Discussion Topic |
|
This thread has been locked |
| Messages 1 - 74 of total 74 in this topic |
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Original Post - Jan 15, 2019 - 11:47am PT
|
Hey There, Supertopians - Just wanted to update those who may not have been following Brandon's last several posts that his course has changed. Since he has posted openly in this thread:
http://www.supertopo.com/climbing/thread.php?topic_id=1087464&msg=3160896#msg3160896
I hope it's not going to be a problem for me to write that he has realized he needs to quit drinking, and after going to doc and beginning a medical detox, he's gone into rehab. I don't see a reason to post anything more specific to that - what I know is what he and a friend have been posting to the above thread.
However, I did want to mention that his financial situation was not good, and he and this friend have set up a GoFundMe to help cover the costs associated with that situation.
That GoFundMe Page is at:
https://www.gofundme.com/help-brandon-mayo-with-his-recovery?utm_source=internal&utm_medium=email&utm_content=campaign_title&utm_campaign=donation_receiptv5&fbclid=IwAR2DOnKTzVVIdEi2wM-8qR7LIaFQ6Edc_Nbhp8tl-rsU0hYqVrBAz7HigiE
If I get word from the person in contact with Brandon that he desires I delete this, of course I will. But hopefully people will look past any issue they have with this thread and be okay with it or at least not be upset and disparaging over it.
I know that people are not always in a position to help; that they may have many obligations to meet, and we do need to do that first. But for those who feel they'd like to help, any amount is going to be appreciated. Every $5 is $5 closer(well....GoFundMe takes a small % for administration costs, of course, so probably $4 and something closer is more accurate) to getting this stressful situation to be less stressful.
Thanks.
|
|
johntp
Trad climber
Little Rock and Loving It
|
|
|
Jan 15, 2019 - 05:40pm PT
|
Best of luck to Brandon. Offered him a free car back in 2014. He wasn't interested in making the trip to SoCal. overwatch drove out from PHX and picked it up. 2002 low mileage Toy Highlander, well maintained.
Brandon is a good guy. I offered him a great deal and he turned it down.
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 15, 2019 - 06:05pm PT
|
Pendejo, there might be a Contact button on the GoFundMe page to cobra t Brandon's friend who is administering that. Or, if you click the ST link I mentioned, you could post a request he contact you(the friend). He may have provided his email in that thread too. I'm not sure.
|
|
neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
|
|
|
Jan 15, 2019 - 07:26pm PT
|
hey there say, happygrrrl... say, me too, i just try to do little
bits, whenever and wherever i can...
i have to plan and work things very very carefully, but,
am planning to try...
winter, and taxes, etc, made this an off time, to
help encourage others, that way... :)
as we all know...
have card and letter, ready, too...
and, the 'famous prayers' that so many don't like, :))
but-- have done far and above, by the accounts of so many other folks...
|
|
overwatch
climber
Arizona
|
|
|
Jan 15, 2019 - 07:58pm PT
|
Hey John I've been gone from this site for a quite a while but started lurking a little bit again and I saw your post.
I loved that car but unfortunately about two weeks after I picked it up from you someone ran a red light and T-Boned the hell out of me going about 50 miles an hour.
Luckily she hit me forward of the driver's door and I wasn't hurt and was able to drive away and get back home but it damaged the transmission and the frame and it ended up a total loss.
Strange how things wind up because with the insurance money I was able to buy another car and have about $5,000 left over which totally saved my ass in the situation I was in.
Still one of the kindest things that anyone's ever done for me
All the best of luck to Brandon
vvvvvvvvvvv
Yeah, I'll kick something in especially now that my financial advisor, not so silentone said it was ok
|
|
silentone
Mountain climber
wisconsin
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 12:17am PT
|
Overwatch maybe you could play some of that forward to Brandon............Just a suggestion.....Brandon's friend really stuck his neck out here.......anything helps........Peace out
S.O.
p.s. thanks for starting this thread happie
|
|
Splater
climber
Grey Matter
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 12:32am PT
|
In November 2017, GoFundMe announced that it will no longer charge a 5% fee per donation for US, Canada, and UK individual campaigns, and instead rely upon tips left by donors to support the website.
The fee is now just 2.9% to cover credit card processing,
plus you can make an optional tip to help run the website.
So I felt my donation would help.
|
|
John M
climber
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 07:48am PT
|
Thanks for starting this thread Terri. I don't do Facebook that much and so didn't see the link to the GoFundme that Aaron put up. Thanks go to you too Aaron for big time support for a friend. I am very grateful that Brando is doing this and I am glad to know that you are also on the road to recovery. Best wishes to you Aaron.
