FA of Weird Science, 5.7, A4(R), Kingfisher, Fishers, Utah


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Social climber
Hanging with your mom...
Topic Author's Original Post - Oct 22, 2009 - 02:02pm PT
That’s right my peeps!!! Tis the season for MUDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know the drill…grab a cold one…sit your sweet ass down…and get ready to groove out.

For a more realistic feel, don’t take a shower for 9 days, don your helmet, and have a loved one pour sand and dirt over your head while you read this!

Don’t forget to keep a hand over your beer or you’ll be sorry…it will be just like being there! WOO HOO!!!

So anyhoo, a little back-story…a couple weeks ago I was out in the Mysteries with my buddy Joe to attempt the 3rd ascent of the Big Nasty on the Doric Column. After the SOUL CRUSHING hike out to the tower, Joe tweaked his knee pretty bad walking under the Gothic. See…Joe had been in a kayak for over 90 days going from Montana? to New Orleans. In other words, his arms were buff…but he had pretty much been confined to a wheelchair…not ideal conditions to carry 80lbs of iron for HOURS on end! We added a new first pitch to the route, drank all of our beers, had a smoke, left the gear stashed, and bailed back to the car. It rained the nest morning and we drove back home to Denver and Albuquerque.

13 hours of driving, 7 hours of hiking, 120 feet of climbing…bitching no?

Joe immediately left for Africa for 2 months after our “hike”…so I had a sh#t ton of gear and ropes to go retrieve…I wouldn’t want anybody to steal (insert guffaw/eye roll here) it so I better get back out there quick!

As you know, finding a partner for something like this can be tough…I needed someone experienced…someone seasoned…in a stroke of genius I decided to take a look at the AARP website to find a suitable partner.

Able bodied…check…possible dementia…check…somewhat dense yet adverse to pain and suffering…check…and submit…(computer noises here) it took a sec to get the name back…and boy was I surprised at the results!

It was my buddy Paul Gagner!!!! What a crazy, mixed up world we live in!

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After a couple conversations…and talking him out of going to some other climbing area called Yosemite…we were on to meet up in Moab for 9 days…the only catch was that I do Infrared (5.11+/5.12) on Big Bend Butte…this turned out to be the crux of the trip. Long story short…Paul cruised the route and I got SCHOOLED by the 5.10+ , #3/#3.5 fist cracks!!!! Take…whip…take…whip…Hell the crux pitch was EASY compared to that nonsense…I better stop this mud crap and get out to The Creek…but I digress…

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The morning finds us out on Onion Creek road getting ready to hike in to The Doric. Despite the fact that the whole nailing rack and all sorts of other crap was already up there…our packs were WAY heavy! WTF I say to Paul? He looks at me…and utters these two words…beer weight…genius I say…and who says the elderly have nothing to offer…

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We eventually get out there (after a slight Jeremy-induced detour) and I knock off the new pitch I did with Joe. Paul quickly leads the next new pitch that places us below the crux A4 lead! I won’t give any critical info away…but I will say it’s a great pitch that has a pretty “interesting” start to it! DON’T FALL!!!!!!!!! I get to the belay finding only a slung flake (huge yet kinda freaky to jug on) for the belay and NO belay bolt (Duane had told me there was a bolt)! So I drill a nice 3/8 x 31/2 incher (with Duane’s approval), equalize the belay, and Paul comes on up.

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Fix…rap…hike to cold beers…drink beers…eat…sleep…hike back up to Doric…

The next day finds Paul on the sharp end on a SUPER reachy bolt ladder (thanks Walt)…I don’t really remember my pitch but what I do know is that we got to the top and started the raps as dark (and no frigging moon) descended over the Mysteries. We are supposed to rap the original Forrest route so we set up an anchor and descend into THE TUBE OF DOOM!!!!! What a nightmare! RAPPING THIS THING SUCKS!!!! Rope gets stuck…I jug back up and free the rope…rope almost gets stuck again on some relic of a bolt (as Duane said happened to him)…eventually we are back on the ground…warm beer has never tasted so good!!!!

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It’s now pitch dark…we are toasted from a long day…and we have a TON of gear to get down to the car…it will take 2 hours to get back…possibly more…there are the fixed ropes to descend…down climbs…ugh Dude…this is gonna suck big-time…

Wait? What was that I hear?? Let’s just bivy here??? Hmmm…we do still have 8 beers, food, smokes and a bunch of water…we could just shove our little footsies in our packs and sleep like babies…SOLD!

