Discussion Topic |
|
This thread has been locked |
| Messages 1 - 58 of total 58 in this topic |
G_Gnome
Boulder climber
Sick Midget Land
|
|
|
Topic Author's Original Post - Nov 1, 2006 - 12:33pm PT
|
You made a statement that they weren't made correctly and given your experience I thought it would be worth hearing why you think they aren't made well enough to trust.
Also if BD or Petzl cares to respond that would be great too.
Jan McCollum
|
|
WBraun
climber
|
|
Let's see?
I've been using Petzl harnesses since they first came out. I like them. BD I hate their stupid buckles, but petzl is starting to do stupid buckles now too.
I believe coz worked for BD at one time, so he knows some inside thing. I'd like to hear the story also, as to why they are no good.
Damn, what's good?
A steel cable swagged around my waist, might work?
|
|
G_Gnome
Boulder climber
Sick Midget Land
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Nov 1, 2006 - 12:47pm PT
|
Come on Werner, you know that tied 2" webbing is still good.
|
|
WBraun
climber
|
|
I know, even 1" will work.
|
|
curlie
Trad climber
SLO, CA
|
|
How are we ever gonna get Houser to wear a "real" harness, now? :)
Please don't tell me that I have to wear a harness plus a backup waist webbing loop plus a backup belay loop plus two opposing locking biners. There is such thing as too much complexity and overkill.
|
|
Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
|
|
Pretty soon harnesses and ropes and pro are going to be obsolete anyway.
Airbag technology man.
|
|
Hummerchine
Trad climber
East Wenatchee, WA
|
|
Werner:
I also have used Petzl harnesses for many years, and love them. I especially like the buckle that you never need to unbuckle, since this eliminates the possibility of forgetting to buckle it. You referenced Petzl now usind a stupid buckle too; what are you referring to? Thanks!
|
|
RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
|
|
PitonRon wrote:
"Pretty soon harnesses and ropes and pro are going to be obsolete anyway.
Airbag technology man. "
Dammit - I'm sick of people stealing my ideas. The self-inflating belay suit is MINE! (Think Micheline Tire Man) The only thing I couldn't get working was the triggering mechanism. The anal probe trigger caused too many inadvertent inflations and made used suits worthless (hell I set it off once thinking about my taxes) The rear-facing optical sensor interfered with the eyeball in my a*# that tells me how far I'm about to fall. Where have you seen this working?? Whoever has this "airbag technology" on the markiet is about to get lawyered.
RRK
|
|
G_Gnome
Boulder climber
Sick Midget Land
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Nov 1, 2006 - 01:44pm PT
|
I was thinking the suit needed to be voice activated when you say 'Oh sh!t!'. Preferably this would be user selectable for those people that swear a lot while climbing. Cause personally, while that phrase would work for me, saying 'f#ck' wouldn't because I say it while climbing. But then I got to thinking about it and realized that I am not sure I would have time to get an 'oh sh!t' out before I hit the ground most of the time I fall off things.
Maybe we need an accelerometer to kick it off. Where's Juan when we need him?
|
|
JuanDeFuca
Big Wall climber
Stoney Point
|
|
I just found a melted spot on my Petzel Jump belay loop!
JDF
|
|
Hummerchine
Trad climber
East Wenatchee, WA
|
|
Petzl discontinued the Jump many years ago, I'd guess at least 10. Get rid of it!
|
|
maculated
Trad climber
San Luis Obispo, CA
|
|
" I was thinking the suit needed to be voice activated when you say 'Oh sh!t!'."
I can think of so many excellent times to deploy said suit. My sumo wrestling skills would increase ten-fold.
I say we make it happen.
|
|
Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
|
|
One of the lesser known cousins, Zeppo Lowe, is already testing prototypes.
|
|
Jello
Social climber
No Ut
|
|
I'm sorry to report that Zeppo has gone down in a ball of flame. To test the new "Michelin" rig, which was designed to be inflated by lighter-than-air helium gas to twenty times the volume of the wearer, he was making an onsite free solo of the Muir wall. The idea was that not only would the impact be cushioned, but the climber would sort of float slowly to the ground. We couldn't get any helium for this test, however, so we substituted hydrogen.
