Trip Report
"Hands Off" Joshua Tree - 12/13/2005 (TR)
Sunday July 26, 2015 5:33pm
Intrepid Chappists Alpinfox and MisterE set a formidable task for ourselves this day:

Climb the sustained crack towering in the distant horizon of our shiver-bivvy, seen to the left and up:

Credit: MisterE

Upon awakening at the ungodly hour of 10:30 A.M, we decided after imbibing a few choice beverages that a siege was out of the question.
We would be much better off setting up yet another advanced camp, pictured here in the distance:

Credit: MisterE

Exhausted from the approach, we decided some snifters of brandy were in order. Things were getting ugly as we had run out of snuff and scrips by this point.

Nonetheless, we pushed on, and after much punishment we reached the base of our visionary line. here, Pax is loading the horrendous amount of gear required (notice how thin he is from the days of wasting work):

Credit: MisterE

Pax set out on lead, plugging gear into the crumbling alpine kitty litter with heroic fortitude, and after almost insurmountable bodily strain, reaches the summit with a desperate flop:

Credit: MisterE

I followed, barely able to hang on to my senses, truly impressed with the intestinal integrity it took to lead this horrorshow.

Sadly, our summit cache of morphine had been filched by some previous sicko masochists that dared this monster.

So, there we were, faced with a vertiginous descent without opiates - and frightening it was, as we gaped down over the three distant ridges of doom, our basecamp seeming far away indeed:

Credit: MisterE

After much arduous traversing we finally reached the warmth of our site, and imbibed heavily in celebration of surviving this epic with all of our digits and wits intact.

Gear Notes:
portable pharmacy
dancing girls
red shark
lawyers, guns
10 foot pitches make it more memorable


Approach Notes:
Trail from hell, expect multiple bat encounters,
as well as cache-stealing robbers

  Trip Report Views: 1,287
MisterE
About the Author
MisterE is a social climber from .

Comments
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10b4me

Mountain climber
Retired
  Jul 26, 2015 - 08:56pm PT
Always one of my favorite Jtree climbs.
TGT

Social climber
So Cal
  Jul 26, 2015 - 09:04pm PT
Back in the last century, Ed was the last one up on a gang ascent.

He decides to stem the whole thing facing out.

Had a real puzzled look on his face when he got to the top and turning around was mandatory.

Managed to pull it off.

No fall.
rottingjohnny

Sport climber
Sands Motel , Las Vegas
  Jul 26, 2015 - 09:14pm PT
Unprecedented drama of the tenth power...
Cosmiccragsman

Trad climber
AKA Dwain, from Apple Valley, Ca. and Vegas!
  Jul 26, 2015 - 09:42pm PT
Hey RJ.
I volunteer to take you up, Hands Off.
rottingjohnny

Sport climber
Sands Motel , Las Vegas
  Jul 26, 2015 - 10:02pm PT
Hey Cosmic..I thought you were still perving in the casino parking lots...?
Cosmiccragsman

Trad climber
AKA Dwain, from Apple Valley, Ca. and Vegas!
  Jul 26, 2015 - 10:45pm PT
Don't have to go to the Parking lots, Rj.
I spend most of my time looking thru
Residential Home windows.
T H

Boulder climber
ne'erdowell
  Jul 26, 2015 - 10:48pm PT
Bad Climber

Trad climber
The Lawless Border Regions
  Jul 27, 2015 - 06:21am PT
Heh.

BAd
jeff constine

Trad climber
Ao Namao
  Jul 27, 2015 - 07:18am PT
Fem Fatal!! To the MAX..
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