Emotions(Way OT)

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10b4me

Ice climber
Bishop/Flagstaff
Topic Author's Original Post - Oct 10, 2013 - 12:39pm PT
Disclaimer: I am no Weege wordsmith, so I can't phrase this as eloquently as he does.
Having been on an emotional rollercoaster this year, I am wondering if people become more emotional as they age. Do we care about things now that we didn't in the past? How sincere are we when we give condolences, on an Internet forum, to fallen climbers that we don't even know?

I know other animals show some emotion when there is a death in their family, pride, clan, etc.
However, that may be a survival reaction, as in I am glad that wasn't me.

Some things to think about on a Thursday.
Dingus Milktoast

Gym climber
And every fool knows, a dog needs a home, and...
Oct 10, 2013 - 12:42pm PT
I've always been emo. It a blessing and a curse.

If I offer condolences I mean them.

Part of the emo train of aging is a certain sense of... desperation?

The tick tick tick of the clock winding down.

Are you ready for the finish line?

I'm not.

DMT
anita514

Gym climber
Great White North
Oct 10, 2013 - 12:50pm PT
I am also quite emotional. don't know if it gets worse with age as I am in my 30s...
sorry to hear you've had a rough year. kinda in the same boat.
John M

climber
Oct 10, 2013 - 12:56pm PT
I am wondering if people become more emotional as they age.

Boys are trained to suppress their emotions, which isn't a healthy way to deal with them. Girls have more leeway in expressing emotions, but still often aren't taught the healthy ways to express them. So I don't believe that its that we have more emotions as we age, but rather that we are less afraid to experience them and show them. Also.. it is hard work to suppress emotions and as you age some start to realize that it is a pointless and even debilitating effort. Its better to learn how to express them in a healthy manner. Wallowing in emotion is as unhealthy as suppression.
10b4me

Ice climber
Bishop/Flagstaff
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 10, 2013 - 12:58pm PT

Part of the emo train of aging is a certain sense of... desperation?

The tick tick tick of the clock winding down.

Are you ready for the finish line?

Thanks Dingus, I think that is what I was trying to say. It's a sign of vulnerability, that I think most don't accept when younger.

I'm not.

While I tend to agree, sometimes I feel like I am.
PAUL SOUZA

Trad climber
Central Valley, CA
Oct 10, 2013 - 01:04pm PT
Boys are trained to suppress their emotions, which isn't a healthy way to deal with them. Girls have more leeway in expressing emotions, but still often aren't taught the healthy ways to express them. So I don't believe that its that we have more emotions as we age, but rather that we are less afraid to experience them and show them. Also.. it is hard work to suppress emotions and as you age some start to realize that it is a pointless and even debilitating effort. Its better to learn how to express them in a healthy manner. Wallowing in emotion is as unhealthy as suppression.

This.

I've always been impressed with people in the climbing community as they are more emotionally aware than other groups I've been in and the fact that for the most part, it's okay to be a guy and be scared.
Dave Kos

Social climber
Temecula
Oct 10, 2013 - 01:08pm PT
My eyes often get watery when watching a movie.

I turn down the sound to suppress the effect. It's the music that does it.

Works with horror movies also. Turn off the sound and they become more silly than scary.
WBraun

climber
Oct 10, 2013 - 01:12pm PT
Emotions on this forum?

LOL

Just see the latest one on that Climate change thread.

Mechrist to the Chief -- "Do you really have no idea what a fuking idiot you are Chuffer?"

LMAO

Those guys are an emotional wreck over there ......

:-)
JEleazarian

Trad climber
Fresno CA
Oct 10, 2013 - 01:13pm PT
I can only speak for myself here, but age brought experience, and experience brought empathy. While there's still some truth to a suffering person's saying "you can't know how I feel," I think that, with time, I know a whole lot more about both suffering and joy than I did 60, 50, 40, 30, 20 or even 10 years ago, so I respond differently to the pain and joy of others.

I think age and experience can also bring callousness, but the inference I draw from my very limited sample size is that callousness is the exception, not the rule.

John
squishy

Mountain climber
Oct 10, 2013 - 01:14pm PT
we're all so different huh? NOT!!

buck up emo wussies..your not special, we all have emotions, it comes with being human...
Leggs

Sport climber
Tucson, AZ
Oct 10, 2013 - 01:18pm PT
Having been on an emotional rollercoaster this year, I am wondering if people become more emotional as they age.

It has been a roller coaster for you, Mr. Bee... one hell of a ride.
Do people become more emotional as they age?
IMHO they become more emotional when they realize they have good friends to turn to for support, esp. during the emotional times.

~peace to you my dear friend.
Dingus Milktoast

Gym climber
And every fool knows, a dog needs a home, and...
Oct 10, 2013 - 01:19pm PT
Example:


I was at my company HQ and met a colleague. Ours is a relatively small 'industry' and long-time players such as me and my colleague, well, while me and this guy never worked together we only had two degrees of separation many times over.

