| Messages 1 - 111 of total 111 in this topic |
SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Original Post - Mar 17, 2009 - 02:22pm PT
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Why don't we ever get any of your stories here?
You've got a history of being bold and
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!
So give us a bone, put some slides up and tell us some tales!!!!
I promise, you won't have to drop your drawers. . .
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Anastasia
climber
Not here
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Mar 17, 2009 - 02:25pm PT
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(Just took her a seat near the campfire, really wanting to listen in...)
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couchmaster
climber
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Mar 17, 2009 - 03:16pm PT
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(The old Couchmaster pulls up a chair, grabs a 6 pack and some popcorn: stars at the fire with his ears open and waits quietly........:-)
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Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
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Mar 17, 2009 - 03:22pm PT
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You want stories about his bone????
Ewwww. I'm leaving this campfire
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Mar 17, 2009 - 03:46pm PT
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A Hank story will always and necessarily include a hefty dose of bone...
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Studly
Trad climber
WA
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Mar 17, 2009 - 03:50pm PT
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Bone home HC, everyone is waiting for a story......
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Redwreck
Social climber
Los Angeles, CA
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Mar 17, 2009 - 03:50pm PT
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In "The Sharp End" he comes off as such a shy, retiring type, maybe that's why no stories here?
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philo
Trad climber
boulder, co.
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Mar 17, 2009 - 03:51pm PT
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Yeah, shy and retiring, that's it.
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Mar 17, 2009 - 03:58pm PT
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Hanky-Panky,
As a warmup, or like if you feel short on ideas, (hard to imagine) how about a little elaboration on your 5.11 slab soloing spree down in Texas?
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Mar 17, 2009 - 04:00pm PT
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Or the base jump that put you through a skyscraper window...
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 17, 2009 - 04:02pm PT
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Or even better, the south face of Half Dome. . .
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Mar 17, 2009 - 04:09pm PT
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Or perhaps some discrete vignettes from your "film" career...
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 17, 2009 - 05:28pm PT
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And why not have your own slide show at Neptune's?????
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Place or Another
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Mar 17, 2009 - 09:32pm PT
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Bump - cuz now we can laugh at our crazy stunts?
Tryin' a different tactic to get the hen out of the hen-house, so to speak...
BWaaaaaak!
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 18, 2009 - 06:09am PT
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Hankster, you haven't answered your admiring legions!!!!
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 18, 2009 - 07:03am PT
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JEEEEEBUS! You leave the Stand for a few hours and look what happens! Get ready people.
Caylor
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 18, 2009 - 07:05am PT
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We're waiting anxiously!!!!!!
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 18, 2009 - 07:26am PT
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My Worst Acid Trip EVER! For some reason freesoloing "All the Nasties" at Hueco Tanks seemed like a great idea. It's only 300 feet, 5.9 or whatever, great sunset, what could go wrong? We left the ground thinking about what a sunset we would get to see.......
Apparently we got started too late and the sun was DOWN at the top of the 2nd pitch. By this time we were higher than a giraffes beaver and watched the "magical" sunset from the 2" ledge. No slings, biners, headlamps or anything. Tripping balls to the wall.
The longest night ever ensued.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 18, 2009 - 07:27am PT
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Now, how about Half Dome????
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WanderlustMD
Trad climber
DC Area (it's as bad as you've heard)
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Mar 18, 2009 - 08:40am PT
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heh, I've wanted to hear more about Hank as well. I got started climbing right around the time he went through the window.
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survival
Big Wall climber
A Token of My Extreme
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Mar 18, 2009 - 08:44am PT
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Hankster,
The freekin' Hueco story was hilarious, although too short!
A subject I can relate to!! Er....I mean...climbing, that is.
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philo
Trad climber
boulder, co.
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Mar 18, 2009 - 09:33am PT
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Hank was that the trip where I was responsible for keeping the Universe from entropy?
Or was I just driving?
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 18, 2009 - 09:35am PT
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Philo, all I know was someone barfed toothpaste down the side of your car!
Caylor
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 18, 2009 - 09:37am PT
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Hank
Cat got your tongue?
Come on, we've waited so long for this minute,
We wanna story!!!!!
A long one, a classic -- You've had so many!!!!!!
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Doug Robinson
Trad climber
Santa Cruz
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Mar 18, 2009 - 09:51am PT
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Hank,
You once reproached me for gettin' it wrong in elaborating one of your stories. Sorry and all, but it just goes to show that we need you to elaborate them for yourself...