Come on people. Lets do this. My donation is made. How about the rest of you? Brandon is a member of the tribe. He is in a hole and needs a hand to pull himself out. I know that some of you are leery of putting funds towards something like this because it doesn't always work the first go around, or as we heard about BVB, sometimes even the 3rd time isn't enough. The thing is that every time a person makes this decision to quit increases the odds that they will make it out. Brandon is a decent straight up guy with a good heart. He deserves a shot at a better life. Yes he has made some poor decisions that have put him in this hole, but he is capable of changing and I am hoping that you will support him in his efforts.
JohnTp..I am hoping that you will realize that it was the alcohol that was likely the reason that Brandon wasn't able to take you up on your kind offer. Alcoholism is an insidious beast and most people need help overcoming it. So thank you for your kind offer to him and I hope that you will forgive him for not being able to take you up on your generosity.
Best wishes to you on your road to recovery Brandon!
John M
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 16, 2019 - 04:25pm PT
|
Update: Just checked the GoFundMe pages and it is halfway to the goal. This is due in part to someone who has been quite generous, although everything is relative. That generosity may have been less a sacrifice for that person than someone else who donated $20. Nonetheless, HalfTime Celebration!
|
|
L
climber
Just livin' the dream
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 05:14pm PT
|
Wishing you success, Brandon, and the beauty of a clean and sober life.
Thanks for starting the thread, Happi.
|
|
johntp
Trad climber
Little Rock and Loving It
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 05:29pm PT
|
That’s, uh, an odd way to say you’re not going to fund Brandon there, John. Hope you’re ok.
I'm good. But yeah, that's pretty much it. I offered him a great vehicle (free of charge) when he needed one and he wasn't willing to make the trip to SoCal to pick it up. Even offered to pay his airfare to fly to OC airport. I think he is a good guy, but am done trying to help people that won't help themselves.
Overwatch, sorry to read that. Bummer.
|
|
Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Mill Valley, Ca
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 05:51pm PT
|
Speaking of people who won't help themselves (and as a cautionary tale), a very well-to-do person in Mill Valley offered and paid $30,000 for a one month stay at a rehab facility for a friend he had gone to high school with. Less than a week after the guy got out, he called another friend asking if he had any Vicodin or other opiates. Needless to say it was an epic fail.
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 16, 2019 - 06:19pm PT
|
Hardman, from the perspective of a non-addictive personality, it just seems incomprehensible, but the disease is very complex. Its not simply a matter of deciding to quit, feeling an obligation because someone helped you or whatnot.
Edit: So people should know...just because someone has donated for this, there is NO guarantee. If one cannot give without expectations, may be best to not give at all.
|
|
johntp
Trad climber
Little Rock and Loving It
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 06:23pm PT
|
JohnTp..I am hoping that you will realize that it was the alcohol that was likely the reason that Brandon wasn't able to take you up on your kind offer. Alcoholism is an insidious beast and most people need help overcoming it. So thank you for your kind offer to him and I hope that you will forgive him for not being able to take you up on your generosity.
No worries there. I'm a recovering alcoholic myself and understand the road ahead of him.
I'll throw a few bones his way.
|
|
jbaker
Trad climber
Redwood City, CA
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 06:25pm PT
|
I kicked in. I know there are no guarantees this will do the trick for Brandon, but we've all had challenges and I'd rather focus on the chance this could move Brandon to a better place. At worst, I tried to help someone and I'm out a few bucks.
|
|
Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Mill Valley, Ca
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 06:27pm PT
|
Hardman, from the perspective of a non-addictive personality {snip}
FWIW I have an extremely OCD / addictive personality, and was addicted to about the most addictive substance known to man for decades from age 10 (pack a day at age 12 when they were 50 cents a pack) - until I finally decided I'd had enough and quit forever (I swore by the mantra that flesh is dumb; I am indeed in control of my body) - and never looked back.
Knott everyone can be easily pigeonholed (or at least knott accurately).
|
|
Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 06:31pm PT
|
My thoughts & prayers go out to all who battle day in and day out
I have that genetic makeup.
but I've been lucky & strong,
many of my friends have not and so succumbed.
You can try to tell your truth
you can show the depths of despair that it has driven the best of the best too. . .
But you cannot write it on another's soul
 the way it is written on you & yours.
Stop trying
You who have no idea...know that....
YOU Have No Idea
|
|
Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 07:08pm PT
|
It's like a lot of serious problems. There's a necessary first step. Don't make that first step, and nothing else will help. But if you do make the first step...
...well, your journey is just beginning.
And every step in that journey is crucial. Doesn't matter how far you've come along the path, miss one step and you're back in the trash.
Maybe there are people who can walk that path alone, but most of us need help. The gofundme will get you past the first step, but there is a long, long journey ahead, and it won't be easy. But always remember that there is support and help available. Certainly here on ST, and probably elsewhere.
Stay strong Brandon
|
|
Rhodo-Router
Gym climber
sawatch choss
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 09:00pm PT
|
Never met him. Just kicked down.
Suerte amigo!
|
|
neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 10:29pm PT
|
hey there say, all...
