gettin rich. getting strong. getting sober.


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Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Original Post - Apr 6, 2013 - 01:44am PT
where the f*#k is the norwegian of 'ol?
i've been wondering of that fool.

that stupid c#&% is out mastering laps
on the campus board;
pounding the mountain bike
rubber to the rim trail;
and sketching up midnight cracks.

my (2) companies are exploding in output.

my wife gave me the ultimatum of
get clean, or else...

so im temporarily giving up booze,
jogging in the morning,
climbing trees all afternoon,
and cranking out design work in the evening.

life is boring as hell, right now.
my inspiration is caput;
the bank account is overflowing,
the i.r.s. is sending me thank-you and love letters,

my clients are telling everyone they know about me,
my wife still hates me,
my children don't trust me,

all is loose in my life.
all is fragile.

im strung out at point b,
trying to figure out a path back to a.

i never could alphabet backward very well.

Trad climber
lost, far away from Poland
Apr 6, 2013 - 01:52am PT
All right!

Keep it up.

Your wife will stop hating you.

Just wait...

Social climber
joshua tree
Apr 6, 2013 - 02:07am PT

life is boring as hell, right now.
my inspiration is caput;

When ur spirits come from a bottle of Jack

And many times uve found urself lying on ur back

Take the time to stare into the queer

By shrug'in off the requests for a beer

Look thru the eyes of the daughters you hold dear

And then your inspirations will not caput, but catapult

Apr 6, 2013 - 02:43am PT
Trust is built by time
when so much has fallen
even when that which has fallen rises up from it's knees
the grass is still worn bare where it had so many times landed
now all that was misunderstood must be spoken again

and these words their meaning must sit to grow into truth
until than many who saw the fall are wary to stand there
least the world falls on them
the weight too much to bear

give it time for all that is new to grow
to strengthen a pattern into a good habit

where all that is good waits
all that is good for you to hold
it will grow
now it's time to believe and wait
you will see
Trust is built by time

mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Apr 6, 2013 - 02:55am PT
Goofball goodbye

Sorta sad

The good liver is his own wreword

One reckons negative with repetitious and vice with verse and it was getting so

I hope you don't mind a bar of Thanks for the Memory

Now go explode

[Raise your hand, anyone, if the IRS ever sent you a love letter.]

Trad climber
The Illuminati -- S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Division
Apr 6, 2013 - 02:55am PT
Your wife WILL love you again.

Your girls WILL trust you again.

Because you are going to stay of the booze, hard as it will be (and it will be hard).

It WILL be worth it, I promise.

Social climber
joshua tree
Apr 6, 2013 - 02:59am PT

And Faith,

By Hearing, and Hearing, and Hearing, and Hearing, and Hearing, and Hearing, and Hearing..

Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
Apr 6, 2013 - 03:58am PT
The good news is, now you get to have all your feelings.

The bad news you get to have all your feelings.....

Keep smiling and laughing bro!

Trad climber
Apr 6, 2013 - 06:22am PT
What they said.

Sobriety is my crazy new drug I didn't know I was missing.

Free drugs! Who woulda thought?

And it turns out my wife was right about a few things.
Captain...or Skully

Apr 6, 2013 - 08:08am PT
A little variety will do ya good. Or can, anyways.
So they say....

Trad climber
June Lake, California....via the Damascus Road
Apr 6, 2013 - 09:48am PT
Best Weeg post I've ever seen!

Good on ya, lad!

Apr 6, 2013 - 10:01am PT
Hey I'm just a lurker but after reading the OP I thought to myself "Please, don't f*#k up now, N."

Seriously rooting for ya over here.

I quit the sauce last autumn and that shook things up tremendously, mostly in a bad way, but it is worth it or will be worth it.

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 6, 2013 - 10:04am PT
detox is lovely and lite,
im like 5 or so days into
this land with static horizons.

i aint counting, though.
i aint absolute about nothing.
this is only a pitch in my life,
i cant see the end of it and i don't
know nothing of it's difficulty cause i aint ever yet tread it.

f*#k it.
take away my sex. take away my drugs. take away my rock and roll.
i'll have to abide an understandable reality that occurs periphery to this cliche.

i'll do it, only because i have to.
thanks for the encouragement,
though smiles, handshakes and backslaps make me want to vomit
into grandma's picnic basket, where i know she hides the beer under the cookies.

i get home from 4 dry days on the road,
and i gotta get to work now.

im assigned a mid-rise in downtown san francisco,
a sprawling 7 story condo in oakland,
two treetop satelite installs,
one log cabin to construct,
7 hazard tree removals,

and a partridge inna an audible religion.

cheers (can i still mutter that?)


Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
Apr 6, 2013 - 10:08am PT
weeg is brutally honest about his feelings and sobriety is rife with all kinds of feeling. Especially when it seems he needs to vent. Having em isn't what marks success or failure. During detox? man that's a crazy time from what I've seen. Find some good folks to spend time with IRL. If you havn't already. Outside support helps.

I may be talkin out my ass here but the basics are I like you weeg and hope the best for you and your family.
Captain...or Skully

Apr 6, 2013 - 10:10am PT
Watchin' you. Relax.Easier said than done, but it's all good.
Or some such.

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 6, 2013 - 10:22am PT
the other day paul crawford
and i were watching my daughters
make commendable goes at his campus board.

he's sober, and i admire immensely the paths that he has tread.
he's a brutally honest friend, too; no sugar coated poems or prose or such.
he tells me straight up,
dude, don't f*#k this up.
just don't.

and i'll honor his advice.
and i'll spend well the encouragement that you offer me, here.

my beast inside will hafta go dormant for a spell,
sew his oats with the sluts i house deep down in my brothel.

he'll get all strong and anxious,
and make-a many offspring,
and i'll supress his manic dreams as long as needed.

then one day,
come climbing outta my brain and he'll issue
a seismic smile that'll shake the nearest concrete statue back to life.
and we'll; him and i and the stone statue,
will go unravel the woven skies,
settin free the idle me;
and we'll rip giant holes in the mended mind,
so's that the merry breezes of yesterday
can catch up with the atmospheric void of tomorrow.



Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 6, 2013 - 10:31am PT
im hanging onto this crew by a thread.
i wanted to climb up onto that empty cross for the photo
but my wife would let me,
and it's probably well that i didn't
because right now i don't want no admiration upon me.

Credit: Norwegian

Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
Apr 6, 2013 - 10:35am PT
They're worth it.

Trad climber
Apr 6, 2013 - 10:59am PT
Good luck, Norwegian. It's a fragile state that you're in. So, you need attention, appreciation and tenderness.

But aside that, it's a fragile state that your family is in. So, they need attention, appreciation and tenderness.


Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 6, 2013 - 11:04am PT
hank your fall on southern belle
was a first world problem, too.

so why tell us about it?

i've only a first-world understanding,
so my local struggles are valid in my heart.

im sure that, faced with identical burdens,
some iraqi youth could
skate circles around my writhing and struggling form,

though that same youth probably could not
send that pitch up the full side of half empty dome.

Apr 6, 2013 - 11:09am PT
In order to give up something you have to have something greater.

Otherwise it will be false renunciation and later one will fall back down.

Your family is far greater.

You talk too much and grok too little .....
pelut espania

Big Wall climber
Apr 6, 2013 - 11:13am PT
Amigo! You can still do the ACID no? Sangria es muy bueno but will make esposa muy loco si? Carry forward my favorite American dog and do the acid but no tequila. Viva Espania!

Social climber
Apr 6, 2013 - 11:16am PT
Pelut! Retard!

Weege get sober. Stay sober. Do it for your family.

Apr 6, 2013 - 11:19am PT
Good luck, seems like a no brainer.

Tell Paul I said hey, you guy's should come over someday
pelut espania

Big Wall climber
Apr 6, 2013 - 11:19am PT
Watch your tongue mi tubby Canuk! Canadia is not far from the muddy towers I rule and punish and I will come and send all the Candaia Dogs project in short tiempo. Viva Espania!
Charlie D.

Trad climber
Western Slope, Tahoe Sierra
Apr 6, 2013 - 11:22am PT
Got your back buddy. I've got a book for you too, let's connect. The lizards crawl and the snow melts, time to climb on stone with your friends.

Charlie D.
Stewart Johnson

lake forest
Apr 6, 2013 - 11:25am PT
hang in there, its not forever, just a lifetime.

Trad climber
Millbrae, CA
Apr 6, 2013 - 11:55am PT
Please Enter Your Reply Below:

I sit here looking at the blank little reply rectangle thinking "HOW! How to say in a few words of internet type what I have learned to be the path to happiness". It's not some unique discovery I've personally made. Any one of a thousand wise teachers, ancient and modern, can help you find a path. They have put the words on paper far more skillfully than I ever will.

But you have to then take their words of wisdom and do the work with it. You have to be the one to work at it, every day, every hour, every minute. It is work at first, when your ego is so fixated on these concepts of what it is and what it needs to be happy. I suspect that your own ego may be addicted to the need to be the special, tortured, sensitive one. Your own ego may be the most secure and satisfied when you think you are the most miserable. The work is letting go of these thoughts, beliefs, reactions.