I like your acid-washed Hueco tale. Must admit that I could tell one or two of those.
Base104 told me the tale of you going through that window. Up close and personal on that would be good...
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philo
Trad climber
boulder, co.
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Mar 18, 2009 - 09:52am PT
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"all I know was someone barfed toothpaste down the side of your car!"
Where it stayed for an inordinate amount of time.
You could always tell my car in a parking lot.
Burt, the one seated Corolla wagon, was the only vehicle respectable folk would steer clear of and walk as far away from as possible. Even the riff raff and car thieves would leave me sticky notes that said I was bringing down the market. For a good price some offered to steal me a new car if I would just take Burt away.
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Prod
Trad climber
A place w/o Avitars apparently
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Mar 18, 2009 - 09:57am PT
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So Hank, I was wondering about that porno rumor? Was it a real porno production with hot porno stars? If so then who? Or was it just a long home movie kind of porno?
Just curious...
Prod.
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jeff leads
Sport climber
ca
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Mar 18, 2009 - 10:25am PT
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Caylor has more lead in his pencil then any of us on this site. Bow down b's so swole and hot right now
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 18, 2009 - 10:40am PT
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And that's exactly why we wanna hear those stories of his!!!!
He's da hardman!
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 18, 2009 - 11:36am PT
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Prod, let's just say that extasy was legal in the late 80's, my high school best friend was a porn director... and yeah I could write a book on all that.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 18, 2009 - 11:40am PT
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Hanky poo, we don't need a book here, just more details. . .
hee hee hee. . . it's worth a beer to ya--
And why not get a show going at Neptune's?????
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Place or Another
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Mar 18, 2009 - 05:12pm PT
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Bump for fun, weirdness and lunacy.
Hunter Thompson would approve.
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Mar 18, 2009 - 06:09pm PT
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Stand back kids.
I know how to work this detail...
Say there... hey Hank.... how's it hangin'???
Hey ... I'd gladly buy you a beer tomorrow for a story today.
You can claim tomorrow's beer at the Southern Sun prior to the Bachar slideshow.
Deal?
Cool, I thought so.
Any story of your choosing.
Let 'er rip!!!
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 18, 2009 - 06:30pm PT
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And I'll raise Tarbuster's beer to two!
We're all here around the campfire!
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 19, 2009 - 05:17am PT
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Bump again. . . c'mon Hank. . . .
PULEEEEEESSSEEEEEE!!!!!!
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Prod
Trad climber
A place w/o Avitars apparently
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Mar 19, 2009 - 08:42am PT
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Throw us a bone Hankster, maybe a pic or a name?
Prod.
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 19, 2009 - 09:14am PT
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So I was looking to BASE jump my first building. A buddy of mine was visiting from Boston and his seminar happened to be at a popular Denver hotel. He called and asked if I new anybody that could pick a lock. He called from the his room on the 27th floor, and yes, I knew somebody who could pick a lock.
Running off a building with a parachute is usually freaky, and each jump presents its own variety of freakyness. You have to to get in the damn building, with a damn parachute, get into the damn stairwell, avoid all the security and not get onto any cameras(sept your own). You have to tap into your inner James Bond.
When we got to the 40th floor, the lock clicked open as easy as a sorority girls panties. I/we began jumping this building a coupla' times a month. After each jump, the getaway driver would drive around the hotel and then park it. We would then go to the bar of the hotel on the 2nd floor and watch everyone that worked there flip out. "oh my GAWD! people just jumped the building". We would then act more shocked yet still order round after round of brew. The criminal does return to the scene of the crime. Yet all criminals differ.
I almost jumped this building naked as I was very comfortable with it. Glad I didn't try this.
On the 6th jump, 1:AM, I go trucking off of the AC condenser(the only way to clear the ledge). Lucky me, my parachute opens fully backwards. I smashed through glass of the 21st floor. Usually it's the wind, packing problems, body position or just bad luck.
More to cum!
Allright, so I pound through the 21st floor of this hotel. There really isn't enough words to describe jumping off of a building and then re-entering through the glass halfway down. All I could think of was, CRAP! I'm bleeding, alot!! There was a body sized hole in the window. I could see the bright lights of Denver twinkling in the distance. I kept thinking, you will totally be on the news and you are sooooo bleeding. All I wanted was to see where this pulsatile bleeding was coming from. My face was spurting, my elbow was a big ass flap hanging off and I had glass embeded in both shins. Lot's of glass.