OVERwhelming, it is:
so many folks in the world and so many affected by addictions...
so many results... seen and unseen...
each person is different, though, some may fall into similar patterns...
sometimes, if they do, well-- they may get help from 'fellow same pattern'ers' too... as to what trail was best for them...
hope that you, brandon_ (though you may not see this for a bit) find the
right folks to help you, that KNOW, or are familiar with your pattern... (either from you life, thus far, or, from learning about you, now)...
side note:
the wish-- of course, is to stop immediate and never look back, and be free--
yes, i DO KNOW some of these folks...
they stopped that VERY day...
and stood through body-pain...
(though, sadly, this is NOT THE NORM-- as compared to the vast humans in the world) ...
A--one, man, in specific, an older man now, still married to the
very same gal-- actually stopped, after drinking like a fish, night and day, and sadly became'famous for it'...
he actually stopped, due to finding a love, as to a human being, that
he loved more than his selfish please... it shocked him...
and, it shocked him, that he'd lose it...
B--however, sadly, i have seen MORE than a handful of men, lose their wives, homes, and even relationships with their children, as, they just could not stop... no shock 'shook them up' and, no 'child's tears either' ...
it is a human thing that only each individual can 'find the key' of:
why...
C-- even then... some won't make it... only THEY know why...
yet, here, too:
i also know a handful, that made it, after hard wrestling and anguish as to
families half-ruined-- yet, they HAVE made it, and live in success now...
and, they and the families, though split, are STILL grateful for it...
D-- and, then, those that did not make it...
well, i've lost track of many of them...
BUT, the few more personal to me, well-- they died very awfully ... it was not pretty, :( and-- sadly, some of their family, even witnessed it...
side note:
friends, can help some of those that struggle... but, they have to LEARN how, as to each individual, or, as to each 'specific behavior pattern group' etc...
and, then, there is a few 'wild pitches out there' that many not
fit such patterns... harder to help, but we should not give up on them...
NOW--for brandon ,and all of our friends, that are addicted:
do not give up...
keep searching yourself... get to KNOW yourself...
learn why...
then, learn how...
then, hang on to all that is dear that IS helping...
AND, tackle the trail, with 'these answers' and,
hopefully -- the friends and family along the way,
can join in, to keep the success even stronger...
if not-- the trail is still yours:
but all the harder...
do not lose it, or, let anyone 'take it away from you' by
their attitudes or affects on you...
just please, do NOT give up...
the 'lie' is: no one cares...
the 'truth' is: there ARE folks that DO...
|
|
neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2019 - 10:34pm PT
|
hey there say, hardmanknott...
say, as to your quote:
until I finally decided I'd had enough and quit forever (I swore by the mantra that flesh is dumb; I am indeed in control of my body) - and never looked back.
say, i know a man, too, that did this...
the shock of something so new in his life, that suddenly made
him realize there was 'something more important than his own selfishness'
made him decide to stop-- he did so that very moment, and never drank
again...
hard to find such stories, but, they are out there...
congratulations for your years-of-success...
and, for those that HAD suffered and WON--
congratulations for your years of fighting-and-NOT-giving-up...
they are all precious...
they are 'front line' battles, either way...
just different strategy, worked, for
the different 'battle' at hand, time and place...
victory...
over the past...
|
|
John M
climber
|
|
|
Jan 17, 2019 - 05:46pm PT
|
Bump for a good cause..
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 18, 2019 - 10:32am PT
|
Just a bump, to keep people posted.
|
|
John M
climber
|
|
|
Jan 18, 2019 - 04:56pm PT
|
Update:
We are at $3655.00
The program is $3900, so we need just a little bit more to at least cover that. It would also be nice to help him with his bills while he isn't able to work while in the program, plus it would be nice if he didn't have to worry about the cost of a plane ticket home. So hopefully a few more folks will chip in.
thanks everyone.. I believe Brandon is a good guy and deserves a chance at a new life.
10 bucks, 20 bucks, 50 bucks.. it all helps.
|
|
johntp
Trad climber
Little Rock and Loving It
|
|
|
Jan 18, 2019 - 05:05pm PT
|
^^^ Hey JohnM. Appreciate your being active in this. Same goes to happie. I wish Brandon a prosperous future.
|
|
neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
|
|
|
Jan 19, 2019 - 01:04am PT
|
hey there say, john m... i am still trying and hoping that i can help a bit...
i have to wait and plan for my bills, here, first, but this time, i
think i can... :) (hee hee, i always take out of my food supply) ...
does a 'body good' that way... :)
we 'humans' in these worlds, need to watch how much we eat, ;)
and-- we can 'feed a fund' for someone's lack...
food or other...
