OT I need good vibes, I need help OT


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Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Original Post - Apr 4, 2013 - 07:13am PT
This is not a plea for financial help, whatsoever. NOT AT ALL. (EDIT) And I hope it does not come across at that. I just need positive vibes, money does not solve all, but good feelings (jeez, I thought my 'hippie' days were over) and vibes are most welcome.

But the sh#t is hitting the fan and we may find ourselves homeless, though on advice, I should put Jennie into State care until I can sort out the finances. If so, she goes into care and I find a bedsit, but what to do with our Boots, he is a good cat.

Landlord is looking for the arrears
And bills are coming out of my ears

(Hey, there's a song there)

I have been a climber since 1969 and a Supertopian since 2005.

I just hope that other Taco Standers will send their best vibes. That's all I need (and the winning lottery numbers, sigh...).

A lot of people are in dire straits, in the States, in Ireland, in the world. I don't want to sound like I am crying, but I never envisaged being in this situation.

I have to pull my thumb out of my ass and look for solutions.

But knowing that I have fellow climbers out there rooting for me, that's nice.

Trad climber
Apr 4, 2013 - 07:36am PT

I sincerely hope your situation improves.

I'll be thinking of you today.

Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
Apr 4, 2013 - 07:56am PT
I'm up, in the wee hours, sending out some good vibes.

You're a good man Patrick. Keep your chin up and keep searching for reasons to smile and laugh, it's better than crying.

As with all things, this too shall pass.

Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 4, 2013 - 07:56am PT
The bureaucracy here in Ireland is as bad as in France (I know, try getting your work permit in Paris in August, France shuts down in August. I have been there).

I have been on to several government agencies in the past few hours, getting bounced here there and everywhere.

It's frustrating.

But Jennie's health and care is my utmost goal.

EDIT SteveA and Survival. Thanks buddies.

And yes Survival, I have always believed that a smile is better than a frown.

I am beginning to think...

bills in the ears

there could be the making of a song here, I am a trained tenor, and an okay harmonica player and okay at the guitar and shitty piano player

but I know how to write music

Broadway, here I come (well I am a classically trained actor) but, oops, Music City, here I come. Can I have an advance, Please.

California, here I come, right back where I started from...

I am running from arrears
bills coming out of my ears
I try to keep a smile like a clown
instead of always wearing a frown

(It's a work in progress)

My problem is that I am a procrastinator, a lazy bum. Lazy Bum, 5.10d, Sunnyside Bench, I've led that, damn hard move near the top.

Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
Apr 4, 2013 - 08:06am PT
France shuts down in August

More places in the world should shut down once in a while.... :0)

Breasts for you!

( * )( * )

How about a little ass too while we're at it? (_!_)

Delhi Dog

Good Question...
Apr 4, 2013 - 08:17am PT
Sometimes ya gotta dig deep, real deep.
And trust that you'll pull on through,
Cuz you know you have to.
You've already been at it for awhile, keeping plugging away.

Sending you energy to help slay the beasts.

And work on that song:-)
Captain...or Skully

Apr 4, 2013 - 08:22am PT
Pulling for ya, Patrick.

Trad climber
The state of confusion
Apr 4, 2013 - 08:39am PT

Hang in there, Patrick. There's always a light at
the end of the tunnel. You and Jenny will get through this
one too!

Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
Apr 4, 2013 - 08:50am PT
Desert Dawn vibes being sent!
Credit: Jaybro

"Say what you mean,
Make it rhyme
Put a backbeat to it."

Social climber
Apr 4, 2013 - 09:48am PT
hey there say, patrick...

i been up all night working at household, paint, etc, stuff...
i am just now laying down to pray and sleep...

you will be number one, in the prayers, here...
god blesss...

do NOT get rid of the cat... :)
be patient...
Roger Breedlove

Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Apr 4, 2013 - 10:06am PT
Hi Patrick,

I am wishing you the best. I am sorry that it so bleak out now, but the world keeps spinning, and each day brings the hope for a new beginning. Keep your spirits up.

