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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Original Post - Jul 28, 2014 - 08:55pm PT
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in a pure physiological sense,
excrement is the culmination of ingestion;
the last expression of a meal.
now the asse serves as a passage for our expired substance.
thus we are enticed onward in this disaster.
and as we search for new stomach content,
life gets in the way
and we climb mountains,
and shite.
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Big Mike
Trad climber
BC
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Jul 28, 2014 - 08:57pm PT
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It's that thing i fell on... Really F*#k!ng hard!! ;)
Hope you are well Chuck!!
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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Jul 28, 2014 - 08:59pm PT
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It's that thing I fell for.
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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Jul 28, 2014 - 09:00pm PT
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if you really think hard about it 'Wege, our body plan has the surface of a donut (a torus)... where our GI system is just the "hole" and everything inside us is the donut... that stuff in the hole is never really inside us.
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couchmaster
climber
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Jul 28, 2014 - 09:01pm PT
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I thought this thread was going to be a comment about the dudes posting on Dr. F's republican thread.
Whew:
Well, how about this iconic message to add to the discourse:
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climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
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Jul 28, 2014 - 09:03pm PT
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I'm pretty sure it's people who start new political threads.
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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Jul 28, 2014 - 09:04pm PT
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It takes one to know one.
Not necessarily.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 28, 2014 - 09:08pm PT
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ed your anti-substance-relativity incident
is viable.
recently i was lying on the side of a dark
street in strawberry,
cleaning up after a bender,
draped across my mountain bike
which i'd crashed into the
roadside thicket
and i was vomiting grapes
and pabst
and then i felt the stomach
contents achieving their summit
so i somehow lowered my drawers
and shite right there.
later i came to,
freezing and shivering
somewhat sobered up
enough to ride home
and as i climbed out
of my stump i braced
against my own shite
and it was on my backpack
and arm and shirt
and i just rode home,
throwing my whole
life into a bear-proof
dumbster that i happened
to past and, uh,
man i would hate
for a bear to get ahold
of my story and
try it on,
it won't fit.
that's asse.
right there.
stepping up to
it's dirty duties
despite gross neglect.
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StahlBro
Trad climber
San Diego, CA
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Jul 28, 2014 - 09:19pm PT
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What you are describing is shite, not ass. Ass has no control over the shite that passes through it. You need to look farther up stream.
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mcreel
climber
Barcelona
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Jul 28, 2014 - 10:25pm PT
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...that stuff in the hole is never really inside us.
And the "you are what you eat" theory is blown out of the water.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 29, 2014 - 04:13am PT
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it is what i make of myself.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jul 29, 2014 - 04:24am PT
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do it fecan matter?
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zBrown
Ice climber
Brujò de la Playa
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Jul 29, 2014 - 06:35am PT
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I really don't know, but you can download open source free software that may help your anal-ass-sys.
Instead of your brain, just plug the electrodes, cameras, etc. into your ass.
Understanding brain function requires monitoring and interpreting the activity of large networks of neurons during behavior. Advances in recording technology are greatly increasing the size and complexity of neural data. Analyzing such data will pose a fundamental bottleneck for neuroscience. We present a library of analytical tools called Thunder built on the open-source Apache Spark platform for large-scale distributed computing. The library implements a variety of univariate and multivariate analyses with a modular, extendable structure well-suited to interactive exploration and analysis development. We demonstrate how these analyses find structure in large-scale neural data, including whole-brain light-sheet imaging data from fictively behaving larval zebrafish, and two-photon imaging data from behaving mouse. The analyses relate neuronal responses to sensory input and behavior, run in minutes or less and can be used on a private cluster or in the cloud. Our open-source framework thus holds promise for turning brain activity mapping efforts into biological insights.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Jul 29, 2014 - 06:54am PT
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Some thing to fall on, off of or for. Something to kick, or be bad. But not anything to send to college, because as my father always said "nobody likes a smart ass!"
And what Ed said; in medical circles the Gi tract and its contents lie outside the body. We are indeed bagels, or west of Rochester, "bread with holes". Probably why we like to loaf so much.
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Gilroy
Social climber
Bolderado
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Jul 29, 2014 - 07:10am PT
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Dr. Hartouni's image of the bolus through the torus works well.