I chopped my rig and scurried to the 21st floor elevator. I knew the elevator would be all mirrors and I could see the damage. I pushed the elevator button, the light went blink and a guy walks out. All he said was oh my God! I jumped past him into the elevator and almost barfed. I could stick my tounge out my cheek in 3 places, as obvious to me my elbow was not connected and my jump boots were squishing blood everywhere.
I had 2 thoughts(yep that's all). I wanna go to a hospital, or I wanna get arrested and they can take me to a hospital. Punch the elevator button and start heading down to the main lobby. Staring at myself in this fancy cubicle and trying to hold my face and elbow together. SCREW the legs! Right before the main lobby I had the idea to stop at the 2nd floor mezzanine, where the bar is.
Nobody was looking for the jumper, they were all out on the bar balcony looking at a parachute hanging out the window. I just went down the escalator and watched a cop car, cop car, NEWS van, Fire truck, news van, cop car, news van and did I mention friggin fire trucks?
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Mar 19, 2009 - 09:33am PT
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A PINT sized story, but STOUT nonetheless...
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Prod
Trad climber
A place w/o Avitars apparently
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Mar 19, 2009 - 10:07am PT
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This is a good one...
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
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Mar 19, 2009 - 10:31am PT
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damn flyers are all crazy, no matter what type of wing they use.
nice
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Redlands
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Mar 19, 2009 - 10:32am PT
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Dude, you're inside the building.
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Boulder, Colorado!
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Mar 19, 2009 - 10:36am PT
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I'm looking at this thread, but I feel a great deal of fear doing so!
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Anastasia
climber
Not here
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Mar 19, 2009 - 10:41am PT
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(I just opened another beer to prepare for the next chapter! I am playing with the campfire to hide my restless excitement.)
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 19, 2009 - 10:43am PT
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Anastasia
Hoping not to cause any social anxiety, may I grab a beer
and sit next to you. . . I promise I'll behave. . .
:-)
I can't say that Hank will . . .
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 19, 2009 - 11:33am PT
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drive by. I made it about 4 blocks and bled out on the sidewalk. I made a desperate phone call to the girlfriend and said I'd be late and then, did I mention that I bled. Of all the emergency personal that was looking for me, the last ambulance that drove by saw me and the dude was eating an apple. He spit out his bite of apple and screamed BAD ASS! "Your the person everyone is looking for". Then they wanted to know just how cool it was. Then the cops showed, then the news folks showed, crap...
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 19, 2009 - 11:41am PT
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More, More MORE comes from the assembled crowd,
all of them BIG TIME ADMIRERS of the HANKSTER!!!!
But they still wanna hear about Half Dome. . .
:-)
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 19, 2009 - 11:51am PT
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It's kinda funny(werner could probably corraborate). Trying to explain your injuries with a film crew in your face and cops yelling at how they were onto you all along is difficult.
As a side note, I got scooped off the sidewalk at a different Denver hotel and wanted to hide my gear. A young car parking attendant took my gear.4 days later I gave him a huge handful of Vicodans and got my gear back.
The cops can keep you for 72 hours without a charge.
Oh yah', I blew double drunk, handcuffed to a hospital gurney, buck naked.
This is when things get goofy.
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 19, 2009 - 11:55am PT
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South Face of Half Dome. 94'. Alan Lester and I are in the prime of life. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Scott Cosgrove said that this was the most sate of the art thing he'd ever done. If he did it, that means that if want to be "state of the art", I gotta do it. 12DX no problem.
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GDavis
Trad climber
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Mar 19, 2009 - 12:15pm PT
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State of the art? I think you mean "primitive." State of the Art is a Stan Lee Movie. Southern Belle is like hunting a woolly mammoth...
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 19, 2009 - 12:27pm PT
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So Alan and I get this plan together to repeat the Southern Belle. Not try, repeat. We drive all the way from Boulder with one thing in mind, 2nd ascent, PERIOD! All this under the gaze of Valley big shots like Croft and Cosgrove and God whoelse?
And yeah, I had visions of sugarplums dancing in my head. I just did the BY, Midnight Lightning, Astroman blah blah. In Yosemite, those folks don't care about who you think you are and what you just climbed. Kinda hard from a Texas/Colorado hybrid like me to understand.
