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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Original Post - Feb 20, 2017 - 03:40pm PT
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We are all climbers some better or no worse than others.
We all have some sort of cross to bear. Whether real or imagined.
I have been honest and true to what I have written on previous threads, I have not insulted people, but it seems that ChrisMac deems ... well, my last posts are history, I guess perhaps that is a hint I should be also.
I left a well-paid job to look after the love of my life. and now she is in a nursing home for the foreseeable future. The rest of her life unless I can come up with a miracle.
But I would do it again and again and again, be her carer at whatever expense and costs - emotionally, physically and yes of course financially (it does not always come down to money though, please take my word for that).
I had so many dreams before her medical condition. Ice on Ben Nevis, (to finally finish the Salathé Wall that I had started in 1975), Les Droites and Les Courtes, Alpamayo, Ama Dablam. I had it planned, however, I had not planned for her illness.
But I have done okay, as I believe most of us Supertopians have. I still have a pulse when I wake up (I'd be worried otherwise).
ChrisMac has shut some of us politards down, understandably. Though we have voices, right, left and central. It just got carried away at times, politics and emotions can do that.
ChrisMac and his denizens owns (rules) this forum. We all bought into that. So we have rules and I hope I have never broken them.
But who struggles here?
I am happy to be alive.
ChrisMac, you can delete me on this forum, but you can never delete my soul Adios.
EDIT
I was not born into a wealthy family, but my late mother did her best and damn it that was some of the best anybody can do. A widow with five (four living Nancy died in 1953 of polio at seven, she is buried in Wheeling WVA), me the youngest at five months (1956). She was a dentist (one of the first women out of WVA), and she did her best and everybody loved her. Everybody.
She did not come out of Marin, she came out of West Virginia. Dad out of Olympia.
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AP
Trad climber
Calgary
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Feb 20, 2017 - 03:48pm PT
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I don't struggle but my 26 year old daughter has been basically bed ridden for 15 months with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. Medicine does not know what causes it and does not have an effective treatment.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 03:54pm PT
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Heck AP, now my trite troubles seem even less so important. Big time.
What is being done? I am no medical professional. My thoughts are with you and your daughter, sincerely Patrick
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Russ Walling
Social climber
from Poofters Froth, Wyoming
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Feb 20, 2017 - 03:59pm PT
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I have not insulted people
Fuk yeah you have... and plenty.
You have become a predictable broken record Patrick. I don't think that is a banning offense, it just makes you boring and repetitive.
And everyone struggles... that is life.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 04:15pm PT
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Name it Russ, outside of dissing Trump, when have I insulted fellow Supertopians? Dig it up and I will apologize, otherwise, shut your trap.
And the one time I called out Escopeta for being an ass for insulting dementia sufferers, Russ Walling, dig it up, find out when I have insulted other Supertopians. You have done it a lot, a lot, you have insulted and demeaned a lot of people on this forum so don't lecture to me. Go look in the mirror if your want to see an ass.
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rick sumner
Trad climber
reno, nevada/ wasilla alaska
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Feb 20, 2017 - 04:18pm PT
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No shet.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 04:22pm PT
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Funny T Hocking and Rick Sumner, hah hah. The joke is on you dude.
I am tired of this BS. Russ, T Hocking and Rick, I do not give a sh#t what you think but... I will respect what you think. I know that sounds contradictory, and it sort of is. But I will listen, just do not expect me to believe.
cheers
Patrick
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Russ Walling
Social climber
from Poofters Froth, Wyoming
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Feb 20, 2017 - 04:26pm PT
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Well, you have called me a wanker, a dick head, a racist, a piece of sh#t, and those are just off the top of my head.
You have called Werner many things many times... idiot, Sieg Heil, fascist, Deutschbagger, a stupid Germ sucking off the tit of the American taxpayer, a few F*#k You Smoking Ducks... and the list goes on.
Your generic rants about "Trumpsters" and conservatives, include numerous slurs.
How do you forget this stuff? Maybe that is why you repeat your sh#t so often...
You have done it a lot, a lot, you have insulted and demeaned a lot of people on this forum so don't lecture to me. Go look in the mirror if your want to see an ass.
