Sobriety (off topic or not)?

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Messages 1201 - 1220 of total 1621 in this topic << First  |  < Previous  |  Show All  |  Next >  |  Last >>
Elcapinyoazz

Social climber
Joshua Tree
Apr 24, 2013 - 04:35pm PT
The fear of what happens if I slip up is enough to quash most of the incipient cravings I have. But they still pop up. At the weirdest times too.

I'm getting plenty of positive reinforcement from my climbing. Climbing long time dream routes that are only possible for me because I stopped. That alone would be worth it. But it was feeling out of control (i.e. addicted) that made me stop, the climbing better part is bonus.
tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Apr 24, 2013 - 06:31pm PT
I am climbing better than ever despite nagging injurys associated with 51 yrs of hard work on the body.
Norwegian

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Apr 24, 2013 - 08:49pm PT
trad i've some tinkerbell
perfume that will probably
repel some of the butterflies
that must flock towards your brilliance.

you know,
in case they are impeding your
righteous ascent, jest
let me no.

i'll hook you into
a mutually viable economic contract.

of course your lawyer may be
present as long as her wallet
is spilling social courtesies.

Plaidman

Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Apr 24, 2013 - 10:26pm PT
Nice job all. Looks like you are hanging there. Right on. Warms the soul. Coming up on 27 years next July. Working on new projects and eating better and losing weight.

Making another life change similar to quitting the booze. Sure has been a great ride so far with staying sober and knocking off the drugs. And it just keeps getting better. Even with bumps in the road. OMG it is better!

Plaid
Dr.Sprock

Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
Apr 25, 2013 - 04:26am PT
Ozzy relapsed, don't drop your guard,

Plaidman

Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Apr 25, 2013 - 07:59am PT
I,m not Ozzy. Guard up.

Plaid
happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Apr 25, 2013 - 12:44pm PT
Having a tough time, though a relapse doesn't seem imminent. What good would it do? I'd still be where I am, but ashamed to admit it. A slip right now, for me, would be catastrophic. I am grateful that if I know nothing else, at least I do know that.
Dr.Sprock

Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
Apr 25, 2013 - 03:29pm PT
makes me tired and stoopid,


i mean more stoopid, sorry,

the thrill is gone, sold the T shirt,

now i'm hooked on Red Bull, priced high because it tastes like crap,

hang in there Happygirl, don't let the bastards get you down,
SCseagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Apr 25, 2013 - 04:13pm PT
slip right now, for me, would be catastrophic


Yup....you need to stay whole, not just for yourself but Teddy too!

All the best,
Susan
DickMcfartin

Ice climber
soewhere over the rainbow....
Apr 25, 2013 - 05:23pm PT
Hang in sober is always waaaay more easy than strung out.

Being a addict is a sh#t ton of work. Not trying to dismiss that it is not a bitch to stay sober also. But give in and within hours life will be waaaay more work like by at least 10 fold and then 10 fold again the day after and the day after and the day after till only the scum of the earth wants anything to do with and chances are just because you have something they want. Your real friends and family will only talk to you if you are gonna get help and you dont wanna talk to them anyway as it just makes you feel like sh#t about yourself as it makes it clear as day just how f*#ked up you are!!

Hang tuff go to a meeting, if that is not you thing do what is quick. For me it is climbing. I do it 3-4 days a week...
S.Leeper

Social climber
somewhere that doesnt have anything over 90'
Apr 25, 2013 - 05:39pm PT
I'm looking forward to going to a meeting on Monday, being around others trying to get healthy.
Plaidman

Trad climber
South Slope of Mt. Tabor, Portland, Oregon, USA
Apr 25, 2013 - 10:07pm PT
happiegrrrl -- I think about what I don't want. I sobered up not to just stop drinking. It was all the consequences that I got sick of. Like flipping cars, blacking out and ending up in weird places.

Then today it is what I would not feel. Today I cried cause I felt so much. It wasn't good or bad. Maybe it sounds silly, but I am intense. I just won't go back to the coma that was my life before.

Sometimes staying sober is just waiting long enough to see that next thing that makes it worth it. Or like a really hard climb that you just have to stay in balance mentally and physically, even spiritually because the key to that pitch is just the next hold that unlocks the whole climb.

Awe well, sometimes I just stay sober cause my higher power and it's just easier. It really is the easier softer way. Even when it's hard.

Plaid
Norwegian

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Apr 26, 2013 - 11:14am PT
my daughters saw it in my eye,
and understood my tone.

"here goes dad.
who knows where, but surely he is gone for
a moment or even a few days.

we respect his search. he always
comes back, eventually."

so we were whittling sticks in
the wood crib, we had a cozy fire
going. boston on radio waves...
not the horrible bombing story,
but instead, the band...