We drove in one straight shot to Yosemite(get a globe, it's a long way). Marched straight up to the Southern Belle, camped, drank nothing and tried to fire. CRAP!
We had a deal, I do all the freaky runout face pitches and Alan gets the cracks, that's his thing. Alan floats the 1st 5.9 pitch, cruises the shorty 5.12 2nd pitch and then HIKED the12C 3rd pitch with 2 #2cams. He just left one halfway up and milked the second for 60feet. I just pooed myself.
The 4th pitch is the "crux", 12DX, I work the 5 bolts and do what we considered an, A0? followed by a 100foot 12a runout. The scariest climbing moment of my life(in the 90's), almost so far. I tried to put in nests of RPs and just left them hanging cuz' they were crap! Who's foolin' who? I nail the runout and Alan does the 5th pitch in excellent style, 12A.
Alan blows through the 6th pitch, that's right, 1 bolt in a 150' 5.10.
This is where we get to the porn....but not on Half Dome with Alan....ahem.
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 19, 2009 - 12:46pm PT
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So Alan nails the 6th pitch and it's all me from here on up, his crack duties(funny) are through at this point. 2 mindless unprotected 5.11 pitches with almost no bolts go by, AND!
Here's where I screwed up. The topo only sez' where the one bolt is and 1 bolt is hard to see. I missed, not hard to do on Half Dome.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 19, 2009 - 12:49pm PT
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I can feel the tension build. . .
Man, keep it goin' Hank!
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 19, 2009 - 12:57pm PT
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The tension will only broken by John Bachar visiting Boulder on March 26, 7:30 PM.
Caylor
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
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Mar 19, 2009 - 01:21pm PT
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"This is when things get goofy."
my new signature, thx!
heh
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TKingsbury
Trad climber
MT
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Mar 19, 2009 - 01:32pm PT
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Good sh#t Maynard!
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Place or Another
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Mar 19, 2009 - 01:37pm PT
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KICK ASS! ™ ™
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 19, 2009 - 01:56pm PT
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If you've ever had to climb 40' to get to within' seeing distance of the bolt. When I say the bolt, I mean the only bolt.
I just could not find the bolt. There was a garbage drawing Coz gave over but dangit. 14 bolts on the back half of Half Dome does not register in the heat of battle.
So yeah I fell(you wanted to hear it and there it is). Crap I thought, where is the bolt. I already climbed 40 feet longer than Coz's(I love him) crappy topo said.
And there the bolt was, 30' to the right of where I was climbing. I had already done way too many moves to downclimb.
Once again, I've said before, this is where I thought you separate the "men from the boys". The Cali boys from the Boulder boys! If you've ever been that far off route, yet so close.What a mind f*#k. A BASE rig wouldn't help you. Largo couldn't help you.
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Russ Walling
Social climber
Upper Fupa, North Dakota
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Mar 19, 2009 - 01:57pm PT
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Hank, you forgot the part where we were dating.....
carry on.... GREAT STUFF!!!!!666
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 19, 2009 - 02:01pm PT
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So Russ and I were waiting in line for Bachar tickets in Boulder CO, March 26th. All to benefit the Access Fund.
Now he doesn't write, no phone calls and flowers. bastard.
Caylor
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 19, 2009 - 03:01pm PT
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Russ is gonna be there too?
Wow!
All star night!!!!
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Anastasia
climber
Not here
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Mar 19, 2009 - 09:19pm PT
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SteveW, I'll give you a beer to sit with me. :)
Hankster! More!!!
(Wiggle, wiggle, melting my shoes in the fire. Stomp, stomp... Pretending that the burned smell is not mine, etc, etc.)
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
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Mar 20, 2009 - 12:11am PT
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what's it like to do the moves in that chimney that ya base out of? the jump looks cake compared to the sketch approach!
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wayne w
Trad climber
the nw
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Mar 20, 2009 - 01:21am PT
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Wish I could make the Bachar show...just a bit too far away this time of the year.
How about Ariana with Derek...
Hank?!
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 20, 2009 - 06:21am PT
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Mungeclimber, yah' they beat off the bottom 30 feet of rungs in the "poop tube". If you wan't to jump that sucker, 5.11 climbing skills in pitch black is a must. 3 stories of sticking fingers into former rebar holes, with no pro. You can't believe how many owls and pigeons there are. The last time climbing that sucker, I ran into a bi-racial, black and white pigeon couple. As much as I respect all that they represented. The white pigeon came at me hard and I had to....make it flee.
