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James
climber
A tent in the redwoods
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Topic Author's Original Post - Apr 25, 2007 - 03:14pm PT
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Joshua Tree’s local attractions include: The Institute of Mental Physics- a cult for meth addicts, Santana’s- a local taqueria that features the classic California Burrito, and Joshua Tree National Park- 800,000 acres of desert and granite. Only the combination of carne asada and French fries are worth stopping for. Billboards advertising breast implants for new low prices litter the highway approaching the park. Newer posters displaying a local anti-methamphetamine campaign are paved around town. A sign reading “Life is Good. Don’t Meth it Up” hung on a telephone pole next to the Institute of Mental Physics. The quartz monzonite is sharp and the rock formations of the park resemble enormous dinosaur shits. The landscape makes you want to drop acid on a Wednesday night.
Washingtonian monkeys are rarely seen in the warmer winter climates of California but this March they decided to migrate south for a few weeks and make the horrendous twenty-two hour drive to the park. Jens, Max, and Andrew piled into Andrew’s tiny washing machine of a car and blasted the trip in three days and two nights, sleeping in Bend Oregon and Bishop California. They had Van Morrison’s greatest hits to keep them company. Jess, Ryan, and Jason crammed into Jason’s pickup, piling a mountain of gear and crash pads onto half a cord of firewood. They followed the other monkeys, arriving a day later. They came to climb.
John Schmid and Zach had already established a small camp when we arrived. They had blasted down to the park from the East Side of the Sierras and had already started climbing. Zach had already logged airtime on Leave it To Beaver (12a), a classic and devious steep traditional route on Sports Challenge rock, that morning. I fell out of Lucho’s Toyota Tacoma, worked from the nine hour drive from San Francisco, and met them as they came back to camp. We slandered as Lucho set-up his circus tent.
“Jens and Max are coming.”
“I wonder if they’ve been climbing.”
“You know they’re gonna crush. Jens is obsessed with this place. Plus they’re bringing Drew. They’ll be spinning holds all over the place.”
“Maybe they’ll bring more weed.”
Lucho’s head popped out of the tent as I finished my sentence. “You guys want to go bouldering?”
Within a few hours half of the posse rolled into camp. And by the next day the rest of the crew was present. Monkey March Madness went into full swing. We’d all known and climbed with each other for the past five or six years and the transition to the rock went smoothly. We bouldered and sport climbed a little. Lucho, John and I went out to Bebop Tango (11a) and Satanic Mechanic (12b). John fired More Funky Than Monkey (11c roof crack) while I floundered trying to follow him. We warmed-up to go climbing with the Washington hardmen.
After a few days, the crew of monkeys mobbed out to Geology Tour blasting the latest Clipse album out of John Schmid’s little Subaru.
Flow chameleon, worth bout a million
Sell Bolivian, Feds in oblivion
Bitch Brazilian, purse reptilian
Took her from far off island like Gilligan
Our heads were still bobbing when we booted up for the Geology Tour bouldering circuit. Mirage (V4) went smoothly for everyone. Pinched Loaf (V6) got crushed by Ryan. Jason and Max sent the highball Slashface (V3). After ditching our pads, we headed up to a sick splitter crack out there called Equinox (12c) and John Schmid graciously hung a rope for us. Each of us tried to send the rig. Each of us failed. Lucho and Max managed to get within spitting distant of the anchor before falling while some of us (me) dogged the sh#t out of it.
After five days, a few massive slander sessions, a couple of games of pa-tonk, and a little bit of rock climbing Lucho and I left. The other monkeys went on to Zion. Our fingertips were shredded, and there was a huge gobie on my wrist. Joshua Tree is a painful place but it’s not that bad when you’re with your friends.
All photos taken by Max Hasson
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Russ Walling
Social climber
Out on the sand.... man.....
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Apr 25, 2007 - 03:17pm PT
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Bravo!
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Crag Q
Trad climber
Louisville, Colorado
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Apr 25, 2007 - 03:19pm PT
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sounds like a fun trip. thanks for the TR
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Fletcher
Trad climber
Varied locales along the time and space continuum
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Apr 25, 2007 - 03:23pm PT
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Beautiful tale. The first paragraph is classic. You really capture an essence of the place in a vivid and succinct way.
Fletch
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, Ca.