Nearing the top of the headwall, Zeppo was cranking a one-arm pull up from a single first-knuckle pinky jam, when his little finger ripped off, sending him for a 3,000' flight. Immediately, Zeppo's new fallsuit began to inflate, easing his mind about the consequences of his overexuberant yarding. With time on his hands, Zeppo decided to have a smoke on the way down. Whipping out his trusty zippo with one bleeding hand, and putting a cigarette to his lips with the other, Zeppo flicked his zippo and took a puff. There was an immediate flash, and Zeppo crashed at the base in a ball of flames like a mini Hindenberg.
Not to worry - there's plenty more Lowe's where he came from.
|
|
G_Gnome
Boulder climber
Sick Midget Land
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Nov 1, 2006 - 05:11pm PT
|
Too fuuny. I am hoping your next relative skewers the top of a 200' tree puncturing his perfectly working puff suit and having survived 2800' he still plunges 200' and dies.
|
|
Jaybro
Social climber
The West
|
|
Zeppo was always my favorite Lowe™
oh well...
|
|
couchmaster
climber
|
|
Great stuff up there, can us lazy armchair quarterbacks now assume that Harpo Lowe™ is up next for the Richard Branson-like attempt on 1/2 Dome ! ??
Regards
Bill
|
|
Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
|
|
Zeppo's zippo will be mounted and auctioned at the next AAC meeting.
|
|
RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
|
|
OK - at the risk of yet another idea stolen away I think that we should incorporate another of my inventions into the triggering mechanism. Long ago I decided that Windstopper underwear was my ticket to the bigtime, but for some reason nobody else though that it was a good idea. What if we could tap-off the underwear and somehow use it to inflate the belay suit? No need for helium, hydrogen or expensive CO2 cartridges. Just scarf down a couple of cans of RRK's special 5.13 beans and you've got gas for several drops. You could even tap off for a stove and lantern if you have to bivy. Maybe we should just do away with the belay suit entirely and use some sort of jet-nozzle for lift (visualize the Lunar Module if you older that 30). Cha-Ching? Anybody want to go in on this project?
RRK (Rich-Rich-Kenny?)
|
|
Mimi
climber
|
|
Aaahh...no.
You ever go to those NASCAR races at Talladega? Isn't it one of the fastest tracks besides Atlanta?
|
|
RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
|
|
Mimi wrote:
"Aaahh...no.
You ever go to those NASCAR races at Talladega? Isn't it one of the fastest tracks besides Atlanta? "
I try to stay away. I can get drunk, sunburned, sick and in a fight at home for free. However my dobro student does loss adjustment for Nascar and somehow got me behind the wheel to do a 7-lap spin in one of their hotrods which was way-cool. Only had it at about 170 but was plenty fast for me. A bit scary since I just got in and drove without the benefit of the school that was going on plus a guy had been killed doing about the same thing a few weeks earlier when he hit the wall. I would probably do it again even if I had to pay.
Now back to the belay suit...
|
|
Holdplease2
Big Wall climber
Yosemite area
|
|
RRK wrote: I would probably do it again even if I had to pay.
I think the more experiences we have in our lives like this, the better.
Of course, I hear that all the time.
;)
-Kate.
|
|
Jello
Social climber
No Ut
|
|
Gnome- Sorry to say, but we bagged the blimpy blown up suit idea after Zeppo's zippy demise. However, we did decide to "appropriate" RRK's brilliant idea, hoping to make a mint...well, actually to tap into the special energy of farts to good effect.
After much laboratory testing, we decided to simply shove a length of plastic tubing up our test-pilots' #ss. Cousin Harpo, who had volunteered for this test had long ago at family gatherings expressed his interest in alien abduction , so we decided he might be the one most accepting of this particular probe.
To the exterior orifice of this length of tubing, we attached a three-prong adaptor, and attached to each nipple of the adaptor was another length of plastic tubing. To the first tube was appended a small, hand-held jet engine, which could be sparked into service at the flick of a piezo-electric switch. This jet-nozzle was mounted in quick-release fashion to Harpo's climbing harness, ready to be utilized in mid-air and pointed at the ground to ameliorate the usual effects of attempting to fly without a parachute.
The middle tube was attached to a catalytic heater, which was configured as a bat-wing type arrangement suspended by a wire framework from Harpo's shoulders, not unlike the fairy wings worn by little girls.
Another wire framework was rigged off Harpo's neck, somewhat like Dylan's harmonica holder, from which the stove was hung within easy reach of Harpo's thirsty or hungry lips. The third and final conduit was designed to feed gas to the eternal flame of a gas burner, which was intended to keep the hanging pot set always at the ready with a slurry of bean soup, which was the key element of the whole shebang.
