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The Larry
climber
Moab, UT
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Oct 30, 2013 - 06:40pm PT
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Run Burchy run!!!
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anita514
Gym climber
Great White North
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Oct 30, 2013 - 06:48pm PT
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awwwwww
this is really sweet. congratulations! (or it that too soon?)
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anita514
Gym climber
Great White North
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Oct 30, 2013 - 06:57pm PT
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well something did happen - you got back together. so consider this level 1 congrats?
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Oct 30, 2013 - 07:30pm PT
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hey there say, burch3y...
me, being an older mom and granny, well, i will add the touch of caution here:
which is good for both you and the gal...
if it's been rocky off and on, for all these years, hopefully if you can, you both need to find the key points, as to what was wrong and have a
few practice sessions of fixing those areas... or, sadly, there will come
another breakup and it they can get worse, the longer you are together, if not dealt with...
hoping and wishing and praying for the best for you then...
say, can't you put the climbing gear in storage somewhere for awhile? this
is usually a big part of someone, and you may enjoy having it someday... :)
it's been part of who you are...
well, hope all goes well...
just remember, argue-habits are hard to break, and there is always an underlying reason, for many of them... or, even open blatant ones, that friends can help folks see, if the two-that-had-clashes, missed seeing what is wrong...
hope you both, can now nurture what is good...
god bless, i meant this well, not meaning to burst bubble, as the old saying goes...
:)
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Oct 30, 2013 - 07:33pm PT
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I killed a deer with a knife once.
This is actually a true story. It was the most sad thing I've ever been forced to do.
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Vegasclimber
Trad climber
Las Vegas, NV.
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Oct 30, 2013 - 09:51pm PT
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its shame to see a relationship report with no detail
so what was climbing (grade)
how far were you out from belay
how many pros were used
was this a sport or trad
what was the belay device( atc, GG etc)
type of rope/age/size
your/her climbing experience level
along with bunch of other stuff
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'Pass the Pitons' Pete
Big Wall climber
like Ontario, Canada, eh?
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Oct 30, 2013 - 11:26pm PT
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Dude,
If you are giving up climbing for someone because she doesn't want you to climb or doesn't accept you as a climber, then not only are you not being true to yourself, you are a total pussy.
NOBODY is worth that.
However if you are looking for an excuse to quit climbing, I guess you have it.
But you're not fooling any of us!
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Sierra Ledge Rat
Mountain climber
Old and Broken Down in Appalachia
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Oct 31, 2013 - 12:34am PT
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I've been in a rollercoaster of a relationship - if she'll have me, I'll be proposing marriage sometime soon
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been in a rollercoaster of a relationship
There is better stuff out there. I've been with my woman for 12 years and we've never had a fight. Don't put up with rollercoaster rides, you don't need to and shouldn't have to. When you find the right one, it's easy and mellow and there's no drama.
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L
climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
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Oct 31, 2013 - 09:40am PT
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Burch3y,
My first inclination is to wish you well, because you sound like a committed relationship is something you sincerely want.
My second inclination is to warn you that, speaking from experience, the "drama thing" is an emotional hook. It's an adrenaline rush based on an emotional cycle. Love...fight...fear of loss...make up...love...fight...fear of loss...etc.
Many times it's a pattern we witnessed with our parents growing up, although not always. Being one who loves the thrill of adventure (ie. a rock climber), you're a natural for getting hooked on emotional rushes and thinking it's the real deal. (As I said, I speak from personal experience...more than once, too.)
The sad thing is, history shows that getting married seems to increase the drama thing rather than dissolve it. People start showing their true selves not long after the ceremony (thus the expression "The honeymoon's over"), and if colliding desires were part of the courtship, they will most certainly be part of the marriage.
You said up-thread that you were teasing about selling your climbing gear because she likes that you climb. This might be true...until it conflicts with her plans for you two to spend the weekend with the family, or house decorating, or at a baby shower, or any of a number of things. If the two of you haven't learned to have disagreements without someone walking out of the other one's life for a while...well...as you said, roller coaster ride.
Do you truly think you can live a happy, fulfilled life "forever after" on an emotional Screaming Eagle of Death?
You might want to think about waiting to pop the question until you've been able to stay together without heavy amounts of drama for six months. Or at least have a long engagement and see if that pulls you out of the amusement park style of romantic interactions.
I don't mean to dowse your dreams--seriously, I wish the best for you...but I've been through that cycle and it was an E-ticket ride nightmare.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Oct 31, 2013 - 09:55am PT
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emotional Screaming Eagle of Death? I know you were describing a situation..but that really describes someone I know...