And like many old timers, we were all, 'do you know....?'

He was all, ' 'Oh so you must have worked with Chatty?"

And BAM! Out of the blue, unexpected, hadn't thought of Chatty in, well, in a long f*#king time. Chatty is, correction, was, my age. We did a trade show down in San Diego well over a decade ago. He was in his early 40s. We worked that show together, me and Chatty; we worked like that together for over a decade. Beautiful wife, two beautiful daughters, Chatty was a beautiful man.

He kept telling my his back hurt, it was killing him. He said this a dozen or more times during that show.

Two weeks later he was diagnosed with terminal leukemia, and he was dead 30-days later.

When my colleague mentioned his name? The tears started flowing immediately. I could not control them and didn't try. I didn't apologize for crying. I did say, 'excuse me but I can't talk about Chatty right now.' My colleague understood. An hour later I caught back up to him and told that tale right up there.

Incidentally, Chatty manned up right to the f*#king finish. He left his wife and children a great legacy and saw to it they would never be fincially challenged without him. He reminded me of my dad who pretty much went the same way, but at 85 instead of 40.

I miss you Chatty. You too Pop.

DMT
Leggs

Sport climber
Tucson, AZ
Oct 10, 2013 - 01:28pm PT
Mr. Bee ... and Dingus...

There are times when I can speak of my mother's death without crying...
other times, out of the blue, if someone asks me about her... I break out in tears.

After my mom passed, I wasn't allowed to grieve, even though I was 12-13 years old. I was supposed to suck it up and move on. Perhaps holding in years worth of tears as a young girl brings the tears out as an adult.
I'm thankful for the tears... they are cathartic.


~peace



Just see the latest one on that Climate change thread.

Mechrist to the Chief -- "Do you really have no idea what a fuking idiot you are Chuffer?"

LMAO

Those guys are an emotional wreck over there ......

:-)

It's sh#t show over there!
Dingus Milktoast

Gym climber
And every fool knows, a dog needs a home, and...
Oct 10, 2013 - 01:41pm PT
Most guys don't even develop the empathy organ until they're past 30-years old :-)

DMT
L

climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
Oct 10, 2013 - 01:49pm PT
John E. expressed it best, in my opinion. One of the gifts of aging.

Personally, I don't believe empathy comes from a fear of dying so much as from living a conscious life...examining your behaviors in past situations and learning from the unskillful ones. The ones that hurt you and/or others.

I'm sorry to hear it's been a rough year for you 10b4me, and hope your friends, family, and the good folks on this forum can help you over the rocky ground.

BTW I'm currently re-reading "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Coleman. A brilliant piece of scientific investigation into the limbic system's ability to override the neocortex's rationalism. You might find it helpful to take a look at Coleman's work.

Thank you for this post.
10b4me

Ice climber
Bishop/Flagstaff
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 10, 2013 - 02:07pm PT
Thanks everyone for the responses. Don't want to single out, but kudos to Dingus, L, and Leggs.
I would like to see more responses to this thread.

Werner, those guys are showing an emotion, hate.
Actually, weschrist, mechrist, or , whateverchrist seems to have major anger management issues.
Wes needs to get back to some Tahoe bouldering. It will give him a new appreciation for life.
Crimpergirl

Sport climber
Boulder, Colorado!
Oct 10, 2013 - 02:30pm PT
I think it is not so much age as life experiences.

For example, I've always felt great empathy for those who lost a loved one who was very close to them. But it wasn't until after I had experienced such a loss and had my heart ripped from my chest that I could REALLY FEEL what others are going through with their loss. That REALLY FEEL part comes with tears and is a reminder that our losses are connected. It is more evidence, tangible evidence, that WE are all connected.

Not sure that's very clear.
NutAgain!

Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
Oct 10, 2013 - 02:33pm PT
Crybabies. Men are just titless women.









































Edit: As funny as I find myself, I should be sensitive to the emotional types this thread will attract. Myself included. I've been pretty darn emotionally expressive around here, and I'm sure I will continue to be. +1 to John M's thoughts which closely paralleled my first reaction. And +1 to crimpie's refinement that it is experience more directly than age.
Brandon-

climber
The Granite State.
Oct 10, 2013 - 02:35pm PT
It's not a sign of age to show empathy.

Trust me.
jonnyrig

Trad climber
formerly known as hillrat
Oct 10, 2013 - 03:13pm PT
Emotions.
they are naught but thought,
feelings that twist us in a knott,
with scars emotion's often frought,
yet some still glow with what love's wrought.

Now looking back i could have died
from all the feelings kept inside,
emotions that i tried to hide
that ebbed and flowed and churned inside.

