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MisterE

Social climber

My Inner Nut

Topic Author's Original Post - Jul 22, 2008 - 08:56pm PT

Climb: Joshua Tree-Hands Off

Date of Climb: 12/13/2005

Trip Report:
Intrepid Chappists Alpinfox and MisterE set a formidable task for ourselves this day:

Climb the sustained crack towering in the distant horizon of our shiver-bivvy, seen to the left and up:

Upon awakening at the ungodly hour of 10:30 A.M, we decided after imbibing a few choice beverages, that a seige was out of the question.
We would be much better off setting up yet another advanced camp, pictured here in the distance:

Exhausted from the approach, we decided some snifters of brandy were in order. Things were getting ugly as we had run out of snuff and scrips by this point.

Nonetheless, we pushed on, and after much punishment we reached the base of our visionary line. Here, Pax is loading the horrendous amount of gear required (notice how thin he is from the days of wasting work):

Pax set out on lead, plugging gear into the crumbling alpine kitty litter with heroic fortitude, and after almost insurmountable bodily strain, reaches the summit with a desperate flop:

I followed, barely able to hang on to my senses, truly impressed with the intestinal integrity it took to lead this horrorshow.

Sadly, our summit cache of opiates had been filched by some previous sicko masochists that dared this monster.

So, there we were, faced with a vertiginous descent without our much-needed medication. Frightening it was, as I gaped down over the three distant ridges of doom, our basecamp seemed far away indeed:

After much arduous and not painless traversing, we finally reached the warmth of our site, and imbibed heavily in celebration of surviving this epic with all of our digits and wits intact.

Gear Notes:
portable pharmacy
dancing girls
red shark
lawyers, guns
10 foot pitches make it more memorable

Approach Notes:
Trail from hell, expect multiple bat encounters,
as well as cache-stealing robbers

climber

Far off places where I left lipstick traces...

Jul 22, 2008 - 09:01pm PT

I was on the edge of my seat the entire 3 and a half minutes!!! Thanks for a scarrrrrrrrrrrrry TR from hell!

divad

Trad climber

wmass

Jul 22, 2008 - 09:41pm PT

Sounds familiar. :)

MisterE

Social climber

My Inner Nut

Topic Author's Reply - Jul 22, 2008 - 09:42pm PT

Just for you, L. Ask and you shall receive!

bluering

Trad climber

Santa Clara, Ca.

Jul 22, 2008 - 09:57pm PT

Josh lends itself to weird experiences....maybe I'll post pics later.

It doesn't help when you're riding a bunch of Yagermeister on a night-climbing mission...but it does kick ass every year!!!

Dwain

Trad climber

Apple Valley, California

Jul 22, 2008 - 10:08pm PT

LOL, Epic!!!

Dr. Rock

Ice climber

Castle Rock

Jul 22, 2008 - 10:31pm PT

Looks hairy, good thing you had that red plug installed.

Ghost

climber

A long way from where I started

Jul 23, 2008 - 12:39am PT

Heroic ascent, man.

We attemped that route in 98 and then again in 06, but gave up both times before even reaching the base of the peak. The first time we simply underestimated the time required and ran out of food, water, and intoxicants. The second time we were better supplied, but somewhere around day nine or ten our porters refused to go any further. Something about evil spirits turning any who ventured further into madmen...

SteveW

Trad climber

The state of confusion

Jul 23, 2008 - 08:16am PT

MrE

I'm surprised you have enuff energy to write after such
an ascent.
god save your soul. . .

rhyang

Ice climber

SJC

Jul 23, 2008 - 12:08pm PT

http://www.summitpost.org/trip-report/169828/pothole-dome-alpine-style.html

Mighty Hiker

Social climber

Vancouver, B.C.

Jul 23, 2008 - 12:14pm PT

The Ascent of Rum Doodle.

Crimpergirl

Social climber

Boulder, Colorado!

Jul 23, 2008 - 12:44pm PT

Perhaps at the next J-tree sushifest you two can go for the speed record. That'd make some headlines.

MisterE

Social climber

My Inner Nut

Topic Author's Reply - Jul 24, 2008 - 09:38am PT

That's awesome, Rhyang! Thanks.

rlf

Trad climber

Josh, CA

Jul 24, 2008 - 09:47am PT

If you did it in 10 pitches, you blew it. It can easily be done in 6 if you sack up and run them together.

cleo

Social climber

Berkeley, CA

Jul 24, 2008 - 01:34pm PT

Those are great, you guys!!

drljefe

climber

Calizona

Jul 24, 2008 - 02:04pm PT

I believe these photos to be doctored and the ascent invalid, as the entire climbing world knows and considers this to be THE last great project. Straight up lying about first ascents for the sake of ego, recognition, sponsors, or national pride is shameful. The only person you're lying to is yourself.
As the leader of an international expedition planning an attempt at this 'LGP' in November(there is only a very small window of favorable weather for this line) I think you owe the climbing world a public apology for your outlandish claims. Yeah right, no porters OR oxygen!