The Tiny Little Rant Thread

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Edge

Trad climber
New Durham, NH
Topic Author's Original Post - Jan 8, 2013 - 07:05pm PT
Go ahead, share 'em if you got 'em.

1) Yesterday I went for my first annual physical in two years; I guess that makes it a biannual physical. After the preliminary height, weight, blood pressure, and history foreplay, the doc gives me a johnnie and tells me to strip down to my underwear and put it on. She excuses herself from the room to give me some privacy whilst I change. Now this is probably a good time to mention that my new doc is 15 years my junior, long golden hair, and drop dead gorgeous, so I'll gladly go anything she asks.

She re-enters the exam room after 45 seconds, has me drop my drawers to the floor, pulls aside the robe, and gives a thorough, two handed inspection of the region commonly under my belay loop had I been wearing a harness, which of course I was not at the time. Just about the time I am thinking she owes me some flowers and a box of chocolates, I get spun around and my prostate gets a probing that would make an alien abductor blush. I pass everything with flying colors, and in many ways its hard to hide my excitement.

So, first of all, if I passed the prostrate exam, does that make me a perfect a$$hole?

And second, given the nature of the impending exam, did she really need to leave the room so I could disrobe?

2) My 21 yo son has a girl "friend" home for the last 36 hours. Despite the fact I am home all day, I have seen the pleasant enough lass for a total of maybe 50 minutes. Sunday night I heard the two of them come into the house at 2:30 am, and the next time they leave his room is at 4 pm when they got dressed to go catch a sunset (it was cloudy, but they didn't know that) so that they could say they accomplished something that day.

Is this normally how one entertains "just a friend?" I guess I must have missed that class while off climbing.

3) And when did airline snacks start costing $8 for a box of assorted vacuum sealed pockets of air with maybe 20 cents worth of "savory" fiberboard?
Norwegian

Trad climber
Placerville, California
Jan 8, 2013 - 07:09pm PT
f*#kin republicans.
Dingus Milktoast

Gym climber
And every fool knows, a dog needs a home, and...
Jan 8, 2013 - 07:10pm PT
1. She did not leave the room for your benefit, when you disrobed. Some people stink down there and its better safe (dissipated) than sorry (shot right in the face with a mushroom cloud stink bomb).
2. Yes.
3. About the same time Corporations were granted personhood. Enjoy the Empire, Citizen!

DMT
Brandon-

climber
The Granite State.
Jan 8, 2013 - 07:12pm PT
It's too cold to be working a chop and table saw outside all day this time of year.
Atlas gloves on, poor pencil marks for cuts. Gloves off, fingers freeze.
SicMic

climber
two miles from Eldorado
Jan 8, 2013 - 07:38pm PT
I won't comment on what seems very obvious. But if the kid asks you to buy condoms, try to stay out of the house after you deliver them.
happiegrrrl

Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
Jan 8, 2013 - 07:44pm PT
I pass everything with flying colors, and in many ways its hard to hide my excrement.


Too much information! (hahah)
Ghost

climber
A long way from where I started
Jan 8, 2013 - 07:44pm PT
And second, given the nature of the impending exam, did she really need to leave the room so I could disrobe?

It's not a modesty thing. The switch to turn all the cameras on is in her office, not in the examination room.

2) Is this normally how one entertains "just a friend?"

Sounds like a pretty good idea to me.

3) And when did airline snacks start costing $8 for a box of assorted vacuum sealed pockets of air with maybe 20 cents worth of "savory" fiberboard?

Is that what they do in the back end of the airplane? Are you saying your climbing shoe sponsor and energy bar sponsors make you fly in Economy?
Da_Dweeb

climber
Jan 8, 2013 - 07:46pm PT
For sale, one pair of baby shoes, never worn.
locker

Social climber
state of Kumbaya...
Jan 8, 2013 - 07:49pm PT


Your Doctor sounds similar to mine...

But mine has HUGE hands and that is a bit of a problem when she does rectal exams...
Dingus Milktoast

Gym climber
And every fool knows, a dog needs a home, and...
Jan 8, 2013 - 07:50pm PT
^^^^

Fists of Fury!

Bwahahahahahaha.

DMT
healyje

Trad climber
Portland, Oregon
Jan 8, 2013 - 07:52pm PT
Is this normally how one entertains "just a friend?"

Well, it is NH so it depends, were either one of them wearing plaid?
Rolfr

Social climber
North Vancouver BC
Jan 8, 2013 - 08:33pm PT
I also have a female Doc. I asked her for a second opinion on my prostate exam, she inserted a second finger. Badda Bing!
Dingus Milktoast

Gym climber
And every fool knows, a dog needs a home, and...
Jan 8, 2013 - 08:36pm PT
Well it IS the digital age.