All my hopes for your and Gennie,


Sport climber
Lapu Lapu City, Cebu, Philippines
Apr 4, 2013 - 10:28am PT
Hi Patrick,

You're a strong person. I know you can get through all of this. God bless.

Big Mike

Trad climber
Apr 4, 2013 - 11:20am PT

Mad vibes being sent from this guy! I have always wished you the best and will once more. What about writing your and jennie's life story? Maybe hollywood would be interested in a love story/drama/dealing with alcoholism type thing. Seems like you have a pretty good tale, with all the climbing, your brother and his winery, and the eventual return of an irishman to his homeland to take care of the love of his life.

Many here have been riveted by it??

Best of luck

Mike Cowper
manzanita man

Social climber
somerset, ca.
Apr 4, 2013 - 11:22am PT
5-16-24-32-39-40 - 22
good luck.
Jebus H Bomz

Peavine Basecamp
Apr 4, 2013 - 11:32am PT
Good luck, bud! There's something noble and brave about revealing the struggle underneath, and you have done that - not whining at all. I wish you two the best and that you will have the clear vision to find which is the best path.

Trad climber
lost, far away from Poland
Apr 4, 2013 - 11:48am PT
Hey Patrick, the sun WILL shine again for you!

Don't dispair. Use your head, think out of the box. Sometimes your brain just goes in circles. To break from the circle you need to do something completlely out of character. If you're bad in mathematics, for example, try learning some! Or learn Chinesse. Something that seems impossible to you. Chalange our brain.

Sorry if I sound like a smartass, but that what I do if I can't find a solution to my problems. (I learned how to play a guitar, sing, speak English, among other things). It doesn't metter whether you master the new activity (I suck big time, lol). The point is to chalange your brain.
Counting on lottery is the worst way of thinking, sorry.

Best wishes,

Andrzj Citkowicz
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 4, 2013 - 05:27pm PT

"Don't dispair. Use your head, think out of the box."

Nil Desperandum, a sign posted next to my desk.

Interestingly, about thinking outside of the box. The social worker assigned to us, Sylvia, has been in Ireland around eight years. She is from near Gdansk.

We got off on the wrong foot, and she does not understand some of my 'English' idioms.

For instance I said that John, the public health nurse, is lovely (meaning, a godsend doing his best for us), and she replied (in front of a carer we get one hour every morning), that I was in love with him. Uhhhh, WTF?

John, the PHN, says that Sylvia cannot think outside of the box, that she only sees black or white, no shades.

He is trying to arrange for another social worker. Sylvia and I do not just meet eye to eye. It is not because she is Polish, I couldn't care less about her background or her ethnicity.

She just does not understand. John is right. She cannot think outside of the box. I can, but it's a thick box.


I still want to climb in the High Tatras, whether I ever will, cross my fingers.

Trad climber
Fresno CA
Apr 4, 2013 - 05:48pm PT

I didn't realize we had quite so much in common. I started climbing in the Valley in 1969, although I'd climbed for a couple of years before that elsewhere.

Sad to say, I've also had to face impossible financial and other situations that I've described on other threads, so I know whereof you speak. I wish I could send more, but good vibes, thoughts and prayers I am sending your way. Well, no offense, but the prayers I'm sending Elsewhere (we capitalize His references!)

I've been through the Valley of Death and emerged, alive and stronger, on the other side, and I know you can and will do the same. All my best to you.


Social climber
Right outside of Delacroix
Apr 4, 2013 - 05:50pm PT
Best wishes to you, Patrick.
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 4, 2013 - 06:01pm PT
Roger (never climbed with you but hung out around the campfire with you in C4), Neebee, Gian, Big Mike, Jebus, Moosedrool, John E, Gary

We all have to hang together, by the campfire is better than a half-split goldline.
Big Mike

Trad climber
Apr 4, 2013 - 06:03pm PT
That would be rad dude! I guess you probably can't make it over for facelift. That would be really cool.

