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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Original Post - Jul 24, 2016 - 02:16pm PT
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Hello. I'm writing this from a small town in Wyoming. I'm not sure if you can help but at this point I'm reaching out to whom I think can help. I have a brilliant, smart, handsome, 24 year old cousin that lived for rock climbing. He achieved a lot of amazing climbs at the young age of 24. It was the only way he found peace. He suffers from severe mental illness and 2 months ago tried to take his own life. With a miracle he survived, but sadly tried again a week ago. He is committed to a hospital here and will be in rehab for a long while. As I stated, his only peace was climbing. It's going to be a long road and I know he's not done living. I asked him today if he wanted to
climb again sand he said "no". It shocked me because he would do anything to climb. I am just praying he gets through this awful trajedy and will climb again. It's going to be a very long road but I'm never giving up and have faith that he will be okay. Im sure you are wondering what I'm writing for. I'm looking for any climbers that may be willing to send him a letter. Even if just a few short words. I want to fill the walls in his room with pictures and stories, letters and notes from family. I just know his story isn't over yet. I know I'm asking for a lot, but it's his life and I'd do anything to help him get better. If this is something that can be done please let me know. My name is Sarah Kindle and we are from Sheridan, Wyoming. If something is sent, it would have to be sent to me because I don't know how long he will be here, as they may move him to a larger, more equipped facility. I thank you in advance for taking the time to read this, and if nothing else please pray for Tanner Schoonmaker. I know he's got a lot of climbs left in him.
Sarah Kindle
854 Emerson
Sheridan, Wyoming 82801
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overwatch
climber
Arizona
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Jul 24, 2016 - 02:32pm PT
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It might help if you provide people an email to send letters to. Or are you looking for people to actually send physical letters via snail mail?
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Jul 24, 2016 - 02:41pm PT
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I'll send a letter, and an invite!
If you're depressed, come out to California, I'll make ya happy to be living in Wyoming. But I can show ya how to make it here too.
Seriously, I can fix this. Let me talk to him. I usually fix other kinds of problems but I think I can get this kid dialed.
Needs perspective, and vision. I am not joking.
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SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab, A sailboat, or some time zone
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Jul 24, 2016 - 02:53pm PT
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Hi Sarah, I'm sure there are folks that want to help, and I believe your appeal is likely legitimate. However a number of us are skeptical about scams and the like. Especially on such a public board.
Posting something to you with our return address on it may not be in the comfort zone for many of us.
I'm not adverse to sending you a note to pass on to him but I will be doing it with no return information.
Perhaps you can post the name of his facility even if it is short time.
Best of luck to your brother and a really lovely gesture to help him.
Susan
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Jul 24, 2016 - 06:09pm PT
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Paging the neebster.
I'm not a card or letter guy but wishing the best for him. We all go through crap in our early years.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Jul 24, 2016 - 08:51pm PT
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hey there say, sarah... oh my, :O :(
i will sure start praying... i know another gal, who will, as well...
we will see what we can do about cards, too...
(might have to keep the return address, off, as sue mentioned, since
this is all new here) ...
but you sure got the prayers in his corner now...
let's hope this time, he can really 'climb' out of this dark hole, and
keep his spirit and life, up...
amen...
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phylp
Trad climber
Upland, CA
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Jul 24, 2016 - 09:12pm PT
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I will send something when I get back home.
Mid -20s is a very tough time for people struggling with mental illness.
It's a beautiful idea, what you are doing.
Best wishes to you.
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overwatch
climber
Arizona
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Jul 25, 2016 - 09:52am PT
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You could almost say that being in your twenties is a mental illness. Certainly was for me...oh yeah, bump.
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fear
Ice climber
hartford, ct
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Jul 25, 2016 - 10:02am PT
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You could almost say that being in your twenties is a mental illness. Certainly was for me...oh yeah, bump.
Ditto that...
However, there are 1000 permutations of "mental illness"... We can only hope he finds peace.
Climbing isn't a cure for anything, he's got to find peace in his own skin first.
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SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab, A sailboat, or some time zone
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Jul 25, 2016 - 10:27am PT
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Good job Locker and Coz!
Great idea about getting him to get on ST!
Gotta get over through this dark side...he sounds like a nice young man!
Susan
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Jul 25, 2016 - 10:31am PT
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Hopefully you can print this out for him.
Hi Tanner,
As a fellow climber, I'm wishing you the best. A few people close to me have dealt with mental illness and I see how tough it is. I believe it often comes down to chemical imbalances in the brain and you can't defeat it with willpower alone. It's not your fault and it's not the result of something you did wrong. It's just a challenge of the body/genetics/environment you happen to have. You need to "go through the motions" of doing all the things that your are supposed to do to help such as: trying to sleep from about 11PM to 7AM, getting exercise every day, eating well, thinking positively as much as possible, etc. Even if it doesn't seem to help, I think in the long term it does and it certainly doesn't hurt and really everyone should be doing these things anyway. In addition I believe in many cases medication is simply the best way to treat these chemical imbalances. Listen to your doctors and professionals. The have studied and are experts in helping people.
Don't give up on climbing. Climbing is a great analogy for life. Climbing is a simplified version of the challenges we all face and the strategies to address it. Set goals. What do you want to climb? What climbs are on your bucket list? Let me suggest Snake Dike if you haven't done it. A superfun, moderate climb, to one of the most magical places on the planet. Having a goal give you something to look forward to, something to plan for, a good/productive use of your time, something to train for, something to dream about.
And climbing is also an example of taking things one step at a time. When you climb a big wall it's VERY overwhelming. If you think about all the pitches and all the difficulties of a huge cliff you can get discouraged. Once you know what you want to do (get to the top of El Cap for example) and make a plan, then focus on the next move. The next hold. The next gear placement. Just focus on what's in front of you and deal with that. Keep doing that and soon you are at the top of the pitch. Look up at the next pitch and then again focus on that first move of the belay. Then the next. Put some time into planning for the future now and then, but then shift gears and focus on the now.
Wishing you Aloha,
Steve Fettke
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Jul 25, 2016 - 10:49am PT
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I'll write a personal letter, but I want to take adavantage of the speed of the internet. Tanner, many climbers I know suffer from depression. The one I know best, me, in particular. Climbing seems to attract us.
A little over ten years ago I reached my personal end. Fortunately, I got medical and psychological help. I also discovered what you're going to discover -- a great many people love you, and would miss you greatly, and are ready to show that love in action.
As Steve Fettke wrote above, recovery from depression doesn't happen all at once. Rather, we take small steps that eventually cover a great distance. I'll send you details of my own journey when I write, but I'll say this now. I saw no way out, and would never have believed in 2005 where I would be in 2016.
You have lots of people pulling for you, and some of us praying for you. If you're like I was, you won't believe it, but you have a future of good, not bad things. I wish you the best, and will be happy to do anything I can if and when you ask.
John Eleazarian
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ß Î Ø T Ç H
Boulder climber
ne'er–do–well
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Jul 25, 2016 - 06:57pm PT
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OP/ Suprema - thread titles always end with her period
Looking for help.
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kunlun_shan
Mountain climber
SF, CA
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Jul 25, 2016 - 08:16pm PT
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^ ß Î Ø T Ç H, I was suspicious as well, so did a bunch of searching, which initially made me think it might be you know who, due to leads that went nowhere. I finally managed to find contact info for the OP's sister in Sheridan and just got off the phone from talking with her.
She confirmed the story about Tanner, and that Sarah was going to try contact some climbers. I recommended she try get Tanner on the Taco, and also to print out the posts for him.
edit - there are some exceptional posts on this thread for Tanner! Sometimes ST can really deliver.
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 25, 2016 - 08:31pm PT
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WOW! I'm so incredibly touched by all who took the time to read my email. I am in awe of the response. He really isn't ready for internet yet, but I will be working on it with him. I know I'm being very personal here, but at this point, I'm willing to do anything I can to help him. I just have to. I figured if I reached out across the Country and got even just a few replies, it may make a difference. When you are looking at a person you love so much and the hurt and sadness in thier eyes is so deep, you do anything you can think of that just may help. I know snail mail is old fashion, but I thought of that because I want to cover the concrete walls in the terrible room they have him in now, with what inspires him to keep trying..... Climbing and family. It probably seemed a bit sketchy to some of you and for that I apologize. I understand if you want to leave your return address off the card if sent by mail. I'm just so incredibly thankful for all of you amazing people. He's going to climb again, I just know he will. He just needs prayers, good energy, letters, emails. Anything would truly mean the world to him. I'm attaching a few pictures of this beautiful soul I get to call my cousin! Thank you! Thank you!!
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Emmy04
Boulder climber
Sheridan, WY
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Jul 25, 2016 - 08:32pm PT
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Hi all!