P.S.- No birds were harmed in the jumping of this.
Caylor
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philo
Trad climber
boulder, co.
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Mar 20, 2009 - 06:47am PT
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How about Space Lichen on Acid or Tiny Rubber Love?
Or Sixth Happiness? Block That Kick. Block That Kick. Block That Kick.
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couchmaster
climber
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Mar 20, 2009 - 08:33am PT
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(the couchmaster jams his face with kernels and waits...looking blankly into the fire - thinking of Alan Lester's wisdom on picking to lead the cracks and leaving the slabs to his partner....knowing that Hank still had to get off of Half Dome and that the rest of that story is still forthcoming)......
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philo
Trad climber
boulder, co.
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Mar 20, 2009 - 08:45am PT
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Whew, what's that smell? Hey Anastasia your shoes are on fire. Someone pass me a smor.
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Mar 20, 2009 - 09:44am PT
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Multiple lines of sheer madness wrapped in blood and guts and glory. Scoot over, dudes and dudettes...I've got a fresh cooler of all your favorites right here. Pass the Hankster whatever he wants...he's really rollin' now. Doesn't get better than this...
-JelloAtTheFire
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 20, 2009 - 10:07am PT
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Jello
Pass me one of those Sierra Nevada Pale ale's, please!
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 20, 2009 - 10:14am PT
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So couchmaster. Any partner affiliation that has to do with death routes is well discussed before hand between the partners. Alan and I did not even broach this subject. We were studs from Boulder and arrived in Yosemite to steal the 2nd ascent of the Southern Belle.
The 3rd worst moment of my climbing life was on the Belle. I had climbed to far to the left to ever get to the 1 bolt. 40' of 5.11 that I just could not downclimb. I yelled my ass off to Alan, get me the bolt kit!
Seriously people, I was wearing a baseball cap. I leaned in a little to far and the brim of the ballcap clicked on the rock and chucked me off. Alan needed 150' feet of rope, we didn't, have to send up a bolt kit. I started sketching as much as you can halfway up Half Dome. Mentally, I had a meltdown. Seriously, Alan was 100' below me separated by a #2 TCU and a tiny Lowe Ball Nut. If those two pieces blow, ugly factor 2 straight onto Alan.
This brings up a situation I've always fancied. Do you wanna take a 200' fall and blow out your legs, or do you wanna hold a 200 foot fall as the belayer? Behind every earthquaking leader is a bold unheralded person holding the other end of the line. The belayer of freaks should be recognized!
So 1 pitched, I knew I was going to pitch. The mental process of pitching the kind of pitch that Doug Robinson would write about and make Coz cringe is a many splendered thing. Getting so far up all the rad sh#t on Half Dome, and then tossing so far was unthinkable.
Anyhoo, I went 40' into a dike (the kind that runs all over the S. Face of the Dome). I knew I broke my ankles very quickly. Actually, I knew they were toast way before. I then skidded like a dog dragged by a truck for another 40'.
My two pieces of gear held. I asked Dean and he never saw them on his ascent. This was easily the biggest fall Alan ever held. He lowered me down 8 gruesome pitches(thank you Coz). Anybody who knows about the South Face of Half Dome knows what a train wreck it is to get there. A freakish rescue is unbelievable. I begged and pleaded for a YOSAR rescue, a helicopter or whatever. Alan then looked me straight in the eyes and said "dude, were from Boulder and we won't be rescued in Yosemite". Alan literally carried me on his back to Little Yosemite Valley, a coupla miles. I then took a horse ride down to the bottom. Another crazed experience.
Caylor
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Studly
Trad climber
WA
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Mar 20, 2009 - 10:37am PT
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"dude, we're from Boulder and won't be rescued in Yosemite."
That is priceless....OMG, and then he carried you down to YV. Wow, you Boulder guys, must be something in the water or did you chew paint chips as a child? Seriously, what a effort!
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 20, 2009 - 10:39am PT
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1. Drug Stories
2. Porn stories
3. BASE jumping stories
4. Salacious sex stories
5. Heinous injury stories
6. John Bachar in Boulder at Neptune Mountaineering, on March 26. (a TR)
7. Tarbuster stories/ usually comes with Prod stories.
......none of these are stories, ohhhh they happened.
Caylor
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 20, 2009 - 10:41am PT
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Tell 'em Hank, it's just becuz you're an ELDO PRANCER!!!!
