A Hellish Experience on the Redwood Coast - TR

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Jaybro

Social climber

wuz real!

Topic Author's Original Post - Sep 16, 2008 - 03:26am PT

It was awful, horrible, terrible. Just hellish.

And it all began at around 10pm on the Friday night of Memorial Day
weekend. Due to Daphne's prior commitments, our exodus to the
crags for our Memorial Day climbing trip had to begin on Saturday
morning. She got home at 9pm on Friday night to discover a storm was
about to blanket central California. Southern California was
suggested but quickly ruled out due to the drive time.
Climbingweather.com was perused. On a whim, we looked at something
called the Redwood Coast. Good weather predicted. Our doom was
sealed after a quick googling which turned up some route beta.
So the next morning we headed north without camping reservations,
without a guidebook, without a full tank of gas.

The drive up was a portent of the evil things to come. Actual sprinkles of rain hit the windshield all the way through Sonoma County. The 101 was completely empty of traffic. We felt both physically and emotionally abandoned by the other drivers and it was a most traumatic four hour drive to Eureka. The highway patrol car on the southbound side of the highway didn't even turn around to pursue us even after we had sped right by him at least 15 miles over the speed limit. What, we weren’t good enough for him???

This was the first weekend of gas over 4.15 a gallon and as we rolled north, each station got more and more expensive. Truly, we were cursed to have tried to get north without filling up first.

As we pulled into Eureka we were terrified by the rays of sun which
suddenly attacked our eyes, leaping from the quickly evaporating clouds. And no sooner had we recovered from this jarring experience then we saw an actual billboard to a outdoors outfitter (horrors!) and under
the billboard was the outdoors shop! It was ghastly. The manager
of the shop sold us a local guidebook and recommended some crags.
We bought some gas (causing Jaybro severe pain which he has repeatedly tried to process all summer, ad infinitum, really, someone has to help him get over this) and headed north of Arcata to Moonstone Beach.

The rock we wanted there was found after laboriously searching for it
for 2, entire, minutes.

At it's base, the sight every climber fears: more climbers. These people were suspiciously friendly and alleged they were from Redding. After taunting us with rumors of a cheap and empty camping site just minutes from Moonstone, they took off. We climbed several routes on this rock. Horrendous climbing. Karen Rock. We did Karen Crack (5.8)

and Standard Route (5.9) At least we think we did. The idea that it was getting to the end of the day and we didn't have a camp yet weighed mightily on us.

Wondering why we ever started our obviously cursed adventure, we
took off to find a place to lay our heads.

We drove a whole 5 minutes south and ended up at Clam Beach. We
aren't pot smokers and were almost not allowed to camp at this extremely 420 friendly county beach. Two mean young men pointed us to what was obviously a terrible place to pitch our tents: completely sheltered from the sea breezes and surrounded by flowering shrubs.

(Mr Smooth suggests they are mutant giant yellow Lupine)

They offered to take our shirts in a dominoes game but we took
off for Safeway instead. The cashier at Safeway was so unhelpful and critical as to point out we could have gone to a Safeway that was about 5 minutes away from our camp instead of 30 minutes away. We ran off to make a quick dinner, with a plan to get to bed early.

Much fun was had into the night by the denizens of the campground. Not by us as we headed to sleep on the early side, but all the other denizens had a really, really good time.

The next morning the sun was out and we tried to reunite some pants left on our campground table with their owners and then took off for the nearest Safeway but we couldn't find it. Instead we found the Crab Shack, which promised us fresh shucked crab for our dinner if we called ahead.

On to Patrick's Point State Beach.

We did 2 climbs that morning.
Bon Voyage and Clipper Ship.

We would have done more but when we got to the top of each climb
we were annoyed to find that pods of whales were migrating off the
coast and we felt compelled to watch them as someone had to support
them in their journey.

(views from the belay, Gray shadows may be whales, some
are certainly blow hole equipped)

It's a boring job but someone has to do it. Also, seals were playing below us and it's just hard to climb when
that many distractions are happening. The rock had the most annoying
quality of looking slick and yet gripping like sandpaper. And we
are just not used to beach rock that feels like velvet and yet
grips. It was such a disconcerting experience that we decided to go inland
in the park and climb Ceremonial Rock. Ten minutes inland we were
stunned by a new ecosystem and entered the rainforest. Instead
of whales, deer. Wild iris clogged the path to the rock. Once
again, we were overwhelmed by the crowds of climbers in the parking lot.

Thankfully, no one was at Ceremonial Rock. We climbed Regular Route
(5.10)

It was a horrible climb so we did it again.

Then something else. It's a bit hard to call it from the guidebook,
but it felt a bit like 5.11. We were hungry now and the crab promised
to us that morning called.

We called the crab shack but she was just closing. More awful luck
for us, as usual. We sped south towards crab, slowing to 80 around the bends in the road, hoping we would make it... And we did. We ate succulent fresh dungeness crab soaked in melted butter, washed down with cold beer, of course. It was terrible because it has just ruined crab for us forever. We'll never get it that fresh and wonderful again. Plus, we forgot we had a lemon.