But I'm not the hypocrite claiming otherwise. That would be you.
Edit: #PatrickMeltdownComingIn3..2..1
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StahlBro
Trad climber
San Diego, CA
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Feb 20, 2017 - 04:28pm PT
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Patrick, put the shovel down dude.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 04:39pm PT
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What a of waste of time. It is now past midnight and I have meetings in the morning (yes I have started a business and already have two employees) and I am bantering with...
What a fool I am to waste my time trying to discuss reasonably with.... what do you call yourselves guys? Warriors, knights, Trump's disciples?
Go for it.
And yes Russ, I will dig through my previous posts, and perhaps I have crossed the line. If so, I sincerely apologise. If I have, I have no excuses.
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Russ Walling
Social climber
from Poofters Froth, Wyoming
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Feb 20, 2017 - 04:42pm PT
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nite nite victim... you'll forget about all this by morn.... then you can post it again.
Edit: I can't keep up with your back edits... but this:
And yes Russ, I will dig through my previous posts, and perhaps I have crossed the line
It will be a tough dig as you have a habit of jumping off the f*#kking bridge and deleting your most inflammatory rants, a tired precursor of quitting the forum for the nth time. I believe DMT had to talk you off the ledge a short while ago during a particularly inspired rant against me... mostly out of the blue I'll add.
I'm sure there are still some of your posts around and perhaps a few screenshots of your greatest hits might remain. Maybe those will jog your memory, or not, but don't try and white knight yourself with your claims. You roll in the mud with the best of them.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 04:45pm PT
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Russ, don't be an ass. If I have transgressed I apologise but please do not patronise me.
I do not need this aggro. If I brought it upon myself, then I am really stupid.
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zBrown
Ice climber
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Feb 20, 2017 - 04:51pm PT
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Could be worse.
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Yury
Mountain climber
T.O.
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Feb 20, 2017 - 04:52pm PT
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Patrick Sawyer
I have been honest and true to what I have written on previous threads, I have not insulted people I agree, you do not insult people.
[At least I do not recall any]
I am sorry that I have not finished reading your last post in the deleted thread. I went through about 50% and then was distracted by real life.
Was this thread completely deleted?
I was not able to find it with "Search" function.
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drF
Trad climber
usa
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Feb 20, 2017 - 04:53pm PT
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drunk
...rinse
.....repeat
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 05:05pm PT
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No, if Russ is correct in what I have posted in the past (I didn't think so, but I admittedly have had some rants) then he is correct to bring them up when I asked him to. I guess I should look up my previous rants to see just what an ass I have made of myself.
But ass or not, my message is still the same. Trump is not to be trusted.
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Johannsolo
climber
Soul Cal
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Feb 20, 2017 - 05:05pm PT
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Bunch of pu$$ies. Get a life.
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rottingjohnny
Sport climber
Sands Motel , Las Vegas
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Feb 20, 2017 - 05:09pm PT
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Patrick....You called me a punk...It may be true but it still hurts..I ain't no animal mommy...Need a hug...
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 05:18pm PT
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Cosmic (DWAIN?) that is a funny tombstone, but remember, I asked to be buried at sea to be fish food.
Russ, what can I write that you will try to turn against me?
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 05:30pm PT
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Johannsolo, don't you get it? We love bantering with one another on this forum. Otherwise we would just blow it off. It is the only forum I contribute to (I used to others but not anymore, long gone).
I do not think ill or bad of anybody on this forum, if anything I have probably been the biggest ass of all. And that is what keeps me in check, to reread the stupid things I have written and pray to the heavens I have not repeated them elsewhere.
I do not mind Cosmic (Dwain?), Russ, TGT2, Couchmaster (one of the more sensible posters, and EdwardT as well), Jody (damn fine photographer) or any other posters who disagree with me.
In my sad life, it is these sort of people who say, "Wake up Sawyer, there are other opinions than just yours."
As for many of the others, we sing from the same hymn sheet.
I just know I miss Jennie, and I hope I have not belabored that point.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Feb 20, 2017 - 05:38pm PT
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That would be stoopid. :)
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c wilmot
climber
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Feb 20, 2017 - 05:56pm PT
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Patrick- its unlikely people will share their struggles here. You have mentioned a loved one dealing with an illness. It's probably better to find a caregivers support group where you can talk with folks dealing with similar issues as yourself.