As a real test of this landmark invention, we sent Harpo off to do the first winter solo free ascent of the NW Face of Halfdome. I should also mention he was naked, except for the apparatus previously described, in anticipation of additional marketing opportunities should the test prove successful.
Somewhere in the zig-zag cracks, Harpo was laybacking like a maniac in the midst of a blizzard. Although the wall was totally coated in verglass, he was feeling in complete control of the situtation, as the super-efficient heater-wings he was wearing were immediately melting the ice in front of him, leaving the rock dry and comfortable for a nude ascent.
Pausing for flatulence inducing refreshment just before a crux move, Harpo dipped his head down for a sip of legume soup. Finding the pot nearly empty, he attempted to flick the edge of the pot with his pre-hensile tongue, intending to slosh a bit of the tasty slop into his mouth. But he over did it, and flipped the pot right out of it's holder, exposing his hairy chest to the bare flame of the burner. Harpo's upper anterior torso immediately burst into flame.
Letting go of the rock and slapping like a flaming tarzan with both hands at his chest, Harpo started the big ride. Quickly recognizing his mistake, in mid-air Harpo yanked too hard at the jet-nozzle on his harness, cleanly separating it from its' gas supply tube, the end of which continued to emit a constant stream of methane, and which immediately ignited as the tube flipped by the stove burner. Harpo continued his falling arc, slapping and cursing the entire time. I'm sorry to say that dear Harpo now lies extinguished face down in the ditch of Tenaya Canyon.
Not to worry, though, there are plenty of Lowes where Harpo came from.
|
|
G_Gnome
Boulder climber
Sick Midget Land
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Nov 1, 2006 - 11:34pm PT
|
Oh hell Mr. Lowe, that one had me just about upside down and hanging from my proverbial bat wings. Too bad I had Mexican for lunch cause it blew me back upright and into a position to post a reply that could never possibly be appropriate to the poor way in which you continue to sacrifice your relatives. Had I any left, I would donate one to the cause. Alas, unwilling to risk the big plunge myself I can only sit here in awe at the continuing committment to the mountaineering spirit that your and your kind present to the outside world. For we are truely outside your kind. I mean, who the f#ck would continue to donate family members to an endeavor that is so obviously flawed from the outset. Let alone subjecting them to a diet of beans.
|
|
RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
|
|
Sad tale - sorry for your loss. Finally - my brilliance is recognized. There appears to be one serious design flaw in the system (besides the Lowe family's penchance for flaming-out). We need some sort of storage for the gas. With the tap attached directly to your a$$, a fall will immediately shut off the gas supply and likely crush the supply tube beyond repair.
Also a vectoring system on the nozzle would be useful to "blow- past" some of those pesky blank spots we often run into while climbing. Would this be considered aid and if so would we need some type "fart-rating" system to indicate the relative thrust required? Better than "French Free" (Bama-free??)Also need to work on a system to prevent the flame from back-feeding into the supply and creating the "halloween-pumpkin" effect. (Armageddon!!) Otherwise let's get an uncharred prototype out there and find some sucker - 'err dirtbag-in-need-of-a-sponsor to pin it on (Unless HiLowe is back from rehab and in need of work) This will be on the cover of Climbing for sure (and some others as well) I'm headed out to get a down payment on my Yacht.
[The Brilliant] RRK
PS. Took a break and had a cup. Inspiration!!! Drill!! Tap the drill to your a$$!! Gas power is so retro. No more hundred-pound batteries. You'll still need a drill - even with the jet prop system - if only to attach you penthouse to the wall for the night. Plus the thing'll smell so bad you can just lay it around anywhere and nobody'll take it. (I'm thinking about applying to BD or Trango for a job in product design.) This is making my head hurt. Wait -- I've got another one. "The pig floats"!! (that's what they say about me at the pool) No more hauling that thing around. Eureka. I think my wife switched coffee on me.
|
|
Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
|
|
stich, WTF?
I want to hear more about the lesser known Lowes.
Wasn't there a caver named Trog Lowe?
|
|
curlie
Trad climber
SLO, CA
|
|
You know, for some bizarre reason (stemming from complete ignorance), I had the idea that the accomplished Lowes must be a bunch of stodgy Robbins-esque alpinists. I am so glad that I was so wrong!