My name is Emily and I am Sarah's sister & Tanner's cousin. Thank you to the gentleman that just gave me a phone call to inform me about your forum. My sister had mentioned reaching out to some climbers for Tanner's sake, I just didn't realize she reached out to ALL of them :)
Thank you to everyone that has shared a message and/or personal story for us to share with Tanner. I know that he will find comfort in them. I am overwhelmed by the response this has gotten and thank you deeply for showing us that the climbing world does not lack for compassion and empathy. Tanner's passion for getting to the top of the climb has not failed him yet and we continue to pray that the same passion carried him through this part of his journey.
Sarah has a heart of gold and, clearly, would go to the end of the world for the ones she loves. I just spoke with her and I know she plans on popping in very soon to follow up and go through the responses. As you can imagine, this is a very trying time for our family and we are just doing our best to hold each other up. I understand from my chat with Terry that her absence may have come off as suspicious, but I assure you that she is nothing but pure love trying to do anything she can to shower our cousin in support and encouragement.
Again, thank you, deeply, for your support. I cannot even begin to tell you the mountains you're moving by showing this sort of love to our guy.
Sincerely,
Emily
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 25, 2016 - 09:16pm PT
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I'm not sure, I will ask him. I am really just blown away by the rock climbing community. I can not thank you enough for your kind words.
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Flip Flop
climber
Earth Planet, Universe
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Jul 25, 2016 - 09:36pm PT
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Sunny side up kid. Lots to look forward to.
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 26, 2016 - 10:58am PT
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Those of you have replied have really made an impact on him! I haven't seen him smile this way in a long time. Sending love and light from Shridan, Wyoming!! Thank you for your support. ❤️❤️
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Jul 26, 2016 - 11:25am PT
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hey there say, sarah and emmy04... just got some stamps, and am
sending a card...
so very glad to see the updates, here...
for tanner:
so many folks here, having been through so much,
they sure know good stuff to share...
stop on by, when you can...
the smiles will grow and the strength WILL come...
it takes good team work...
amen... :)
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Flip Flop
climber
Earth Planet, Universe
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Jul 26, 2016 - 11:34am PT
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Emmy04
Boulder climber
Sheridan, WY
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Jul 26, 2016 - 12:27pm PT
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Can we just adopt you all as family? Seriously! Thank you all so much!! Your love and support and encouragement is so uplifting. You all rock!!
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Jul 26, 2016 - 12:37pm PT
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Can we just adopt you all as family? Seriously! Thank you all so much!! Your love and support and encouragement is so uplifting. You all rock!!
You already have.
Neebee's cards rock!
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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Jul 26, 2016 - 04:43pm PT
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Sometimes it looks like the world is going to hell. Who knows, maybe it really is?
But that's a perfect time to laugh at it all and turn it into your joy:
Climbing in the rain is good for the soul
There's a lot of wisdom in the idea "fake it 'til you make it." I spent YEARS trying to get through one day at a time, basically thinking that I screwed up my life path and as a consequence I had to accept the daily nightmare that my life had become. I truly had no hope or thought of a better life. I just somehow got through each day in misery. I hated the way it was, but was afraid of how much worse it could/would be if I tried to do something about it, and was stuck in that purgatory. That purgatory for me was not about ending my life- it was about staying in an insanely destructive and hurtful marriage. Eventually it got painful enough that I did try to do something about it, and it did get much worse as a consequence for about 6 years. Somehow I'm not wired to think of giving up life, but I was wired to just wallow in intense psychic suffering and not thinking that I deserved any type of happiness. That I wasn't worthy of love or belonging among people who would accept me.
Just by hanging on one day at a time, taking baby steps of bravery, and actually staying connected to people through this forum helped some too.
Fast forward- I've been 8 years with a wonderful woman, a gentle spirit, and we've had a wonderful life together that is night and day different from what I had lived through. If at any point from 20 to 10 years ago you asked me if I thought that was possible, I would not have believed it.
Sometimes you have to crawl through the dark abyss to reach the light
Happiness may not seem possible or logical from your present vantage, but have a little faith that it's worth finding out for yourself.
Hang in there Tanner. You obviously have people who care a lot about you, and you have no idea how many more can be out there in your future.
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Jon Beck
Trad climber
Oceanside
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Jul 26, 2016 - 05:00pm PT
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hey Tanner
Welcome to the big Supertopo family. Kind of a big family with many misfit aunts and uncles, but everyone is good people. Hope to see you in the mountains, or a least read about your adventures. Post up some pics, I have always drooled over Fremont Canyon never been but it looks awesome.
Jon
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Clint Cummins
Trad climber
SF Bay area, CA
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Jul 26, 2016 - 06:35pm PT
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Well stated, John M.
For Tanner, fortunately he survived the suicide attempts and is under professional care.
If he has clinical depression, that is very tough and painful.
I've heard the most important thing is finding a good therapist.
Drugs may also help, but it may take time to find one which is helpful.
In the meantime, it's great news that he smiled at some of the encouraging words on this thread.
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Ward Trotter
Trad climber
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Jul 26, 2016 - 06:47pm PT
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I've been seeing a lot more of these articles in the last few years. There is of course no way of knowing if Tanner is affected in this way by altitude, (except by moving to near sea level elevations and seeing if there is improvement) It may be worth considering should things get worse. At the least keeping it in mind. ( Google " altitude/depression or altitude/suicide rates)
Good luck.
http://www.livescience.com/50813-low-oxygen-increase-depression.html
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 26, 2016 - 06:54pm PT
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I did show him the thread before any of this was posted, I understand people are concerned. He has been dealing with severe depression for about 9 years. I am sorry if it has offended anyone that I reached out here. The kind words, pictures and good vibes have been amazing for him and I thank you all so much. He has a heart of gold and today I saw him smile and cry because of this thread. I asked him why he was crying and he said " because I'm happy"! That is because of you all. If I reached out in the wrong place I'm sincerely sorry, but it has been amazing for him, for me, and my entire family. Love and Light.
Sarah
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Jul 26, 2016 - 07:03pm PT
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I usually reserve the right the free-speech and RARELY delete my thoughts. I did so to others' requests.
Sarah, or Tanner, could somebody better explain the specific issues? We are a diverse group of people with one common obsession (climbing), and many, many problems in our heads (climbing, climbing, climbing).
We are different than most people. Tell us what Tanner's problem is. We, I, would love to help.
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John M
climber
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Jul 26, 2016 - 07:03pm PT
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Sarah.. I am in no way offended by what you have posted, and don't believe anyone else here is. What you are doing is good. The problem is that some people's idea of help is not always a good idea. So I would check with a professional first.
I had major depression since I was a child. I can't begin to say how many times I sat with a gun to my head wanting to pull the trigger but also not wanting to do this to my friends and family. I was never afraid of dying. It was what I would do to my friends and family that kept me from pulling the trigger. Plus I believed it was a sin.
Tanner.. things can get better. It took me a long time to find answers. I am 57. But docs are so much better now and there are answers out there. You have to have courage to find them and work through them. But its a lot like climbing. Climbing takes courage, so I know that you have it. Just keep trying and working on it. It is fully possible to have a full rich life. And you obviously have people who care very much about you.
John
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Clint Cummins
Trad climber
SF Bay area, CA
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Jul 26, 2016 - 07:05pm PT
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It's not a wrong place at all. Sounds like it's helping!
We like to help.
And it's great that climbing can be helpful. Sometimes it feels selfish, but there is a lot that can be good about it.
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 26, 2016 - 07:18pm PT
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I have talked to the professionals that he is working with and they all agree this is a good thing. He did shoot him self a little over two months ago and survived it.. He has severe depression and has been through a lot in his young life. He had a tramatic brain injury, severe depression and anxiety. Climbing was his way of coping. That is why I looked to other climbers for good advice and encouragement. He is going to be getting help for a while. I am amazed by the amount of support.
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Coach37
Social climber
Philly
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Jul 26, 2016 - 07:28pm PT
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Sarah, you did great. People always suspect "trolls" from new accounts, so don't take it the wrong way. You are helping family, and should be commended for it.
Tanner, I wish I knew the right thing to say.
There is just so much worth sticking around for, that more than outweighs life's suffering. And if you can dwell in those beautiful moments - that feeling of barely onsighting a hard pitch, sunset from the portaledge, the stillness and quiet of the woods in a fresh blanket of snow, nieces and nephews laughing and clowning, you know the kind of things I'm talking about; if you can dwell in those feelings and return to them in hard times, it can help pull you through. Everyone has different moments that are burned into their memory, moments of pure joy, contentment, and well, love really.