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Apr 4, 2013 - 06:08pm PT
Chin up, lad, you know it has to get better. Tis a sad thing that those
Republicans have all become bloody bureaucrats now. But that's the way it
went in Chicago too. Money and a soft cushy job co-opt most. I could make
a couple of calls to my firm in St Jame's Gate if you'd like. ;-)
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 4, 2013 - 07:17pm PT
Jennie is best in care, I have failed.

She does not deserve to be in care for the rest of her life, she turns 62 next Tuesday, that is young nowadays.

However, I have to think of the common good. What is best for her and what is best for me. If i fall ill, the only care she will have is State care.

The weather has finally turned to Spring.

"Let's go up to the quarry, you can watch me free solo and boulder and you can get out of the prison you feel you are in".

"No, it is too cold". Good heavens, she lived in Toronto for three years (exhibition business) and Sweden (her late husband, English, 1990 death, had a hotel and nightclub) for three years. She knows cold and yet she is a wimp to Irish cold and she is Irish.

Go figure.

Tip: do not let your father molest and abuse you when you are five.

Trad climber
New Durham, NH
Apr 4, 2013 - 07:19pm PT
Patrick, I am sending positive energies your way. As bad as things may seem, you have the strength to carry on; know this. By asking here for help, you open up to receiving exactly what you need.

"Horror and anguish! Madness and despair!
Weltering in floods of fire, or pinioned fast
In ice, they see a leprous sky o'ercast
With gouts of blood, and suffering everywhere.
One torment worst: amidst the stench and glare,
Within the crystal mirror of the past, -
Mirror of Judgement, - they behold, aghast,
How their own deeds of blood have brought them there.
Yet hope still springs, ev'n in the black abyss.
Purging with flame, with water purifying,
The Smoke-Grey Buddha makes the darkness bright,
Shining a silver cloud. He tells them this:
That from hell's depth there runs, the past defying,
A fearful, narrow pathway to the Light."
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 4, 2013 - 07:26pm PT

Thank you. As with others who have responded, it gives me strength.

Many of us have difficulties. I would like to send my good vibes to them as well.


The Lisa

Trad climber
Da Bronx, NY
Apr 4, 2013 - 08:12pm PT
Patrick, sending good vibes to you and Jennie and Boots. My mother is 61 and that is not old at all, these days. I love your attitude.
I am from Co. Cork originally and while Ireland does not get cold per se, there is that penetrating damp that makes 1C feel much colder than it should be.
if you need a temp foster home for Boots let me know so I can contact some Dublin friends.
I love the lyrics you are developing, get those musical juices flowing :)

Social climber
Apr 5, 2013 - 12:10am PT
hey there say, the lisa!!!

man oh man, i love the ol supertopo... :)

this ol' quilt, folding itself up close, at times when there is
trouble... each square kind of giving each other support in some
ways, so that ONE square, won't get torn off and hurt,
or, have its lovely embroidery or ribbon, or design hurt...

say, helping that cat have a refuge if things have to change temporarily
for a time, gives one great peice of mind, :)
you are so wonderful to try to reach out some how...
(wow, did not you were from ireland)...

say, patrick, if you fear that full time care may come for jennie, if you
are not there... then, would it be better (or not) to
perhaps try to relocate for work purposes? another nearby town, etc,
or something...

or just get out and scout around? a temporary change, but as if a hunter
hunting for food for his family, and such?

if cat were cared for, and jennie in safe hands, you may be
able to work up a new plot for a new garden of freshness for you?
might take a little fixing the field and such, but
if there is no good soil in the plot you have now,
perhaps you need an open door?

you may have to drive around, on your own, first, to see said-light of
said-open door...

but change, sometimes brings that new life that one is waiting for...

not sure if this would be the advice you need, but it is better
than sinking down into the muck of a fields that has turned bad, with
no options of ways to work it to good???

there may the perfect answer, just over the hill, in another town?
you could get some fresh air and perhaps climb a bit,
but yeah--you'd be giving up a place to live, 'til you find
something right for you to work and settled back down with jennie...

but you WOULD FEEL LIKE you are getting to work for some answers
instead of feeling useless, :(

will be praying...
you could keep sending little notes or cards to make jennie happy, and
send good cheer, 'til you get settled...

