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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Original Post - Jul 13, 2013 - 07:44am PT
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i pick up paul at 6:22 am.
we stuff his gear into the prius,
and he says the thing
is only slightly bigger than a haul bag.
par down, my friend. leave the # 6,
hell, warren did the route with nothing
bigger than a 3" piton.
we stop off at starbucks
and paul hooks down an expresso shot
of viscosity worthy of transmission heat suppression.
we diesel down the highway (pun intended)
cranking good conversation and
some rare jimi hendrix.
9 am we pull into groveland.
"you mind if we stop at the iron door?" i inquire.
"sure, we only got to find the start of the route today," he replies.
so we duck inside and i order a beer,
and instantly someone recognizes paul.
hell he's a rock star (and he'd clock me for saying that)
it turns out to be scott stowe
and the two gents trade stories about
valley ice first ascents in the days
when drooped tools were still in designer's womb,
(silver stand??) something like that.
i drink my beer and go to pay,
but i only have a credit card,
and the tender tells me,
10 dollar minimum so i drink two more.
we escape with all our toes,
and finish off the valley-march.
road sodas aplenty,
we exit the pullout below the cathedrals,
shoulder our hardware,
and a couple of trail beers for me.
paul don't partake of the booze anymore.
we stumble up to lower and after some
wandering, we find the start
of the north buttress, stash the gear
and stumble back to the oversized
electric haulbag.
i saved some of my rack so's we could
get in some evening cragging.
camp four wall, i execute a shirtless
onsight of henley quits, with a dollop of beer
inside my tortilla.
im all bloody and paul tr's some
thin crack in the plumb below the anchors.
he then hikes cid's embrace and lancelot,
and i continue to drink.
it's like 8 pm now so we head out of the park
to bivy and of course stop at the market
and i buy beer and dinner fixings.
after some wyoming sushi (salami and swiss on crackers)
we bed down.
i murder my rest at 5 am,
and elbow sleeping paul, whose next to me.
im feeling just shy of peechy,
but i don't whimper about it
strong french press, no breakfast,
and we're soon roping up at first light.
the pitches peel off the topo
(that i forgot in my stupor),
and then i get us off route,
next thing i know im
60' up an offwidth with no gear,
looking at a move where the knee has to come
out a bit, but there aint no obvious solution.
so i grunt it out and re-lock the knee
above the constriction, and promptly turn green,
look down at paul,
he sees it in my stare but i share it anyway,
"dude im gonna puke,"
he tries to escape the cascade but
the anchor holds him in the fall line
and for the rest of the day he's
wearing my tangible song,
reeking of wretch
and i feel the fool
for sending my body lemons
and it making lemonade on paul crawford.
by the way the dude still
calls me his friend,
cause he's paul crawford
and he's one durable fella.
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weezy
climber
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Jul 13, 2013 - 12:37pm PT
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i, too, have puked coffee on my belayer. and it was only 5.7...smh
sorry jerom.
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kaholatingtong
Trad climber
Nevada City
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Jul 13, 2013 - 12:52pm PT
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hah, good aim
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Rhodo-Router
Gym climber
sawatch choss
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Jul 13, 2013 - 01:47pm PT
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What Tami said.
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Dick Erb
climber
June Lake, CA
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Jul 13, 2013 - 02:30pm PT
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Tami got it.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 13, 2013 - 02:49pm PT
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i do a lot sacrifices for my girls.
every day and every night,
on a weekly, monthly, and yearly basis.
giving up beer on my holiday is not one of them.
maybe i should give up offwidths too.
and mastrabation.
and writing.
and all things that intrigue my glee.
how 'bout that?
huh? how 'bout it?
this is a norwegian fable,
some of it, fiction.
if tami could see my bigger tale,
then she would encourage me to be me.
thanks for the sentiment, though.
im sure it's pure.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 13, 2013 - 03:05pm PT
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sin we scandanavians
don't give up our fish for nothing.
we also steadfastly abide to
beer and hardship.
aint nothing to it.
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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Jul 13, 2013 - 03:15pm PT
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we do a lot of things when we're young that make doing many other things difficult or impossible when we're older... that's what I've noticed as I age, and as I watch my friends age...
who doesn't like a party? especially after a hard week in the work trenches... time to let it all hang out and have fun! throwing up on your partner is an indication that maybe you've pushed it a little bit over the line.
the recuperative ability of the body is astounding, but not infinite... at some point, the accumulated insults require more recuperation than just "sleeping it off" and at that point the ability to do those other things is taken away... maybe just briefly, but maybe permanently, certainly not just physical things, but relationships and all that...
sound's like a buzz kill, but we all make choices, and the choices we make have consequences... when you reduce the process of making a choice to preserving a self-image, it's time to think that through and question your assumptions regarding that self-image... what really matters? what is it that you have to give up to maintain it? and is it really worth it?
puking on your partner isn't normal... and maybe you posted this for input... or maybe because you thought it was funny, in some ways it is, but in a more important and serious way, it isn't...
...and it's something many of us have seen before, either in ourselves or in our friends.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 13, 2013 - 03:24pm PT
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geez ed,
take all the fun out of my story.
fine, i'll come clean:
after battling the run out offwidth
and executing a 5.10 crux (the knee out part)
60' out and dehydrated by choice,
i honestly felt to puke.
i announced such to paul,
and he looked at me,
and said,
"don't do it on me."
so i caught it in my mouth
and swallowed it.
is that normal?