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Mar 20, 2009 - 10:42am PT
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"dude, we're from Boulder and we won't be rescued in Yosemite".
Easy for Alan to say, huh, Hank? You guys were soooo close to pulling the knickers off the Southern Belle! She was haughtier than a virgin, and you nearly did her...
Here's that Pale Ale you asked for, Steve.
Speaking of virgins...don't imagine there were too many of those around on the set of that porno flick, eh, Hanky?
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 20, 2009 - 10:43am PT
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Studly, if you ever break your feet on Half Dome and got to be carried out. Alan Lester is the man for the job. I just want Tami to do all the play by play toons!
The horse ride to the Valley floor with air splints on is a sobering experiance.
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 20, 2009 - 10:46am PT
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Jello, who wants a virgin when you can have a slut? It's not like your planting a flag anyways!
Caylor
edit, this particular post is not right.
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Place or Another
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Mar 20, 2009 - 10:55am PT
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Brutal. Hellish. Gripping. Excellent!
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Fletcher
Trad climber
here to eternity
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Mar 20, 2009 - 11:00am PT
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One of the best campfire's we've ever had round these parts. You can't make this stuff up. Awesome. HST would be proud.
Eric
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Broken
climber
Texas
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Mar 20, 2009 - 11:29am PT
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Outstanding thread. That Southern Belle attempt was one for the ages...
Also, as a Texan, I second Tarbuster's idea: the 5.11 slab soloing binge while in Austin is a tale I'd like to hear...
EDIT:
Also: "The 3rd worst moment of my climbing life was on the Belle."
What were the first two?
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 20, 2009 - 11:37am PT
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#1 is the 3rd ascent of Sheer Terror here in Eldo. Closest I've ever come to killing myself.
#2 is blowing the exit mantle on Midnight Lightning. Pads had not been created then and I almost broke both legs for the first time.
Caylor
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Doug Robinson
Trad climber
Santa Cruz
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Mar 20, 2009 - 12:04pm PT
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this particular post is not right.
Whew! Pass me one of those Sierra Nevadas. No, make it two.
I was going to go skiing, but I'm glued to this boulder by the fire.
Singed shoe smell lingering
Acrid by the tale telling fire
Keeps me from swooning
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Prod
Trad climber
A place w/o Avitars apparently
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Mar 20, 2009 - 12:50pm PT
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Here's to you Hank!
Prod.
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James
climber
My twin brother's laundry room
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Mar 20, 2009 - 01:13pm PT
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Wow. I better get my goretex. This here's some serious spray. Can't say I mind it as much when it's mixed with such a good sense of humor, and exciting story telling. Cool stuff Caylor.
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philo
Trad climber
boulder, co.
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Mar 20, 2009 - 02:13pm PT
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Come on Hank there is more, so much more.
Here have a smor and a mocha.
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Fletcher
Trad climber
here to eternity
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Mar 20, 2009 - 02:19pm PT
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My ass is freezing and my boots are melting... but I'm not moving from this campfire.... bring on more!
Eric
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Hankster
Trad climber
Eldorado Springs, CO
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Mar 20, 2009 - 02:33pm PT
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So there I was as a teen climber watching "Moving over Stone" with alligator clamps hooked to an anvil hanging off my nipples. Sorry, I had to throw that out.
Get ready, I have to clear some stories with ChrisMac though.
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Tarbuster
climber
right here, right now
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Mar 20, 2009 - 02:44pm PT
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A little intermission vignette on the doings of SWANK HANK.
In the early 90s I used to organize these mass outings to the dance clubs around Boulder.
Below is a typical shot snagged from one of those evenings featuring myself, Hank, Sue and Jane.
The morning after this picture was taken, the four of us lounged most of the day in bed,
Making cookie sandwiches with ice cream in between and drinking red wine while watching rented movies:
But that isn't the story....
On a particular evening aside from the one mentioned above, we were en masse in our usual inebriated raucous mode about town and there were more than a few "hookups" by the end of the night.
Prod went home with Allison (there have been two and I'm not saying which one).
....and Hank bagged this little dish named Anne, a 'hot to trot' blonde number who we all knew fairly well. She was a few years Hank's senior, then enduring a long stretch of rocky marital seas, altogether qualifying her as single and somewhat the wanton "older" woman, at least standing next to that green bean Hank...