Please keep at the process. You have all that you need in the love of your family, in love in general.

mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Apr 6, 2013 - 12:21pm PT
'...your own ego may be addicted to the need to be the special, tortured, sensitive one.'

Excellent pin-point analysis of our favorite whipping-boy, Phylyp.

Think of all the 'beat-on-me' stuff we have witnessed.


Trad climber
Santa Cruz
Apr 6, 2013 - 12:44pm PT
Credit: SCseagoat

Big Mike

Trad climber
Apr 6, 2013 - 12:51pm PT
Pelut you are a troll. Stop trying to convince everyone you are the real thing. Un Des Tants is the real Pelut.

Weege, like others have said, you can only do this if you want to. Giving up the green stuff has been pretty easy for me, i've been in an environment where it's not around, but more so, i was sick of the side effects. I'm happy to not be a slave to a substance anymore. I happy to feel good when i want to instead of when i am able to smoke. I'm happy to wake up rested and not feel like a bag of sh#t every morning. I feel like i've taken off the shackles.

Go down this path a little longer my friend. I think you will find that you climb better, love better, write better, do everyhing better. Don't get sucked back in, by thinking, i'll just have one. One leads to two and so forth. I think we all know that road.

Do it for yourself, or don't. It's your life.

Trad climber
lost, far away from Poland
Apr 6, 2013 - 01:00pm PT
Wise words Mike!
Big Mike

Trad climber
Apr 6, 2013 - 01:03pm PT
I'd like to think i've learned a few things from this mess.. ;) thanks moose :)
Ezra Ellis

Trad climber
WA, & NC & Idaho
Apr 6, 2013 - 01:23pm PT
Best to u WEEG, that's a heck of A beautiful family!!!!

Savor the new journey!!!!

Social climber
Apr 6, 2013 - 01:49pm PT
Your children don't trust you because you're a drunk and an alcoholic. The fact that you're still saying you "temporarily" are giving up drinking tells me they are correct in their judgement so far.

You have the choice to change their minds. Admit you can't drink. period. alcoholics should not drink. at. all.

Try that and see if the kids don't learn to trust their old dad. I bet they will. Wishing you strength. I mean that.

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 6, 2013 - 01:52pm PT
the first order of business
in which i employed my newly-earned clarity
was the birds and bees.

you see my nine year old has been
chattin up her immature peers on the playground
and mom and i've been hearing curious tale
of what's she learning.

so i took it upon myself to clear up
any misinformation that she's so far gathered,
and to complement / omit any gross errors.

i've never done this before, i mean the sex-education,
and to be honest i've been lamenting the situation.

since my girls, annapurna and makalu have mountain names,
i first explained to anna the geo-process of colliding continents
and this is how mountains are borne.

then i segued into her mom and i colliding like
continents and that's how our mountainettes were borne.

i substituted the term 'subduction zone' for that awkward word.

i think she got the concept.

Trad climber
Yosemite, ca
Apr 6, 2013 - 03:28pm PT
Gotta admit...^^^

That was pretty clever and awesome!
the czar

meyers, ca.
Apr 6, 2013 - 04:59pm PT
He alone is victorious who conquers himself

Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
Apr 6, 2013 - 05:01pm PT
Nice poem below.

Whoever wrote this crap was badass or trying to be. Just reading it makes me feel badass for a second... reminds me that I and I suspect all of us have our good moments in bad times. We can all do it.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Big Mike

Trad climber
Apr 6, 2013 - 05:06pm PT
Wow. Posts keep disappearing from this one! It's been stuck at 45 for awhile now. ;)

Apr 6, 2013 - 05:31pm PT
Norwegian, sounds like the adventure of a lifetime. See you out there on the rocks bro.


Somewhere out there
Apr 6, 2013 - 06:07pm PT
Weej paraphrased:

This is just a pitch in my life….

I don't know when it will finish…..

 You can expect some of the most memorable, sustained, exciting climbing ahead. Focus on that and as always have fun with all pitches.

Good to hear everything seems as good as it is for the weej.
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Apr 6, 2013 - 06:28pm PT

I wish you the best. Alcoholism is what led to Jennie's medical condition. I won't attempt a poem or verse, but my thoughts are with you. As one of her GPs said: "Alcohol, it's sneaky..."

I still drink, but definitely in moderation. Cirrhosis and then liver cancer took my closest brother, one of the finest winemakers in the world, fact (by peer recognition), but he stopped too late.

I will always remember him, leading climbs in Yosemite, teaching me. Shasta, Mt Olympus...