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 20, 2019 - 06:25am PT
|
GoFundMe pages is at $4,005.
|
|
John M
climber
|
|
|
Jan 20, 2019 - 10:56pm PT
|
This will likely be my last bump.. best wishes Brandon. Thanks to everyone who contributed.
|
|
neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
|
|
|
Jan 21, 2019 - 12:30am PT
|
hey there, say, happiegrrrl... wow, my boston friend, she kicked in the other night and got it up to 4,000's...
she is my 'stamp fairy' in the last years, until i was
able to help my self more...
thus-- she has actually helped get christmas cards to climbers,
and, she had a 'soft spot' in her heart for them...
her sister was in alcohol rehaps, and freed herself, years ago...
was a very very hard thing for her...
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 21, 2019 - 11:05am PT
|
That's so great Neebee!
|
|
neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
|
|
|
Jan 21, 2019 - 03:38pm PT
|
hey there, say, happigrrrl... i know... she was so VERY KIND...
SHE DOES NOT even hang out here...
she is a good gal, she really is...
she's fought her own hard battles, too...
though, not as to drinking, but, hard emotional stuff,
and SHE will tell anyone, too... if it helps them...
|
|
johntp
Trad climber
By decision or indecision we are where we are.
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 05:02pm PT
|
Can someone please verify if this is legit? I threw in some scratch but reading on another thread that Brandon's "friend" will withhold the donations. Nita wanted to throw down some more but I am confused by what is written on the Sobriety thread and another thread.
Fool me once; shame on you. Fool me twice; shame on me.
Andy T
It is not clear what is going on. From my perspective Aaron and the fund request is legit. It appears to me Aaron is a good guy. I have my own assumptions, but since I don't know the facts will leave it at that.
edit: Aaron needs to come clean as many of us have spent $$ to help Brandon.
|
|
SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab, Bozeman, the ocean, or ?
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 05:02pm PT
|
^^^^^
Exactly. I thought I was doing something for Brandon and the whole FB thing threw me for a huge loop. It really started to sound very fishy, and the request for extra money for bills, etc.
I hope that I helped Brandon...and would be willing to do more if someone who really knows what is going on would clarify. It’s starting to not pass the sniff test.
Susan
|
|
johntp
Trad climber
By decision or indecision we are where we are.
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 05:06pm PT
|
^^^ Susan, I don't do facebook and have no clue what is on there.
edit: also, I trust happie. If she posted this as a request, I'll run with it.
|
|
Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 05:14pm PT
|
If Aaron is legit he should get Brandon’s wife to back him up although, of course,
we would be hard pressed to vet her online. I’m giving Aaron the benefit of the doubt, for now.
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 28, 2019 - 05:21pm PT
|
So far as I know,the GoFundMe was created in good faith by Aaron. I posted a comment on the GoFundMe asking Aaron to clarify his statement, which I may have simply misinterpreted. Since he is administering the page, he WILL get an alert there is a comment made.
I do not have Brandon as FB friend so do not know what is on that.
|
|
John M
climber
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 05:42pm PT
|
Anyone have Aaron's contact info.. or Brandon's wife's? If I can get ahold of Aaron, I will try to get this straightened out.
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 28, 2019 - 05:42pm PT
|
I hadn't realized Aaron HAD already responded to my request for clarification.
Unfortunately, I don't feel great about what I read.... IMO, it READS like Aaron intends to give at least part of the monies donated to some person unknown, which again, READS like it is NOT one he originally detailed. This doesn't make sense to me because - correct me if I'm wrong - the treatment cost was listed at $3900. To be honest, that seems actually well below what I'd expect a month in a rehab to cost, but that's beside the point.
In my opinion, the bulk of that money ought go to pay the rehab stay, which is what we were donating to. If Aaron already made that payment from his own funds, then of course he should be reimbursed.
Besides that, it seems the additional funds would barely cover the costs outlaid(although to be petty... maybe Aaron ought not reimburse himself on purchases of clothing which he write in the GoFundMe update that he intends to take back).
The only issue I personally have with this whole thing is that, as I said, it seems like some other person associated with this rehab, apparently a client, may be receiving these funds. That, I just don't get.
And yes, I do think Aaron is obliged to specifically advise to whom and in what amounts, the funds are going to be disbursed. There's the rehab place, Aaron, and Brandon's wife, from what I understood. To divert to anyone else is bogus.
|
|
John M
climber
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 05:45pm PT
|
Yes.. his clarification wasn't very clarifying. If I can get his contact info I will try to find out what is going on. He did say that the full bill had to be paid by the 25th, so that is hopefully already covered.
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 28, 2019 - 05:45pm PT
|
Thanks John.
|
|
Jim Clipper
climber
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 05:51pm PT
|
I just hope Brandon is ok. Of course, if Aaron decides to do something else with the money, apparently Aaron isn't the person he thinks he is. (although I admire him for the phone call to the clinic, and the ride to get hisome friend there. the other stuff maybe not so much).
|
|
johntp
Trad climber
By decision or indecision we are where we are.