Suppression was the game i played.
The truth i learned. and was dismayed-
that when emotions are displayed
a heavy price is often paid!
...
SCseagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Oct 10, 2013 - 04:20pm PT
Umm...lots of great thoughts. For me, I'm not so sure we grow more emotional as we age but I think we become more deeply sensitized to our emotions, as others have mentioned, through our life experiences. We reach an age where we've witnessed great losses and great joys in our life. I think we interpret things differently. Rather than all the "drama" of younger years we probe much more deeply. We have filtered out the "noise" of our raw emotions, and have tuned in to the deeply resonating emotions and things that move us. We feel much more deeply. We begin to come to grips that 2nd and 3rd and 4th chances "to get it right" aren't on the horizon anymore. We begin to acknowledge that we aren't invincible anymore. Sometimes it's just living life...other times it's a swift gut kick. Three years ago this month I was DX with ovarian cancer and faced a grim prognosis. I had just early retired, then lost my elderly dog a month after than and two months after that was the DX. (I am convinced she sacrificed herself because she knew how hard it would be to take care of us both). Going through chemo and still around 3 years later really ramped up the "sensitivity" of my emotions about the frailty of life, and had me reinvest in what a great gift just being alive is. I am very sad and give my heartfelt condolecences when someone passes, even if I don't them. It's extremely hard to see the young ins pass, because so many are of an age they could be my son or daughter. Of course I am personally touched when one of our community passes of cancer. It is always the conflicted emotion of survival guilt, and "oh it could be me next".
Sorry for the ramble, although I've had a good year; this week, three years ago, always brings me a touch of PTSD, but also a profound gratitude for what I've been given.

Susan
Dave Kos

Social climber
Temecula
Oct 10, 2013 - 04:24pm PT
I predict that this thread will end with a group hug.
squishy

Mountain climber
Oct 10, 2013 - 04:33pm PT
BTW I'm currently re-reading "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Coleman. A brilliant piece of scientific investigation into the limbic system's ability to override the neocortex's rationalism. You might find it helpful to take a look at Coleman's work.

That sounds really interesting, thanks.
SCseagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Oct 10, 2013 - 04:41pm PT
I predict that this thread will end with a group hug.

Maybe even singing Kumbaya! Better would be the blessing at Facelift. "ah HO"

Susan
crusher

climber
Santa Monica, CA
Oct 10, 2013 - 04:48pm PT
Couldn't have said it better than most of you have - I think becoming more emotional or showing emotion more is a combo of life experiences, mellowing out (with age or experiences) - living through some bad (and good) stuff and probably being wiser and in general more empathetic towards others. For sure it has to do with an innate feeling of having less time left (or, if fate wills it, no time left, bite my tongue)! And as we age we've experience more and bigger losses (loved ones, beloved pets, etc.).

I think I'm not so much more emotional but emotional in different ways - meaning more empathetic, more sentimental, more kind, more patient than I used to be. I've experienced big losses (of loved ones) and that has made me more sentimental and weepy when thinking of those people.

I've also been in a 24-year career that has been excrutiatingly hard emotionally, very stressful and very intense. I used to be a lot quicker to "lose it" (some of it justified!) and to become debilitatingly stressed/anxious. Over time I've worked on all of that but have also sort of arrived at a place where I know that the negative emotions/reactions don't do me any good and in fact make things worse. I guess I'm also not so scared anymore of what I could "lose" and therefore don't get quite so worked up about things that I once thought were the most important.

Norwegian

Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
Oct 10, 2013 - 04:58pm PT
there are voids everywhere.
awaiting suitors to fill them.

they've many faces. personalities.
mediums.

words?
we all have words.

once upon a time,
walden was was just a blank page.

noise?
once upon a time,
fur elise had graced no ears.

once upon a time,
the nose was unclimable.

these are just a few examples of the voids
awaiting our courage and creative response.

nothing is complete.
not language.
not silence.
not.

being is an art, unto itself.
in our existence, we've an opportunity
to tame the mundane.

emotions are major eruptions
of expression.

they comprise our artillery
in the war on our personal peace.

enjoy them.
i suggest celebrating them.
you probably shouldn't deny them,
or regret them,
or medicate them.
they are an entity,
an organism, if you will.

and they, like all life forms,
are subject to evolution.
and in grand response to the input
of their environment, they define our death.

that's one reason i pursue climbing.
the mountains offer a stage appropriate
for mentoring personal maturity.

these emotions are the more
tragic facet of our's domestication.
and they challenge, constantly our
siege upon genetic summits.

Michelle

Social climber
1187 Hunterwasser
Oct 10, 2013 - 05:10pm PT
Emotional? Me? Ask my friends, I'm super emotional sometimes..

As far as aging is concerned, I've noticed that my ability to process my emotions has changed for the better. Thanks to lots of therapy :) some things just don't get to me like they used to but others effect me more deeply.

Empathy increasing with age? I think empathy is more a function of life experiences. Like Brandon said.


Consider this, something I strongly believe: it's not the emotion that can cause problems, it's my response to and things I say to myself about my feelings that generate issues for me or at the least, make life less pleasant. I also believe in feeling the so called negative emotions and allowing them their voice instead of stuffing or berating myself for them. I set a literal timer, experience it, then when times up, I go for a walk and get on with my day. Sometimes more than once a day. I like to honor that part of myself since rejecting it is rejecting me and I don't like doing that. I consider continuing to feed into some emotions like anger or fear or sadness for too long to be an indulgence. I'm not as willing to be that way anymore.