Norwegian, suck up the gut (as I should), and stay strong.
Jebus H Bomz

Peavine Basecamp
Apr 6, 2013 - 07:07pm PT
I know for my wife and her alcoholic father, his is a name on her phone she no longer answers, too tired of feeling let down by a man who chose the taste of his own failure over the happiness of his daughters. He cut every string of love with his own hand and is too caught up in his own drama (or alcoholic encephalopathy) to see it.

Lots can drink "normally" or feign it better than others. Many can't. Honesty about it doesn't seem to be the norm though.

Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
Apr 6, 2013 - 08:16pm PT
You're on to something very good Weeg! And if your sex education via plate tectonics poetics are fractal of your new, sober creations you've sprung a gusher of a wellspring that you owe yourself permission to explore!

Wish I had your words....

Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
Apr 6, 2013 - 08:24pm PT
You're a talented guy, stay the path, keep yourself sober, everything will fall into place.
Spider Savage

Mountain climber
The shaggy fringe of Los Angeles
Apr 6, 2013 - 10:32pm PT
Sad how things of pleasure often cause erosion.

One day the pleasure is only a memory but bottle is needed to keep an even keel.
Lynne Leichtfuss

Sport climber
moving thru
Apr 6, 2013 - 10:38pm PT
Survival's words....the good news and bad news about feelings are so right on.

And your words, "Waking up, I asked myself, why do I have to numb what I feel?" I hear you about your (fear of) static horizon's and eventually ripping giant holes in the mended mind." I really hear you.

But imho, we all project days, weeks, months and years in advance. We may only have today. Today is the only day you need to take care of. Been working on that since Dan died. My mantra has been, " A day at a time, one step at a time, with Peace, Patience and Perseverance." I'ts difficult to remember and challenging to carry out. But it works, this one day at a time stuff.

Five years ago I started over, Norweigan. I had to sort thru every aspect of my life....mentally, physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually... I had to find out who I really was, lynne by herself. Turned out I was not who I thought I was.

It's been a more than challenging, painful, fun, wonderful discovery. Had to get rid of a lot of stuff in my life I never wanted and embrace the things I'd always wanted but never allowed myself to enjoy.

Redefined relationships in a sometimes painful, but turned out for the good, positive way. Am a stronger person now, filled with much more joy, peace and love. I can wake up and embrace the day. Oh, I have not reached the goal line. So much more to flood my spirit with to wash it and make it like one of those crystal, clear untouched springs no one has ever discovered. But, like you, heading in the right direction.

The demons that say you'll lose creativity or become static lie. You have no idea of the beauty that lies in a clear soul and spirit.

I haven't expressed this very well, hope some of it makes sense. Above all, like the rest of us here I will be holding you in positive love and thoughts and prayers. lynnie


Social climber
Apr 6, 2013 - 11:41pm PT
gettin rich. getting strong. getting sober.

The happiness quotient is missing.

Just sayin'.

Peace, Brother.
Lynne Leichtfuss

Sport climber
moving thru
Apr 6, 2013 - 11:52pm PT
You are so right, Mr. E. I was trying to say that but never quite got it spoken. One must be happy. Rich is highly over rated. Just be happy, love the ones you love and that love you, and be able to pay the ordinary life bills.

Even strong is not necessary. I've known people that aren't strong physically but embrace life and people and they are in turn embraced by them. lynnie
Captain...or Skully

Apr 6, 2013 - 11:59pm PT
Strong can mean many things. You know this Lynne. You are strong.
Sometimes list folks leave things out. Perhaps they are implied?
Let me know if you lean, Chuck. I can help hold.

Social climber
Apr 7, 2013 - 12:37am PT
hey there say, norwegian...

sorry i can't stay long tonight and read more, as, i am babysitting and he gets up early, this little boy, :O


keep this new trail... remember, NEW views, NEW inspiration and even NEW things to love, APPREAR on new trails...

some of the old trails, as inspriattional as they may have been, MAY have
had some pretty bad ruts that we slipped in far too much--the kinds of ruts
that added wrong pain to our trail...

now--with the new trail, new wisdom as to the ruts in the old trail, well:

this trail can 'fun ruts' instead--like neat times with your kids, and even your wife, being as you may have thought any neat funs had fizzled out, on that old trail (beloved though it was, IT had spots where you slid around in ruts that were only fun for you)...

many a man HAS seen the new adventure of new FOREIGN trails, trials thought they may be, as to 'getting the feel' for it all...

you can do it, IF you want to see the 'unexpected' and the new crisp views
of a freshness you have yet to enjoy!

keep it, and pray if you need to, god is willing to help forge that trail
with you...


wow, norwegian, you are quite a dad...

i liked your mountain-talk, for your girls, a simple polite way...
kids are out there pushing bad at the door of these little girls
hearts, minds, and emotion, with LOT of ruination-talk,
you are strongly needed by these daughters...

you are being there... job well done...
just a bit of WHY your NEW trail, is well timed, for this time in your life...

you are here for GOOD reasons, norwegian...
but, as i said, you GOT to forge new trails, in the clear fresh direction
of non-poluted life...