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 05:52pm PT
|
Reflecting on what is going on:
Happie- do you know Aaron? Is he a climber?
Aaron should post up here. For whatever reason, you linked us to his gofundme for Brandon. Is this all a hoax to line his own pockets?
Many questions. If Aaron is a scammer, I'm not happy.
Still don't have enough detail to make judgement yet. Smelling funny.
|
|
John M
climber
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 06:01pm PT
|
Aaron is a long time Friend of Brandon. Brandon told us that. He also said that back in the day when Brandon was doing extreme skiing Aaron was one of this buddies who he skied with. Aaron is one year sober and is emotionally involved because Brandon is his long time friend and this cuts close to home. I have sent a friend request to Aaron on Facebook and hopefully I will hear from him so we can get this cleared up. This has been very stressful for Aaron because not only is Brandon his friend, but he also went on the hook with the treatment center for Brandons full bill. That was supposed to have been paid in full by the 25th, which since Brandon appears to still be there hopefully means is paid off.
I will let you know more when or if Aaron contacts me.
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 28, 2019 - 06:04pm PT
|
I do not know Aaron. He came on Supertopo in the Sobriety thread and that was the first I heard of him. From what I recall in the Sobriety thread, he is not a climber but knew Brandon from years back. I seem to recall Brandon mentioning in the Sobriety thread that his friend was going to help him get into a rehab. That was before Aaron posted here.
I don't know Brandon outside of Supertopo either.
The reason I created THIS thread about the GoFundMe was because Aaron posted a bit if a meltdown in the Sobriety thread that the fund was not going to get the amount due to pay for the rehab. I remembered that people had been willing to help Brandon via work opportunities when he(Brandon) said he wanted to go to CA and give his wife space. I thought those people might not be aware of Brandon's situation if they don't read the Sobriety thread(and why would they follow it, if it didn't pertain to them. It's kind of a personal thread that might seem creepy to be lurking on if you are not an alcoholic or dealing with someone who is.
So, I thought people who were willing to help Brandon with work might also be willing to donate to this GoFundMe. And it seemed to help quite a bit.
Pleae John, don't infer that I am somehow involved in some sort of scam. I went through false accusations with *The Joshua Tree Crowd" a few years ago, if you recall. People said I had been offered a job at the Saloon and turned it down. There were so few people who even knew I had filled out an application there, which was ALL that transpired, that it is a very few people who could have started that rumor, which caused me considerable distress. Don't put me in that kind of place again, please.
|
|
Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 06:05pm PT
|
STAY THE COURSE, POINT THE TIPS DOWN HILL & RIDE IT OUT.
use the edges on the ice to turn, to do that you lean in...
THE READING IS NOT ALL THAT CLEAR
But everyone falls down a few times while trying to get clean.
Give the 3 people immediately involved the tight belay that they need & deserve
Aaron sounds like he is hard-core in a good way!
The guy is trying to be as stand up as he can be.
yes it would be nice if he stated what exactly he means but it seems clear to me that he is un-clear right now.
It all depends on Brandon, one tuff piece of meat.
The whole thing is on the meat in the pot so to speak; It still needs time to cook.
I Posted it Here so others can read it
Posted by Aaron Tritz
3 hours ago(?@about 4:00pm Cntl)
Share
Terrie - I have every receipt, every penny documented and it will go to the correct person. The one that will benefit most. That is one of two people.
I have all the information and am willing to send to anyone for proof. How? Perhaps I set up an email account specifically for this and can send all information for those that want to see it - the treatment center will receive a copy of it all tomorrow. Every penny is documented and I am good to my word. I am not a thief, this a program of honesty and I take the 12 steps very seriously.
His actions have effected others much more than myself. Every penny will go to the right place. Take a wild guess to who if it's not to him.
Help spread the word!
It sounds like Aaron is saying after his original out-lay has been reimbursed, he intends to give the remainder to the wife.
An honest declarative statement to that affect would be best,
till then hang tight, have hope and send cash, love & light.
The spirit feels strongest when we all pull together
the darkness is deepest before the dawn.
It is up to Aaron & Brandon to make it right
|
|
John M
climber
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 09:39pm PT
|
It sounds like Aaron is saying after his original out-lay has been reimbursed, he intends to give the remainder to the wife.
This is substantially correct. I just got off the phone with Aaron.
This is a complicated situation in part because Brandon hasn't been completely forthcoming about how far down the rabbit hole he has gotten.
I'm not going to go into it very much because Brandon's wife is concerned that too much information will get out in the small town that she and Brandon live in, so Aaron was trying to keep her out of the donation situation, that is why he wasn't clear on who the money was going to. But it is going to either Brandon if he will do a 6 month sober house, or his wife.