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feralfae
Boulder climber
in the midst of a metaphysical mystery
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Feb 20, 2017 - 05:59pm PT
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^
Oh, I think the ratio is about the same as the general population. Maybe the Taco is a little healthier, if we look from a global perspective. Lots of traumatized people out there.
Actually, I think some emotional healing happens here on the Taco.
And on mountains, of course. :)
And the OP asks a pretty good question. We all struggle with something. Fear of spiders. Heights. Crowds. Open cockpit small planes. Sharks.
Just kidding about the heights. :)
feralfae
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 06:02pm PT
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Lynne, I am stupid. It is an affliction I have to live with.
Mr Stonemaster Farm Team, mental health issues on this forum? Watch out. I have been on this forum for over a decade and still have not figured it out.
Yeah C Wilmot, I have to deal with that issue, I have fought the HSE (not a good idea as advised, "Patrick if you take on the HSE you are taking on the most entrenched organisation in the Irish government") and social worker to no avail, so perhaps I am fighting the wrong people, maybe I should look in the mirror.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Feb 20, 2017 - 06:03pm PT
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hey there say, AP...
are you still around?
is there anything we can do for your daughter...
would she like cards?
or, little extra things to help her through the week, etc...
i will try to email you, through the taco, here...
also:
patrick... hang in there...
yes, we do all have troubles...
just in different ways...
remember:
step back, and watch nature, the critters have
struggles too...
it is not always good, but we can make it
good FOR us, by our attitude, and by
whatever we can do, to-or-for SOMEONE else...
it may not be what was in your hope or dream,
but:
it just might be some of the good, that your/or our,
being HERE on this earth, can do...
try a small test, and see what you do, there, in
your area...
hope things unfold, better, down the line...
hope this helped, even if just a bit...
ps:
any of us with daughters, can sure understand this:
say, if we can DO anything, for AP--
perhaps some of us gals, can even join in...
if i hear anything, i will let you'all know...
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Feb 20, 2017 - 06:05pm PT
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hey there, say, feralfae...
wow, happy to see you this eve...
hang in there with your struggles too:
you have such wise advice, many times,
always good to see here, at the ol' taco...
:)
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 06:07pm PT
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Yeah AP, Neebee is right, is there any anything we can do? We are a team, we sometimes bicker with each other, some or most of us have never met in person (well, I haven't for many), but if nothing else, I can offer good vibes, if they are worth anything.
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Kalimon
Social climber
Ridgway, CO
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Feb 20, 2017 - 06:12pm PT
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"Vy can't vee chust climb?"
Struggle is part of the human condition . . . we should not take our frustrations out on our fellow humans.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Feb 20, 2017 - 06:20pm PT
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hey there say, patrick...
it is better to share, when you are down, than to hold it in...
hang in there...
try one small step this eve, or tomorrow and perhaps
do a little surprise for one of the locals, that needs
some help...
:)
then, you can see, that YES! our lives are good for something...
we all are a quilt, and make life better for others,
if we:
sew ourself into the right SPOT in life...
you CAN DO IT...
just learn and try, and keep picking ourself up!
okay, that was the 'mommy talk' for the eve...
got to run, now...
got lots of stuff going on, around here, lately, :O
:)
edit:
wow, yes, to kalimon:
Feb 20, 2017 - 06:12pm PT
"Vy can't vee chust climb?"
Struggle is part of the human condition . . . we should not take our frustrations out on our fellow humans.
yes, we do see and learn this from those ol'critters
in nature... we got to 'keep on keeping on'...
:)
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Feb 20, 2017 - 06:24pm PT
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Patrick, I'm sorry, I was not calling you stupid....I was repeating what you said about you being stupid....and I tried (heavy on the tried) to make a joke by spelling stupid like Werner does. Alas, so much for trying to be funny.
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John M
climber
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Feb 20, 2017 - 06:29pm PT
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Patrick, you delete a lot of stuff, and you post on a lot of political threads that get deleted. You have thrown around insults. Multiple times. You have even had this conversation before. You have apologized before. This is what Russ means when he says that you have become repetitive. You get stressed. You vent. You apologize. Then you forget. And then you repeat.