I try to dwell in those feelings and memories and dreams for the future, and return to them in my mind when everything else feels like it's total sh#t and falling apart around me (which seems to be story of my life lately, everything is falling apart). I say "try to" dwell in those because its not easy for me, I'm pretty negative in general and it took some real conscious effort (and professional help) to get out of my thought spirals, there was a lot of "trying" before it became more natural and automatic.
I also found that having what feels like a real purpose to my life did more to help me out of the darkness than anything else. My day job feels empty and stupid, and a big waste of my life. It doesn't accomplish anything that contributes to society, it just puts a paycheck in my pocket. But years ago I started tutoring reading and math to children, then took up tutoring adults learning english. Knowing that my purpose is to help these people, that they are relying on me, and seeing the difference it makes in their lives, that's plenty for me. I couldn't care less about career goals, and do just enough to keep the bosses off my back. But I work hard for my students. Because it matters.
Find something that matters, and dive into it.
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nature
climber
Boulder, CO
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Jul 26, 2016 - 07:29pm PT
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Can we just adopt you all as family?
It's too late. you already have :-)
Coach37 +1
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Emmy04
Boulder climber
Sheridan, WY
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Jul 27, 2016 - 10:12am PT
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Hi all.
Wanted to let you know how much your thoughts, sentiments, prayers, vibes, and stories are meaning to us and to our guy. I'm glad you have allowed us to adopt you as "family" because you all have really taken our breath away with your genuine care for a complete stranger. You have helped restored my faith in humanity. Thank you for that, as well.
I know that this topic can make some people uncomfortable. But I'm afraid that's one reason why we're in this situation. To those of you brave enough to share your own personal story and those who aren't afraid to find understanding in what mental illness really is... thank you for helping making the change. The silence has to end.Talking about what's uncomfortable makes us stronger and shows us that we aren't alone and that we are all more alike than one would think.
Every single one of you whom have reached out have made an impact. Please go to bed tonight knowing that. You made a difference. You cared and you made a difference because of that. You'll all have a special place in my heart forever because of it.
With love and mad respect,
Emily (Tanner's cousin <3 )
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John M
climber
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Jul 27, 2016 - 11:13am PT
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Hi Emmy,
We have quite a few people on this forum who have dealt with serious levels of depression and we have had many conversations about it. If you search depression you will find a number of threads.
I believe that only a few people here have issues with discussing it. Sometimes simply because they don't want to think about it and they just want to think and talk about climbing. But we have that issue with every off topic thread. From politics to dog. So its something that we face often. Trying to maintain a balance between those who want an "only climbing" forum and those who want to talk about everything.
The first problem that you ran into on this thread was that some folks thought this might be a troll thread. In case you don't have experience with forums, a troll thread is someone who doesn't actually have the problem, but is just looking for attention, or to see how many response that they can get. I believe thats been settled that you and Sarah are not trolls.
The second problem was that I was not comfortable with how some people were approaching Tanner's situation. I have a life time of dealing with depression and am very familiar with the kinds of things that can be hurtful to someone who is suicidal. One of those was something Bluering said. It was about needing a meaningful job. While on many levels that is true. It often comes across as meaning "get a job you lazy bum". Or it comes across as "all you need to do to overcome depression is to pull yourself up by your bootstrap". In my case I started working at a young age and hard work did nothing to help with my problems with depression. In fact it was an insult to me to suggest that all that I needed to do was "work harder" as I worked very hard. Please understand here that I know Bluering from this forum and I believe that he is a good guy and means well, but in this case I felt that he was making dangerous statements that can come across to someone with severe depression as belittling their pain.
When someone is dealing with depression, and especially if they are suicidal and even more especially if they have actually attempted suicide, then "just finding a good Job" isn't really going to fix things and is overly simplistic. It can and should be part of a long term solution, but in the immediate sense, it can be dangerous to focus on as it can be very frustrating to hear. The mountain of pain one experiences make the thought seem too far away and entirely impossible. And if you have heard it a thousand times, then for me it triggers anger. It tells me that the person does not know what they are talking about. One doesn't tell a person with Cancer, "you need a meaningful job". Yet with mental health issues people seem to fall on that as the solution. For someone with what I call situation depression, i.e. stemming from something like losing a job, or breaking up with a girl friend, then these kinds of solutions can be all that is needed. But for someone who has been struggling with depression for years, then there are other issues that need to be solved first.
This makes me cry, because I am all too familiar with the struggle that Tanner is facing right now. You haven't said where he shot himself, but to have gotten that far means that things are as serious as they get with depression and suicidal tendencies. He is likely very lucky to be alive. There is a scale for rating the level of a suicide attempt. Using a gun is at the top of the level. That means that Tanner was in extreme pain and or did not have the internal and external support mechanisms in place to help him get through it. Please don't take this to mean that he had no support. What I mean is that in his head he can not connect it, or accept it.
And please know that I iwas in no way suggesting that this thread was a bad idea. I believe that it is a great idea. The climbing community can be fairly volatile, but it is also one that tends to pull together for someone when the chips are down. Its kind of like church, where people support each other, but the mountains are our temple.
I hope this clears things up for you and you feel free to post here. I'm certain there are lots of people who would like to support Tanner and you. The family needs support too. Tanner is blessed to have two cousins who support him and I hope that you will continue to update us on his condition.
Oh.. and by the way, many of us are likely old enough to adopt you. :-)
John
Edit: ( whoa, didn't realize how much that I had written. )
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Jul 27, 2016 - 02:55pm PT
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Oh.. and by the way, many of us are likely old enough to adopt you. :-)
Laughing. Too true.
edit: climbers tend to feel like out casts from society. not sure how it is now with the younger crowd. back in the day we followed a different path than the traditional high school sports and college fraternities/sororities, although there are exceptions.
Cheers and hang in there Tanner.
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mcreel
climber
Barcelona
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Jul 27, 2016 - 03:14pm PT
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Hi Tanner,
You know how when you reach up and get 3 pads on a sun warmed incut edge, how it feels so good? Well, there are a lot of things that feel that way, but it might take some time to find them. I had a longer message, but none of that felt as true as the 3 pad edge, so I deleted it.
Michael
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Jul 27, 2016 - 03:27pm PT
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Also remember the smell of the rock. It is always unique.
Just the joy of physical movement is a pleasure. Ever done any back country skiing?
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WyoRockMan
climber
Grizzlyville, WY
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Jul 27, 2016 - 04:34pm PT
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Tanner,
We've met a few times at the crags. When you and the rest busted onto the climbing scene, with your fitness, stoke and sh!tty footwork it was a sight to behold. I admit I was a tad envious, ahh the fountain of youth, a full lifetime ahead, man, to be that unburdened again. I hope you are able to relieve the unseen burdens you are carrying, because you have a lot of life left to live. Watching you guys tear it up is fun and inspiring to watch, I do hope you reconsider climbing again in the future. I took a long hiatus from climbing after a traumatic event, it really is a special activity, you know this. The rock will be there when you are ready, as well as a community of people that appreciate you being in it.
Take care and be well.
Jason
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Fish Finder
climber
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Jul 27, 2016 - 08:44pm PT
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Hi Sarah and Emmy welcome
These circumstances brought you here and you and Tanner belong
Life is precious
You should make plans with Tanner to come to Yosemite
Plans for the future are Hope
Much respect for your efforts and caring for your cousin
Tanner , you are loved , hang in there ,life is a struggle
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Emmy04
Boulder climber
Sheridan, WY
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Jul 27, 2016 - 10:44pm PT
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Gasp...you guys...I don't have the words. I love you all. Like, really love you guys.
Besides the fact that you're all super amazing and supportive to this boy I love so much, I find so many things in your posts that I can relate to as well. See, I'm a mountain girl, myself. I always have felt that I belong to the trees. Actually, Tanner was getting ready to take me on my first climb right before the incident happened. I really can't wait for him to get better for so many reasons, but I'm really counting on the experience I plan for us to share. I also find my peace and contentment in the wild. The picture of the trees and the quote about "walking down the aisle with Mother Nature" gaaaah...I feel it. Right in the soul.
This group. You're my kind of people. You're OUR kind of people. Thanks so much for rocking our world (pun intended ;) )
Emily
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drljefe
climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
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Jul 27, 2016 - 11:22pm PT
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Climbing...for me, it quiets the chatter.
There is a lot of chatter.
Climbing saved my life.
I hope you can get back to climbing.
You will get back to climbing.
All the best to you.
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Fish Finder
climber
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Jul 27, 2016 - 11:59pm PT
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What's in a name
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Klimbien
Trad climber
St.George Orem Littleton Vegas
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Jul 28, 2016 - 12:07am PT
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"Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks - we will also find out path of authentic service in the world."
 Parker Palmer
Pondering our callings is powerful.