At this point, the center that Brandon is in has asked that Aaron not contact Brandon as it was causing more problems for Brandon then it was doing good. It also wasn't good for Aaron as he is only one year sober himself after 20+ years of heavy drinking which he admits to and has posted on this forum, so I don't feel like I am betraying confidences.
The rehab center total cost was $4900. Aaron got them to offer $1000 dollar scholarship making the cost $3900. They did this because Aaron does volunteer work with them, including organizing a ski trip for alumni of the program. The rehab center usually requires full payment up front as they do not take insurance. Aaron paid $500 dollars. He had to agree to pay the rest by the 25th. That money was raised on the go fund me site. Aaron also spent about 500 dollars helping Brandon get things he wanted while he would be in the center as Brandon arrived with nothing but the clothes on his back. This included Brandon spending a lot of money on chewing tobacco.
Total cost to date. $3900 ( of which Aaron paid 500 ) + 500 ( spent by Aaron getting things for Brandon) = $4400.
Aaron paid 500 of that cost as a down payment and spent 500 helping Brandon get supplies before he went in and while he has been there totaling $1000 dollars spent by Aaron.
Before Brandon went into rehab he called his Boss and got $1000 from a retirement account. which was sent by check made out to Aaron to cover the money that Aaron had spent.
this left 3400 dollars owed for the rehab center.
So far $4305 has been raised on gofundme. Godfundme takes 3.3 percent so they have sent $4161 to Aaron, of which he used $3400 to pay off the rehab center.
This leave $761 dollars.
I hope that is clear. ( as mud ) I know.
.....
I do believe that the rehab center has been paid in full as I do believe that they require money paid in full up front.
Whats next?
Because of how far down the rabbit hole Brandon was and how bad his DTs were, Aaron believes that Brandon needs to do 6 months of living in a sober house where he can help himself further establish his sobriety. Aaron did this himself and knows how much it helps. Before going in Brandon agreed this was necessary as things were difficult at home and he needed to clean up. Please read between the lines as I won't go into further detail online. This is really hard to explain without revealing everything that is going on.
Just the other day Brandon decided that he didn't want to do the 6 months in a sober house, in part because he believes that he doesn't need it, and in part because he believes that if he completes this 30 day program then everything will be ok at home. So I do not know what will happen next.
His wife also believes that he needs to do the 6 month sober house, so we shall see.
As for donating further. Brandon's wife still needs help. Brandon will need money when he gets out of rehab. I don't know the full cost of the sober living house but a down payment is 300. Brandon would be able to work while in the house, so hopefully he would be able to cover that cost.
I do believe Aaron, but even he is hesitant about further donations because things are not good between he and Brandon and Brandon and his wife. But he will either give the money towards Brandon's further recovery or send it to his wife.
Please understand that this situation is fairly complicated and that this rehab is just the first step for Brandon. He will have plenty more work to do once he is out of the center.
.....
Hey Brandon.. I apologize if this feels to you like I am revealing too much about your situation, but a lot of people have contributed to your recovery and they deserve open honest answers. I still believe that you are a good guy, but you have to face where you have been or you will continue down the rabbit hole. I speak from experience because it was difficult for me to quit and I had a lot of work to do on myself to understand why I had these kinds of problems. So I hope that you will understand that I am just trying to help you and that I hope that you will continue on your path of healing.
|
|
neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 10:10pm PT
|
hey there say, all...
thanks for sharing for all of us...
also, brandon... in your corner... prayers and hopes...
hang in there...
may be a hard trail, but, it is worth it...
(shared for you to see this, in the future) ...
|
|
Splater
climber
Grey Matter
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 10:24pm PT
|
John, thanks for posting.
Brandon, hope you keep making progress!
(same hope for all of us)
|
|
Jim Clipper
climber
|
|
|
Jan 28, 2019 - 10:39pm PT
|
Thanks for the clarification. Aaron is a good dude. Also, it makes me happy to see the support from others here. Be well Brandon.
|
|
WBraun
climber
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 08:49am PT
|
Good job John M for making this clear ......
|
|
johntp
Trad climber
By decision or indecision we are where we are.
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 04:18pm PT
|
But everyone falls down a few times while trying to get clean.
Roger that. Seems the gofundme is going defunct.
Truly best wishes for Brandon. I don't know any of the details. Addiction is a beast and it takes a lot of resolve to conquer. Falling down is common. Most addicted persons relapse several time before they "get it".
The cost of the program he is in seems unusually low. Most programs start around $15k a month. I wonder if the program he is in is doing him any good. If all they do is recite AA, it's probably a waste of money.
Brandon, I hope you can get it together.
edit: just as a cautionary side note, sober living is anything but. My family wanted me to go to one after rehab. While in rehab I learned from other residents that while you can't smuggle in booze due to the size of the bottles, one get away with bringing all kinds of drugs in.
Some of the folks that run sober living places sell drugs and booze to the residents. I told my family no.