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The night totally sucked due to the lame wind/sand storm/cold action…but it eventually got light and we hit the road to gorge ourselves on a MASSIVE breakfast! MMMM BACON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After eating and lounging for a bit, we packed up shop and went out to the Fishers to scope a new route on the Kingfisher…just to the left of Beyer’s Death of American Democracy.

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Paul had thought the line would follow crack systems up and over towards the opposite side of Jagged Edge…but the more we looked/imagined/drank…we were able to piece a line together that just might go up a very thin system of seams/corners and a bit of blankety-blank about 40-50 feet left of DOAD. Straight shot to the top so it seemed!!!! This thing would be WAY thinner than DOAD. Hopefully we could connect the dots and keep the bolting to an absolute minimum…cuz as you know, drilling sucks…and we are lazy…

Drink beers…eat…sleep…hike back up to Kingfisher with packs full of gear, beer, water, and sandwiches…

Somehow in a BEER INDUCED HAZE, Paul tricks me into leading the first pitch…this puppy turns out to be the crux of the route. I am able to get a couple pieces in (in like a pocketed tafoni mud/clay/choss layer), drill 2 bolts, and get into the crack system about 10/15 feet off the ground. What followed was a bunch of beaks (24? More?), big ones and little ones…most were kinda A-frame style…you know…when you have like 2-3 teeth into the rock and the base is balanced on a nubbin below with air in between…totally squirrely…and only good for a bit of downward pull…any sideways movement and you are hosed (really Dude). This went on for 80? 90? feet till the system totally blanked out and I had to drill 2 more bolts…interspersed with #1 beaks. I’m not really good at all this aid rating mumbo-jumbo…but the possibility of ripping the whole string of jive and taking a 90 foot grounder was very real (in retrospect…on lead it seemed quasi-bomber :-). A4? A4R? A1? Who knows? Bring a sh#t-ton of beaks and move very slowly. Eventually I got to the belay, drilled a couple bolts and Paul jugged on up.

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As these leads were going to take a while, we decide that a pitch a day would be appropriate. This would let us have a nice breakfast, casual hike to the base with a bit of gear/beer, jug, lead, clean, fix, rap and hike down back to camp with light to spare. Very relaxing…I HIGHLY recommend this system! Kinda like sport climbing for the Fishers!!!!!

That the first pitch went with so few bolts really got us pumped! This baby might actually go!? Paul took over the next pitch and was able to link a series of small features (many, many manky beaks) to a couple bolts to many more manky beaks to the belay! WOO HOO!!!! Another hard pitch (A3) down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hike down to camp…drink beers…eat…sleep…hike back up to with packs full of gear, beer, water, and sandwiches…

The 3rd pitch looked like more of the same…a bunch of thin (usable?) seams leading to the sky…I took off with a rack of beaks and nothing else…well, maybe a baby angle or 2 just for kicks! In a total stroke of luck this thing went down with NO BOLTS!!!!!!!! UNREAL!!! We are so in!!!! Soon I am drilling some belay bolts and Paul is on his way up! Another A3ish pitch in the bag!

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Hanging at the belay…it looks like Paul can tension off of the anchor and gain a thin calcite seam around the corner then up some sandy choss to the caprock. THE CAPROCK RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But first we must hike down to camp…drink beers…eat…sleep…hike back up to Kingfisher with packs full of gear, beer, water, and sandwiches…2 pitches in a day is a bit to much…if you know what I mean…and I think you do…

We jug back up our fixed lines (so much fun…) and Paul launches off onto the next pitch. He finally gets some beaks to stick and he is soon stuck in this way lame sandy/choss layer. A barrage of sand and dirt and mud clods continually pound me…my head…my shoulders…crap gets in my beer…and my tasty can of pineapple gets jacked by sand and dirt…I can feel my teeth wear down as I crunch away…mmmm…

Eventually Paul reaches the caprock and cruises on up to a nice ledge! WOO FRIGGING HOO!!! I think he placed a bolt or 2 on this pitch??? Sweet lead Paul!

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The belay bolts go in and soon I am off on the next mini pitch to the summit…20 feet later I am on top!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Paul comes on up and we scramble to the tiny detached summit…that is of course…covered in a variety of super loose choss…seems the only other route that accesses this little deal is Jagged Edge! PRETTY COOL DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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As we are preparing to rap…two guys summit the Colorado ridge and look over with a WTF look on their faces! They are on the main summit and we chat each other up for a bit! GREAT JOB GUYS!!!!! I bet they didn’t expect to see us up there! BWAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

The coolest part about this route was that we were able to rap it…TOTALLY bitching rap my friends…a piece of cake!