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L
climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
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Oct 31, 2013 - 09:59am PT
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Actually Jaybro...I was describing a man I once married. He was a major screamer, too, and made me occasionally wish I were dead. ;-)
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Gary
Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
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Oct 31, 2013 - 09:59am PT
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Has she asked you to go antiquing yet?
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PAUL SOUZA
Trad climber
Central Valley, CA
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Oct 31, 2013 - 11:22am PT
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Is proposing somehow going to make things better? Just sayin...
:)
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Oct 31, 2013 - 11:32am PT
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You know L, we should get them together! They were meant for each other! A match made in.... Somewhere!? Who are we to stand in the way of true, drama queen love?
They could climb Fisticuffs together!
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L
climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
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Oct 31, 2013 - 12:03pm PT
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"They could climb Fisticuffs together!"
Lol! Are you kiddin' me??? They'd prolly come to fisticuffs before ever climbing Fisticuffs. Just that kind of personality........disorder. ;-)
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Vitaliy M.
Mountain climber
San Francisco
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Oct 31, 2013 - 12:09pm PT
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On a related note - anyone want to buy a ton of climbing gear?
WOW!
Find a rifle, put the barrel in your mouth....LA drama queen!
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Oct 31, 2013 - 12:23pm PT
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Burchey, I could only surmise that Vitya was butt hurt cause you dumped him.
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this just in
climber
north fork
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Oct 31, 2013 - 12:25pm PT
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Wait so you're not talking about Vitaliy? I was about to wish you guys the best.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Oct 31, 2013 - 12:31pm PT
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Championship wrestling?
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RyanD
climber
Squamish
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Oct 31, 2013 - 12:47pm PT
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This is like, the hottest relationship thread on ST right now. Jealousy, Drama, weapons, it's got it all. I think you guys will go the distance so long as she never sees the secret V/Burchy bivouac cuddle tape- or starts lurking on ST lol!
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Vitaliy M.
Mountain climber
San Francisco
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Oct 31, 2013 - 01:00pm PT
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A) You can't have me
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Oct 31, 2013 - 01:51pm PT
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This is getting ugly. I can see I'm gonna have to call Dennis Rodman to
get you two back together.
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Vitaliy M.
Mountain climber
San Francisco
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Oct 31, 2013 - 01:59pm PT
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Burchy talk less
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John M
climber
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Oct 31, 2013 - 02:00pm PT
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My second inclination is to warn you that, speaking from experience, the "drama thing" is an emotional hook. It's an adrenaline rush based on an emotional cycle. Love...fight...fear of loss...make up...love...fight...fear of loss...etc.
what L wrote is pure gold. I am so grateful that I am mostly over the whole drama thing. Emotional drama is not joy. Its a quick burst of excitement with no real depth. I would say that its the bouldering of relationships, but that would be an insult to bouldering because there is worth in bouldering.
A solid relationship has depths of Joy that the drama queens will never find. And that doesn't mean you give up the powerful highs. They are just different. They can be just as intense, but they don't burn out and leave you feeling drained. instead they leave you feeling fulfilled. If you feel drained after a high, then its not love. Its just excitement. Excitement takes. Love gives.
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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Oct 31, 2013 - 02:25pm PT
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When you find the right one, it's easy and mellow and there's no drama.
Amen +1
Six years ago I thought being in a relationship had to be this daily struggle of hard work and compromise and biting your tongue and figuring out how to balance love/respect for yourself vs the other person. But with the right person, you can just take a deep breath, relax, ahhhhhhh... whatever compromise you do make, you do it lovingly, because everything else is so wonderful it's no big deal to give up something tiny every once in a rare while.
I used to think that was an impossible fantasy. It's not.
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Karen
Trad climber
So Cal urban sprawl Hell
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Oct 31, 2013 - 02:48pm PT
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She sounds like she has borderline personality disorder:
Signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder may include:
Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or illegal drug use
Awareness of destructive behavior, including self-injury, but sometimes feeling unable to change it
Wide mood swings
Short but intense episodes of anxiety or depression
Inappropriate anger and antagonistic behavior, sometimes escalating into physical fights
Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
Suicidal behavior
Feeling misunderstood, neglected, alone, empty or hopeless
Fear of being alone
Feelings of self-hate and self-loathing
When you have borderline personality disorder, you often have an insecure sense of who you are. Your self-image, self-identity or sense of self often rapidly changes. You may view yourself as evil or bad, and sometimes you may feel as if you don't exist at all. An unstable self-image often leads to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals and values.
Your relationships are usually in turmoil. You may idealize someone one moment and then abruptly and dramatically shift to fury and hate over perceived slights or even minor misunderstandings. This is because people with borderline personality disorder often have difficulty accepting gray areas — things seem to be either black or white.