Something else I think about and try to keep an eye on is being too overly indulgent in the positive feelings. Balance is the key for me.


I am, by no means, successful all the time. Some things more than others will cause me more problems than others. I shoot for the middle ground, it's all I can do.




Edit: (hugs) lol







10b4me

Ice climber
Bishop/Flagstaff
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 10, 2013 - 05:38pm PT
lots of good thoughts.
thanks.
L

climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
Oct 10, 2013 - 06:17pm PT
Just realized when I read Squishy's post that I'd misspelled the author's name. It's Daniel Goleman. G not C. Sorry about that.



LuckyPink

climber
the last bivy
Oct 10, 2013 - 06:21pm PT
Life is not over until it's over. There are continuous developmental stages and tasks. Transitioning through change creates feelings and emotions as we look back , take stock, make new choices, look ahead. Our roles , identities, and even values change. It can be nerve wracking! It can also be creative and deepening. Stay in the moment, assess what is, accept and engage in change. Compassion and insight replace anxiety and confusion.
Brandon-

climber
The Granite State.
Oct 10, 2013 - 06:24pm PT
Life is rad, and full of surprises.
Karen

Trad climber
So Cal urban sprawl Hell
Oct 10, 2013 - 06:31pm PT
Thom York ......

A self-fulfilling prophecy of endless possibility
In rolling reams across a screen
In algebra, in algebra
The fences that you cannot climb

The sentences that do not rhyme
In all that you can ever change
I'm the one you're looking for

It gets you down
It gets you down

There's no spark
You've no light in the dark

It gets you down
It gets you down
You traveled far
What have you found
That there's no time
There's no time
To analyse
To think things through
To make sense

Like candles in the city, they never looked so pretty
By power cuts and blackouts
Sleeping like babies

It gets you down
It gets you down
You're just playing a part
You're just playing a part

You're playing a part
Playing a part
And there's no time
There's no time
To analyse
Analyse
Analyse

jgill

Boulder climber
Colorado
Oct 10, 2013 - 06:42pm PT
For older men, it's at least partly hormonal. I used to just be a bit sad at a soapy TV drama, but now sometimes find tears forming. Embarrassing, but I just discretely wipe them away before my wife notices. For women, I'm not so sure. Older women I've known seem to have developed a bit more control as they age, but this might be an illusion.

I even find myself laughing hysterically at Largo's pronouncements, whereas when in my 60s I would merely chuckle. Go figure.


;>)
Todd Gordon

Trad climber
Joshua Tree, Cal
Oct 10, 2013 - 06:50pm PT
As we get older, we age.....(you young people;...try to avoid this from happening..)

As for being more emotional about stuff as we age....well;...I would like to talk further about this....but I keep getting all choked up about it.

5.10b.......you mirror that which is in everyman.....and you always to it with humility, grace and dignity;......I'm way psyched to call you my friend,.....(my friend).

Good thing our mental/emotional ponderings seems to disappear when we are with beer and at the crags...(probably why we spend so much time doing such things)..

Looking forward to more adventures and mis-adventures with you in the mountatins and at the crags....
damo62

Social climber
Brisbane
Oct 10, 2013 - 08:05pm PT
L, is that written for the layman?
10b4me

Ice climber
Bishop/Flagstaff
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 10, 2013 - 08:08pm PT
Thank you Todd. It is an honor to call you my friend.
Cragman

Trad climber
June Lake, California....via the Damascus Road
Oct 10, 2013 - 08:20pm PT
Great post and subject, Steve.

I've given this much thought over the years, as I come from a long line of staunch, German men who never showed emotion. My Mom mentioned to me a few years ago that the ONLY time she ever saw my Dad cry was during the opening beach landing scene in Saving Private Ryan....and my parents have been married almost 60 years!!!

Anyway, this leaf definitely dropped FAR from that tree, as I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Our National Anthem brings tears to my eyes...even seeing someone do something nice for a stranger makes me choke up a bit....etc...etc...etc....

I know my Dad had a very difficult childhood, so perhaps that made him so non-emotional. I've often wondered if, back in our parents day, if they allowed Fathers in birthing rooms to see their children born, whether that would have made a difference with that Greatest Generation.

Bottom line for me is.....I find it perfectly healthy for either men or women to let their emotions be known.

My dog is going downhill rather rapidly.....and that has me really wrenched right now. Going home tomorrow to hang with him for a few days and love on him.....I'm quite certain the emotions will be raw.

Thanks Steve....it was great seeing you at the house a few weeks ago. And thanks for the wine!