All in all…I think we placed 14 lead bolts and 10 belay bolts on the route over the four days…not to shabby for 5 pitches of new route in the Fishers me thinks…all bolts have hangers and all belay bolts are 3/8 x 3 or 4 inchers!! BOMBER!

We tried and tried to think up a good name that would jive with the other highlight of the trip…BACON!!!!...but we couldn’t get anything to work…then Paul can up with it…Weird Science…as in there is definitely a science in a beaking route like this…and it sure as Hell was weird!

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Weird Science, 5.7, A4(R) – 5 pitches…500 feet - Grade V - Kingfisher, Fisher Towers, UT

FA – Jeremy Aslaksen, Paul Gagner - 10/14 – 10/17/2009

Well, there you have it! What an AWESOME TRIP with an AWESOME PARTNER!!!!

Good times man…good times… WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now go GET ON IT before the mud covers it again!


BTW...special thanks to Lyle and Roxanne!!!!!!!!

Social climber
Oct 22, 2009 - 02:40pm PT
Nice job boys, that should get some people stoked.

Oct 22, 2009 - 02:49pm PT
Jeremy - That was a super fun trip. That first pitch you led on Weird Science was really serious - certainly a very heads-up, no fall zone - great job!

Now go work on some wide cracks!!


Trad climber
Oct 22, 2009 - 03:22pm PT

That's some badass sh!t right there!!!!1

Very nice work fellas! Great pics/read too!

Smiling ear to ear right now...


Social climber
Flatland, Ca
Oct 22, 2009 - 03:26pm PT
Great work guys!!!

Got the FA!!!


Not only that... but it looks like a kick a$$ line too!

Good find!!
handsome B

Gym climber
Oct 22, 2009 - 03:29pm PT
nice write-up, thanks for sharing!


Trad climber
New Mexico
Oct 22, 2009 - 03:30pm PT
Jeremy, you are well on your way to becoming a mud-master. Good job.


Mountain climber
MILF Island
Oct 22, 2009 - 03:31pm PT
Captain...or Skully

Social climber
Idaho, also. Sorta, kinda mostly, Yeah.
Oct 22, 2009 - 03:36pm PT
You guys are the Kings of Mudd!
That's a THIN line over there. Right on for Weird Science!


Social climber
Hanging with your mom...
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 22, 2009 - 03:37pm PT

Ha! Thanks! What's up?

Hope to see you out at 3-Gun.

Hope all is well with the family.


Social climber
Hanging with your mom...
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 22, 2009 - 03:38pm PT

What's up dude?

Captain...or Skully

Social climber
Idaho, also. Sorta, kinda mostly, Yeah.
Oct 22, 2009 - 04:10pm PT
Sounds like YOU are!!!!
'Grats on a grand FA, BroMan.

Social climber
Oct 22, 2009 - 04:14pm PT
Hey guys, you got yourselves a nice direct line there. Very cool looking first pitch, with only four bolts. Excellent work!

Trad climber
One drink ahead of my past.
Oct 22, 2009 - 04:19pm PT
CHURCH! hell yeah boys!


Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
Oct 22, 2009 - 04:26pm PT
The munge sits aptly humbled.

Well done!!!

great TR, great way to find the gem in the mud.



Trad climber
Oct 22, 2009 - 04:28pm PT
Y'all conjured a beauty!


Social climber
Hanging with your mom...
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 22, 2009 - 04:52pm PT
Thanks Crusher!

The thing that looks TOTALLY cool is the Atlas!!!


Can't wait to see the book!

Hope all is well.

adam d

closer to waves than rock
Oct 22, 2009 - 05:23pm PT
Ho Man...I don't want anything to do with that mud nailing...but I do like to hear about it!


Social climber
Hanging with your mom...
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 22, 2009 - 06:54pm PT
BTW...the rock on this route seemed much crappier (especially up high...and down low) than Death of American Democracy. You would think that being so close would mean the rock quality would be similar...NOT!

The last pitch to the caprock (BOMBER) had some "craptacular" (I poached your word Beth!) rock.

It was very sandy and crunchy.

Just a little 411 for the next party up there.


WOO HOO!!!!!

Toker Villain

Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
Oct 22, 2009 - 07:04pm PT
Wow, too many photos to load.
Did the name come from Balloon Dad?
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