't know how I'm going to relate this incident to my wife, who watches Fox News day and night. I'd best keep the whole incident to myself.

Sir, esteem goodbud-dy, royal loyal Americain, Sir,

Has comed to mine attention!! You have, how to say, soft streak when pertane to peoples colored.

Andthen thusly, getsing to "good part" where I asking you to sending many many dollar/rupee to for helping brother mine, Sha-Douchi, getting baling out ov hospital where treating for "only other person infectad by said venerable disease, except monkeys and Americain Presidencetrumps."

Linguage never not mine strongbox, and sensing godliness on your parting, I fell upone knee, both, asking, Sir, for said remittanceance PayPal except.

Praise gods upon your presumed souls in Baghatvannashi Gitmo, copyrights perfectible.

Pygmy Joe Joe, Shrinipur

Post Toasties Script:: Black Beemer 730i no is mine. Belong to "Bad Guy Fil," kissinga cousin Duterte by marriaging.

Above sling of hash protected. FBI, Interpol act upon violations. Just sayin'.

Lots of people are saying that the President, hard at work in the deserted White House, has invited "a team of wonderful people, patriots, wonderful people" most of whom have pleaded guilty to arms charges, interstate transport of Tiki Torches for illicit purposes, miscellaneous "groping charges," perfidy, and that old standby dog poop in flaming paper bags- on -porch-steps violations, for home video showings of "Jeffery Epstein's Party Jet, Unexpurgated."

Sixty-three percent of Americans believe that a White House which operated like a driver-less car would be far superior to the current roach motel at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Southern Colorado, drought-stricken, wind-swept, and economically dependent upon many penitentiaries, anticipates the "enrollment" of disgraced former president Donald trump.

The unrepentant Russian operative is soon to join the ranks of other contributors to the American Nightmare who exist behind the triple walls and coil upon coil of American-made concertina razor wire.

These are bad hombres, don't forget for one minute. And most of them are native-born white-bread Americans. The Unabomber. Terry Nichols. Oh, of course, there's an occasional brown person, like El Chapo, but he was forcibly brought to the US...he's no illegal immigrant.

Anna-Maria Gomez, who lost her two children to ICE agents as she applied for (and was granted) legal asylum in Chula Vista, CA two years ago, had some words for the newcomer (Mr. trump) to Florence, CO. "I miss my ninos oh so very much. My heart is scarred. But I pray that 'El Payaso' will experience consequences for his life of harm."

"In El Salvador, I taught the psychology at university. What most astounds me is the why of your Republican Party, including my Senator Cory Gardner, who are not, by any measure, insane, supporting this, this person, who, with his murdering ICE thugs, imprison my precious children. Is this not a nation of laws, please to tell me? 'Land of the Free.' Dios mio."



As if in answer to Ms. Gomez pleas, the SuperMax Warden confirmed rumors that there was no provision in Guliani's plea bargain for toilet tissue.

In a truly historic turnabout, the White Powerhouse promises a 400 page, gilt-edge, red-letter edition "uncharacteristically truthful" clarification of the blockbuster Billy Bush hot-mike video in which the then-failed businessman Donald trump boasted that he grabbed p*s.

The administration mental hygienist, VP Mike Pence, defended in excruciating detail, his liege, Mr. trump. "The Billy Bush video clearly shows mein Prasident saying that he grabbed puddy-tats, not the other (redacted) (redacted). This I swear on that fictitious Mrs. Butterworth bottle which fake news alleges I cannot tolerate at my table as it would violate mother's and my holy marital vows."

The vice president trotted out a hundred-strong coterie of sworn-on-a-bible toadies, sycophants, shorts-sniffers, incels, number two-scenters, gun-nuts, senate majority leaders, corporate bottom-feeders, pardoned felons, and weenie-waggers eager to attest to the honesty of the commander-in-chief.

The fourteen pound treatise is graced with a likeness of the first four term president stamped in faux gold, and is printed using stolen currency presses at Mar-a-Lago at government expense. It is to be placed in every one of Jeffry Epstein's orgy jets, tawdry hot-pillow motel, dark hallway, and, of course, in each of trump's high-rise money laundries.

TEASER ALERT: This epic tome, an all-time best-seller even before its release, divulges that the president stands, not sits, at the toilet while tweeting.


In a flourishing afterword, Mr. Pence, a cause-celebre of the adamantine religious rightward lurch, celebrates the fact that "pray" and "prey" will henceforth be spelled "prey."