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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Jul 13, 2013 - 03:25pm PT
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oh, it's only an OW story... now I get it...
the OW rules:
1) don't puke on your holds
2) don't puke on the rope
3) don't puke on your belayer
(I think that's the acceptable order)
...but I'm standing behind what I wrote above...
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micronut
Trad climber
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Jul 13, 2013 - 03:27pm PT
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Norwegian,
Fun tale. Well told. I laughed out loud and enjoyed the prose. We've never met, but I too would encourage you to stop drinking. Rise above it. Take the narrow road as many others have before you. Fight the fight. Your maidens need to be rescued from the beast. And no, you shouldn't give up them other vices, especially offwidths, we need more like you dedicated to the craft. Think how much joy and clarity you could squeeze out of your other passions without the alcohol ditrying the water. We're on your side. We do want you to be yourself.......yourself is not the drink. You were fearfully and wonderfully made with a bloodstream that flows clean. That's the real you.
Scott
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 13, 2013 - 03:44pm PT
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in my house
there are four goddesses:
Tara, Annapurna, Makalu and Cho.
im chuck.
"expelling the contents of your stomach thru your mouth"
bluering'll never become a democrat,
gobi'll never stop pasting bible verses,
and i'll never stop drinking.
lets just move on, now. eh?
will pete ever stop stick-cheating?
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Ward Trotter
Trad climber
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Jul 13, 2013 - 03:59pm PT
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Chuck up- chucking may or may not be a result of anything other than intensive effort, and not necessarily an indication of alcohol problems, when considered in isolation.
Professional hard core body builders keep what is called a "rocket bucket" or a " barf barrel" in the gym.
So what we are left with is the OP drawing an unspoken but direct connection between his inappropriate breakfast boozing and throwing up on his partner.
This is intended to draw the ire and revulsion of fellow climbers for a psychological impact upon the OP.
We've seen this before, in frequent doses. With varying themes:
The OP openly confesses to boozing .
This confession is couched in a story designed to shock and disgust., despite its disarming candidness, and undeniable humor.
The OP then fields the expected onslaught of caring attempts to dissuade him from his ways. Appeals to his families' welfare by others is invariably invoked, as well as to his own future, and health.
Pause
Repeat
Pause
Repeat
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i'm gumby dammit
Sport climber
da ow
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Jul 13, 2013 - 04:01pm PT
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Dear Norwegian,
Please give up what makes you happy to please the faceless names here on the Taco. Drinking is bad for your health. Climbing is bad for your health. 'Dieseling' is bad for your health. Typing your excellent prose no doubt leads to carpal tunnel syndrome. Give it all up to make your girls happy, because they have no interest in your happiness.
Seriously folks, not everyone who drinks has a problem, and noone who has problem stops drinking until they decide to for themselves.
And just so I'm clear, is bleeding profusely in an OW okay??
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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Jul 13, 2013 - 04:05pm PT
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sounds like a party to me, what's the big deal?
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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Jul 13, 2013 - 04:09pm PT
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it's a choice, that's all, and we're all just providing our experiences in outcomes of various choices...
I drink a beer or two on occasion, it doesn't define me... my choice (it might be easier for me than for someone else, I totally get that)
is bleeding profusely in an OW okay
define profusely, e.g. how many quarts on the transfusion...
http://www.widefetish.com/gallery/main.php?g2_itemId=151
I heard him utter: "Aus der Kletterschule des Lebens. — Was mien nicht umbringt, macht mich starker"
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i'm gumby dammit
Sport climber
da ow
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Jul 13, 2013 - 04:17pm PT
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It only takes several hours before it looks like munge...
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splitter
Trad climber
SoCal Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
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Jul 13, 2013 - 09:35pm PT
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oh please weegie, oh please. please stop hurting yerself, blah, blah.
i wud puke my morning cup of joe all over somebody, but i already pissed it out. if he wants to mold some image of himself as weekend batso, let him roll with it. drinking beer on the weekend don't make one an addict. 24/7 does. about once a month, or so, he tells of some adventure and its always the same, laced with the morning beer, etc! bfd. it worked for hemingway, faulkner, capote, kerouac, joyce, fitzgerald, hunter thompson, etc.! the 'poor tormented, but gifted artist' public image sells. he's a big boy. carry on...
edit: donini - Harding was the biggest wino of them all, and he lived well into his 70's!
a beer or two and a couple ibuprophen, first thing in the morning, is just what the doctor ordered (a couple of mine, anyway) ain't gonna kill anyone. 2-3 beers a day lowers the cholesterol (for instance).
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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Jul 13, 2013 - 09:38pm PT
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Pratt, Harding, Whillans....it was fun and then they were done.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 13, 2013 - 10:28pm PT
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nirweegin is a f*#king clown,
ed i know all about entropy
and the breakdown of organized systems
towards disorder, i do.
im just decorating my decline with flair and folly,
and i found a secret energy source that
stunts the accelerated self-collapse that i encourage:
fun thoughts, dreams and a hyper imaginations.
like earlier i was makin mac and cheese for the girls,
i dropped a noodle on the stove top,
and it fell 'neath the gas-blue flame.
maki was watching and i said,
"oh no! the princess (noodle) is a prisoner of the dragon (flame)!
don't worry maki, im a trained knight, i'll save her."
so i go in with my bare hand and try to fish the noodle out,
but get burned.
"that's a fiesty dragon! i need a sword."
so i go and get a spoon and slay the dragon and save the princess,
only to throw her into the boiling cauldron for later consumption!
victory! the war starts here, right bluering?
ron i will pass on your salutation to paul.
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