My first response to the OP's scatalogical question concerned the aroma left in the tent air after your partner lifted his legs into his sleeping bag. A Cartman voice rings in my head, "I smell ass."
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skcreidc
Social climber
SD, CA
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Jul 29, 2014 - 07:37am PT
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It's the thing that comes before U and me.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jul 29, 2014 - 07:48am PT
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The Great Sandbox Ass Debate welcomes further comment.
Brought to you exclusively by Vermin Toilet Products.
'Please don't squeeze the vermin.'
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kaholatingtong
Trad climber
Nevada City
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Jul 29, 2014 - 08:02am PT
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The gluteus maximus (also known as glutæus maximus or, collectively with the gluteus medius and minimus, the glutes) is the largest and most superficial of the three gluteal muscles. It makes up a large portion of the shape and appearance of the hips.
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pyro
Big Wall climber
Calabasas
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Jul 29, 2014 - 08:02am PT
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The Larry
climber
Moab, UT
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Jul 29, 2014 - 07:27pm PT
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Charlie D.
Trad climber
Western Slope, Tahoe Sierra
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Jul 29, 2014 - 08:39pm PT
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Oh my, let me demonstrate two of the meanings of "ass".....as a man which BTW is a full time job ass is what we adore but much to our dismay at times it is owned by a bitch. When we joke about such things we are simply called an ass.....which I have no doubt is true, just ask my wife.
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Peter Haan
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, CA
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Jul 29, 2014 - 10:14pm PT
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I have always thought that the ass is the second face.
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Wayno
Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
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Jul 29, 2014 - 11:51pm PT
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because as my father always said "nobody likes a smart ass!"
Oh yeah, well my mother told me, "If you're gonna be an ass, you might as well be a smart ass."
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jul 30, 2014 - 04:20am PT
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Have we gained by this assortment of assumption, assent and dissent?
Have we assembled enough astute commentary to assess whether we need assistance in assuaging those assessors of assurgent assemblies like ours?
Or have we merely been assoiled of charges of assault with assegais?
I'm assigning the win to The Larry: not too big, not too small, just the right assize!
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anita514
Gym climber
Great White North
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Jul 30, 2014 - 05:58am PT
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Ass... The other white meat.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jul 30, 2014 - 07:15am PT
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MUCH DOO-DOO ABOUT NOTHING
Conrade: You are an ass, you are an ass.
Dogberry: Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass. But masters, remember that I am an ass: though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass.
[Click to View YouTube Video]
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Karen
Trad climber
So Cal urban sprawl Hell
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Jul 30, 2014 - 08:39am PT
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"Ass" is my roommate a total biotch!
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KabalaArch
Trad climber
Starlite, California
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Jul 30, 2014 - 09:07am PT
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I think Milktoast's "Oslo Winterpark" avert gets this Thread's Blue Ribbon.
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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Jul 30, 2014 - 09:42am PT
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...that stuff in the hole is never really inside us.
And the "you are what you eat" theory is blown out of the water.
Actually, the donut does grab some stuff passing through the hole and internalize it, so we're left with "you are less than what you eat."
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 31, 2014 - 02:34am PT
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i am sorry about the ass thread.
it was a playful slap on the backside of that sexy 'mind' thread
that is like 10,000 strands strong.
i am sorry for this shite show on words,
i suspect that those whom replied
did so out of caring and concern:
a slight gesture of sympathy
aimed gently at their worn and weary friend.
i've been down and out, of late.
not the kind of down and out
where my house burned down;
or my wife got breast cancer;
or one of my children parted with wellness;
not that kind of deep struggle,
no mine is silly and shallow
and quite self-imposed,
but hey i'm pretty wrecked,
and out of habit and desperation,
i turn to words for self repair.
but words are what done broke me up
in the first place.
one-too-many-times did i tell
my beloved gal to f*#k off,
and other such unspeakables.
words are not necessarily inferior to action.
potent words, at least,
harbor great potential
for effect. lasting effect.
i've been livin in my little cabin out back,
cranking out design drawings when i'm
not falling trees.
but this little place, the one
that got killed by an old heritage oak,
is under some spell.
it's quaint, and i sleep below
a 4x8 sheet of dual-pane glass
that peeks out at that great big
sky and into the little world below it;
but for the past three nights,
i've been unable to rest, despite
thorough exhaustion.