We went to sleep to the sound of the waves

and woke up to... rain. Yes, the rain found us.

Truly, this trip was doomed. Certain we would have to just pack it up
and go home, we were hydrating with coffee when a scary looking
Grateful Dead fan approached. He softly suggested that if we headed inland about 2-4 miles, we would miss the weather entirely.

Then he gave us some trash bags to protect our car from our rain-soaked gear.

We remembered the manager of the sporting goods store suggesting that we head inland to the Trinity Aretes area and we cleared out.

A while later, after a drive through some of the most beautiful
mountains either of us has seen, we found the dirt road that leads to
the Trinity Aretes.

You really should never go here. It's awful.
[Ominous, limestone Fulgarite]

The climbing is intense,

most of the stuff way, way beyond moderate.

After a bit of a hike,

we found the
easier routes. At their base were the Redding climbers of our first
day. We tried to run away, but they sinisterly insisted we stay and use their rope to try the routes.

The day was catching up with us and we knew we were in for obscene
amounts of traffic back to the Bay Area so we left and headed East on
299. If you have never been on this drive along the Trinity River,
take our warning: Don't. We almost ran off the road numerous times
because of looking at the views. It was so dangerous that, really,
they should close this road.

We joined the 5 South to discover that, true to the spirit of the
weekend, there was absolutely no traffic the whole way home. None,
nada, zip. No slowing, no braking. What a cursed trip. We'll
certainly never go again.

labrat

Trad climber

Nevada

Sep 16, 2008 - 04:18am PT

Thanks for the warning / report!
Erik

Dick_Lugar

Trad climber

Indiana (the other Mideast)

Sep 16, 2008 - 08:28am PT

Yes, I can totally see why one would not want to go there Jaybro. Sorry you had to deal with that experience. So, is this the end of your 'climbing daze'? I for one won't be caught dead anywhere near that place. Only a fool would go there after this TR. Nice pics though, too bad that place is so hellish. I'll stick to SP's and NP's thank you very much. Cheers.

Prod

Social climber

Charlevoix, MI

Sep 16, 2008 - 09:10am PT

HAhaha, Sucks to be you. I got to install a tub and shower faucet that weekend, then I got to fix the drywall that was dinged up by the tub.

Prod.

steelmnkey

climber

Vision man...ya gotta have vision...

Sep 16, 2008 - 09:22am PT

Whew! You saved us from a fate worse than death!
Glad you survived to tell the tale!

paganmonkeyboy

climber

mars...it's near nevada...

Sep 16, 2008 - 09:44am PT

the horror...the...horror...

Chiloe

Trad climber

Lee, NH

Sep 16, 2008 - 09:56am PT

Sure looks awful! Glad I spent the weekend indoors.

rhyang

climber

SJC

Sep 16, 2008 - 10:33am PT

Oh, the humanity :)

TKingsbury

Trad climber

Sep 16, 2008 - 10:35am PT

I don't know Jay...looks pretty good to me! ;)

Cheers!

Crimpergirl

Social climber

Boulder, Colorado!

Sep 16, 2008 - 10:42am PT

I bet there weren't any bugs either. That'd top off the worst trip ever for sure.

MisterE

Social climber

My Inner Nut

Sep 16, 2008 - 10:48am PT

Great TR Jay. I could hardly hear you, what with your tongue in your cheek! lol! See you guys soon!

Erik

mojede

Trad climber

Butte, America

Sep 16, 2008 - 10:50am PT

I love the smell of sarcasm in the morning.

Thanks, Jaybro, for sharing your miserable time :-)

Brunosafari

Boulder climber

Redmond, OR

Sep 16, 2008 - 11:03am PT

"Physically and emotionally abandoned by the other drivers."

I don't know how you found the intestinal fortitude to continue. Conrad is having a much easier time on Meru, physically and emotionally.

hungry man

Trad climber

around

Sep 16, 2008 - 11:37am PT

whoa! I'm glad you made it through.

Dr. Rock

Ice climber

Castle Rock

Sep 16, 2008 - 12:26pm PT

frickin weird man, why go there?

cleo

Social climber

Berkeley, CA

Sep 16, 2008 - 01:22pm PT

that was just awful, wretched! thanks for sharing!

Tarbuster

climber

right here, right now

Sep 16, 2008 - 01:23pm PT

!!!!!!!!!

le_bruce

climber

Oakland: what's not to love?

Sep 16, 2008 - 01:24pm PT

Life's a bitch and then you die, them's the breaks..

It was no doubt all the red ink in your karma column that brought you such a sh#thouse weekend. Justin said it: what goes around comes around Jaybro. Reap it.

Timberlake edit: Justin Timberlake said it.

Clint Cummins

Trad climber

SF Bay area, CA

Sep 16, 2008 - 03:40pm PT

Clearly, so scary that you had to wait 3.5 months before your trembling hands could write the TR!

"The Devil made me buy this guidebook!" - Flip 'Jaybro' Wilson?