We usually ended the party evenings and started our cragging days on the "The Hill", in the vicinity of Café Roma. So the next morning I'm strolling up for the usual late morning coffee extravaganza, when up pulls Anne's sporty little red four-cylinder and it sort of nudges up cockeyed to the curb.
She kind of fumbled out of the car, dazed, all akimbo and accosted by the bright sunlight and vainly checking her coiffure...
JUST WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT WOMAN HANK???
Well, clearly she needed it and got it, in spades.
Anne paid me that sort of look: "no point in keeping any secrets", she was totally disoriented, sorely in need of a cup of coffee, and had an aura like she'd just pulled an all nighter going backwards on the ferris wheel, having also devoured ALL the cotton candy...
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Place or Another
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Mar 20, 2009 - 03:07pm PT
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Juicy!
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 20, 2009 - 03:14pm PT
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Hankster, that could almost pass for the Tarbuster man himself,
standin' next to you in that pic!!!
'cept we know it isn't, cuz it's not a cowboy hat. . .
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couchmaster
climber
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Mar 20, 2009 - 03:19pm PT
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So I'll probably screw this story up as it must be over 30 years old in my mind cause I heard it from Gary @ 1980 I suppose. but here goes anyway. My friend Gary (Gary Rall, owner of Portland Rock Gym) had just turned 16 and got his license. He and his younger buddy decide it's time to learn to drive pitons. So they pile in Garys rig and head to the local boulder for the shess.
Gary's up high on this thing, when the intersection of knowledge, youth and stupidity coincide and the words "Expanding Flake" entered the youths lexicon. the pin he was on fails -and as it was an expanding flake, a boulder split down the middle so to speak, no pro was between Gary and the deck which he hit much faster than you did Hank.
Broke his foot.
His left one.
It was a clutch.
His buddy was too young to drive and again: it was a clutch. So Gary drove to the hospital where they casted it.
His belayer? Could have it wrong, but I'm thinking it was Alan Lester. If you see him, ask Alan if that was him too. Tell him Bill Coe says hi.
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MisterE
Trad climber
One Place or Another
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Mar 20, 2009 - 04:49pm PT
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"Get ready, I have to clear some stories with ChrisMac though. "
"...and here. we. go."
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philo
Trad climber
boulder, co.
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Mar 21, 2009 - 01:16pm PT
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Bumpski
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Mar 21, 2009 - 01:39pm PT
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hey there hankster... wow, after a story like that south face half-dome... whew... the two of you made quite team... (i am working backwards to see what stories are there, well, strickly climbing stories, at any rate... as i saw the list...)
how'd the ankles heal up?
as to your quote here:
"I begged and pleaded for a YOSAR rescue, a helicopter or whatever. Alan then looked me straight in the eyes and said "dude, were from Boulder and we won't be rescued in Yosemite". Alan literally carried me on his back to Little Yosemite Valley, a coupla miles. I then took a horse ride down to the bottom. Another crazed experience."
my oh my... somethings a man's just got to do, and... his ol' buddy take's the "back" seat...
:)
say, how WAS that wild horse ride... :)
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Mar 21, 2009 - 01:52pm PT
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hey there hankster... say.... after reading that ol' base jumping story... say, you were lucky to be still walking around this here "neck of woods"....
my you sure DO have stories...
but, wow... as to that half dome one, sure am glad you both made it, as well....
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Josh Higgins
Trad climber
San Diego
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May 19, 2010 - 03:14pm PT
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Bump for one of the better threads ever....
Josh
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tahoe523
Trad climber
Station Wagon, USA
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Alpinist Magazine just posted up Hank's account of Southern Belle.
Do you wanna take a 200' fall and blow out your legs, or do you wanna hold a 200 foot fall as the belayer? Behind every earthquaking leader is a bold unheralded person holding the other end of the line. The belayer of freaks should be recognized!
A bump for Alan Lester, the unsung hero. Thanks, Hank, for the incredible story.
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Weld_it
Trad climber
Chatsworth
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the four of us lounged most of the day in bed,
FACT: HANK IS BY? RADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hankster
Social climber
BASE!