(two days ago i removed one
of my more difficult trees:
150' tall long-dead white fir
that was surrounded by
wires and cabins on all but
10 degrees of it's view
and was perched on a steep,
granite infested incline
directly above a cabin. i hadda
climb to the very crown
of this structurally marginal
tree, lob the top over
wires because of a gross lean
and then bring the sucka down
in chunks into a target no bigger
than 3' square with the
dire consequences (i.e. chunk of
heavy tree rocketing through
the wall of a cabin)
for missing my target...)
yes, thorough exhaustion is mine,
coupled with some substantial sorrow.
but this cabin in which i am sleeping
houses a trapped spirit.
after three nights, i am certain.
i don't know if i am that
trapped spirit, or if the spirit
arrived of that old oak tree.
but we've been tangling.
and other wiley local incidents
like a bat getting into our house
which sits just uphill of the cabin;
and fluttering last night about the soft
cheeks and nose and closed eye-lids
of my wife who is mourning the loss
of her once valiant but now defunct guy.
that bat came to carry off our dead love.
this place is like an above ground
grave yard, the inhabitants:
left over from a once-thriving
middle class family now
sleeping on the coffins of yesterday.
so the ass thread was borne of
this struggle and i admit
it clearly suggests of my ailing nature.
i am now in the third night of
near-no sleep. i got some solo
trees to top today, and then
i run to my engineer, for i have
prepared a stamp-able package
of info that will enable us to
permit our second floor,
which ultimately will add 100 grand
in equity to our home.
yea i'm still working on getting my
stamp but i'll wait until i'm retired
and own my home outright and my
chill'ns are raised up proper
and then i'll finish my round of tests
and i've already got the gobs of
qualification experience, hell-be-damned.
we are selling everything:
the home and cabin in strawberry.
i've toiled both structures
up from the ashes and thus
we owe very little on them
compared to their current value.
once we pay off our debts,
we'll move move down separate paths.
i expect (not hope) to have a 60-80 percent
down payment on my next dwelling
which will be under 1000 square feet
and at or above 4000' elevation.
thus i'll only throw a few hundred bucks a month
to shelter, and then get busy
building back up my word castle.
because the words
they are my real defense
against
the incessant blessings of life.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 31, 2014 - 02:56am PT
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i'm starting a new socio-economic class:
the simple class.
join me.
in this cultural sect
you work your asse off
and you play your ass off,
either banjo or
self propelled mountain travel
to hell.
but our lifestyle
is our only expression of excess.
and then one corner (me) of
this massive capitalistic country
just broke off.
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pyro
Big Wall climber
Calabasas
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Jul 31, 2014 - 05:57am PT
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everything will be okay!
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jul 31, 2014 - 05:59am PT
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butt who knows?
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Ricky D
Trad climber
Sierra Westside
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Mar 28, 2015 - 08:34pm PT
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Ass at it's most elemental is that round fleshy protrusion that keeps one from falling through the toilet seat.
Ass as it pertains to Rosy Butted Gibbons and fans of Kim Kardashian acts as a perverse sexual attraction along the same lines of paying 25 cents to see JoJo the Dog Faced boy at some 1920's sideshow.
Ass in social settings helps to alert your friends and co-workers to beware that annoying person.
Ass can also be used to describe a niggling pissant who somehow managed to get both an Internet connection and a keyboard and sincerely believes that the rest of us gives an ass about their opinions.
Ass can be fun and effective especially in the Corporate world when confronted by a well-intentioned but astoundingly mistaken newly minted MBA HR Twit. In such a case, being an ass by asking pointed questions is not only informative for your fellow workers but gives one a mild woody if done correctly.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Mar 28, 2015 - 08:59pm PT
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If you ask me, this thread is asinine :)
I hear lately women are getting ass implants now days just like the breast implants became popular years ago. Go figure................
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Todd Gordon
Trad climber
Joshua Tree, Cal
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Mar 28, 2015 - 09:04pm PT
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zBrown
Ice climber
Brujò de la Playa
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Mar 28, 2015 - 09:09pm PT
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Ass is Ass. However, if you didn't or still don't know, then if you click to enlarge the photo above you'll have a good idea of what you are looking for.