Damn, Jello, your stories are killing me! :)
|
|
Jello
Social climber
No Ut
|
|
Not half as much as they're killing us Lowe's, Curlie. I can sense another tragedy on its' way: My half-brother, Trog Lowe-Dyte, is about to be sent on an exciting product testing mission. I'll report the results soon, but first I must switch into stodgy mode and get some work done.
|
|
RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
|
|
Jello wrote:
"My half-brother, Trog Lowe-Dyte"
I thought Trog Lowe-Dyke was a big ugly woman with huge arms. Must not be the same person. Are you related to that oriental guy Wan Hung Lowe? He's got a serious problem too.
RRK
I too have to "get serious" but it been a good morning.
|
|
marty(r)
climber
beneath the valley of ultravegans
|
|
"Also a vectoring system on the nozzle would be useful to 'blow- past' some of those pesky blank spots we often run into while climbing."
So would that be the Lowe-Blow, trademark pending? Or is that something else entirely?
|
|
wbw
climber
'cross the great divide
|
|
Not to hijack this thread . . . . but,
twenty years ago our mantra in the Tetons was, "Those Lowes! They must be stopped!"
Does anyone think they will be?
|
|
BrentA
Gym climber
Las Vizzle, on the rizzle
|
|
That survival ball thing is such a sad commentary (sp). They probably have a 300 million dollar contract for the proto too. This country has gone to shiite quick...
|
|
Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
|
|
wbw,
two words; dangerous prototypes
(Its part of the natural system of checks and balances.)
|
|
wbw
climber
'cross the great divide
|
|
Piton Ron,
If I understand your two words, "dangerous prototypes", I would have thought that Tricams would have done the trick. But the darn things actually work, (assuming one is strong enough to hang on and place them.)
whowouldathought???
|
|
Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
|
|
Actually Bob Dodds and I were among the test pilots for prototype tricams in 9/75.
No, I was thinking more along the lines of the combination portaledge/hanglider that Orville Lowe was last seen attempting to master.
|
|
dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
|
|
Oh man, I semi-apologise for ever sending the infamous RRK to this site, but you do have to admit he is extremely funny, and it seems he has found his long lost half-brother in comedy, jello.
I shudder to think what might happen if these two get together in person.
I can attest to being laughed off certain climbs by RRK.
A few examples of his work:
Once in an attempt to reach up to a placement right off the ground on some tedious move, RRK was giving me a boost.
I said, "watch your hand on my A$$."
Without missing a beat he replies, "That's not my hand"
Another famous RRK line, but first the set up:
RRK is the world's lousiest cam placer. He does not understand the idea of the cam, preferring instead to use such devices as the Forrest Titon (which I have been meaning to leave behind on some evil multi-pitch climb and only tell him well after the fact, in the interest of preserving his life and my sanity).
So anyway, RRK leads this stupid climb, thankfully well within his limit, because his cams are rattling around in the back of the crack, and in a fall would have served no purpose other than to make a little noise as they hit RRK in the head after he was lying on the ground.
I firmly apprised him of his sh!tty cam skills, to which he immediately replied, " You just don't understand rattly gear."
The belay suit is just one of his many incredible climbing devices.
IF you meet RRK, ask him about the Smiley Cam.
Ask him about falling at Little River Canyon and breaking (in his own words) "Everything that flaps on the way down."
Warning: If you are allergic to laughter, an RRK encounter could be fatal.
|
|
healyje
Trad climber
Portland, Oregon
|
|
I seem to recall meeting one Lowe or another (or was it a couple of them) along with a Phil and a very cute Deb at the base of the Bastille back in '75 or so and I don't recall him / them being Robbinesque at all, just quite pleasant and relatively normal folk...
|
|
Jello
Social climber
No Ut
|
|
Healjye- I resemble that comment...
The Trog report, soon...
|
|
RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
|
|
Jello wrote:
"The Trog report, soon..."
Hey man - don't send him to the boonies till I get you a couple of these Stealth-rubber condoms to test. If you like them I'll license them to you. I thought Wan Hung Lowe would be the better guy to test these (did he invent the Lowe Ball or was he just born with it?) but if Trog's going out then that's cool too. Be sure to tell him not to use them for sex unless he likes black smoke, high-pitched screams and the smell of burning rubber. Also don't set the placements with a hammer (a 'la bashies, copperheads, etc) and don't bounce-test. If either of these events occur you will need someone close by with a Rescue Rifle. Otherwise they're the coolest thing since RPs. What size should I send?
have a good weekend
RRK
|
|
Jello
Social climber
No Ut
|
|
RRK- I think in the spirit of efficiency, we're going to send out all four of the currently active Lowe-Life crew, and test several designs/concepts at once. Wan Hung Lowe's name is actually One Hung Lowe, a moniker reflective of the fact that he was born with testicles so large, that there is room for only one in the sac, the other is lodged up near his heart. He will, in fact, be the designated condom driver on the expedition. Please send 12 dozen in size extra large.