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yah right, I'm by....not real sure how this thread got dredged back up, but it reminds me.Most recently, I had the awesome pleasure of helping Bullwinkle with one of his, ahem, photoshoots again. The cool thing is, the girls get all nervous and super pumped super fast so they need MAXIMUM help getting on and off the rocks without hurting themselves. While Dean is busy taking pics, I've literally got my hands full being the spotter/chalker/assistant/fluffer and all else. I love it when he needs to shoot just one more roll of film and "can you put her back on your shoulders one more time so she can reach the good holds?". By the time it's all said and done, I smell FANTASTIC!!! Dean, me, naked chics=RADNESS BRA!!!!!lol
another time, I was climbing the Naked Edge with the girlfriend of the day and got stuck behind the slowest German couple EVER. They wouldn't let us pass, wouldn't let us pass and we just finally sat behind them and tried to wait it out. Boredom got the better of us and we started canoodling to pass the time. They got just far enough ahead of us that we just loosened the belay at the bottom of the 4th pitch and started going at it full on just to pass the time. The German Wife was belaying her man on the start of the 5th pitch and they became even slower and got mesmerized(or disgusted) by us. I really paid no attention until he yelled at his Wife "BAHH! Theez eez sheeet! look at whut zay are f*#king! F*#King Americaaanz!!!". He slowly dissapeared from view but his Wife was left at the belay above us and didn't really look down anymore. They didn't stick around at the summit.
caylor
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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^^^^^^
Best use of "canoodling" in a SuperTopo thread.
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Hankster
Social climber
BASE!
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the last couple trips up the tube and the whole thing was slightly swaying. might not be that safe much longer.
which reminds me, ever been drilling a bolt on lead and the hook your hanging on pops and hits you right in the teeth? I had just done the 2nd ascent of a Mike Head route at Enchanted Rock in TX. Sixth Happiness 12aX, hard x. I decided that the 50' death runnout needed a bolt so others could enjoy the route and not die. I climbed out about 25' and put a hook on a sh#t pebble and started hand drilling into the sweet pink granite of E-Rock. 30 totally f*#ked minutes later and I have a an inch deep hole and I can't feel my legs, at all. I start crying because I can't feel my legs so I can't start to climb back down and the longer I just hang there I'm too flipped out to keep drilling. Oh yeah, Philo is belaying and keeps lobbing up old-school suggestions just to keep any kind of hope alive in me. The one thing that got through to me was his suggestion that I loop a sling around the 5/16th drill bit and clip the rope into it. RIGHT, an inch deep drill bit with a sling around it is gonna hold AND keep me from cheese grating 60' down the wall. Whatever, so I do it, as if on cue the hook pops and nails me right in the c*#ks@cker. I dropped about a foot onto the inch deep drill bit. It holds. Now can't feel anything from the waist down and Philo starts to lower me with nothing but the bit with a sling around it to keep me from going all the way to the ground. James Crump is standing nearby and some one says to him "at least if he breaks his legs he says he can't feel them". Philo politely tells him to STFU! I managed to get back to safety and the feeling in my legs came back. I rapped in from the top and smashed a manky stardrive into my meager drilled hole, went and saw my dentist and called it a career on that climb.
caylor
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Matt Thomsen
Big Wall climber
Places
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Classic! I was Deans pimp in the southeast the weeks before the Colorado shoot... What a job that guy has! Ha Ha Ha!
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Vegasclimber
Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV.
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*quietly pulls up a chair in behind the big guns so as not to intrude too much, after setting another case down for everyone to get into*
This. is the best. Thread ever.
Hope we get more tales!
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Fritz
Trad climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Hell of a last story, (the inch deep drill holding the fall) and heck of a thread!
thanks all!
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Hankster
Social climber
BASE!
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"Deans Pimp", that is awesome.
and yeah, it's coming...getting warm now.
caylor
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Wade Icey
Trad climber
www.alohashirtrescue.com
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better'n a wolves' foreskin bump
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philo
Trad climber
Somewhere halfway over the rainbow
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Yeah Hankster, i remember that belay like it happened just 30 years ago or something like that. A date that will live in Hank-famy.
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Vegasclimber
Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV.
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Jun 11, 2011 - 08:44pm PT
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Bumping!
Bein as you said you were warmed up, and all :D
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YoungGun
climber
North
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Nov 17, 2011 - 10:39am PT
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BUMP
More stories!!!
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steve west
Trad climber
Newport Beach
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Nov 17, 2011 - 06:27pm PT
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you still have those purple tights ? this is the other steve west the boreal guy...
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Ezra Ellis
Trad climber
WA, & NC & Idaho
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Nov 17, 2011 - 07:09pm PT
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BEST THREAD EVER,
Thanks Y'all especially Hank!
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