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 28, 2016 - 07:02pm PT
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To the person (Terry) who sent the books and also I got a letter in the mail for Tanner.. Thank you. He is at home tonight, he will be heading to Rocksprings, WY tomorrow to get the help he needs. We are sending him off with all your love and support. We also will be setting him up
On this forum tonight. Like my little sister said, tonight when you go to sleep, remember what incredible people you are. You have changed us as a family. Your kind words have helped up through dark nights, rough mornings and teary moments when we were lost on how to help. I've read this thread honestly probably 40 times and at least 4 times to Tanner. I'm going to post a recent picture of him and his sister Rainey. I have shared a lot of his "before"!pics but I want to remind you all of who you are helping to save. You are the kindest souls I've ever met. Since we have connected with you all, his progress has been
Incredible. Thank you! Thank you!!
❤️
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TanTheMan
Trad climber
Sheridan, WY
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Jul 28, 2016 - 08:03pm PT
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Hi everyone, it's Tanner.
I have lots to say, but want to think more about it. But I wanted to post a picture (me, Emily, Sarah, my aunt Lori, and my sister, Rainey) and say hello and thank you. I'll be back soon.
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Jul 28, 2016 - 08:06pm PT
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We're all climbers who have seen rough times
I gotta second this.
Please keep climbing. Please keep 'splorin' the world with your ownself. Please keep doin' this stupid/wondrous/painful thing called life.
Endochemicals in my brain pain me sometimes. Climbing assuages that bullsh#t, easily and with less of the doctors or more public judgements. I share this because I empathize with you Tanner.
All I can do is try to blot away the bad by endeavoring to climb every day, every free moment, by filling those empty neuroconnections with the bliss of handholds met, the secret pure grandeur of the little ant on the vertical face, the pure joy of passing by the frightful verticality of the crux to kiss and worship that belay ledge. Please keep doing this! (You and me both, Tanner!)
There is no now but now, there is no place but here. Climbing's mandatory zen enables us to see it.
Climb on Tanner! We'll all give a belay or a spot!
No time but now for this extrasocietal grandeur!
Come step on these untrodden summits!
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Jul 28, 2016 - 08:25pm PT
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Gotta post again because this sh#t is important.
We as a climbing tribe are different from most people. You are part of the tribe Tanner.
How else do we find this flower but to embrace alpine chossy terror?
I'm lost too, man! But I found this out in the empty pure places where I find new summits. You can do this too! In this one true life we share as living beings!
New summits out there Tanner! Come Get Some™!
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Clint Cummins
Trad climber
SF Bay area, CA
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Jul 28, 2016 - 08:26pm PT
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Thanks for posting, Tanner.
Looks like you have a great team/family to help you get back to feeling good.
You are in a tough battle, but you already survived some dark times, you write well, and you can still operate a smart phone!
You're already doing better than some of us, for sure! :-)
Hang in there and please write more when you can.
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Fish Finder
climber
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Jul 28, 2016 - 09:00pm PT
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Hey Tanner
Glad you finally made it HERE NOW
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Albert Einstein
Look at YOU
All smiling and surrounded by pretty girls
You are a gentle soul ready to roar
Be PRESENT
Each new day is a present
Keep fighting the good fight buddy
and let us know what's going on in your LIFE
Best, Gregg
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nah000
climber
no/w/here
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Jul 28, 2016 - 09:24pm PT
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hey Tanner... i don't claim to know what your life's path will hold, and so i won't pander with the falsity of certain hope... from my perspective, sometimes life truly is a bitch and then you die... i don't believe that how things pan out is ever entirely in one's own hands.
with that seeming truism out of the way, here's something more important that i also hold to be true... we're never entirely powerless either. it sometimes feels like there is nothing left, that everything we've worked for has been taken away. and sometimes it's not "just" a feeling... sometimes it can be a reality.
but the one thing that, i don't believe anybody can take away... the one power, i believe that we always have:
is our ability to continue, on one level or another, to fight.
it's obvious from your post that you are a fighter. it's also obvious, because to be a climber, and not just someone who climbs, one has to be a fighter. and it's obvious from some of the posts to this thread from people who know and have met you, that you are a climber and not just someone who climbs.
to regularly go into personal unknowns and trust one's life to one's own and one's climbing partner's hands, feet and minds takes a certain type of spirit, that, even if one stops climbing for a time, can never be taken away from a person.
the point of all of this and something that i've personally experienced is the following: sometimes when we continue to put one foot in front of the other, even when there is no outside reason that it will lead anywhere but the dead ends we've ended up in before, still, sometimes life can surprise us.
we can find internal reserves and people can come out of the woodwork and support us in ways that we never thought were potentials... the world around and inside of us can change in ways that we had given up hope as even being possible.
sometimes, hidden in the darkest of nights are the seeds of our future harvests.
peace and best of luck brother.
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Jul 28, 2016 - 09:25pm PT
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Nice pic Fishy.
edit: nahoo, that is great.
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Jul 28, 2016 - 09:34pm PT
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TanTheMan, so glad you are posting and part of our community!
Reading the latest replies reminded me of one of my favorite quotes of all time that I haven't thought about in years:
Walk away quietly in any direction and taste the freedom of the mountaineer. Camp out among the grasses and gentians of glacial meadows, in craggy garden nooks full of nature's darlings. Climb the mountains and get their good tidings, Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves. As age comes on, one source of enjoyment after another is closed, but nature's sources never fail. - John Muir
Rock climbing and alpine skiing are my favorite aspects of mountaineering, but really it's just being in the mountains that refreshes your body and soul.
Lots more Muir quotes here: http://vault.sierraclub.org/john_muir_exhibit/writings/favorite_quotations.aspx
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Jul 29, 2016 - 04:37am PT
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Yo Tanner, good to hear from you!
I climbed Devils Tower the other day. You can see Sheridan from there. Ever been up it? Let's do it sometime. I'm dealing with garden variety epic ness right now;Major car problems a thousand miles from home, too little $, the usual. But climbing, a couple of times this week, has helped me keep it together.
Do what you need to do. Get well, repeat! It's gotten me through the last sixty years.
If possible, think about coming to the Vedauwoo sushifest August 12/13
Stay in touch!
Tony chicken hawk. Doing his part to free Tibet! Via the Wyde path!
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phylp
Trad climber
Upland, CA
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Jul 29, 2016 - 08:13am PT
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Welcome, Tanner.
Soak up the love that is around you. Take it day by day. With help, you can release much of the excruciating pain you must be in. With help, you will learn coping mechanisms to get through the really bad days.
Peace, Phyl
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WyoRockMan
climber
Grizzlyville, WY
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Jul 30, 2016 - 10:25am PT
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Yo Tanner,
Hope the move to Rock Springs went smooth. Did you go over the Bighorns and over South Pass (Winds)? Or did they drive you through Casper? Sure hope it was the former!
We're here to get you through this pitch.
Get settled and give us an update.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Jul 30, 2016 - 11:34am PT
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hey there say, tanner... welcome to supertopo! the "taco"
... thanks for sharing this wonderful pic of you and the family:
a great 'keep up the good work' team, if ever one could see one!
say, remember:
we may all be different... size, shape, inner goals, or outer...
we may have different--pains, troubles, hopes, wonders, questions, or thoughts...
we may all have various gifts...
we may be--open, shy, weak or strong, faster or slower, medium or neutral...
we may be: in bloom, out of bloom, just barely budding...
we may, tilling a new field, or fully into the 'crop' phase of life...
but we ARE ALL PART of a world of possibilities, like the flowers in the fields...
we have our own beauty, we have our own 'flow of life' and our
own 'splash of joy' to give, in this field...
we have a special play among family and friends,
and we make a bouquet, that would be LOST of beauty,
if our 'flower' was not there to make the picture...
the whole field is a thing of beauty, DUE TO EACH FLOWER,
not to JUST one... we grow into a whole VAST field of
something precious...
the world may be to busy, and seem to pass us by...
and we may seem to be unnoticed, to those far off and busy...
but we are here! growing into: who we are...
you are here and growing!
and you make this field, just as special as anyone else does, too!
HERE IS a quilt that looks like 'a view from an airplane'...
lovely patches, all belong, or the quilt would lose a
special spot:
wow! we are those 'spots' of land, ...
may this new 'growing season' have JUST what you need,
for good seeds to grow and make you feel at ease, and
at home, in this world...
and remember, :)
sometimes, we just sit and think, and we grow as well...
the sun, the light, the rain, and seeds that fall our way,
(from our friends) get this 'growth' to start, and
we can take it easy, as step at a time...
before we know it--things are sprouting up...
amen...
welcome, again!
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 30, 2016 - 06:14pm PT
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Today I received 2 packages and 5 letters. Tanner was placed on a facility in Rock Springs, WY yesterday and can have no calls, contact or guests for ten days. I have put together a box for him. Every time I check my mail I cry tears of happiness as I am sure I have been blessed with amazing folks fighting for Tanner. Your generosity is so amazing! I will forever be thankful. I will keep you updated when k get updated. Again, thanks for all the love!