I didn't want to go from being an alcoholic to a drug addict.
Pleae John, don't infer that I am somehow involved in some sort of scam.
If that is directed at me, I meant nothing of the sort, although can see how it could be seen that way. Come on Happie, you know me better than that.
|
|
L
climber
Just livin' the dream
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 05:34pm PT
|
^^^^^+1
|
|
John M
climber
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 06:50pm PT
|
Thank for your kind words Tad and L, you two are some of the best here on the Taco.
.....
I have a new update. I just got off the phone with Aaron.
Brandon has left the facility and is flying home. A friend of his paid for his airfare. On advice of his sponsor and attorney Aaron has closed out his managerial duties on the go fund me. So no new money will be going into his account. The treatment facility is paid in full. The excess money that is still in Aaron's account of $761 will be sent to Brandon's wife. Brandon created the go fund me, so he now has complete control of it and any new money after today that is donated. Aaron was not the person who started the go fund me, so he could not close it. I left a comment on the go fund me.
I really hoped that Brandon would finish this treatment, but it appears he believes he has it all figured out. Plenty of us have been there, so we know what that is like.
This really messed with Aaron. He is just less then one year sober and so decided that he needs to focus on himself. He wishes the best for Brandon, but hopes that he gets more therapy.
There is more going on, but I won't post it on the internet without all parties permission. Just suffice it to say that this is not in my opinion good news.
I'm still rooting for your Brandon. I hope that you get this figure out.
|
|
Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 06:57pm PT
|
At Logan right now. Doing 90 in 90 and outpatient at the local hospital. (these two may conflict so it may be less than 90). Have some numbers to call regarding sober living around here so I may be able to do that and go back to my old job, which has been held for me. This deserves more than a paragraph, but I’m beat. Tomorrrow.
And, thank you all! I won’t let your generosity go to waste. That I promise.
Worked up to ten mile runs on the treadmill, half marathon on the elliptical (sp?) and lost ten pounds too. Go figure.
There is a story here, I’m not here for lack of wanting to be there. That place is really special.
|
|
johntp
Trad climber
By decision or indecision we are where we are.
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 06:58pm PT
|
Leaving treatment before finishing is not a good sign.
The good thing about rehab is one learns they can live without their addiction for 30 days.
On the other hand, the wrong program does more harm than good.
Aaron did a good thing to front it for Brandon. He also risked his own sobriety.
Cheers to you Aaron.
edit: Brandon, doing 90 in 90 is worthless unless you really make the commitment to yourself. It is demoralizing. Frankly, I'm not a fan of AA. What got me finished was SMART Recovery. It is a non-spiritual, logical approach more holistically oriented, focusing on life balance.
The big difference between SMART and AA is that SMART maintains you have power, versus AA which maintains you are powerless. Google it.
|
|
Delhi Dog
climber
Good Question...
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 07:01pm PT
|
Plenty of us lurkers cheering for you Brandon!
Follow your heart.
And JohnM you're a good man.
edit "Cheers to you Aaron."
Yes! You're a good friend. Best to you.
|
|
Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 07:06pm PT
|
I have made the commitment, I’m not f*#king around with this.
|
|
John M
climber
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 07:19pm PT
|
I don't know what to tell you Brandon, other then that I believe you need to call the facility and see if they will take you back. Your time there is paid for. You should consider using it.
|
|
Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 07:28pm PT
|
John, if you message me at bee tee mayo79 all one lowercase word, at gmail, I’ll fill you in as to why I left.
|
|
John M
climber
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 07:33pm PT
|
email sent.
|
|
fear
Ice climber
hartford, ct
|
|
|
Jan 29, 2019 - 07:45pm PT
|
You guys all rock... best of luck Brandon.
|
|
neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2019 - 06:55am PT
|
hey there say, brandon... i had recently sent a letter and a card...
-->not sure if they will forward them to you...
i also talked to aaron and bit, too...
and, was up to date on this-- but was sure hoping it was
just 'thoughts' and that you would REALLY decide to stay...
i just hope and pray that 'things don't go downward' ...
yeah, me, i am like a 'mom' i worry about these things...
also, john m... you did a very good service for everyone here, too...
and, aaron, thank you...
and, johntp and happiegrrrl...
you both chipped in good advises, too...
now, brandon... please, do not give up...
this was 'your chance of a lifetime' meaning, as to a FIRST GO...
THERE of course, can be other chances, if you slip, but:
this was the one that could have (or still might?) built/build
as STRONG FOUNDATION...
you will need that... best wishes and prayers for you and your future...
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 30, 2019 - 07:38am PT
|
People get sober in any number of ways. NYC AA showed me that. Going to meetings around the country as I've traveled, I thank the Universe I had the Upper West Side of Manhattan for my pickings.