DMT
MisterE

Social climber
Jan 8, 2013 - 08:41pm PT
The Tiny Little Rant Thread

Meh.
okie

Trad climber
Jan 8, 2013 - 08:48pm PT
Did you study for your prostrate exam? Were you...um...prepared for it?

justthemaid

climber
Jim Henson's Basement
Jan 8, 2013 - 10:45pm PT
F*#king History channel. Since when are "ancient aliens" "history"? My wellspring of useless but fascinating historical trivia has been completely obliterated by fat pawn guys.

PS: @OP At least you were probed by a hottie. Coulda been much worse.
TwistedCrank

climber
Dingleberry Gulch, Ideeho
Jan 8, 2013 - 11:21pm PT
I blame society.
tinker b

climber
the commonwealth
Jan 8, 2013 - 11:37pm PT
i wish that people would always let short people in front of them at live music. everyone would be able to see if we were all shortest to tallest.

and how many f-ing pictures do people need to take, don't people realize that holding their camera in the air taking a hundred drunken pictures is annoying.

and drunk women should not be allowed to wear spikes on the dance floor

thanks for giving me a little rant space
MisterE

Social climber
Jan 9, 2013 - 12:00am PT
Dr.F: Edge
You need to graduate to full on rant level
Go ahead, let it all out..

Yes, because that is such a pillar of informational wealth on this forum.

What a joke.
Da_Dweeb

climber
Jan 9, 2013 - 12:05am PT
I shall present a rant in haiku.

Climbers love poop jokes,
but climbers don't like ponies.
Perhaps pony poop?
crock

Trad climber
The Windiest Mountain, Wyoming
Jan 9, 2013 - 01:06am PT
I think the chemtrails are making people stupid.
WBraun

climber
Jan 9, 2013 - 01:17am PT
Ya don't need any chemtrails.

They're already stupid ......
MisterE

Social climber
Jan 9, 2013 - 01:26am PT
Like a duck smoking a cigarette stupid?
Josh Nash

Social climber
riverbank ca
Jan 9, 2013 - 06:41am PT
Teeny Tiny first world rant
1) So sick of the gun debate and how these same "constitutionalists" say nothing about how other civil liberties are really being seriously eroded away far more so than the right to bear arms.
survival

Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
Jan 9, 2013 - 12:09pm PT
2013, no flying cars, NO FLYING CARS!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Reilly

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Jan 9, 2013 - 12:33pm PT
Wrong, Survival, there just aren't enough people smart enough to drive 'em.
climber bob

Social climber
maine
Jan 9, 2013 - 01:22pm PT
i wrote a limerick about my first colonoscopy..there once was a doctor named howell who's job it was probing my bowel..he cut out a polyp the size of a scallop and wiped his hands on a towel... better?
Reilly

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Jan 9, 2013 - 01:25pm PT
Time for a spelling rant, Bob. Good ditty, but it is a polyp. ;-)
survival

Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
Jan 9, 2013 - 01:31pm PT
Plus you forgot bowel. I was waiting for it. F*#k man, can't you use the obvious f*#king rhyme in yer gawdamn limerick? Why do people always miss the most obvious sh#t?!
(mini-rant)

Breasts for you for trying though.
( * )( * )
Yo Climber Bob, I've got info on a certain somebody. PM me and I will fill you in a little bit.
Peace,
Bruce
Edge

Trad climber
New Durham, NH
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 9, 2013 - 01:45pm PT
I was hoping this would evolve into a boob thread.
Reilly

Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
Jan 9, 2013 - 01:51pm PT
I think there has been a gud showing of boobs already, don't you?
The Call Of K2 Lou

climber
Squamish
Jan 9, 2013 - 06:20pm PT
2013, no flying cars, NO FLYING CARS!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

And said flying cars should be running on water by now.
Sierra Ledge Rat

Mountain climber
Old and Broken Down in Appalachia
Jan 9, 2013 - 06:51pm PT
She didn't need to leave the room to give you privacy. I am a doctor, too. I have better things to do than stand around and wait for people to undress. I have 187 charts that need to be reviewed, 82 x-rays that need QA, and a dozen other patients waiting on me. When you're ready for me, I'll be back.

Why did you pass up the prostate exam? You had the opportunity for a hottie to tickle you in a way that no other woman can. I'd be eating that sh#t up.
LuckyPink

climber
the last bivy
Jan 9, 2013 - 06:54pm PT
RANT: helmet cams.. every idiot has one and knows how to post vid
Dingus Milktoast

Gym climber
And every fool knows, a dog needs a home, and...
Jan 9, 2013 - 07:09pm PT
You had the opportunity for a hottie to tickle you in a way that no other woman can.

We must know a different set of women....

;-)

DMT
Norwegian

Trad climber
Pollock Pines, California
Jan 9, 2013 - 07:18pm PT
cleanliness is next to godliness,
so saiz the cliche;

this claim reinforces my dirtbag ambitions.