Sarah
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Jul 31, 2016 - 12:46am PT
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hey there, say, sarah... i will be praying for him, these 10 days...
thanks for the update...
:)
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Fish Finder
climber
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Jul 31, 2016 - 12:53pm PT
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Sarah , Emily and Tanner
We have all been here for years
and will continue to be here for y'all
Nature and Human Nature prevail
Let us know if there is anything else we can do to help
Sincerely ,Gregg
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 1, 2016 - 06:33pm PT
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Somehow I got a phone call from Tanner. They told us none for ten days, but he made a call yesterday and it was to me. I told him about the updated posts as well as the stuff I received in the mail. His voice has changed. He seems so different, he is so incredibly shocked that so many people have taken the time to read his story and reach out! He said these exact words "climbers are their own family, and they are bad ass"'! I am not a climber but it made such incredible sense. I'm sure some of you have heard of the amazing Jen Crook, she is a climber as well as a very talented film writer. I have been in touch with her as well and told her about the love and support we have found here! If you haven't checked her work out, you can at Jen crook.com. What amazing souls you have. Tanner will climb again and i know in my heart that you all have a huge part of that, he will get to the top. ❤️
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Ah, he's bending the rules, I see...a good sign! : )
Agreed. As long he doesn't get busted. Thanks for the update Sarah.
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Coach37
Social climber
Philly
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Hey Tanner, I know it will be a few days before you get back online, just wanted to drop a line before I get on a plane for work.
I was there out in Rock Springs last fall. Headed back to Vegas from Vedauwoo, I got off the interstate at Rock Springs and drove all the way down Hwy 191 through the Flaming Gorge NRA, eventually into Helper, Utah and on across the Wasatch to Spanish Fork.
If you ever get a chance to take that route, it's worth it. It was one of the very few parts of the US that I'd never been to/through and there is some sick bouldering potential on the east side of the Wasatch, like several more versions of Joe's Valley. That section from Rock Springs to and through the Flaming Gorge is a desolate and unique landscape, and virtually no people. Felt really peaceful after all those big rigs and construction on I-80.
I love Wyoming in the summer, wish I was out there right now, it's 104 in the desert today and I get to work outside in it for the rest of the week.
Alright, I gotta catch a plane, hope to see you posting up when I get home in a week or so.
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micronut
Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
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Tanner,
This thread has really touched me and has inspired me with the kindness and support of our climbing "tribe." I have never personally been through anything exactly like your journey, but I want to encourage you by saying you have a true meaning and purpose in this life. None of us are created without purpose. I am a Christian and have a worldview and belief that we are created by a loving and all powerful God. A God who knows you intimately and knows the plan for your life, from conception until the end, and that you are uniquely and wonderfully made. Not flawless. Not without all kinds of lumps and bumps and struggles. Not perfect. But you were made for a purpose. Maybe that purpose is to someday share your struggle and your path and your story with others who are right where you are now. I have personally seen stories of such powerful and inspiring redemption that I know for a fact it is possible in your situation.
I have seen many friends come through the darkness that I know you can. Listen to the first-hand accounts of those on this forum and others who will share with you. There is always hope. The book of Psalms in The Bible is full of despair turned to joy, defeat turned to triumph, darkness that was overcome by the light. It's thought that King David wrote most of these passages.....dealing with everything from fear to famine to war to victory and everything in between his long and tumultuous life. But he finished strong. Finished well. By realizing his frailty and placing it the hands of God.
"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God." PSALM 40:1-3
There is some fantastic advice and counsel and stoke on this thread. I hope it all helps and look forward to seeing and hearing more from you and about you in the days to come. As you mend, feel free to write down some stuff and share it here in a trip report. Post some photos of climbs, write....it can be cathartic. Until then, take one day at a time. Know that you are loved by and cared for by friends, climbers, family, strangers (like me), and most importantly your creator.
Fight the good fight.
Be brave.
Climb on.
Scott
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Emmy04
Boulder climber
Sheridan, WY
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Hey guys!
Wow! I've missed a lot! I was in AZ for about a week. I thought of all you climbers as I went through Sedona. Sent Tanner a postcard from there and am hoping he will be able to climb there sometime.
So, I'm at Sarah's house staring at a pile of love that we're getting ready to send to Tanner in Rock Springs. All I can say is whoa. You guys really have no idea how much you have impacted his life, and ours. Talk about a ripple effect! I told Terry that my faith in humanity has been restored. Y'all are just so amazing.
I got a special phone call today. I was so surprised to hear Tanner's voice as I thought he want able to have calls yet. He sounds good, guys. There's a depth to him now that was missing for a long while. He sounds pumped about life and relationships and LIVING!! He still doesn't have access to a computer, but I told him about all the love coming from the Taco and he was overwhelmed. In a good way. I can't wait for you guys to get to know him better.
For all the love sent his way...thank you thank you thank you. And for all that is still coming...thank you thank you thank you.
I'll never forget you guys. Not a single one of you.
xoxo
Emily
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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I told Terry that my faith in humanity has been restored.
We get into squabbles and crap fests here, but when push comes to shove most of those on this forum back each other up. Just like a family.
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Plaidman
Trad climber
West Slope of Powell Butte, Portland, Oregon, USA
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Hey Tanner and family. I haven't been on Supertopo in awhile. I ran across this post and was pulled in ass over tea kettle. Thx for posting up. I too have suffered depression and down times. Somehow I just keep a hand in the game. In the last 12 years I've been climbing it has been a boon to my soul. Hang in there Tanner. Plaid vibes sent your way.
All the best to you man. I'm pulling for ya. There is a climb out there for you that will change your life. It will come. I know that there have been many for me. I'm always telling folks this next climb will be the climb of a lifetime. Then they say "Plaid you have had a least 6 climbs of a lifetime". I'm currently on track to make this the best year ever! I'm 53 years old and I'm gunna get as many as I can before my body gives out. Fred Beckey is still at it and he's over 90.
So you aren't alone and this is the greatest bunch of folks on the planet.
Here are some of my past pics and a video - Plaid
[Click to View YouTube Video]
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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hey there say, emmy04...
also COME BACK every week or so and LOOK FOR THE THREAD and 'bump'
or 'click on it' so that it will come back up the surface...
tanner:
please know... sometimes, folks get busy and at times, we may not always
post, or this thread will 'go down the line' ...
we DO always get back to them, sooner or later...
so you are NOT forgotten...
we all just got to tend to so many things, out and away from,
the ol' computer...
if you need folks to talk to, just RECLICK the thread... do a search
for it, and WE ARE ALL HERE...
prayers and to you, too, you his family...
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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happy to hear that TantheMan has got that stoke. A rare bird, that enthusiasm for the self-inflicted trial by climb. we, in my little nuclear pack, are pulling hard for this unknown member of the tribe to KEEP PUSHING through this crux. a big fat ledge with raspberries and a little clear seep is just ahead!
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SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab, A sailboat, or some time zone
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Awesome! So glad this turned out to be a legitimate appeal for support!
I think it's going to have a HUGE impact. My Taco sisters and brothers made a huge influence on my recovery from a serious illness!
So wonderful! Tanner, crush it sir! You've got a whole tribe wanting to belay you, young man!
Susan
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steveA
Trad climber
Wolfeboro, NH
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Tanner,
My identical twin brother fractured his scull at the age of 14, and was in a coma for a month. It was a tough road, but he recovered pretty well. He never was very sports orientated, and I'm sure if he had the passion for climbing, as you and I have, he would be happier today.
My favorite climbing area is right up the road from you- the Wind River Range. When you get better check it out!
I might add that in 1970, I almost lost my foot in Vietnam. If it wasn't for my love for climbing, I probably would of never fully recovered, but one year later, in 1971, I did the 1st ascent of route #4, in the photo, which was the 1st big route on that face. Keep climbing!!
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steveA
Trad climber
Wolfeboro, NH
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 16, 2016 - 05:17pm PT
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Look who is home?!!!!? He got home late last night and he's heading to climb!!! ❤️❤️
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Aug 16, 2016 - 06:12pm PT
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Hell yeah! Gud on ya Sarah, Emmy and Tanner.
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Aug 16, 2016 - 09:15pm PT
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^missing post.
dude, TantheMan's got the wiry build to ca-rush the rock, unlike some-a us softies. good on you for gettin' out to do the movin' meditation thing
edit: backup that single draw tether (sez mawm)
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Emmy04
Boulder climber
Sheridan, WY
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Aug 16, 2016 - 09:18pm PT
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I removed it because I think he wanted to post it himself ;)
Plan to hear from the man himself very soon :D
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Aug 16, 2016 - 09:21pm PT
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no purer high, no higher elation in self, to be found, sez I. gud work getting out-of-doors rock clamberin'!