(we have all seen what pollution has done to the earth ,no matter how much
mankind seems to see this as progress... it is the same with our body:
pollution in our ol' brain cells, as we try to function, well, look what it did, and does = non progress, as to flourishness in what counts for
being alive)

Trad climber
Apr 7, 2013 - 12:42am PT
Any old fool can fall off the wagon.

It takes a real man to stay sober.

Stick with it man. Proud of you. May your eyes be open, your vision sharp and your heart clean on this new path.

Lynne Leichtfuss

Sport climber
moving thru
Apr 7, 2013 - 12:57am PT
Right on Skully, thank you for reminding me about words different meanings. Smiles, lynnie
Captain...or Skully

Apr 7, 2013 - 01:01am PT
Right back atcha. Smiles are good, if they are true. All the way through.
You're true. Be all the way through.

Lynne edit: I can dig it.
Lynne Leichtfuss

Sport climber
moving thru
Apr 7, 2013 - 01:18am PT
Skully, I never use the words smiles, peace, joy and love lightly. Mean every letter of them. Learned their meanings by living out my life. Cheers!

Oh yeah, I learned cheers from Bachar. He told me he meant it when he said it to people he posted here...he meant it even when he wasn't feeling it. Miss JB and DBL. Peace

Mountain climber
there and back again
Apr 7, 2013 - 03:28am PT
Atta Boy Weeg. It ain't easy but its so worth it. Alcohol is an incredible solvent. It can make anything dissolve. One is too many a thousand not enough. Alcohol is cunning and powerful. There is nothing that alcohol can't make worse.

Its really up to YOU, to decide whether your an alcoholic. You've probably got enough evidence if you are one. But if YOU want to quit, you have to admit to your inner self. Its not a joke or temporary thing. Its the real deal. And there is a ton of support.

I admire you for putting it out there. Thank you. Go for it. Commit to it like you do your awesome poetry, your family and that next move when your climbing. As for the wealth, strength and happiness; I'd take reality over them, anytime. It don't get no more real than sober. You'll see. If you haven't already. I wish you luck but it takes more than that to stay the course. Keep checking in Brother and hang in there. We'll be with you.

Welcome home!
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Apr 7, 2013 - 06:37am PT
or alcoholic encephalopathy

Jebus, Wernicke–Korsakoff syndrome (also called wet brain, Korsakoff's psychosis, alcoholic encephalopathy, Wernicke's disease). That's my Jennie. But she is stable, or stabilized, and the med pros are happy with her 'progress'.

I only drink on the odd occasion, and never in front of her. I lock any wine in a filing cabinet in the main (locked) shed.

Fortunately, Jennie did not suffer wet brain, more like foggy brain. Vitamin B1 (thiamine) is extremely important to our nervous systems and neurons/brain cells, and Co-Enzyme Q-10 has shown in several studies to help with foggy brain. In fact, the B complex vitamins are extremely important, I have done so much research on it I think that B*sh*t is coming out of my ears.


When I first started dating Jen, my then editor, told me that his Aunt's family was ruined by an alcoholic father (his uncle by marriage). I didn't listen.

A colleague at the time, a very intelligent man but a hard alcoholic, told me that there is no such thing as a 'recovered' alcoholic, but 'recovering'.

Weeg, stay strong for your family and for yourself.

I live and I am in love with an alcoholic. It is a battle.

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Apr 7, 2013 - 07:53am PT
The opening poem makes the sobriety gig seem temporary and resented. YOU have to want it. You have to finally get it through your thick head that you want your family more than you want the booze. Once you come to the realization that YOU really do want to be sober it is not so so hard...
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Apr 7, 2013 - 08:11am PT

it is not so so hard...

Tradmanclimbs, I sort of disagree. Alcohol is a strong neurotoxin. It is a tough drug to give up on. But of course, if one wants to really give up, one will, but it is a battle. I know you are not being flippant, but it really is not a matter of saying "No More", perhaps for some people.

But we are talking about a drug that the World Health Organization (WHO), in a report in 2011, says is the worst. Of 30 substances abused, the WHO report, which had two categories - the first the harm to the individual, the second category, the harm to society.

Guess what was number one in both categories.

For a recovering alcoholic, strength, belief and support are key, but yes, it is down to the individual. As one of Jennie's doctors say (to iterate): "Alcohol is sneaky, before you know it, it grabs you."