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Russ Walling
Social climber
from Poofters Froth, Wyoming
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Feb 20, 2017 - 06:32pm PT
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Uh Russ, I have gone through my previous posts. When have I ever written those things? Am I missing something?
Yes... you are missing all the posts you delete. I keep some posts but I'm not here to catalog your keyboard missives.
Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
I voted once. I am not dead, like some of you Trumpsettes.
So there, you effing idiot Trumpsters, no, I am not dead, not brain dead like you are.
Some of you appear to be, like the idiot who suggested us anti-trumps should leave the forum, (you know who you are are dickhead and a wanker), we are here.
I am willing to listen to reasoned discourse. But some of the sh#t flowing, I might as well contribute to being a sh#t meister.
And f*#k you Smoking Duck, you have been sucking off the tit of the US taxpayer, yeah you are damn good at SAR, you Stoopid Germ, Uh, German. And yet you keep calling us Stoopid Americans. What Werner, still holding on to your Green Card in case your fascists take back your Fatherland. Sig Heil. or Hiel or f*#k it, just because one is good at SAR, fascist are good at things.
Oh, but I am just a Stoopid American, right Deutschbagger or whatever? Werner are you or are you not an American after what, 40 plus years? Or are you the Fifth Column? Sig Heil.
(Hey Braun, my mom's side, Roths from Bavaria, 1843, Fleihmann's from Dusseldorf 1844, you from? Wankerstauff, circa 1960s/70s??? Yeah, us Stoopid Americans gave you a country) Werner punk, I had a six-match tour of Germany (San Francisco Concordia) in Summer 1986 (W2D2L2), most the lads on the team were German, lovely blokes, unlike you sourpuss. I climbed with you once sort of... Lunatic Fringe. I have lived in several countries, but would never call my hosts Stoopid, like you do us Yanks, and yes, you mean it, you have repeated it ad nauseam.
**Edit: Patrick: You are doing it now... I'm answering your question, and you are deleting and back editing your f*#king posts.**
Read this again from the previous page:
It will be a tough dig as you have a habit of jumping off the f*#kking bridge and deleting your most inflammatory rants, a tired precursor of quitting the forum for the nth time. I believe DMT had to talk you off the ledge a short while ago during a particularly inspired rant against me... mostly out of the blue I'll add.
I'm sure there are still some of your posts around and perhaps a few screenshots of your greatest hits might remain. Maybe those will jog your memory, or not, but don't try and white knight yourself with your claims. You roll in the mud with the best of them.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 07:05pm PT
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Yes Russ, and cosmic and others. I have egg on my face. There is no excuse for some of the shite I have written, and no excuse for me trying to claw back my mistakes.
I have no excuse but stupidity, and that is no excuse at all.
I hope I do not come across as contrite. I made dumb mistakes writing while my mind was not in order. Stupid me.
But my messages is still the same. If there is anybody more stupid than I am, it is Donald Trump, albeit, he is cleverer than I am. At least I admit my stupidity. And I do, and I am sincere in that. You guys have known me online for over ten years, I hope you know that when I say I am sincere, that I truly mean it. I have written some very silly things, and then I delete them because I have seen how stupid they are.
Remember the old saying, if you write a letter when you are upset or angry, put it in the drawer and read it the next day. Well, with the internet, when one hits send, it is gone, into cyberspace, you cannot claw it back. And you wonder, what the heck did I just write? Too many times I have done that and wished I could claw back... the many times I have made a fool of myself fighting the powers that be... and it seems I never learned. What an idiot I am.
My faux pas on the Taco Stand is nothing compared to the ass I have made of myself battling the HSE and social worker.
Regards
Patrick
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jonnyrig
climber
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Feb 20, 2017 - 07:07pm PT
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What's good in your life?
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WBraun
climber
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Feb 20, 2017 - 07:09pm PT
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Relax Pat, I thought it was a pretty funny rant.