-JelloMan
Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
Lowe Elfin Systems, LIC*
*a Limited Intelligence Company
|
|
Blowboarder
Boulder climber
Back in the mix
|
|
You're too funny to be from Utah.
The gig is up....
|
|
Jello
Social climber
No Ut
|
|
Earlier (somewhere on this thread or some other thread, I don't remember), Piton Ron credited me with the invention of the number 4. Although the number 4 has its' place in the firmament of mathematical reality, I have to say it falls short of my actual invention, which is zero. No, not just the placeholder that most people imagine it to be, the 0 of my conceptualization is an actual number without equal in its' impact. If anyone is interested in this, they might want to pick up a copy of my book (written under the nom-de-plume Charles Seife), ZERO: The Biography of a Dangerous Idea.
|
|
WBraun
climber
|
|
Yes, I know it's a joke Jello this, ZERO.
But zero is nihilistic.
On the absolute platform 0+1=1 1+2=1 2+2=1 and so on .....
Everything equals one (1) on the absolute platform.
What does the materialist and the duelist say?
|
|
Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
|
|
note to self;
don't let Werner hold the money
|
|
WBraun
climber
|
|
Hahaha Thanks for that one Ron .......
|
|
dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
|
|
The semi-mathematician says bullsh!t to your sequence of sums.
|
|
Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
|
|
Werner is taking this quite seriesly.
|
|
Jaybro
Social climber
The West
|
|
Yeah but as long as Groucho and Karl are still on the job it will work out.
|
|
dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
|
|
Setting every sum equal to one is totally arbitrary and useless.
The inherent stupidity is obvious when you claim 0 + 0 = 1, and 0 + 1 = 1
This crap was dealt with over 100 years ago very nicely.
See some of the work involving infinite series and sequences.
|
|
RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
|
|
How much is that in doggy-years? Does this mean that I have to balance my checkbook? Lighten up Dirt - this is math that I can both grasp and use - if I'm going to fight over a number it'll be 36D.
Jello - the xtra large SRC is only useful as a bivy shelter or pack cover. Size em like climbing shoes - use one size smaller than your regular condom (my sleep-number is 1) and remove them frequently to restore circulation and get rid of tha nasty blue color.
RRK
|
|
Crimpergirl
Social climber
St. Louis
|
|
0+0 does equal 1 in my checkbook. ;)
|
|
RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
|
|
misery loves company - good to know that I'm not the only 1 working today. (Hey I'm good at this) If WB can turn this 1 to a 0 then I'm out the door (temps in the 60's & sunny - OWWW) Don't know how much longer I can hold out
|
|
dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
|
|
RRK, I've found all numbers in the sequence 32A to 36D to be worthwhile.
As for lightening up, I'm trying, but it's hard to lose weight when your climbing partners prefer to sit on their butts and earn a living.
|
|
Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
|
|
Wasn't it Groucho Lowe that said, "If I'd known I was going to live this long I'd have taken better care of myself." right before he died testing a cigar/oxygen unit?
|
|
RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
|
|
Dirt wrote:
"I've found all numbers in the sequence 32A to 36D to be worthwhile."
Without any actual experimental proof I believe that 36D is the maximum number that I can grasp. Numbers above that value cause my eyes to glaze over and I begin to blubber incoherently in some strange language (this is either an example of speaking-in-tongues or steppin-on-tongues). Also there seems to be some inverse relationship between the size of the number and the amount of money in my pocket. Someone should investigate this phenomenon immediately. Unless I go back to work there will be no money in my pocket for any sort of test. Signing off:
RRK (#0)
|
|
Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
|
|
|
May 31, 2007 - 08:29pm PT
|
I do believe that RRK's attempts to grasp numeric value have been pursued in a commerce friendly, indeed duty-free, environment.
|
|
Aya K
Trad climber
New York
|
|
To get back to the OP - I finally got to use my new Petzl harness (one of the new focus ones with the frame construction yadda yadda) and while I didn't get all sweaty, it pinched me uncomfortably in places I'd rather it didn't! Oh well. Sorry to hijack the hijack.
|
|
| Messages 1 - 58 of total 58 in this topic |
|
SuperTopo on the Web
|
Let us know!