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WyoRockMan
climber
Grizzlyville, WY
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Aug 16, 2016 - 09:25pm PT
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^missing post.
dude, TantheMan's got the wiry build to ca-rush the rock, unlike some-a us softies. good on you for gettin' out to do the movin' meditation thing
edit: backup that single draw tether (sez mawm)
Watchin' these "kids" the last few years has been pretty cool. They was on a serious send train, stoked to see it firing up again.
Tanner! Looks like a wonderful eve up the canyon! Hope the ivy was avoidable! I always like how the river kind of reverbs up to the top of those pitches. I hope the wonderments shown brightly on you today.
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TanTheMan
Trad climber
Sheridan, WY
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Aug 16, 2016 - 09:37pm PT
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Fish Finder
climber
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Aug 16, 2016 - 09:40pm PT
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Hey Tanner and Sarah and Em and sis
Hope the last weeks in served you well Tanner
You look like your ready to go
Good to see you
Get out there and enjoy more climbing
Look forward to many future posts
Please post up more when you are ready
Cheers!!!!!
Team Tanner keep it up
We are here for you
Best ,Gregg
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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Aug 16, 2016 - 09:43pm PT
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This is why we come to Supertopo.
On belay!!
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Aug 16, 2016 - 10:40pm PT
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Gud on ya TantheMan for for getting out with your sister, keep on rocking it.
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Aug 16, 2016 - 10:57pm PT
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new routes and first ascents (first human 'speriences) waitin' out there. (a reminder to all - but this one short life to lead, and let it be leading by explorations!!!)
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Aug 16, 2016 - 11:00pm PT
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hey there say, TanTheMan... wow, what a great step forward: UP the rocks...
so very happy for you and your sister to have
this great open door, to the GREAT outdoors...
keep up the good work, :)
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Aug 16, 2016 - 11:20pm PT
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TanTheMan
Don't feel a need to get back to us. Just chill and relax. We will be here.
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TanTheMan
Trad climber
Sheridan, WY
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Aug 21, 2016 - 01:30pm PT
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hey everyone!!!!!!
Just getting settled in. Sorry Im a bit overwhelmed trying to reach out to everyone, especially some of you that really touched me, but ill start with this. Been climbing every chance i get. I am super weak right now but its been fun the old routes I started climbing on are like new again, hard. I did a 5.8 trad i haven't done in a long time and I was scared as shit! my legs were sewing machines. I am weak but getting stronger every day. I moved back in to my parents house for now and got the hang board up. could only do 4 pull-ups it was pretty discouraging but tomorrow i will try for 5. thanks everybody for all the support. The community has been so supportive and really helped me through this dark time . My cousin printed up the forum and i read through it almost every day. It helped more than anyone could know that there are so many people that care about someone who shares a passion with them. Thank you soooooo much for the people who sent stuff the pics are great, i can't wait to read the books, and the dreamcatcher is above my bed, the t-shirt is awesome, and the letters helped me a lot. My life goal is to climb all 3 walls in Yosemite. anyways you will hear more from me, i really appreciate you all.
With love,
Tantheman
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Jon Beck
Trad climber
Oceanside
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Aug 21, 2016 - 01:42pm PT
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This thread made my day, inspirational Tan. And you have a great crew. Climb on.
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phylp
Trad climber
Upland, CA
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Aug 21, 2016 - 02:28pm PT
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could only do 4 pull-ups it was pretty discouraging
Don't be discouraged. I've never been able to do a pull-up in my life and I've had no trouble climbing! :-)
It's good to hear from you. Remember, one day at a time.
Phyl
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Flip Flop
climber
Earth Planet, Universe
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Aug 21, 2016 - 03:21pm PT
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Don't need pull-ups to climb Ranger Rock
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Emmy04
Boulder climber
Sheridan, WY
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Aug 21, 2016 - 04:05pm PT
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Tan! Love to see you're posting!! Hi to everyone! Tan is still trying to get me to go climb with him. Haven't gotten to yet. 1. I'm a chicken sh#t. 2. I'm a mama to four. Lol! When we finally get out there, we'll have to take some pics and post. Thanks again for all your love to our guy. So much love to you all!
Emily
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Coach37
Social climber
Philly
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Aug 21, 2016 - 04:16pm PT
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"I am super weak right now but its been fun the old routes I started climbing on are like new again, hard."
I know that feeling! I stopped climbing for two years when I was in the army. When I got out, I was in good shape, for running in boots with a ruck or doing pushups. I couldn't climb for jack. I fell off a 5.7 slab route and swore it had to be sandbagged. By the end of the season, I had most of it back (then I was falling off 5.10s and calling them sandbagged), the next year falling off 11s, the next years getting up 12s.
When you're climbing hard, its easy to think the easier classics aren't worth the time. So nows a good time to go tick off all those cool routes you never got around to when you were climbing harder. Because soon enough, they will feel easy again.
When I'd get that shaky leg, one of my partners always broke into a bad Elvis impersonation. I would laugh so hard, I couldn't even get mad for falling.
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chainsaw
Trad climber
CA
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Aug 21, 2016 - 04:34pm PT
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Hey Tanner, my name is Rob. My family has a history of manic depression for generations and it has been a real challenge. I can definately say I wouldnt have it any other way. With the extremes of sadness and depression also come moments of great insight and joy that I think only bipolars can understand. Let it give you focus when youre up and you will achieve above and beyond normal human capacity. And remind yourself when you are down that it will pass. Get that tatooed on your arm if necessary. I write myself notes to remind myself that all will be well and turn around soon. Avoid drugs and alcohol. They make it worse. And relationships with girlfriends are the worst! You will have to find a woman who has compassion for you and fully accepts and understands your nature. I hope you arent offended that a stranger like me would contact you about something so personal. It is embarrassing sometimes. People don't understand what we live with. I dont know you but I think I can understand what you are experiencing. Most Bipolars are among the most brilliant and intelligent creative people on Earth. Heck, Van Gough cut off his own ear and mailed it to his girlfriend in a moment of depression. Its important to remember that he was one of the greatest artists who ever lived. Contact me by email at robtrelford@yahoo.com and I will give you my number. Call me anytime you want.
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Fish Finder
climber
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Aug 21, 2016 - 08:45pm PT
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Nice Post Tanner
Good to hear from you
No need to feel overwhelmed
Nobody here expects anything from you
Take it easy and enjoy life
You have a lot of time to get strong
Glad to hear of your goals and you can bet your ass
Many of us here in Cali will show up to support you and celebrate
When you are ready for the Big Walls in Yosemite
Good job brother. Your doin it
Best,Gregg
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Aug 21, 2016 - 09:41pm PT
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hey there say, tanner... great to hear the updates... and about the climbs...
my brother is the climber, not me, so i can't give climber advice, but
say:
i sure an encourage, at to goals, etc...
and to 'hanging in there' and tackling stuff...
not matter, WHAT the goals, or WHY we have them, and no matter
WHAT our health, wealth, or inner-being or outer-circumstances,
i can share this, being 60+ age-wise:
some goals, we conquer, quick and fast...
some goals, we spend a good chunk of time on...
some goals, turn a corner and manefest, as a WHOLE NEW goal...
some goals, we ourselves, change and enhance, to suit various
'whatevers' along the way...
and this all leads to seeing even deeper-dreamed goals,
come to pass, latter down the line, in life...
so:
never NEVER feel you 'aren't or can't' achieve...
we achieve, EACH AND EVERYDAY, just by taking and making, and doing,
those:
steps along the way, to EACH of the 'some's mentioned above...
:)
it's held true, for me... through all these years...
even a few goals, that i set aside, due to
seeing a better goal rise-up ... one that i never
even expected, but 'was far more perfect' :)
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 22, 2016 - 06:56pm PT
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❤️❤️❤️❤️ So thankful for all the wisdom, love, good energy! I cry every time I read a new post. Yes I'm a sap, but you all have helped so much I can't even explain, I spent most of the afternoon with Tamner yesterday. Here's a couple pics.
Xoxo
S
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TanTheMan
Trad climber
Sheridan, WY
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Aug 22, 2016 - 08:42pm PT
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this whole incident has been a roller coaster for sure it has knocked me lower than i can ever go again and i see a great future eventually climbing the three walls of Yosemite!!! :) Working the hangboard getting stronger cant wait to start climbing hard! I think the whole thing is a blessing in disguise. blessing in disguise #1 it only takes me half the time to brush my teeth hahahah
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Aug 22, 2016 - 08:45pm PT
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no day but today, no time but now. waiting out there for the FA: . and yeah dude, I ride that coaster too, lows begetting the highs fer sure!