Go to sleep now and you'll be OK in the morning.
lol
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rottingjohnny
Sport climber
Sands Motel , Las Vegas
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Feb 20, 2017 - 07:16pm PT
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Jody...Nobody is falling for that Ted Cruz crap.. Not even Patrick...rj
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rick sumner
Trad climber
reno, nevada/ wasilla alaska
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Feb 20, 2017 - 07:24pm PT
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With rants like the above one wonders if the wrong Sawyer is in the asylum.
Actually, how do we know he isn't in the rubber room?
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 07:47pm PT
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It is sort of funny, strange, weird, just ... ironic?
As a journalist I always watch what I write, I try my best to be objective, if I know it is going to print or broadcast.
But on forums, and the Taco Stand is really the only one I write to, I get... lazy? Complacent? Indifferent or the opposite? Mad and angry? An imbecile? Perhaps condescending to other posters, most who are very intelligent - come on, if you climb, you ain't dumb, oops that is being condescending - I just know that when I sit back and see what Russ has showed me, I am embarrassed.
I asked ChrisMac to delete my account, my profile, because truthfully, I cannot see what positive climbing posts at this date I can contribute to. But down the road, once I get my sh#t together, I will post again, climbing stuff.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 07:51pm PT
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No Dwain, I hope you are not alluding to me. I am sincere, whether you want to believe that is up to you.
Edit
It is all too easy to claim anything as fake news. the proper new channels slo this "due diligence", thy o, I know I have been there.
And when I write my true feelings and apologise for any mistakes, I mean it. and it dismay belief that decent honest folk would take my word for it, despite any of my admitted mistakes.
I do not appreciate somebody claiming that what I write is (where the heck is the hash tag on the keyboard, I have never ever tweeted, never)...
Okay, some regular posted a tweet hash, fake news. If you are referring to me, why?
Edit
#FakeNews
Okay Cosmic, that was you. Are you happy now? And your background in media is...? Or ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO WIND ME UP? Really, so sad on your part. Next time try better, yes you got a response from me, so does my toilet.
Happy days.
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jonnyrig
climber
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Feb 20, 2017 - 08:06pm PT
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So this is your place to vent, and to work it through, I ask again, what's good in your life? If it's not a simple question, then it bears some introspect. As a writer, you must have the ability to look into other's lives in such a manner; but is that also a personal ability or is it painful to even ask?
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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Feb 20, 2017 - 08:12pm PT
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ß Î Ø T Ç H
Boulder climber
ne'er–do–well
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Feb 20, 2017 - 08:18pm PT
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same
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 08:22pm PT
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No Johnyrig,it is not impersonal to ask. I have laid myself out there, more so than my detractors, because for all my stupid posts, I am honest, and look at my previous posts, some that have been used against me, is there one shred of falsehood? Perhaps bias on my part, yes. I admit to that. and I expressed that openly.
Yes, I could have presented my views in a better manner, but I failed in that. I guess.
I do not seem to want to be presumptuous, but what I write as a professional, will long be remembered over what I write here or indeed, what any poster writes here.
The likes of Cosmic and Russ can scoff at me, and with good reason some, but when my mind is in order, I can skewer their voices. Because ultimately, the truth does will out.
Not some shrill voices who can point to my stupid writings on this forum. I admit to those, but I have never heard or seen those voices admit to their own mistakes, or lies, or mistruths.
Hoist me up on a petard Russ and cosmic, to your own downfall.
I admit my mistakes, my faults. I recognise where I went wrong, so to speak. But you guys cannot admit as such, and that will be your downfall. My arrogance has learned humility, but you people, cannot see the woods through the trees.
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Russ Walling
Social climber
from Poofters Froth, Wyoming
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Feb 20, 2017 - 08:31pm PT
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Patrick: this entire shit_show is because you lied... you said you "have not insulted people". Obviously you have. That is all this is about. You lying. Simple really.
You are trying to make this into something else, but it's not. Surely you can understand this. Your truth winning out smokescreen is just that: a deflection, trying once again to blame someone else for your own shortcomings.
In the end, just own your sh#t. Easy.
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F
climber
away from the ground
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Feb 20, 2017 - 08:36pm PT
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The seamstress and the the wordsmith have a heart to heart.
Is that a tear in my eye or just gas?