Trad climber
Apr 5, 2013 - 02:32am PT
I'm sending you good vibes Patrick!! Remember that caring for someone means your a leader...you seem to be doing a pretty good job from your emails. Nothing in the world ever gets accomplished without other people NOTHING...asking for good vibes is totally cool. Your correct that the person most likely to turn around a bad situation is YOU but being a climber you are adept at thinking on your feet under pressure....GOOD LUCK!!!

Trad climber
The great state of advaita
Apr 5, 2013 - 02:59am PT
Lot's of souls pulling for you here, Patrick. You are not alone.

Please don't think you have failed. I don't think that can be further from the truth. Life is full of struggles and joys. Mere mortals can be tough and fight in extraordinary ways, but there are some things that are just beyond our greatest powers. What counts is that you are a kind, caring, and compassionate man, who is not afraid to be vulnerable and express himself. That is so very clear. As you allude, you need to take care of yourself first. If you run yourself into the ground, what help will that be to Jennie?

And yes, keep that cat!

Bless you, man. You are a good soul.

Delhi Dog

Good Question...
Apr 5, 2013 - 03:45am PT
What the Fletch said!
Hang in there Patrick.

Trad climber
Apr 5, 2013 - 05:18am PT
More good vibrations from southern California. Wishing you guys good luck and smooth sailing.
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 5, 2013 - 07:23am PT
Lisa, thanks. I have to get a tax certificate form (HPL1 form) stamped from the Revenue Commissioners. I called the Collector Generals in Limerick.

“We do not deal with those forms anymore. You have to go to your local Inspector of Taxes.”

“But it says on the form, which I have sent you ten days ago…”

“We do not deal with that anymore…”

“Okay, but you are not very helpful”, in my nicest voice.

Makes one think that in the civil service, the officious people gravitate towards the tax office.

Everybody else I have dealt with – the public nurse, the doctors, the hospitals, the carers, the local council, and all – have been friendly and helpful. But those mandarins in the Revenue Commissioners…

My late mother, a dentist, used to do her own taxes, never went to H&R Block, or anybody.

She never cheated, but she wasn’t the greatest at math (neither am I). She got audited by the IRS one year, and every year after until she retired. Once they have you on their radar, that’s it. (Apologies to any Taco Standers who may work for the IRS, but…)

IRS – Infernal Revenue Service – “Give us our TAKE, or else”
Revenue Commissioners – “We WANT your money”
Inland Revenue (HM Revenue and Customs), “Sir, the Queen NEEDS your dosh”
Ministère de l'Économie, des Finances et de l'Industrie – “Monsieur, without your taxes, we can’t buy our wine.”

Taxman: “Would you like a job working for us?”

“No thanks, I already have the Devil to pay.”
Rick A

Boulder, Colorado
Apr 5, 2013 - 09:57am PT

“If you are going through hell, keep going.”

“Never give in–never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty.."

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

All from Winston Churchill, who carried on despite pretty dire circumstances.

Hoping for the best for you and your wife.



Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
Apr 5, 2013 - 10:16am PT
It helps if you think of rocks....

Credit: survival

And kittens.
Credit: survival
the Fet

Apr 5, 2013 - 10:48am PT
I'm sending my good vibes your way. It's always tough to get hit with three or more bad things in a row. One or two you can deal with. But when the bad news keeps stacking up you just have to keep plugging away. Things will sort themselves out eventually in one or two areas and you'll be able to deal with what's left. Best of luck to you.
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 5, 2013 - 04:24pm PT
I know that Jennie's medical condition is not going to get better, unless there is some sort of miracle cure. The best it is stabilized.