"i'd rather die in the dirty gutter,
than sink down slowly into golden sand."-rusty miller

all my life adult i have chosen filth and poverty;
i should say, shades of filth, and glimpses of poverty.

i lived on the rails during my college years,
swinging seasons in the valley as coin permitted;

i've abandoned three high-paying corporate gigs;
instead i've chosen the beautiful uncertainty and staggered flow
of self-employment.

i chase the wind when the wind leads me.
i never again will sit in a gypsum-faced room,
caged by double-pain windows,

im my own king,
im also my own servant.
Sierra Ledge Rat

Mountain climber
Old and Broken Down in Appalachia
Jan 9, 2013 - 07:35pm PT
We must know a different set of women....

;-)

Are you saying that your woman regularly tickles your grommet? (:
But a woman doctor knows exactly where to tickle....
Da_Dweeb

climber
Jan 11, 2013 - 02:56am PT
War.

War never changes.
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jan 11, 2013 - 10:36am PT
After all these years, you'd think short people would learn, but they still gotta be picked up when ya just want to say hello.

"Hello, Tony. You sure tiny."--Rancy Newman
Edge

Trad climber
New Durham, NH
Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2013 - 09:53pm PT
The next time someone uses the term "hash tag" in casual conversation, I am going to bean them in the noggin with a can of corned beef and potatoes and yell, "You're it!"

Had to get that off my chest. Carry on.
Jaybro

Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
Feb 20, 2013 - 11:04pm PT
rainbow pony shits?
And What would that sh#t be of?
Poopurri fer shur!
Brandon-

climber
The Granite State.
Feb 20, 2013 - 11:10pm PT
#lame rant #climbing

Is that how you use twitter? Did I just tweet?

I see that sh#t all the time on FB and now in print media too. Lame.
ChizzDizzle

Trad climber
Rocklin,CA
Feb 20, 2013 - 11:36pm PT
Starbux and Coffee in the same sentence

Tattoos

I just turned 40 and Dr Jelly Finger coming soon. Will I be excited or afraid? Probably just wear a cape and a mask and act tough! Wah!!
Da_Dweeb

climber
Feb 21, 2013 - 06:38pm PT
Credit: Philosoraptor
Brandon-

climber
The Granite State.
Feb 21, 2013 - 06:44pm PT
Maybe.

Da_Dweeb

climber
Feb 21, 2013 - 07:05pm PT
This pleases philosoraptor.
weezy

climber
Feb 24, 2013 - 04:16pm PT
f*#k rock climbing. f*#k rock climbers. f*#k all y'all with your stupid beards and your puffy coats and your trucker caps and your snobby condecending f*#king attitudes. f*#k you and your stupid attention-whorey blogs and your numberchasing and your shallow idea of friendship. newsflash: i don't climb anymore. go find some other sap to belay-bitch you on your chossy project. don't hear from some dipshit for two years and all of a sudden you're my best buddy cuz you don't have a partner for your sierra trip. sorry all your other preferred partners said no and you had to scrape the bottom of the barrel. get my shifts covered at work, pack up the truck, get ready..."oh hey bro, gotta cancel cuz i'm getting married!" f*#k you i hope you get divorced you fairweather friend. thank god for singletracks and full suspension bikes so i can just load up the bike and the dog and don't have to sweat the flakefest anymore or hang out with cheap boring d-bags who think being a climber makes them special. also, dh mountain biking is way more dangerous than climbing so get over yourselves.
Brandon-

climber
The Granite State.
Feb 24, 2013 - 04:18pm PT
That, sir, was a good rant.

Chapeau.
wilbeer

Mountain climber
honeoye falls,ny.greeneck alleghenys
Feb 24, 2013 - 04:55pm PT
Weezy,would you like to go kayaking this spring?
weezy

climber
Feb 24, 2013 - 05:29pm PT
oh hell yes wilbeer. i definitely plan on many days on the tandem sit-on-top getting whiskey-drunk and running some class 2 gnar on the daily.

Srbphoto

climber
Kennewick wa
Feb 24, 2013 - 06:03pm PT
Is this normally how one entertains "just a friend?"


Not sure, are you and the Dr. friends?
wilbeer

Mountain climber
honeoye falls,ny.greeneck alleghenys
Feb 24, 2013 - 06:21pm PT
Yep,Dr.Sierra Ledge Rat,weve kayaked...
Gauley River,WV,yeah thats me getting worked
Gauley River,WV,yeah thats me getting worked
Credit: wilbeer
Way to go Weezy
Bad Climber

climber
Feb 24, 2013 - 07:44pm PT
My neighbors' freakin' frackin' dogs that bark all the freakin' frackin' time SUCK! ANd by association, so do their owners! Suck. SUCK. SUCK!! I fantasize about going over there with my .22 pistol--pop! pop! pop!--all's quiet on the western front.

That feels a leetle better.

Cheerios!

BAd
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