As for Aaron putting his sobriety at risk; that is completely on him and NO ONE else. I won't sugarcoat that. It's similar in climbing. If we don't trust our belayer, and either ovary up and commit to the fact we're free soloing, or walk away, and we fall and die, all the climbers are gonna say on Supertopo is the dead one is responsible. Old School. Don't let Aaron's rants *about* distract you. He chose to tie in with this partner.
Brandon,this is it now. You are on the multipitch lead of your life. As they used to, and probably still do, say at my Completely Sober group in Chelsea, "This is not the Dress Rehearsal."
Rooting for you with every sober cell in my being.
|
|
WBraun
climber
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2019 - 09:05am PT
|
Brandon needs to fill in people online as why he left as many donated their hard earned money to help him.
Now he's not being forthcoming and is RED FLAG.
I donated to make sure Aaron is not holding the bag ultimately.
Brandon is an addict and can't be trusted.
Brandon, you should come clean, but I doubt very much you will as the red flags you've shown are flying full mast .....
|
|
Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2019 - 09:20am PT
|
Werner, drop me a line at bee tee mayo79 (all lowercase, all one word) at gmail and I’ll fill you in. Anyone else who’s been rooting for me for that matter. Just don’t want to put it all out on a public forum.
Headed to Concord for a dr’s appt right now, so there will be a couple of hour lag in my reply.
|
|
Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2019 - 09:26am PT
|
Brandon, it sounds to me like you’re being up front. You can do this, as long as you are honest with yourself as well.
|
|
Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 30, 2019 - 09:30am PT
|
Keeping a matter off a public forum is not a red flag; it's a sign of decency, especially if doing so would cause pain/embarrassment/upset to another. I don't see this - at all - as a manipulative behavior.
Keep us posted, though, Brandon, on sobriety. We're here for you in that thread. This can be both the best of times and the worst of times. Climb on, dude!
|
|
JLP
Social climber
The internet
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2019 - 09:34am PT
|
Brandon needs to fill in people online as why he left as many donated their hard earned money to help him. What a train wreck. When you donate to a go fund me, there's no contract, especially in this context. If it's important to you the money or events turn out in some approvable way - the best suggestion, as noted above - is don't give.
In fact, I would suggest, in this context, the best message to send is that the money is free and he can do whatever the heck he wants with it - unconditional. Suggesting he owes something in return and has fallen short seems like the worst possible message here.
|
|
Jim Clipper
climber
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2019 - 09:45am PT
|
Brandon, keep on keeping on. I have no experience with recovery, but I've seen the consequences of withdrawal without treatment. Congrats on making some good decisions, and doing some good work.
|
|
couchmaster
climber
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2019 - 10:36am PT
|
Brandon, don't worry over failure, just focus on what's ahead. Go each day, each hour, each moment -focusing on making it through that time. Dig down deep and get it man, rooting for you.
|
|
nah000
climber
now/here
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2019 - 11:51am PT
|
this: In fact, I would suggest, in this context, the best message to send is that the money is free and he can do whatever the heck he wants with it - unconditional. Suggesting he owes something in return and has fallen short seems like the worst possible message here.
rarely agree with JLP, but he nailed articulating the opinion i am of, so thanks to him for that.
Brandon has so far been forth coming and willing to talk by phone or email with, apparently to date, anybody who has reached out...
anybody who thinks this internet drama is useful, for someone recovering from anything, even a cold, let alone years of dependence, is either naive or not thinking this all of the way through.
aka: while i appreciate that a lot of people have stepped up to help Brandon, his wife and Aaron, if those people think they need more info, i’d suggest they skip the desire to be a town crier and rather go to the source and then leave it at that.
and if the source doesn’t answer back then that is the nature of a go fund me such as this: it’s a gift/gamble/hope/etc...
not a contract/new dependence/etc
good luck brandon, brandon’s wife and aaron...
i’m rooting for all of you.
|
|
Off White
climber
Tenino, WA
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2019 - 01:37pm PT
|
The duck hit the nail on the head. I'm sure he's seen it all before with any number of folks. There's a distinction between being supportive and being a dupe who thinks they can save someone, I've put in a few miles on either side of that line.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him not drink.
|
|
johntp
Trad climber
By decision or indecision we are where we are.
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2019 - 08:22pm PT
|
now, brandon... please, do not give up...
this was 'your chance of a lifetime' meaning, as to a FIRST GO...
THERE of course, can be other chances, if you slip, but:
this was the one that could have (or still might?) built/build
as STRONG FOUNDATION...
Exactly neebster!
|
|
neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
|
|
|
Jan 30, 2019 - 09:35pm PT
|
hey there say, johntp... and, i know, too...
as you've said-- you've gone through these kind of things, too...
i've learned in life-- good foundations, as to whatever we do,
are really needed... the sooner the better...
hee hee-- us 'mommies' know... :)
|
|
| Messages 1 - 74 of total 74 in this topic |
|
SuperTopo on the Web
|
Let us know!