BORNE ON A FEELING!

and i launch into a speech,
aimed at no one in particular,
mainly at the walls whom always make me feel
uncomfortable....

and this time i watched my girls.
they scrambled a bit,
then found a comfortable perch:
maki seated,
anna leaning on one of those walls.

.... "sobriety?" i begin.
"...those whom make this pledge
are valid olympians. yes they are.
though, their firm emotional stance
suggests to me a naivety poised upon hope and optimism.

they think that they can deflect the bullet of
their undoing...

... buy some time.
....sell some smile.
not me. i've been doon the sober road,
and, yea, it leads somewhere...

though it lead to the same place that
my path of enjoyable addiction terminates....."

a half hour of something has passed.

my girls are still watching daddy.
i've been making a lamp,
all the while during my oration.

never are they riveted upon me
as in times like these.

open beings. all three of us.
where's mom?

probably baking bread,
love her.

so i see that a conclusion is in order,
and i wrap up my fleeting understanding with this:

"...i've a candle.
i burn it, seeking zen escape.

though evertime i light this candle,
i hear harley davidsons.

the ignition of the wick sounds just like
a harley roaring up my serene river canyon.

i hate harleys, i don't know how many times
i've swung fists according to my disdain of
those super-disrespectful-fvcks whom deem
it their right to attack the innocent silence...

but this candle.
those harleys.

a lesson is at hand, for me and mine.

zen is suffering.
alcoholism is an illness worthy of my physiology.
it just is my path.

i dont f*#king care,
the bills are paid,
we've a tall castle or two in the mountains.
song is borne, daily.
understanding is upset. daily.

prosperity is prey,
we, hunters..."

and thus my shout fades to a whisper.

"nice lamp daddy. whose it for?"

"oh. this lamp is for rick sumner.
rick's a good man. he traveled many untrodden
paths in our sierras. proud paths. proud man, rick."

"how much money, daddy, did you sell it for?"

"200 dollars, sweets. though the money is for
another good man and our friend, blitzo. he's sick
and needs some help. so rick donated the money,
i donated the stone, and the hole thru,
and the electron transfer across our brow's."

.. the girls stare at me with their beautiful
eyes and deep wonder...

nothing more is said,
cause we don't know the intent of the universe.

so we fumble onward together, as genetic companions.





Walleye

climber
The Hot Kiss on the end of a Wet Fist
Apr 26, 2013 - 11:20am PT
"Addiction is like setting your hair on fire and then trying to put it out with a hammer""
Martin Sheen
Matt Sarad

climber
Apr 26, 2013 - 11:23am PT
It's been five weeks of sobriety since the bike accident. Feels great. The broken ribs, collarbone, two vertebra, and skull fracture are also getting better.
kaholatingtong

Trad climber
Nevada City
Apr 26, 2013 - 11:44am PT
quality prose weeg, props.
happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Apr 26, 2013 - 12:59pm PT
Trying.

Very trying.

I am so confused I don't know what to do any more. I think I have really hosed myself. (But I won't drink. Why would I want to miss feeling and going through this!)


And if my own crap wasm't enough, I had a friend tell me that one of my websites is nonfunctional in Internet Explorer. Trying to get help getting that fixed - from tech geeks who forget that they code 5.14X and are speaking to someone who understands 3rd class code... GAHHH! I want to throw my computer against the wall.



Time to take a break.
Jaybro

Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
Apr 26, 2013 - 02:22pm PT
Happi. Is that lens still for sale? Will it work on my Nikon D5000 DLR? Gonna take me about a week.
S.Leeper

Social climber
somewhere that doesnt have anything over 90'
Apr 26, 2013 - 02:23pm PT
Came very close to AO today. A call to my sponsor did the trick!
Jebus H Bomz

climber
Peavine Basecamp
Apr 29, 2013 - 12:50pm PT
It's almost six months sober for me. It has been a long, strange trip so far, but it has been worth it.

I don't feel like listing the positives or the negatives right now. I hope one day it is easy to just say "I don't drink" without any more to add.

Here I am, sober as the day I was born. Simple as that. Not to say it's easy.

There's a lot of different ways to go about this "lifestyle" but I extend my thanks to you all here who have served as my community, whether you know it or not. The writing here by people I respect talking about this topic in a very real way has made a difference in my life. Incredible strength and insight has been shared. Thank you.

For lurkers: If your drinking is a problem, consider the words you see here and stop telling yourself lies. If you drink, drink responsibly.

I am trying to drink responsibly too. The other night I tended a gently crackling campfire as twilight grew into night and the stars slowly emerged through the silhouetted pines, and I drank in a fine vintage of experience and realized that I am finally learning who I am in this world.
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