I have collected maps and topos off the web for this area, but have been too afraid to visit. Way back in high school, one of my climbing partner had a mom who would occasionally offer interesting advice. Maybe one of her ideas applies to the roads up on that cursed Redwood Coast:

"Beware the twisty roads (her example was Petrovitsky Road in Renton, WA) - only travel the straight and narrow!"

Tim_Callagy

Mountain climber

Bakersfield, CA

Sep 16, 2008 - 03:57pm PT

The worst thing about Humboldt climbing in the damn patchouli.

Next time you're up there and it's raining, try the old wet weather route, under the Hwy 299 bridge at Mad River. Not a bad king swing and beer drinking adventure.

scuffy b

climber

Elmertown

Sep 16, 2008 - 05:03pm PT

Nice of you to take on all that suffering for the rest of us.
Getting used to slick-looking but grippy rock is tough.

Mungeclimber

Trad climber

sorry, just posting out loud.

Sep 16, 2008 - 05:17pm PT

pft, whatever, I can see right through your lies. Trying to keep the riff raff out, eh? You are transparent to me. I see plans within plans...

;)

Dr. Rock

Ice climber

Castle Rock

Sep 16, 2008 - 06:31pm PT

good thing you stayed off the lost highway, that road is a real bummer.
any witches in Ferndale?

ever enter the Kinetic Contest?

Laos people in Eureka, you bet.
fish with their toes.

neebee

Social climber

calif/texas

Sep 16, 2008 - 06:40pm PT

hey there jaybro... say, i caught that drift right fast:
somewhere 'round the bend, the curse shifted and all glory broke out...

thanks for the great share... sure is nice when you enjoy what comes your way, come what may, and, coming in such ways, may it ever be....

Zander

Trad climber

Berkeley

Sep 16, 2008 - 08:19pm PT

Jaybro,
I'm just so sad for you. You're killin'me here.
I gotta regroup, gotta try to make .. a stand.
I'm going unde..r.......

Dr. Rock

Ice climber

Castle Rock

Sep 16, 2008 - 08:28pm PT

Tim, the water under that bridge is a half foot deep, you want people to swing into that, WTF?

My advice?

Move to Mckinleyville.

Oaklahoma by the Sea, I'm tallin ya...

John Moosie

climber

Beautiful California

Sep 16, 2008 - 09:04pm PT

Super Jaybro. Horrible, but super. You have a great sense of humor. Thanks.

When I went to school at Humbodlt, a friend and I scrambled out to that furthest rock at Patricks Point and were nearly trapped by the tide. We went out there during a very low tide, smoked ourselves silly, then didn't notice the tide coming back in. It was dicy jumping from rock to rock with waves crashing over us. Most of the time you cant get out there. Such a beautiful place.

Jaybro

Social climber

wuz real!

Topic Author's Reply - Sep 16, 2008 - 10:11pm PT

Hang on Zander, it will be oka..-nyah yer doomed.
Thanks all.
Note, the words are from the fertile mind of young Daphne (encourage her to write more, I say) She has more stories to tell, some of which are appropriate to share.

I was just along to take pictures and live the adventure, what a royal pain in the Arse that was.

(Zanderbilt tour shirt Sighting, BIW this AM)

MisterE

Social climber

My Inner Nut

Sep 16, 2008 - 10:26pm PT

Jesus, dude. It's a wonder you survived! Epic!

dee ee

Mountain climber

citizen of planet Earth

Sep 16, 2008 - 10:55pm PT

Shoulda' stayed home and watched TV.

Too scary.

Mighty Hiker

Social climber

Vancouver, B.C.

Sep 16, 2008 - 11:02pm PT

You see any, um, ladybugs there? It seems like the right sort of place for whimsical creatures, and reports.

Daphne

Trad climber

San Rafael, CA

Sep 17, 2008 - 01:57am PT

Thanks all, for the great response. Jay was masterful in placing the photos and adding the captions in just the right places. And for being a great adventurer to climb with.

And three cheers to Dingus for getting the ultimate irony: that we found the driest climbing on that widely stormy weekend in what is normally one of the rainiest places in California.

Dr Rock mentioned the Kinetic Contest- we missed it for the climbing, but that seems like a thing to get up there for next year. A bunch of artists race moving sculptures they've built. Its an all-day race and I have heard it is a riot from a friend of mine who lives up there. Don't know about the witches of Ferndale, however. Do tell...

Despite the title of our TR, y'all should head on up there. No bugs! Not even a ladybug!

Nohea

Trad climber

Aiea,Hi

Sep 17, 2008 - 04:08am PT

Way to tough it out. One thing My wife and I do not like about living in the islands is that you can road trip for 3 hrs and your only going to be back at home again.
Thansk for showing us what we can do on that there main land area.
Aloha,
wil

Lynne Leichtfuss

Social climber

valley center, ca

Sep 17, 2008 - 10:21pm PT

Saving your thread for a nice quiet nite a la casa so I could enjoy the pics and 'logue. It was as special as I thought it would be.....creative, fun...climb on guys and thank you. Lynne