Some of you may know that the product known as Four Loko, a highly alcoholic and caffeinated beverage, has recently been banned from being sold in stores by the Food and Drug Administration. This is quite a shame as it was very popular among slow-thinking, illiterate and alcohol-desperate college freshman across the Nation.

I decided to see what all the raving was about and find out why this drink is so "Baller". My Adventure nearly ended right away when I went to the nearest six liqour stores only to find out that Four Loko had been banned "as of 7am yesterday"-said the 'Boozista'. The search continued without much hope, for a week, until I stumbled across the jackpot. Four Lokos fully stocked in every flavor. Unfortunately I cannot give the location because of the illegal activity being permitted therein, but I'll tell you that it's the closest place for buying alcohol to the Mandala.

Finally I had the necessary materials for a thorough review, except for a location to get my stoopid on. Opportunity rang at 9:23am when my friend invited me to go bouldering at Castle Rock State Park in the Santa Cruz mountains. I know it's illegal to have alcohol in the park but apparently the Loko had already started infiltrating my mind. My friends were not informed or prepared for experiment to take place, but luckily they embraced the need for a thorough and un-biased examination of this product. so here goes:

Street Price: $2.39-$2.99
Pros: Comes in a can, cheap
Cons: Tastes ridiculously bad, hangover and other unknown outcomes
Best Uses: getting drunk and having enough energy to get yourself halfway up El Cap unroped
Editors Rating: 1/4 Star
User Rating: Between -7 stars and 4
Recommendations: No
Manufaturer: Phusion Products
---------------------------------Overview:
This product tastes Extremely bad, like foamy cough syrup, or fermented cat pee, or John Basedow's energy drink. However, it is unique, cheap, and you can see it from 600 yards away or more. So if you don't mind a little uncomfort in the form of involuntary gagging, you can get drunk and buzzed for really cheap!

Photos and Specs:











Ok we really did do some climbing though, and that part was fun.











Apparently i get pretty artsy when I Loko.





The Bottom Line:
If you really still want to experience Four Loko, well then at least you're informed as to how heinous the taste is and how a dangerous situation is where you may find yourself. But you will probably still have fun after the Taste leaves your mouth, I did.