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 08:37pm PT
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Funny Stonemaster. your post is making me to reconsider and to ask ChrisMac (you know who he is don't you, since you have been posting here since 2005 like I have) to rescind my request to delete me from the Taco Stand.
Okay, I have made some very stupid posts, but I am still here. And at least I am mature enough to admit my mistakes. I have not seen that from my detractors, because, they have never made mistakes, ohhhhhh, they are perfect, like Sir Donald.
No gosh darn it, I may have made stupid posts, but I will fight you Trumpies. My forefathers did not create America to cede it to mindless fools.
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jonnyrig
climber
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Feb 20, 2017 - 08:44pm PT
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Honest, to a degree perhaps. Yet, the question remains unanswered. Reflect upon it awhile. Digress if you must. But answer, if not for me, then for yourself. Reach out, lash out, smoke out. Whatever floats your boat to unfamiliar shores. You, and only you, have to decide what next. Peace. May you find some. The sun will rise tomorrow, will you enjoy it? Or will it burn your soul?
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 08:46pm PT
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cosmic, you may have not noticed, but you can edit your posts. I assume dong should be doing. How is Crabapple Valley, sir dong. Cosmic I my make a fool of myself and then see my ways, but you make a fool of yourself and thinks it betters you.
yeah damnit I am in for a good round of your bullshit versus my knowledge and experience.
fire away Mr Cosmic, and don't forget to bring Russ along.
I have admitted my mistakes and they make me that much stronger.
Jonnyrig, so are you suggesting I just sit by and let these gobsjites spout their BS?
It is not in my nature. I admitted my shortcomings and that makes me all the stronger.
heck, it is almost 4:30 am I am going to bed and I will not think of these guys. I will think how I can get my new company moving forward. And Betty the kitten, she wants to type more as she tries to cross the keyboard. I hope she is not a fervent red neck. Yikes. And Russ and Cosmic, chill and I will too.
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Russ Walling
Social climber
from Poofters Froth, Wyoming
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Feb 20, 2017 - 08:50pm PT
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Patrick:
Go to f*#king bed... you've lost the plot.
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pud
climber
Sportbikeville & Yucca brevifolia
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Feb 20, 2017 - 08:53pm PT
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No gosh darn it, I may have made stupid posts, but I will fight you Trumpies. My forefathers did not create America to cede it to mindless fools.
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rick sumner
Trad climber
reno, nevada/ wasilla alaska
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Feb 20, 2017 - 08:54pm PT
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They're coming to take him away, he he ha ha
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 09:00pm PT
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Yeah Russ, I just wrote that, it is bed time. And before the other threads were locked I had written (in Word, it is a good useful tool to use before posting) that I (for once) agreed with you, Wade's ongoing repetitive memes were tiring.
I think cosmic and you are okay guys. So we disagree, perhaps vehemently, but it is sort of fun trading barbs. And at least I can admit when I am wrong. Can you?
I am hitting the sack, much too late. Take care, until another day.
Gosh I am now a boss again. The last time I was... an editor with three editorial staff under me. between that I was a full-time carer for Jennie, 24/7 for over four years. I tried my best, everyone (but the one social worker looking for brownie points - so I was told) said I was a good carer, her doctors, her friends, the public health nurse, then we moved to the sticks, in hindsight not a good move for her, but I thought... and yes lads I still cry today for my... my... my not knowing what the hell I was doing. I thought I knew, but dementia is not ...
We can fight it.
EDIT
One more thing. I believe in my views, but sometimes my frustration shows through, and I get, agitated so to to speak. I see a counsellor from time to time. I miss jennie and she wants to see me, but because I f*#ked up and fought the social worker, my mistake, big time... there are dynamics here. I do not have an outlet, some friends here, my landlord, an excellent chap, he says he will pay for the solicitor and court costs for visitation rights, but it is not that simple, Jennie wants to see me, my sister-in-law from California saw her and she said she wants to see me. Shades of one flew over the cuckoo's nest.
Why am I even pouring out my guts, some of you guys hate me
I need to sleep, I hardly get one nowadays or the last two years.