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Mar 28, 2015 - 10:04pm PT
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Ha Ha Haaa
Ur last few have been awesome Bushy!
actually they all have
edit; butt, butt, what happened?
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MisterE
Gym climber
Bishop, CA
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Mar 28, 2015 - 10:12pm PT
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When I was a wiseacre
in my younger years, certainly not
anymore
Grandpa would say
"Don't be a smart-ass"
My standard retort
"OK Grandpa,
I will stay a dumb-ass."
did not grant me good graces.
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Todd Gordon
Trad climber
Joshua Tree, Cal
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Mar 29, 2015 - 12:41am PT
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Ba-bam....
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Bushman
Social climber
Elk Grove, California
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Mar 29, 2015 - 01:24am PT
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Wife doesn't like my jack of ass poem
Seriously need more rest
I'm so behind
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zBrown
Ice climber
Brujò de la Playa
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Mar 29, 2015 - 07:49am PT
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harnass is harnass, eh?
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Oplopanax
Mountain climber
The Deep Woods
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Mar 31, 2015 - 12:13pm PT
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If you can free your ass, I have heard that your mind will follow.
That is good, because otherwise you would have to rap down your ass and clean the gear yourself.
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zBrown
Ice climber
Brujò de la Playa
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Mar 31, 2015 - 12:31pm PT
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Mar 31, 2015 - 01:47pm PT
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"the incessant blessings of life"--norwegend
Asses to asses
Dust to dust
This thread's resurrected
We've cleaned off the rust
Lynne,
Aa in Nine, the movie, an ass in time saves nine.--just ass Guido
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Mar 31, 2015 - 03:44pm PT
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Lol, Mouse, you do have a ways with ass embling words and putting them into thoughts........:)
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Vegasclimber
Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV.
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Mar 31, 2015 - 04:16pm PT
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Flip, I don't know who that is but seeing something like that would probably result in me walking straight into the El Cap Oak...just sayin. Yowza.
Good thread - Marmot Approved!™
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yanqui
climber
Balcarce, Argentina
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Mar 31, 2015 - 04:26pm PT
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Which one is the ass?
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TWP
Trad climber
Mancos, CO & Bend, OR
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Mar 31, 2015 - 05:32pm PT
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Segueing from Donini's opening post, with the lament, "It's that thing I fell for" (too true for me too).
And to help the scientifically minded Moosedrool by quantifying the problem, I offer this reflection during my morning shower. (I think it was prompted by a news report that 50% of American men will get cancer during their lifetime; I don't believe this, but I heard it.)
Assuming I ever faced a prostate cancer diagnosis and was offered these treatment options, what would I do?
1. Option 1
Cure success rate = 100%
Probability of side affect of loss of sexual function = 100%
2. Option 2
Cure success rate = 75% or more
Probability of side affect of loss of sexual function = 50% or less
3. Option 3
Cure success rate = 50% or less
Probability of side affect of loss of sexual function = Zero%
What options would you prefer?
I'd take option 3.
What would Moose do?
Norwegian?
Donini?
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zBrown
Ice climber
Brujò de la Playa
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Mar 31, 2015 - 06:35pm PT
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It seems that enough time has been wasted on defining ass, how about some effort on how to get some, or at least a piece.
Be careful here, in California you face being shot (or worse - I think there was a thread on this somewhere) if you "end up" with the wrong type.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Mar 31, 2015 - 07:52pm PT
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My middle name. . .
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TWP
Trad climber
Mancos, CO & Bend, OR
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Mar 31, 2015 - 09:18pm PT
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Moose:
You don't "need more information." It's either option 1, option 2 or option 3! Show us where you stand on the ass/balls issue.
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thebravecowboy
climber
Greyrock, CO
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Mar 31, 2015 - 09:28pm PT
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Ass is as ass does, Mama always told me.
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ß Î Ø T Ç H
Boulder climber
extraordinaire
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Mar 31, 2015 - 09:48pm PT
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thebravecowboy
climber
Lost Park
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ass is booty, it is jackasses, it is basically the free-wheelin' side of life.
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