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Apr 25, 2007 - 03:25pm PT
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Awesome pics...
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TwistedCrank
climber
Hell
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Apr 25, 2007 - 03:37pm PT
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TRs like this are why I keep coming back.
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bachar
Trad climber
Mammoth Lakes, CA
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Apr 25, 2007 - 03:37pm PT
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There's a bolt on "Baby Apes" now?
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James
climber
A tent in the redwoods
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 25, 2007 - 03:40pm PT
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JB-
I guess so. I didn't go out there that day.
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Zander
Trad climber
Berkeley
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Apr 25, 2007 - 11:28pm PT
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Thanks for the TR James,
Looks like you guys are havin' fun.
Zander
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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Apr 26, 2007 - 12:41am PT
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monkey see, monkey do... man I want to go climbing, but duty calls this next couple of weeks...
...keep getting out there!
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L
climber
NoName City and It Don't Look Pretty
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Apr 26, 2007 - 12:53am PT
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James-dooooode,
You are so methed up.
The Institute of Mentalphysics is an awesome meditation retreat center. No meth-heads could sit still for 5 minutes, much less for the hour-long meditations. It's a cool place and you dissin' it shows your lack of information and understanding.
The fact that you totally missed the Crossroads experience demonstrates your inability to locate great food in a teeny tiny town...and makes me wonder how you were able to find the routes you wanted to climb out in the park. Maybe you just settled for whatever you ran into, which happens a lot in Josh.
That said, your TR was otherwise good and your photos even better. You might want to get a little more info before insulting such a great place as Joshua Tree, though.
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Max
Social climber
outer space
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Apr 26, 2007 - 05:39pm PT
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bachar-
yeah, that bolt (I believe) was placed for the desperate looking route that continues above the shelf instead of going left as your testpiece does. For andrew's sake I'll say that he too whined about it and threatened not to use it, but he's not as crazy as he looks. His diminuitive frame (5'4"?) fired it second try by the way. Not sure why i'm going to defend james but we're all well aware of the crossroads "scene" L, and it's accompanying local attitude which frankly turns me off, not enough to miss out on the excellent food however. I'm sure mental physics is a wonderful retreat in a horrible location, I apologize for the years of slander it has recieved from our ignorant mouths.
max h.
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L
climber
NoName City and It Don't Look Pretty
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Apr 26, 2007 - 06:22pm PT
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Not sure why you felt the need for the sarcasm Max, but you missed the core of what I was saying in your rush to defend James' opinion of a couple of Joshua Tree businesses.
I wasn't pushing Crossroads for the "local scene" aspect as you so snottily put it, but for the fact that you could go in, plunk down not a lot of cash, and get a heck of a lot of good food.
Many, many nice people--climbers included--go there to eat, so catching up with old friends or making new ones can happen, too. Just depends on what you're into. No one's gonna put a gun to your head and say you have to be part of "the scene". Most people there won't give a chit about you, anyway.
And your comment about Mentalphysics...the desert is an ideal location for a retreat of that nature. You were, however, right on about the ignorant mouths, although I'm sure you thought just the opposite.
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James
climber
A tent in the redwoods
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 26, 2007 - 07:43pm PT
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L-
I didn't miss Crossroads; I avoided it altogether. As usual, Max has some good points. This wasn't our first trip there.
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aldude
climber
Monument Manor
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Apr 26, 2007 - 07:44pm PT
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This is gettin good.......
All we need now are some chick pix :
[url=http://imageshack.us]{{img}}h~~p://img248.imageshack.us/img248/3067/dscf0435cbofxq7.jpg[/img][/url]
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L
climber
NoName City and It Don't Look Pretty
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Apr 26, 2007 - 08:56pm PT
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Nice photo, Aldude. Who and where?
James--I've enjoyed your posts in the past. Some very funny stuff. But I didn't appreciate you and your buddy Max making Joshua Tree sound like a roadside toilet.
Lots of fine people live there and love the place. Just because you and Max can't understand small town life doesn't mean it's cool to ridicule it.
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aldude
climber
Monument Manor
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Apr 26, 2007 - 10:32pm PT
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L - Surely you've done this Josh classic. Cal Gerberding on the sharp end.