I tried, I had a week booked for ice climbing on Ben Nevis, and my Day Skipper course, but Jennie fell ill and that all went out the window. I visited her twice a day every day for 58 days in St Vincent's, I brought her home, her relapse two year later in 2012, 51 days in St Columcille's, I was there every day, twice a day.
Yeah in Dalkey, the quarry was a five minute walk from the front door. I could climb, free soloed a lot VS to HVS, some E1 or so (5.10 a/b). But I could not leave her long, I had electric gates put in (we lived at the end of a cul-de-sac).
I am tired and if I have ever insulted anybody on this forum, I am sorry. I apologise.
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rottingjohnny
Sport climber
Sands Motel , Las Vegas
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Feb 20, 2017 - 09:24pm PT
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We all have struggles...Learn to embrace them...
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rottingjohnny
Sport climber
Sands Motel , Las Vegas
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Feb 20, 2017 - 09:28pm PT
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F
climber
away from the ground
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Feb 20, 2017 - 10:00pm PT
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Russ Walling
Social climber
from Poofters Froth, Wyoming
Feb 20, 2017 - 08:38pm PT
The seamstress and the the wordsmith have a heart to heart.
LOL! yeah...I applaud you on your insight
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2017 - 10:01pm PT
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Yeah the Sound of Music. Violins in the background.
Isn't it past your bedtimes?
I am like the cartoon that RottingJohnny put up,a sad sack.
Have you ever been busted in Escalon? I have for no good reason (released within hours). Detained in Manteca, Escalon and Oakdale because of a "hippie painted truck" (Bridwell loved it as it was parked in C4 car park).
I miss California.
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ionlyski
Trad climber
Kalispell, Montana
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Feb 20, 2017 - 10:19pm PT
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Patrick. yeah I've been having a few struggles lately myself. Trying to find my feet again. Been thinking climbing might be my way out.
I think you drink. I think you get sauced and then post some pretty down and out victim type of sh#t. And that's pretty hard for most people to take. Once or twice and you might tend to get some concern but after awhile it starts to have that broken record feel.
Just like Russ says. Go to sleep. Then try to have just 5 beers tomorrow. Then 4, 3, and see if you can hold at 2 for a bit. Eventually cut it down to 1 every other day or so.
Oops, forgot you're in Ireland. OK, same thing then except substitute with Jamison.
Arne
good luck. It's hard; currently I know only too well.
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atchafalaya
Boulder climber
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Feb 20, 2017 - 10:20pm PT
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You do.
It's like a meth addict with no writing ability decided to commit suicide by keyboard.
Wtf.
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Feb 20, 2017 - 10:29pm PT
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Tough crowd, even when they're dispensing wisdom.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 21, 2017 - 01:55am PT
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Yes, I have read your responses and there is not a shred of falsehood about them. you have me nailed. I like the BVB one about barren fields.
It is about my inability to get my head out of my arse.
For now it is best that I leave the keyboard, walk on the beach more than I do, bicycle and...
I have a saying posted above my desk. I look at it but do I follow it?
"There are times when my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut."
And replace mouth with keyboard. I am my own worst enemy. That is my biggest failing, and the slap in the face by fellow climbers, fellow Taco Standers, is much needed.
Now it is up to me. Apologies if I have been a broken record, seriously and sincerely.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Feb 21, 2017 - 02:54am PT
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Mr. E's syndrome - isolation, quarantine, spiritual renewal through a retreat, hibernation, these are the most generally accepted methods of treatment.
Sometimes talking just doesn't do any good.
You've always had my sympathy, Patrick.
We cannot tell you what to do.
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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Feb 21, 2017 - 03:54am PT
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First, insults are the mana of any internet forum and over the hill and used to be climbers have proved to be no exception, so don't get wigged out about being accused of seving up a few.
Second, Russ is correct, although notably harsh, in his assertion that your posts are sounding like a broken record.
Third, my advice to you is to cut your losses. You have made it abundantly clear that you have been loyal to a fault and have done everything that you can regarding your partner. There is nothing more that you can do, shed your rain gear and set sail back to sunny California.....and good luck!
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drljefe
climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
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Feb 21, 2017 - 06:15am PT
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HEY COSMIC
Quit being such a f ucking a sshole.
Just go away already.