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Clint Cummins
Trad climber
SF Bay area, CA
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Aug 22, 2016 - 10:35pm PT
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I think the whole thing is a blessing in disguise. I agree, a "close call" will often give you a new perspective on things you had forgotten were important.
Sometimes in life you can get "into a rut", stuck in a narrow role
and only caring about a few things that are really not that important.
Then something happens and you remember you really have so many options out there for what to do in your life.
A close call is so much better than a "last call".
Some people are not so lucky and didn't get the close call.
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Oct 2, 2016 - 07:58pm PT
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It is with incredible sadness to post this. My cousin passed this morning. He was doing well. He was climbing, he participated in the suicide prevention walk, was filming a documentary on climb therapy. He left us early this morning. We haven't found out exactly what happened, but I wanted to let all of you know that you reaching out to
Him, really kept him going. Life will never be the same, but we will forever keep his legacy alive! Thank you all so much from all of his family! We love you! Soar to
The Mountain tops you dreamed of climbing Tanner Fred Schoonmaker!!! Love you forever!
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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best to you and your fam. difficult, this.
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Mark Rodell
Trad climber
Bangkok
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I am sorry. It is sad news. I hope that his family finds peace.
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Wen
Trad climber
Bend, OR
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Sarah know that you're not alone in your grief, this news is heartbreaking and has touched folks near and far. Your family is in my thoughts.
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John M
climber
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I'm so sorry Sarah... Mercy. I'm at a loss for words. I know how difficult depression is and how tricky it can be. When we hadn't heard from Tanner in awhile I started to worry.
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nita
Social climber
chica de chico, I don't claim to be a daisy.
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*
*
Miss Sarah and Emmy04.... I am so sorry to read this sad news..You did your best to be Tanners light...
Condolences to you, your family and Tanner's friends.
Paz...
Tanner, Rest in Peace..
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Flip Flop
climber
Earth Planet, Universe
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Deepest condolences. I have no words.
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Jon Beck
Trad climber
Oceanside
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So sorry to hear this news. Thank you for sharing Tanners passion for climbing with us. Although we never formally met him, I think we all knew him. RIP Tanner.
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry to hear this. I really thought he was coming around
Please consider my deepest condolences
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John M
climber
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[Click to View YouTube Video]
I didn't even know Tanner, but this is getting to me.
I have dealt with depression for most of my life. I spent many a day and night wishing for death. So many ugly thoughts. its hard to process. The thing is, when I heard Tanner had shot himself, I knew that his road was going to be hard. When a person has actually pulled the trigger, then their psyche is seriously damaged and the answers to healing are not always easy. Its a long difficult road that many people don't make to the end of. I have been lucky/blessed/fortunate to have made it this far. And thankfully, after many many years of difficulty, to have found my way to a better place. But getting to that place has not been easy. I wouldn't wish this life on my worst enemy. I prayed and prayed for Tanner. I didn't want to tell him how hard it might be, because in his fragile state, that just seemed like the worst thing to tell someone. Especially online.
In person, maybe I could have talked to him about it.
Tanner bro.. I wish that I could have sat with you and had a chance to talk to you and tell you about the things you would miss if you didn't stick around. I know how hard it is. I know exactly how hard it is. It sucks. Its terrible, and often it feels overwhelming. But if I had been able to talk to you, I would have told you that its possible to get through it. There is light at the end of the tunnel. And there are some pretty damn good things you would miss out on.
But sometimes all the signs get blown away. I know about that bro.
Sh#t man..
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Bill Mc Kirgan
Trad climber
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
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Very sad to hear this and praying for you and the rest of Tanner's family and dear friends.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Condolences to all involved
Thank you Sarah, for all you've done and bringing this to us.
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WyoRockMan
climber
Grizzlyville, WY
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Sh#t,
RIP Tanner. I'm glad we got to spend a bit of time together, it is hard to imagine there was so much pain under that personality.
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Splater
climber
Grey Matter
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So tragic.
Yet hopefully I have learned and grown a little from all of you who posted here.
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Flip Flop
climber
Earth Planet, Universe
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Poor kid
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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My condolences. As mentioned you did everything you could and I'm sure that was appreciated.
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Emmy04
Boulder climber
Sheridan, WY
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Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and condolences. Once again, I have no words. We don't even know what happened. All we know for sure is that we loved like hell and took every opportunity we had in these last five months to tell him how much he meant. Forever wouldn't have been long enough. It never is with your loved ones. We will miss him everyday and continue to love him. I know Tanner found comfort in the words shared here and I thank you very much for giving him that. Damn. It just sucks so bad.
-Emily
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Emmy04
Boulder climber
Sheridan, WY
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Also wanted to share a photo. Last weekend I rallied up a team to walk in the Out Of The Darkness walk for suicude awareness and prevention. We were proud to walk for Team Tanner. I made us all shirts that said "Team Tanner" on the back. But I made a special one, just for him, that read "The best view comes after the hardest climb". I want to believe he's in Heaven now, with the best view he's ever had. I know he found that day comforting because he told me so. He said he loved me so much and appreciated all that I had done and he felt so loved and supported. I'm glad he got that in his last days and that I was able to be a big part of it.
Thanks again for the love and support.
xoxo
-Em
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Pete_N
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, CA
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I'm so sorry to hear this Sarah. Your efforts were an inspiration and were certainly not in vain. Pete
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guyman
Social climber
Moorpark, CA.
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This is so sad...
My condolences to Tanner and his Family and many Friends.
Rest in Peace
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Clint Cummins
Trad climber
SF Bay area, CA
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I'm sorry to hear this, Sarah.
You gave it your best and got him that second chance.
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phylp
Trad climber
Upland, CA
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I am very sorry to hear this.
RIP, Tanner.
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kunlun_shan
Mountain climber
SF, CA
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Emily and Sarah,
I'm sad and so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Hopefully Tanner is in a better place and finally at peace. You all did your utmost, and I'm glad Tanner knew how much he is loved.
Wishing you, your family, and Tanner's friends the best,
Terry
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Late Starter
Social climber
South Dakota
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This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab, A sailboat, or some time zone
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So very sorry to learn of this.
You guys worked so hard but sometimes the ache is just to much.
You'll carry Tanner forward.
Susan
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Oct 5, 2016 - 01:31pm PT
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Please don't delete this thread, because this morning I was having a rough time and really missing him. I turned to the Super Taco!! You guys are all amazing and helped me get through a rough few minutes. If it's okay. If not I understand. This is just such an amazing group of people. ❤️ Damn I miss him.
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labrat
Trad climber
Erik O. Auburn, CA
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So very sorry to hear of your loss Sarah. The only people that could delete this topic would be you or the admin or owner of this site. I don't see any reason that they would do so. I believe your memories will be preserved on this site for many many years to come.
Erik
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John M
climber
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Hi Sarah, Its unlikely the admins will delete this thread, so the only way it will be closed is if you delete your first post. That causes the thread to be closed and no one can then post to it. It also deletes the title, so it won't show up unless you search for it.
If you want it to stay. Then it will. And if you want to keep posting to it, then by all means do. There are lots of us here with experience with this, and we want to help. Plus its a reminder to those going through a rough time what happens to those they leave behind. So please don't feel bad about sharing your loss. I believe firmly that its the exposure of these things, the loss, the pain, but also what those who are dealing with suicidal thoughts go through, that will help overcome what I see as almost an epidemic. People get embarrassed, and so for years, suicide was something people just didn't talk about. And many people suffered in silence.
I know that I rarely talked about what I was going through, for years and years. When I finally had a complete breakdown in my late 40s, both physical and mental, there were many people that I was friends with and who I worked with that had no idea that I even dealt with depression. Because it just wasn't okay to talk about, and I was embarrassed. In public I am usually a very upbeat person, but privately I was often dealing with tremendous demons. I shared the private side of my life with very few people. And even among the few I did share with, even fewer of those even understood just how difficult it was, for how could they, they hadn't experienced it. Or if they had experienced some level of depression, it was something they just got over as life moved on. So they believed that was how it was supposed to be for everyone.
Thankfully, today, its becoming easier to talk about depression and suicide. It still makes some people very uncomfortable, but many others are learning how to deal. Its still a terrible and difficult subject, but now people feel freer to talk and I believe that that is a good thing. So I encourage you to keep talking.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Bump
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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hey there say, sarah and emmyo4... oh my, i was ready to send another card, and i just stopped here, to make sure of the address, or email if i had to...
and... i saw this... :(
very very sorry for you loss...
yes, there are things deep inside others, that we will not fully understand...
but, he knew your all loved him, AND THAT is what matters...
love and prayers... and my condolences to your family and loved ones...
oh my, and his mom looked so very happy, :(
you all did, just having him starting to recover and be there, with
you as a family... oh my, hugs and prayers to you all...
god bless in some way, beyond us, that will help you
all through this...
just sent an email to sarah... as, i want to send you a note/and card...