[url=http://imageshack.us]{{img}}h~~p://img261.imageshack.us/img261/5402/dscf0450cbof2mm5.jpg[/img][/url]
As far as James and the monkeys are concerned, I don't think they are bashing our little burg in a mean spirited way. More like pointing out the perceived sordid reputation that many of our popular destinations enjoy ; Santa Cruz and Compton come to mind - and embelishing them for effect. Crossroads people don't go to the Beatnik (except me) nor do they patronize Santanas' (again certain exceptions). We have it all here - very diverse fom HulaHoopers to the KKK!
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Raydog
Trad climber
Boulder Colorado
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Apr 26, 2007 - 10:51pm PT
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nice aldude - it's that 10b thing that pinches off toward the top, really pretty - just a touch run at the start.
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L
climber
NoName City and It Don't Look Pretty
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Apr 27, 2007 - 12:12am PT
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All righty then, Al...if you say so. You're the local after all, not me.
That's a great pix of Cal.
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James
climber
A tent in the redwoods
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 27, 2007 - 01:19am PT
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L-
I've had a few experiences in Joshua Tree that scarred me. I go there with a jaded view. Aldude is on the money.
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L
climber
NoName City and It Don't Look Pretty
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Apr 27, 2007 - 01:25am PT
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That's cool, James. Like I said, I've enjoyed your previous posts...Joshua Tree just has a special place in my heart, and Bonnie, who owns Crossroads, is a heck of a neat gal.
Sorry for doing the junkyard dog routine.
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malabarista
Trad climber
San Francisco, Ca
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Apr 27, 2007 - 11:43am PT
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Cool TR. Thanks for posting James.
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caughtinside
Social climber
Davis, CA
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Apr 27, 2007 - 12:08pm PT
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fun tr!
but it left out the answer to the most compelling question. Did those guys in fact bring more weed?
Or was that rhetorical?
aldude, what is that? I want to say it's bird of fire, but that doesn't seem right... i don't remember it leaning left? great photos!
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aldude
climber
Monument Manor
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Apr 27, 2007 - 02:22pm PT
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Yes - Bird of Fire - from a unique viewpoint.
L - You know I am partial to the C-roads and crew. Mental Physics Institute is also a JTree landmark and quintessential " New Bohemia "!
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Apr 27, 2007 - 06:47pm PT
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James, good stuff. Wishin' I was there.
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ATS
Social climber
escondido, ca
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Dec 19, 2008 - 07:22pm PT
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JB, the bolt on Baby Apes that folks may be referring to is the first one on Rastafarian (13a Cosgrove I think)
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Nefarius
Big Wall climber
somewhere without avatars.........
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Dec 19, 2008 - 07:33pm PT
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Santana's is HORRIBLE!!! Even the pictures of the food scared me there. hahaha About the worst "mexican food" I've ever had, honestly.
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Dapper Dan
climber
Menlo Park
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Dec 20, 2008 - 04:17am PT
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dude do you ever have anything positive to say ?
just wondering , you always sound like a big bowl of pessimism...
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le_bruce
climber
Oakland: what's not to love?
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Dec 20, 2008 - 09:11pm PT
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Nice writeup, good pics.
Santana's is right there behind El Agave for killer, cheap, post-climbing food. The breakfast burrito is dynamite and costs less than $4. Plus it's got a god damn drive-thru (genius), but if you go that route you miss the pickled onions/carrots at the salsa bar.
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James
climber
My twin brother's laundry room
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 20, 2008 - 09:36pm PT
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The day I cratered in Joshua Tree, I met up with Raleigh Collins soloing. He wanted me to go out to Baby Apes with him. I wanted to climb alone and do my own thing. He later jumped off of Sports Challenge Rock.
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tinker b
climber
your local park
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Dec 20, 2008 - 11:03pm PT
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***
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bob
climber
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Dec 21, 2008 - 10:56am PT
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James, how long you guys around there for? Come through Ptown for some GRANITE!
Give a call. One of you guys.
Bob J.
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tinker b
climber
your local park
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Dec 21, 2008 - 11:48am PT
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bob look at the date of the original post...your a little late...have fun in prescott...your not going to plant trees at the ridge?? j-l
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Rhodo-Router
Gym climber
Otto, NC
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Jan 26, 2009 - 12:59pm PT
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Bump for sunny sendathon TR.
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