For many people, moderation is the key, but for the hardcore, total abstinence. I know there is the "Moderation Management" theory/program, but to reiterate: "Alcohol is sneaky, before you know it, it grabs you."

Norwegian, stay strong for your wife and daughters. And for yourself.

(BTW, nicotine is more addictive than heroin).

Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 7, 2013 - 09:26am PT
thank you much for the kind words, encouragement, hard-truths, and empathy.

im fine, still purging the toxins, probably.
so far i've noticed better sleep, and overall more energy, gee who woulda thunk?

i've amazing peers here on supertopo.

i credit my incredibly patient and forgiving wife for this oportunity to climb into hell.

forever? alcoholic. never again. permanent stasis.
i don't know folks. these and all absolutes are silly to me.
the moments beyond me own themselves,
i only visit their domain.
i will crawl in an out of them as necessary.

i've built a few things in my life: a home; skyscrapers; cabins; big dreams.

now i gotta build trust.
that shite is terrifying.
because it requires immediate accountability, and its foundation
is love and courage and other intangibles.
it's wobbly as hell,
there ain't no hard substance in it,
it dissolves without warning
and then magically re-materializes on it's own fleeting accord.

and im not sure that i believe in it.

happiness? eric.
right now im perched quite precariously on the threshold of sanity.

this position mandates of me an involuntary beauty, and
this beauty is a disgusting stab at survival -
happiness is temporarily suppressed
as the utility emotions rise thru my heart,
into my command center
and then scramble thru my ship out into the far reaches of my expressive limbs.

once again i thank each one of you for taking the time to read, process and respond to my self-invented plight.

Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
Apr 7, 2013 - 10:32am PT
Very cool to hear you feeling better and healthier.


Think about in the context of a belay. Some things are so fundamental that they have to be done right every time. It's close enough to being absolute as to not be worth considering in any other way.

Perhaps the lesson of the absolute is one worth considering. We all have things left to learn in life.

Some people, especially a lot of em in Kansas are too absolute. But it is also possible not to be absolute enough.

Trad climber
lost, far away from Poland
Apr 7, 2013 - 10:52am PT
“The mind is everything. What you think you become.”


Very true!

Trad climber
Apr 7, 2013 - 11:26am PT
right now im perched quite precariously on the threshold of sanity.

OH, how I remember THAT feeling! I felt like I was walking a tightrope and even the very slightest bobble was going to twing me off and send me arcing off into...I don't KNOW where, but it was terrifying.

That lasted 2 or 3 days, for me. I have heard others describe it too, so it may be that you are having a normal reaction, scary as it feels.

For what it's worth, I spent my first week of not drinking, when I was at an AA meeting, introducing myself (when they asked if anyone is counting days) in this way: "Hi. I'm Terrie and I'm an alcoholic, but I don't know if I want to quite drinking. I have 3 (or1,2, 4,5, 6 etc.) days sober."

Mountain climber
there and back again
Apr 7, 2013 - 01:29pm PT
Hey Weeg,
Its not forever dude. That's way to hard to wrap your head around. Its one day at a time. Some times its one minute, one breath, one heart beat. Drink tea with lots of honey. Stay busy.

They say that addiction is a disease. Its the only disease that will tell you that you don't have a disease. Talk about cunning. I believe my addiction is in my head and that alcohol triggers the obsession. Hell, I can be, have been, and probably are addicted to all kinds of things. But nothing takes you down like alcohol.

I prefer my Hawaiian shirt addiction or my climbing literature "collection". I can be cunning too. So its safer for me (and my family) to act out in these ways.

What do you really want out of life? Do you think that drinking will help materialize that. I don't know if you have a spiritual practice. Because that can help too. I really need to say that I did not quit drinking by myself nor have I stayed sober by myself. That's why its so great that your checking in here.

Hang in there bro

Mountain climber
there and back again
Apr 7, 2013 - 02:21pm PT
Ron I wish I could have "just one". I might be able to for a while. And I tried, but eventually would end up out of control or in jail; usually both. For someone who is an alcoholic/addict we can't afford to play around with it. I know I lost the control over alcohol long ago. This is really serious stuff for me. Drugs, and alcohol is a drug, have taken down many fine people I have known. I think that a normal drinker does not realize just how insidious it is. Although in this day its hard to believe that most people have not been touched by its havoc.

Life is just to sweet with out it.

Mountain climber
Apr 7, 2013 - 02:35pm PT
But if I recall, your past experiences with livin' dry were unpleasant, no?
Sobriety is more than just not partaking of a substance. Your soul is bruised and needs more than abstinence, flush bank accounts and exercise to heal.
Good luck to you.