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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your family's experience with Tanner's rocky road has made it easier for me to engage those around me about their mental/emotional needs and about mine. thank you for sharing your brother, his troubles, your family's difficult time with us. it helps other people, too.
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Emmy04
Boulder climber
Sheridan, WY
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Oct 10, 2016 - 07:17pm PT
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Hi everyone.
Thanks for all the messages and love and prayers. Was just missing our boy so desperately that I ended up back here. This thread still offers comfort in a time of need. Just a different kind of need. I so appreciate it.
Tanner's sister and I were looking at all of his gear hangin in his closet and what I really want to do is put it to use. But we're both new to this whole thing and not sure where to start. Any suggestions? I want to feel what he felt on the top of his climbs. And I want that for his sister, too. Any beginner's resource recommendations much appreciated.
Also, wanted to share his obituary with you in case anyone wanted to read it. Here's the link:
http://www.sheridanmedia.com/obituary/tanner-f-schoonmaker
Love to all,
Emily
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Oct 10, 2016 - 07:25pm PT
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man, I was all good until I hit the bit about Charlie and Tizzy. and the mutual protection of close siblings.
thanks for sharing the obit. you're not alone shedding tears on this.
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Clint Cummins
Trad climber
SF Bay area, CA
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Oct 10, 2016 - 10:17pm PT
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Thanks for sharing that, Emily.
For local beginning climbing resources, it would help to find someone who lives locally and would know. I'd try asking Allie Rainey:
http://allirainey.com/home/
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Jan 27, 2017 - 03:32pm PT
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Wow. It's funny how much this forum has done for me when I'm really missing mu not. It's crazy. His birthday would have been next month on the 12th, the first's are always the hardest. His sister is having a rough time, His parents too. As to be expected. I I just wanted to thank you all Again. This forum puts peace in my heart and soul. ❤🏞
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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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Feb 12, 2017 - 04:07pm PT
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Well Then !
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE FAMILY & TANNER, TOO
This thread? It was a reply to a call for help,
It was a prayer we all shared
We had hoped to make the sunshine as bright as we could
To bring to bare the heat and love of those out here
We care , it is still understood, Climbing has always been
Where Mis-fits could 'Fit' in.
We stood in and leaned in too
( wow that was cool that we got him out on the rocks again)
We are all still here for you and the Family
Have them post?, If we can we will
Help in any way that you think we can,
Sending light and love and prayers
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Feb 12, 2017 - 09:29pm PT
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hey there say, sara... oh my... hugs to you...
it just passed his birthday, here, in mich...
very sweet of you gnome, to post this for her, as to tanner...
sara, i still have an address, i am not sure if it is
still good???
i have something i am working on for you...
however, it won't be done until about
summer... you can still email me, here, and
send a new address, if needed...
may your memories not be so painful...
and may those last precious days, where he got well,
ever be your treasure, to OVERCOME that awful loss...
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 24, 2017 - 06:19pm PT
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Neebee, I am still at the same address. Thank you so much for thinking of our boy on his birthday. My mom made cupcakes and we hiked up the Tounge River Canyon where he loved to climb. We laughed, we cried, we sat in the beautiful sun and took it in. I miss him so damn much! I truly am so thankful for all of you here. Neebee the beautiful dream catcher you made him was at his funeral and still hangs beautifully above his bed. So very special! ❤️ I'm posting a few pics from his birthday. Much love and light to you all who have helped us get through some of the toughest days. [photoid=491351]
Gnome... thank you for your beautiful post!
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Feb 24, 2017 - 07:20pm PT
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Tanner is not forgotten. We remember.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Feb 24, 2017 - 10:18pm PT
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hey there say, sarah...
THANK YOU FOR THE wonderful!! though very very sad update...
say, i am doing something for you...
but it is taking time...
you are NOT forgotten... i have just been more busy lately, with
a friend that has a lot of pain...
i love hearing that the dreamcatcher was there...
i was so sad, as we all were, when we learned of tanner's death...
being sad, leads to trying to heal these wounds...
and of course, they can never be fully healed, as the loss
doesn't 'undo' ...
but, the pain can be turned into 'a cushion of bandages' as to
'gauzes of love' ...
you are all in my prayers, and I WILL GET BACK to you...
god bless and prayers, for you all, this eve...
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Feb 24, 2017 - 10:22pm PT
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hey there say, sarah... oh my, i just read the little story in the note, of the one picture...
:(
you got some extra tears, here, now, too...
thank you for sharing your love, and your heart...
prayers, again, for your pain, and that of your family...
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Feb 24, 2017 - 10:26pm PT
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Thanks for checking in. Time really does heal. I lost one of my best friends many years ago, way too soon. There is still a big hole in my heart, but the pain is mostly gone.
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Janice Schoonmaker
Boulder climber
Sheridan,WY./Riverton,WY.
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Mar 16, 2017 - 11:28pm PT
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I am grateful for all of you who supported my son, Tanner. My name is Janice and I am Tanner's mom. I am truly humbled by your outpouring of love and support. Tanner fought a hard battle with anxiety and depression. We spent many hours talking about it. We were extremely close and I'll never forget the day that he took me climbing. It was a beautiful summer evening and Tanner was waiting when I got off work. We drove up to tongue River Canyon and down that long dirt road And the entire time Tanner was telling me what we were going to do. At first, we tried to climb a boulder but I wasn't very good st belaying him because he told me how to do it in about 20 seconds. He didn't hit the ground though. I figured it out about a foot before he hit the ground. We both laughed and then he took me to the big wall. What most of you don't know, I'm very afraid of heights but tanner didn't care. He wanted me to experience the thrill that he got out of climbing. Up the wall we went. Tanner explaining to me step be step how to look for crevices to get a good handhold and foothold. He made me feel safe and confident. When we reached the top, I looked down at how small Tongue River had become and I began to cry. I was scared and I couldn't move. Tanner stopped everything and looked me in the eyes and said "it's going to be ok, mom,". He talked to me until I calmed down and we went back down safely. It was dark when we hit the trail and we talked all the way to the car. We made an incredible memory. He was proud that I was willing to try something new and I was proud of him for showing me. He kept me young. He made us laugh And his huge grin was contagious. I miss him. I miss him every minute of every day. He lived his life on his own terms. I read in one of his journals " I never turn around". The world is less bright without him in it. I will miss him for the rest of my life. He got a second chance. He was ready to really live in this world. He realized that he had a purpose and wanted to live. On the morning of October 2nd, after battling the flu, he died peacefully in his sleep. Rest In Peace buddy. You will live on forever in my heart. Youre not gone, you are out their climbing mountains looking for the next big adventure.
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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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Mar 17, 2017 - 03:58am PT
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Found it ! From a thread that, if you tap/click, on the picture, it will take you to that sad chapter
Janice,
Tanners Mom
thank you
and be held in his light.
Understand that there will always be a place for you guys here
if it is just to watch from the shadows,
that's fine too.
We are all a little bit like Tanner,
all of us, striving, fighting, and trying ,
You will see, that here we share our climbs.
& when we go all day, the tired moments come. . .
Those few times when a gust of wind out of no-where,
Suddenly rises or just as suddenly dies out. . . .
In those times when time hangs up. . .
we will take a moment & remember
There are 'many' to think of
Tanner will be one of those
Know that I (at least) will take Tanners memory
with me while I'm out doing what makes us.
Climbers...
Love and peace,
happy sunshine may now be tinged with sorrow
but stay'n in the light will help you smile.
Michael
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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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Real ness bump, in celebration and support of complete coverage health care & clean living
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Sarah Kindle
Boulder climber
Sheridan, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 25, 2017 - 09:48pm PT
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Hey My supertopo family!!! Was really missing my boy tonight, jumping on here didme such good! Hope you are all well! Love and light to you all!!
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micronut
Trad climber
Fresno/Clovis, ca
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Aug 25, 2017 - 10:19pm PT
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Sarah may you find comfort in the posts here who show caring and sincerity for you, even though we've never met. Its been an honor to connect to you and your story. May you rest on the promise of brighter days ahead, and that God promises his grace is "new every morning."
That comes from the book of Lamentations 2:23 and it is one of my favorites.
Smile and know that loved ones and strangers alike care for you tonight.
Scott
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Aug 25, 2017 - 10:27pm PT
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^^^Nice one, Dude!
May peace be yours, Sarah🙂
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Aug 26, 2017 - 04:52am PT
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Sarah, will think about you when we climb the tower today.
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| Messages 1 - 153 of total 153 in this topic |
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