Freakin' RUN as fast as you can if she's sounds like the above!!!!!
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Vitaliy M.
Mountain climber
San Francisco
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Oct 31, 2013 - 02:49pm PT
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Burchy, I don’t think that woman in your photo is the right one for you. Remember all the good times we had! Knocking ice off in Lee Vining! Pouring out Amy’s water! Trolling the Chief! Tilting climbing photos! Belaying you from a single nut and a cam with two lobes engaged! SHE CAN NEVER GIVE YOU WHAT I CAN GIVE YOU BABYBOY!
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L
climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
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Oct 31, 2013 - 02:49pm PT
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Burch3y...I hope your gal has a good sense of humor...cause you are one hella funny guy. ;-)
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anita514
Gym climber
Great White North
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Oct 31, 2013 - 02:59pm PT
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this thread needs more ewok
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Vitaliy M.
Mountain climber
San Francisco
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Oct 31, 2013 - 03:00pm PT
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On the serious side, Burchy you seem like a very good guy and if I was you I would listen to what NutAgain. I do not know the source of your relationship problems and have no idea if you cause them. But I was in a few long term relationships that NutAgain describes. Where you have to sacrifice something all the time to make someone happy, and deal with bullshit drama which is created out of nothing. It gets old. Breaks can do wonders. They remind you how attached you got to the person, remind you how good the physical stuff was and how much fun you had when it was fun. But USUALLY when relationships had problems that caused a year break, they will have problems in the future. Taking a year off from each other when you are married is not really an option. If you think it will be easy to avoid situations that cause year-long break ups, it might work. Wish you all the best, only you and her know what is really up in your relationship. Hope you are happy, but if you have to stitch an infected wound it might lead to amputations...
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N/@
Trad climber
NM
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Oct 31, 2013 - 03:12pm PT
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"I'll be proposing marriage sometime soon"
YER GONNA DIE!!!
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Vitaliy M.
Mountain climber
San Francisco
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Oct 31, 2013 - 03:13pm PT
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If she is not right for you I can always take you back bro!
Do you remember...
...the romantic sunsets we witnessed
...those nail biting belays we provided to each other
...going to the beach
...holding hands after we conquer the summit
...tilting photos
...the fun times we had
oh Burchmeister, we can have much more in the future! I can imagine your powerful chicken-wing grabbing the corner of Pratt's crack. Your abdomen flexing as you make short, but confident thrusts up the classic OW crack. Think about it Burchmeister!
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couchmaster
climber
pdx
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Oct 31, 2013 - 03:31pm PT
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Burch - you have some solid humor skillz. Love it.
I had that rollycoaster thing going for a few years. About every 6 months it would blow up and I'd be sleeping on a heating grate downtown , under a bridge or in the railyard. So have fun with that part. Like you, interracial thing. I didn't realize it was an interracial thing till her mom made a stick when I proposed.....turns out, she noticed I was a different race. Than the lightbulb went off in my head.
We had been together 4 years then. Married now over 30. About year 1 we figured out the fighting bullshit and how we could make it stop, so we did. I can't remember the last time we had cross words, it's been all smiles and hugs and support. I've been climbing now almost 40 years, although it dropped off a lot when we had the lil childrens. I'd bump into old buddies and they'd say "thought you quit climbing". Not a chance in hell. I don't even joke about selling my gear.
3 words of advice if you want it. Prenup, prenup, prenup.
And work on yer communication skillz.
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Vitaliy M.
Mountain climber
San Francisco
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Oct 31, 2013 - 03:52pm PT
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I needed to get humble
OK. Climb more OWs and live a merry life together, funboy!
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Oct 31, 2013 - 04:20pm PT
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make up sex is a drug.
on which im pretty strung out.
nowadays the only means to good sex
is a good fight first.
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neversummer
climber
30 mins. from suicide USA
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Oct 31, 2013 - 04:38pm PT
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F*#k it dude..lets go bowling.
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this just in
climber
north fork
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Oct 31, 2013 - 04:42pm PT
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Well that's just like, your opinion man.
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Deekaid
climber
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Oct 31, 2013 - 04:47pm PT
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lolly and lullzy
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Deekaid
climber
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Oct 31, 2013 - 06:16pm PT
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no that's my version because I think it's friggin lame
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anita514
Gym climber
Great White North
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some of these replies are kind of depressing.
so what, if a couple hits a rough patch, or drifts apart and then comes back together, it's all pointless and doomed and those are all red flags and I should run for the hills?
do the nay sayers think relationships are even worth working on? or do people think that is has to be 100% perfect and that the right relationship requires no work at all?
yikes!
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| Messages 1 - 41 of total 41 in this topic |
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