: )
10b4me

Ice climber
Bishop/Flagstaff
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 10, 2013 - 08:27pm PT
Dean, sorry to hear about Cush.
I hope the wine was ok. It was cheap. :-)
Let's go climbing( I will get Tony to go).
If not, see you at Blitzopalooza.
L

climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
Oct 10, 2013 - 08:28pm PT
damo62,

Yes, it's definitely for the layman. The first chapter is about the brain's emotional architecture and gets rather technical. (Goleman says you can skip this part if you're not into the science thing, but I found it fascinating.)

He had me at Chapter Two with: Anatomy of an Emotional Hijacking

Very insightful and full of Ah-ha moments. Funny how I read this book years ago and didn't get near as much out of it as I am today.

Must be the aging thing. ;-)
sullly

Trad climber
Oct 10, 2013 - 08:36pm PT
10b, I think we don't get more emotional with age. We just get better at recognizing emotional reruns in our lives. Since I just turned 50, I'm not watching the rerun but turning the channel. I'm sensing my limited airtime in life.

So whether it's some guy who doesn't like me back or a friendship where I'm making all the contact, I'm changing channels or pulling the plug. I've just seen those reruns (experienced the accompanying suck-ass emotions) too many times.

Cragman

Trad climber
June Lake, California....via the Damascus Road
Oct 10, 2013 - 08:42pm PT
Haven't cracked the seal on that one yet, Steve....perhaps this weekend!

Would love to get on the rock with you and Tony....let's make some plans!

Blitzopalooza may not happen for me....won't know for a few more weeks.
Sure hoping to be there....
SCseagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Oct 10, 2013 - 09:12pm PT
Sully, as usual your gift in writing and capturing a profound analogy with whimsy is delightful. I still think your fibbing about being 50,

Susan
L

climber
California dreamin' on the farside of the world..
Oct 10, 2013 - 09:21pm PT
Riley...you OK? ;-)
Leggs

Sport climber
Tucson, AZ
Oct 10, 2013 - 09:37pm PT
10b, I think we don't get more emotional with age. We just get better at recognizing emotional reruns in our lives. Since I just turned 50, I'm not watching the rerun but turning the channel. I'm sensing my limited airtime in life.

So whether it's some guy who doesn't like me back or a friendship where I'm making all the contact, I'm changing channels or pulling the plug. I've just seen those reruns (experienced the accompanying suck-ass emotions) too many times.

Can I get an AMEN?!


Sullly ... you're awesome.

Emotions were a bad word growing up... esp in my mother's family.
It wasn't until my mother passed away that my aunts and uncles really started to express the emotion of loss.
The lack of emotions expressed and shared was worse in my father's house... it was startling.
I broke that unhealthy cycle of history with the birth of my son...
and made sure he felt safe, secure and respected expressing his emotions.

Empathy.
Hm. I often times wonder if I would be the caregiver I am today had I not taken care of my mom during those two years of her terminal illness ... and my grandmother at the end stages of life... and my aunt ruthie just 2 years ago. I think I am a good caregiver and have ample empathy because I would never want anyone to feel the way I did growing up.
With that said, I find it hard to open up, fully, to people and let them in all the way. It's a defensive move, perfected when I was 12.

I'm learning everyday the beauty of getting past that thought process

~peace, and a huge Lisa Mae hug ~
locker

Social climber
Some Rehab in Bolivia
Oct 10, 2013 - 09:39pm PT

"Blitzopalooza may not happen for me....won't know for a few more weeks.
Sure hoping to be there..."
...


I for one am hoping you will be there also...

;-)

Jim Brennan

Trad climber
Vancouver Canada
Oct 10, 2013 - 09:55pm PT
It's nice to behave more gracefully towards other people as we age, in order to make up for adult adolescent behavior from the past.

Nothing changes the fact that, "YOU'RE GONNA DIE" !

That fact being a statistical theory no one has yet proven wrong, could lead to being emotional about unfairness.
Leggs

Sport climber
Tucson, AZ
Oct 10, 2013 - 10:02pm PT
Hmmmm... interesting thought...
makes me ponder... thank you for that, Jim.


~peace
neebee

Social climber
calif/texas
Oct 10, 2013 - 10:45pm PT
hey there say, 10b4me...

first off... one thought:

being on an emotional rollercoaster:
this expression is usually used for wildness, ups-and-downs-too-fast and too-hard to handle or control, and throwing all 'good sense' to the winds... (course, we will skip that the real roller coaster ARE on track and in a sense, controlled) ... :)

well, from all that:
what folks many times do NOT like about emotions, is that one can't
'at times' control them or hide them... and we learn this very young, when we first start to feel this 'odd new phenomena' (spell??) ...
then:
starts the journey for all where humans TRY to, in some way, get this control...
though SOME, being more sensitive to the power of emotions, and how it feels better if you work to understand them: will LEARN through this how to flow with them in ways that are 'healthy'...

others, though, enjoy the power of USING emotional outburst against others...
and other, enjoy using them to manipulate...
and--others simply work a lifetime to keep them hidden, and to thus NOT
feel vulnerable, to being hurt by others (as to any 'feared inner weakness' etc)...