El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
Apr 9, 2013 - 10:39am PT
Clank your chains and count your change and try to walk the line.
Baby Doll

Trad climber
Apr 9, 2013 - 06:59pm PT
Didn't know you had a few troubles of yer own. then again...guess we all have troubles of our own.

Happy to hear you putting it out there to the masses on here to cheer you on! Best of luck with the trials and tribulations. You already shine, but from what others are sayin you may be shining ever brighter on your new path.

And once we get a lamp shade for the lovely lamp you gave to BM (which yes, I'm still working on..haha), you'll shine even more! :)
The Larry

Moab, UT
Apr 9, 2013 - 07:10pm PT
I like turtles!

Straight outta Squampton
Apr 9, 2013 - 09:14pm PT
Power to you Weeg. I hope the encourgement you receive here can help you through the rougher spots. It take so much courage to open up in a place like this. Your respecful dealings with others here are coming back in karmic form.

I've had similar trust issues with my father growing up, but we did eventually get past it and now have a great relationship. There is plenty of opportunity for you to rebuild what it damaged between you and your family.

Be strong. You're not alone.


Social climber
Greensboro, North Carolina
Apr 9, 2013 - 09:35pm PT
Hey man, when alcohol starts interfering with your relationships, especially your most important ones, it's time to kick that sh#t to the curb. Just put your wild side into climbing. It's so much cooler and more fulfilling anyway.

El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
Apr 9, 2013 - 09:53pm PT
dee ee

Mountain climber
citizen of planet Earth
Apr 10, 2013 - 12:17am PT

Gym climber
A dingy corner in your refrigerator
Apr 10, 2013 - 01:39am PT

been a lurker to your prose. Sometimes I wondered where the hell you were coming from. Time heals wounds so they say, and I realized a great value to your discourse. I can offer no good advise in this thread (although I want to give you blanket support). I have a non similar choice in life that will affect people I care about deeply. I have no good answer in my own situation. As Doc Norwegain can you shoot one from the hip for me?

Love to you a kindred spirit here obviously !

Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
Apr 10, 2013 - 01:53am PT
What a drama queen.

of the First and Most Relevant Order.

I see they question your integrity

as is they should.

You mock what they would rightfully see

as that which is Providential.



Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 10, 2013 - 07:24am PT
pensyl come out of the damn refrigerator.
it's too cold in there. your gonna live forever.

throw a coming out party.
thaw out.
huck some eggs at the wall, and appreciate the mess-art.

life thrashings are stellar, though trying experiences.
i believe that we must encourage them within ourselves,
otherwise we just domestic dilutions of our original genetic intent.

i spilled sour milk on ya'll's blanket,
me and my drama show...

apologies, i guess.
i'm just bored of being a drunk.
the journey was compromising my destination,
so i took off those wretched socks and
folded them nicely and put 'em in the back corner
of my drawer.

later on, when sobriety gets to be a bore,

(read: when my daughters grow up and fly the coop)

i'll find those old socks,
and wet 'em with saliva,
and dirty my brow once again
with horrid wrinkles to match
my disaster smile.

for me,
i can't endure too much well being,
i must murder it with disease when
my train begins to coast.

cyclically, when i tire of walking the disease,
i jump back on the the tracks and bum-ride
a life of wellness for a while.

i apologize if i mock and make
lite of what for some is a serious matter.

...totally ten days dry. and diggin' it.

Captain...or Skully

Apr 10, 2013 - 09:21am PT
The only ruts in Life should be the ones you navigate on the way where?
Anywhere. That's where. Groove on, Chuck.

Social climber
Apr 10, 2013 - 09:26am PT
hey there say, norwegian...

thanks for checking in...
many of us been thinking about you...

prayers and god bless...

and happy good ten days, good job, :)

Social climber
Apr 10, 2013 - 12:40pm PT
When yer daughters grow up & fly the coop they'll still need a sober Papa.I'm all grown up, flew the coop thirty-plus years ago, Dad is still alive at 92 & I'm super glad of it.

Hang onto sobriety Chuck. Fer them, for you.........just dooooo ittttt!!!!!

Oh, and, fer the record? I also strongly believe that your art, your amazing words ..........will only be enhanced by sobriety. Despite the hype - that booze and art are bedfellows - I believe that booze is toxic to creativity.

Love your poetry. Great stuff.

mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Apr 10, 2013 - 12:48pm PT
Booze can be part of the process until it proves not to be beneficial to the art.

Far better not to start.

The questions you're gonna have to answer for the daughters of your eye will demand your complete honesty, so stand the f*#k by, you brave s.o.b.