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rottingjohnny
Sport climber
Sands Motel , Las Vegas
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Feb 21, 2017 - 06:37am PT
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Not dyrected at anyone in particular but we all live in glass houses so don't wipe with rocks...
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rick sumner
Trad climber
reno, nevada/ wasilla alaska
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Feb 21, 2017 - 07:36am PT
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Jim should start a climbing life advice column. Call it, I don't know, maybe something like Dear Donini.
Already hear his standard answer
"you're over the hill. It's all downhill from here. Cut your losses, cut your rope, join the spirit world. Oh, wait a second I'm an atheist. No matter".
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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Feb 21, 2017 - 07:49am PT
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"Tough crowd" as Reilly said. Some people are just acting like soulless as#@&%es.
Patrick at least is trying to be honest about his struggles. You know what it's like to struggle, and be in pain, right? Just because you act differently with your pain doesn't make someone else's less real.
Patrick, when I screw up and type things I shouldn't, I try to just get away and leave that thread like the plague for awhile and hope that it goes away.
We all make mistakes, including the many holier than thou people around here.
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Gunkie
Trad climber
Valles Marineris
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Feb 21, 2017 - 08:28am PT
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Complex Regional Pain Syndrome
From the 2nd post in this thread of death...
We knew someone who had the 2nd version of this syndrome and was triggered by a bad burn on the left arm. However, the pain manifested on the right arm and right leg two weeks after the burn accident. It took almost a year to get the correct diagnosis. Go figure that one out. It got so bad that this person considered amputation of the leg at one point.
However, this pain stopped almost overnight for unexplained reasons. In one week it went from disabling pain to sunburn kind of pain, which still exists today. It took about three years (?) to become manageable. No one could point to a specific reason but many treatments were attempted including an continuous IV of some concoction which I think might have been some light form of chemotherapy. Acupuncture was used and provided some relief.
Best wishes.
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John M
climber
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Feb 21, 2017 - 08:37am PT
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It wasn't the talk about struggles that irritated people. It was the Holier then thou attitude. Its now deleted, but he posted that he didn't ever insult others, and then slammed a few people for their political stance and for how they insult people. He got called on it and now he has back edited.
Patrick sometimes posts like a dry drunk. All in his cups and morose and acting like he does nothing wrong, and its all everyone else's fault. Most of us probably know a drunk just like that. Sometimes it gets old and we wish the person would find a better way to be. Then he tosses out the all or nothing attitude, and that is also part of the problem.
And yes, lots of people on this forum have shared their struggles, including me. Its not the struggle or the sharing that is a problem. Its how you do it.
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Feb 21, 2017 - 09:13am PT
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A more appropriate question would be "Who DOESN'T struggle
A few,
Robert
Blitzo
Coz
Raleigh
Mork
Etc, etc, etc
Least ur still alive dude, to struggle! Soon as you stop pushin your limits, you may as well start pushin up daisies. Lest you can teach. Now get out there and send, Patrick!
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SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab, A sailboat, or some time zone
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Feb 21, 2017 - 09:59am PT
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Hi Patrick!
Tough crowd...but you're tough too!
Sometimes it's one day at a time, other days, one hour at a time.
You'll get there
Susan
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guyman
Social climber
Moorpark, CA.
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Feb 21, 2017 - 10:13am PT
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Who struggles here?"...
Ever seen me climb???...
;-)
I was thinking the same thing.
Patrick... sorry your having a hard time.
Remember back in good old C4, around the campfire?
If somebody took a dig at you, the worst thing you could do was to try and defend yourself.
Better to just smile and laugh it off.
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anita514
Gym climber
Great White North
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Feb 21, 2017 - 12:15pm PT
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HEY COSMIC
Quit being such a f ucking a sshole.
Just go away already.
Seriously.
What's your problem, Cosmic? Like kicking people when they're down? Treat others how you want to be treated.
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mike m
Trad climber
black hills
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Feb 21, 2017 - 12:16pm PT
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Actually a climbing forum doesn't seem the best place to get any sympathy on your situation or a million others. I am sure there are mental health clinics in Ireland. Use one and come back here and tell us how you went climbing as a way to make your situation better and I bet you will get a better response.
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