we all, depending on how the nerves are in our body and our health, feel pain, sickness, upsets, etc, but these are feelings, and we try to control this, too...

emotions though, are HOW we respond to those feelings, (like how folks respond to love, or hate, or angers, and other feelings, in either highly emotional ways, or strictly controlled emotional ways--deemed practical by 'society folks', or, on a fairly even-keeled way--though perhaps with a few waves due to further experiences that come their way )...

to really GET RID of the emotional 'roller coaster' is to
GET TO KNOW yourself, and not be afraid of what you find,
and enjoy WHO you are, and learn who to NOT let others hurt
the emotional-you that IS the 'reaction' of you, and the display of who you are...

if emotionally, you are angry and hostile, find out why...
if emotionally, you stifled, and fearful, find out why...
it IS AN ADVENTURE, :) though hard and scary, it is UNLIKE
any CLIMB you've seen!! the FREEDOM to flow with emotions that
do NOT damage us, or others, is a treasured thing!!!


WHAT gets hard about facing oneself, is this:
what folks ALSO do NOT like about emotions is:
they REVEAL our inner hidden self, and MANY folks do NOT like anyone to know how their inner response is to certain things they feel, believe or understand, or cater too, or are, as to 'who' they are and are wanting to either: portray that they are, or, simply 'just be' (as folks do desire to me 'some kind of a presence of them self'...


CAN YOU KIND OF TEST YOURSELF??
IF you have felt to be on an emotional rollercoaster, it is seemingly so, that 'you've been feeling out of control?? or a lack of control??'
in the emotion area, AND that it gets triggered by whatever is going on now??
or--do you just FEEL like letting loose a lot of inner-bound emotion, as to reactions to things, by more sensitivity, or anger, than usual???
and you don't know why???
THERE must be a circumstance somewhere, trigging this, or,
could it have been building up for awhile, and you 'were not listening'
to yourself??


as we get more experiences, in life, it is our teacher, in this realm, as well as to our 'usual skills' etc... folks either learn more to shut the emotions up, or let them loose...


if you have kids STUDY THEM:
this helps to learn, too:

many boys, early on, are taught that emotions shown, as to anger, and aggression, are seen as good, in some circles (boys, etc, on thus seen as tough-guys and able to handle stuff--so, sadly many are walking around with emotions all 'precariously wired', as to relationships with humans on other levels, than anger and aggression)...

boys as well as girls, many times, early on, SEE what 'playing them out' does:
it gains CONTROL in other ways, such as, if they want to 'get' things, or 'control' something...

whatever kids learn, once they are adults, sadly, many business profession and the paths, towards, that, have taught the NOW adults that stoic and locked away emotions, mean 'great business control' :O
(we've all heard of the emotional breakdowns, though, you see?)


thus, through experience and having friends, and making them, or being out in the working-world, these 'controls that folks want' come into question in various ways, teter, and FALL--and many cause confusion in relationships = emotional outbursts in family circles, or at work, etc...
are the end results of what WE SURE WISH we had understood, long ago!

:)



okay, long stuff here... BUT... just like nature and wildlife, and all that, SOME things are best to be understood and respected...

:)


emotions, are such, :)



the mommy in me comes out, i just feel sad when i see folks hurting,
whether body-wise, or spirit-wise, :)

SO, I HOPE this helps in your quest, or in some way, as to what you
were pondering, :)



oh, ps:
i said ALL this, as i have lived by a very diverse amount of folks,
as to their 'emotional' "shows, non-shows, and staged, unstaged, even-keeled and, lastly, seemingly dead...

it is a very DEEP suject...


edit:

jim brennan, just saw that, nice share, :))


and johnEleazarian--good, as to experience:
I can only speak for myself here, but age brought experience, and experience brought empathy. While there's still some truth to a suffering person's saying "you can't know how I feel," I think that, with time, I know a whole lot more about both suffering and joy than I did 60, 50, 40, 30, 20 or even 10 years ago, so I respond differently to the pain and joy of others.

I think age and experience can also bring callousness, but the inference I draw from my very limited sample size is that callousness is the exception, not the rule.

John


emotional grace, is a good word for that...
will edit, as to spelling your names, :))


L--wow, great to hear you post again!!!
thanks for sharing your book...
Gary

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
Oct 10, 2013 - 10:47pm PT
I think age is a factor. Last weekend I got misty-eyed watching Illusion of Life. Yikes!
johntp

Trad climber
socal
Oct 10, 2013 - 10:57pm PT
Good topic. I think climbers and other people that risk their lives and have seen death first hand tend to feel it more deeply than the general public. As we get older the cumulation of life experiences have taken their toll. So yeah, when I was younger very little phased me. When I post condolences they are truly heartfelt, as I have seen a number of people close to me pass and understand the emotions of those who have lost someone they love. We are all the children of mothers and fathers.
Leggs

Sport climber
Tucson, AZ
Oct 10, 2013 - 11:03pm PT
Do NOT have me watch Bambi ... again.