That kids are mimics of adult behavior is the problem you need to ready yourself to counter or deal with in the future.

Apr 10, 2013 - 01:07pm PT
Oh, and, fer the record? I also strongly believe that your art, your amazing words ..........will only be enhanced by sobriety.

Hey Norwegian, Stay strong man. You are a unique individual, I agree with Tami here & actually notice a difference in your voice from the inception of this thread. You are on your way to the moon and it is going to be awesome there. Have a good day!


Mountain climber
there and back again
Apr 10, 2013 - 02:25pm PT
Sobriety has been anything but boring for me. I quit using and started climbing! I did things and went places I never could have chasing the demon.

Ten days. THATS AWESOME! Hold on to your ass bro your in for a hell of a ride. Before you know it you'll be wondering how to manage all your new found courage, strength and direction.

Your journey is not for the faint hearted. You got what it takes. Just breath and don't drink. If it gets bad (and it can) do what you've been doing and reach out. There is always support when you need it. Believe it or not this is helping me with my sobriety. Thanks


Trad climber
Apr 10, 2013 - 02:38pm PT
Good on you for being able to recognize what your situation really looks like from the outside. If you dont want to totally QUIT drinking, simply take a break for an extended period of time. One year minimum. See if your life has improved during that sober stint. Highly likely you( and those around you) will be better off with you being not drunk. I think everyone struggles giving up something FOREVER in a moments notice. Take a break and see if you really need it in a year or two.
We all need breaks from the routine from time to time , be it working, climbing, boozing etc

Bishop, CA
Apr 10, 2013 - 02:55pm PT
Good plan. I don't like absolutes either. I decided to take a year off intoxicants just to see other perspectives clearly. I'm on day 359 and plan on extending my original term.

Social climber
North Vancouver BC
Apr 11, 2013 - 01:04am PT
I packed some dirty socks away many, many years ago.
They weren't the same color as yours.
I always thought that when the time was right or no more damage could be done,
I might wear those socks again for old times sake.
Years later,
I stumbled across them again.
They didn't fit.
I'll never wear those socks again.

Your words are great and reminiscent of Jimmy Webb lyrics.
Delhi Dog

Good Question...
Apr 11, 2013 - 01:15am PT
This ain't for the poet,
it's for the rest of you.

You guys and gals are rock stars!!!

And for the poet, nothing last forever, your little ones
will be gone before you know it. Be there for them with them and by them
while you can. They love you unconditionally as you do them.


Dick Erb

June Lake, CA
Apr 19, 2013 - 11:44pm PT
I hope your still doing OK Weege.

Apr 20, 2013 - 09:51am PT
Weege, this too will pass. Hang on and enjoy the ride. I thought of my response would be as more of a "welcome to the club" kind of thing. We're all there or been there or heading there.

Nobody is getting out alive.


Trad climber
the tip of god's middle finger
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 21, 2013 - 12:36am PT
i was driving home, just now under the ambitious moon.
i creep silently down my gravel road, the engine killed,
usually some pink floyd playing
(in college my nickname was pinky cause i loved flood,
and my middle name is floyd)
and nothing hurries, within me.

around the fourth corner, i stop.
shadow is in the road.
and he aint gettin up.
he's earned his rest, and,
though i've been through 10 hours of predawn
engineering followed by 8 hours
of technical tree work,
i'm content,
just waiting for shadow
to exhaust his idle position.

the moon is on our side.
it glides so slowly that shadow
needn't hurry across landscapes.

so i get out of the beat up truck
which monthly yanks anxious dollars outta my rockstar wallet...

and walk up and sit next to shadow.
i don't say nothing.
because what do you say to a shadow?

i'd like to know his story.
like what's between him and the light.

i don't ask, though.
i just sit in the dark and listen.
eventually the shadow, he gets up
and limps off according to his own crooked gait,
and i sit a while longer.

alone, now.
except for the wild iris that leans
towards the weak moon-gleam.

i finish unstarted thoughts.
and i realize that life just aint
right without a drinking problem.

im alright, with everything.
love. hate. trust. fear. even dying aint got my attention.

im studying to improve my shadow.
it's lonely and incompetent and dodgy,
out there, always two or three strides beyond me.

it'll someday be a perfect shadow,
once i master that wretched object that stands between
it and the light.

Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
Apr 21, 2013 - 12:42am PT
Now that's more like it.

Social climber
humboldt nation
Apr 21, 2013 - 01:21am PT
poetry, like that was solid bro. norwegian, you got word smith skills
Big Mike

Trad climber
Apr 21, 2013 - 01:35am PT
Wow weege. Wow.
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