She had a 'meltdown' this evening.

I do not want to be the one to put a human into long-term care, to commit them. That is a power I do not want.

I did not come to Ireland for this. But this is the situation I find myself in. I do not want to tell the authorities that I cannot cope.

They all say I have been doing a wonderful job. Yeah, how come she had a meltdown this evening?

It is the nature of the beast, her medical condition.

I try and calm her, get her into bed. But how long can this continue?

I am near wit's end. They talk about respite for both of us.

In the short-term that may be an 'answer'.

But in the long-term...


Manzamita Man, I played your numbers this evening, some of them, as the Irish Lotto and the EuroMillions both do not take the eight numbers you supplied me, but I mixed them up. Fingers crossed.

If we win with your numbers, even-steven.
Patrick Sawyer

Originally California now Ireland
Topic Author's Reply - Apr 5, 2013 - 04:34pm PT
Survival, you are a naughty boy. If you are a Catholic, go and say confession. Hah hah.

If not, shame on you, for shamelessly showing two kittens in an, uh,uh, uh... I do not have the words to match.

On a more serious note, I do not know what is the best course of action. Should I throw the towel in and have the woman I love committed, or should I stick it out? It is taking a toll on my health.

You think leading a 5.11 runout is tough? I used to think so. Until now.
Big Mike

Trad climber
Apr 5, 2013 - 04:37pm PT
Take a break Pat. Short term at least. You will figure it out.
manzanita man

Social climber
somerset, ca.
Apr 5, 2013 - 10:47pm PT
hey patrick, if you win, its all for you. good luck on your future. sometimes you just got to suck it up and climb on. take care.
em kn0t

Trad climber
isle of wyde
Apr 6, 2013 - 02:06am PT

Thinking of you and Jennie. Hold on to your love, wherever your paths lead.



"Every moment is precious, be it sparkling or black as night."
--Brutus of Wyde, on rec.climbing

Trad climber
Douglas, WY
Apr 6, 2013 - 04:40pm PT

I'm very sorry to hear of your despair and feeling of despondency. Knowing your situation and how you've been true to the one you love is a model for others, even tho' the schitt is currently hitting the fan in your world. MY thoughts are with you, for whatever that's worth. Even though we've not met, I call you my friend. I believe the Brits have a saying: Keep your pecker up! (And no, it doesn't have the meaning it would in the USA!)

Trad climber
Douglas, WY
Apr 7, 2013 - 09:49am PT
***B*U*M*P*** for Patrick!

Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
Apr 7, 2013 - 10:17am PT
The best to you Patrick......hang in there, when things go bad it's easy to see the black side. Do something positive, like exercise, and get your mojo going-you CAN do it!

Social climber
Butterfly Town
Apr 7, 2013 - 09:16pm PT
I'm sending you and Jennie the best of vibes and hopes for a bright future. I honor you for the love and devotion that you hold for Jennie, tho I know it is a difficult time for you both. Still, if you hold the courage that acquired/always had as a pioneering climber, your courage will see you through the maze of difficulties that you now face, and you'll emerge successfully from this difficult situation, much as you successfully emerged at the summits of so many of your pioneering efforts. As we all know, "Just because it's never been done before is no reason to think that we cannot do it." I look forward to hearing about more of your successes!

The Desert Oven
Apr 7, 2013 - 10:01pm PT
Patrick, I only know you from what I read on Supertopo. I have continually been amazed at your devotion and steadfast support of your partner. You are a strong man, and have done much, much more than most would have done. In no way are you a failure. I am sending you good vibes and much respect from across the world. Hang in there.

Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
Apr 7, 2013 - 10:09pm PT
Maybe it's time to come home....we will welcome you.
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