Once was enough.

I was a MESS.





;)
Karl Baba

Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
Oct 10, 2013 - 11:58pm PT
Emotions are how we "feel" life. A life that's all in your head is dry. If there is one thing to pray for, it is for an open heart.

Now how you roll with your emotions is another story. Many people have wounds and tweaks from the past that keeps their emotions from being a fair reaction to the present. It's good to work on yourself, on forgiveness, and understanding and healing what we've been through so that our feelings are a reflection of the present, and not the past.

Peace

Karl
damo62

Social climber
Brisbane
Oct 11, 2013 - 12:55am PT
wise words indeed Karl
10b4me

Ice climber
Bishop/Flagstaff
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 11, 2013 - 01:24am PT
I find it hard to open up, fully, to people and let them in all the way.

Rightly or wrongly, I think most people feel that way. Me included. It is a defense mechanism.
If we open ourselves up all the way, and we have something to hide. . . . .,.

Néebee, while your definition of a rollercoaster is correct. I don't see the emotional ups, and downs as a symptom of wildness.
Fish Finder

Social climber
Oct 11, 2013 - 01:34am PT
A lot of the pain that we are
dealing with are really only
THOUGHTS.



Try and Let go of the Past;
All the hurts, pain and disillusionment.
They're not a part of your Reality anymore.
They are not who you are....
neebee

Social climber
calif/texas
Oct 11, 2013 - 11:06am PT
hey there say, 10b4me...
thanks for sharing, about the wildness...

oops, did not mean it as wildman of jungle type thing...
just more like a commotion...

did not think fast enough, perhaps for a better word,
though, in sign language, our circle always used:

wild, as to add on to anything to 'help describe' things when they
were 'out of hand' or in a commotion... ideas, thoughts, emotions,
dreams, etc...

edit--i remember two hard times when my emotions were 'in the ol' wringer'
and you are so right = i was not wild, but the situation sure seemed to be, :)

*so--not meaning you life may be, but was one of the examples...
hope i did not 'label' something wrong for you, while
trying to help, :)


say, just by sharing, your neat posts here, though,
you are opening up and hope this leads to good things, too...

Reilly

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Oct 11, 2013 - 12:14pm PT
10b, there's no cryin' in baseball! ;-)
perswig

climber
Oct 11, 2013 - 12:40pm PT
I am wondering if people become more emotional as they age

Could this be a result of increased compassion and empathy brought on by maturity and experience?
I hope so, cause otherwise I need to HTFU.

(I tear up at the end of Out of Africa. Every time. The scene of lions on Finch-Hatton's resting place kills me.)
Dale
High Fructose Corn Spirit

Gym climber
Potemkin Village
Oct 11, 2013 - 01:13pm PT
It's interesting that so far there has been no mention of endocrinology or hormones or hormonal changes particularly as a function of age group.

Nature - working through evolved hormonal balances (balances under tension) or dynamic equilibria (under tension) - controls things a lot more than most of us think, I think.

Those who think their emotions are a function of biology are naturally going to see them one way; while those who think their emotions are a function of a ghost inhabiting the body machine are (supernaturally) going to see them another.
jgill

Boulder climber
Colorado
Oct 11, 2013 - 02:35pm PT
It's interesting that so far there has been no mention of endocrinology or hormones or hormonal changes particularly as a function of age group (HFCS)

Apparently you didn't read my post. I said exactly that. The hormonal effect for me seemed to kick in over the age of 70.
10b4me

Ice climber
Bishop/Flagstaff
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 11, 2013 - 03:36pm PT
I also think that the anger emotion is more prevalent in people who live in stressful environments, i.e. big cities, as opposed to those who live in the country, or smaller towns.
High Fructose Corn Spirit

Gym climber
Potemkin Village
Oct 11, 2013 - 04:43pm PT
I think our changing mix of hormones (as part of the body's control system) plays a HUGE and differing role in EVERY decade of our lives (puberty, midlife changes... only the most obvious, in your face) setting our interest levels, our attraction-repulsion to things (to everything, really). So we end up thinking and feeling and doing (as "survival machines" of the gene) what conferred to our species over countless generations maximum robustness, even unfortunately often at the expense of the individual, e.g., the older individual suffering lack of interest (aka indifference or depression). In the future we'll have more understanding of this and maybe we'll be able to adapt accordingly. Maybe.

This is the perspective from evolutionary psychology. Of course some people don't accept evolution let alone the idea that our emotions have a material basis.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNhk3owF7RQ

As one grows older, could a waxing lack of lust for life or emotional disorder work (function) by default along the same lines as wrinkles, gray hair, waning strength? I think one could make that argument.
10b4me

Ice climber
Bishop/Flagstaff
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 11, 2013 - 05:17pm PT
I think I'm not so much more emotional but emotional in different ways - meaning more empathetic, more sentimental,

ah, sentimental. I agree, a longing for the way things used to be. A time when things were simpler
SCseagoat

Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Oct 11, 2013 - 05:32pm PT
I also think that the anger emotion is more prevalent in people who live in stressful environments, i.e. big cities, as opposed to those who live in the country, or smaller towns.

I would agree to the stressful environment but not the small town. I grew up in a small town near Lake Erie and oh boy, whenever I go home to visit there are a lot of ANGRY folks there. A big part of anger, I believe,, comes from feeling you don't have options for your life. The feeling that one doesn't have control over their lives makes for some nasty anger regardless of the environment. Or the same feelings of lack of control and/or options can create depression in one with a different temperament.
Support systems are essential also.
A study I read along time ago has always resonated with me. It discussed outer and inner directed people. Outer directed people tended to look outward and blame others, or bad events on creating their anger or depression. The "world is out to get me". Inner directed people tended to be more reflective and take responsibility for their situation...even if it was bad and they didn't create it. They had internal dialogues such as "what can I learn from this?" "What next step, even if tiny, can I do that gives me some sense of personal control".

I do a lot of off shore sailing and there have been just a few when it looked like we might not be getting home. All instruments were dialed in and sails were reefed but the gale force winds were going to do whatever they wanted. Feeling of panic? You betcha, which can create even more of a catastrophe. So I did the one thing I could have control over, that was simply coiling lose lines. I focused so hard on that...it was the most important thing at that moment. When the winds abated we could deal with the bigger issues. When I've had those anger, or lack of control moments in general life, I just try to go into way low gear and find something I can have control over. Sometimes it's been such low gear that I sat with a coloring book and colored mandalas. And of course all the other stuff we all know about, yoga, exercise etc.
I think the scariest thing about anger or feelings of lack of control is if they lead to panic. Then catastrophes and devastation can occur....regardless if it's just daily living or on an adventure.

That's why I really like to read survival books...like who makes it and who doesn't. The mind set and attitude they had. A great read is Laura Hildebrand's "Unbroken"

Susan
sullly

Trad climber
Oct 11, 2013 - 09:37pm PT
Riley, Old Sport, the Gatsby scene you mention:

It's the one at the Plaza Hotel where Tom accuses Gatsby of being a common bootlegger ("in a goddamn pink suit!"). What knocks Gatsby off center is Daisy's indecision as Tom reminds her of their honeymoon and Gatsby demands of her, "say you never loved him and you can wipe the whole thing out." She replies she loves them both, then flees, flattening Myrtle on the drive back to East Egg.

Remember, Gatsby was pretty much a stalker for six years; when Daisy rejects him at the Plaza his journey from soldier to J.P. Morgan fizzles. The green light goes out.

Also, Tom breaks Myrtle's nose with an open hand in front of her friends at the love nest he funds. Earlier, he rails about "The Rise of the Colored Empire" (has Nazi leanings) over lunch when Nick first visits Daisy.

Though blue blooded, Tom has less emotional control than lowly James Gatz/Jay Gatsby.



sullly

Trad climber
Oct 11, 2013 - 10:49pm PT
Sorry Riley, I just get into it because I've taught the novel so many times.

I still differ with you and support Gatsby's emotional control. He has a mob boss, Meyer Wolfsheim, under his thumb. When he is 16 he spots wealthy Dan Cody's yacht on the horizon, then uses emotional control to weasel his way into the rich man's life. He doesn't drink at his parties while Tom makes an ass of himself. He adapts a new way of speaking to fit in with the blue bloods. He fought in WWI, earning commendation (not shell-shocked).

Tom breaks Myrtle's nose as she is taunting him in saying "Daisy, Daisy" over and over.

The well-bred Tom Buchanan is no different than the mongrel Stanley Kowalski who hits his southern belle wife, Stella, in Streetcar Named Desire, another American classic.

Station in life does not dictate self-control.

Better versions to see: Robert Redford and Mia Farrow (1972), Mira Sorvino & Paul Rudd (2005)
Jim Brennan

Trad climber
Vancouver Canada
Oct 12, 2013 - 12:38am PT
I got emotional once, watching our cat enthusiastically eat all the after birth from the 5 kitties she hatched that were really fun to play with and help take care of.

YER GONNA LIVE ! (for a while)...
Sierra Ledge Rat

Mountain climber
Old and Broken Down in Appalachia
Oct 12, 2013 - 12:45am PT
I am wondering if people become more emotional as they age.

Yes, as the concept of mortality starts to bitch-slap you.
Wayno

Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
Oct 12, 2013 - 01:20pm PT
Yes, as the concept of mortality starts to bitch-slap you.

Lmao.

That's a 10-4, Rubber-duckee.
jgill

Boulder climber
Colorado
Oct 12, 2013 - 03:17pm PT
Yes, as the concept of mortality starts to bitch-slap you

Is this a bit of humor? Probably so.

In my experience that has very little to do with it. As one ages frequently there is a relaxation, an accommodation with mortality.

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