Discussion Topic |
|
This thread has been locked |
| Messages 1 - 47 of total 47 in this topic |
Edge
Trad climber
New Durham, NH
|
|
|
Topic Author's Original Post - Jan 8, 2013 - 07:05pm PT
|
Go ahead, share 'em if you got 'em.
1) Yesterday I went for my first annual physical in two years; I guess that makes it a biannual physical. After the preliminary height, weight, blood pressure, and history foreplay, the doc gives me a johnnie and tells me to strip down to my underwear and put it on. She excuses herself from the room to give me some privacy whilst I change. Now this is probably a good time to mention that my new doc is 15 years my junior, long golden hair, and drop dead gorgeous, so I'll gladly go anything she asks.
She re-enters the exam room after 45 seconds, has me drop my drawers to the floor, pulls aside the robe, and gives a thorough, two handed inspection of the region commonly under my belay loop had I been wearing a harness, which of course I was not at the time. Just about the time I am thinking she owes me some flowers and a box of chocolates, I get spun around and my prostate gets a probing that would make an alien abductor blush. I pass everything with flying colors, and in many ways its hard to hide my excitement.
So, first of all, if I passed the prostrate exam, does that make me a perfect a$$hole?
And second, given the nature of the impending exam, did she really need to leave the room so I could disrobe?
2) My 21 yo son has a girl "friend" home for the last 36 hours. Despite the fact I am home all day, I have seen the pleasant enough lass for a total of maybe 50 minutes. Sunday night I heard the two of them come into the house at 2:30 am, and the next time they leave his room is at 4 pm when they got dressed to go catch a sunset (it was cloudy, but they didn't know that) so that they could say they accomplished something that day.
Is this normally how one entertains "just a friend?" I guess I must have missed that class while off climbing.
3) And when did airline snacks start costing $8 for a box of assorted vacuum sealed pockets of air with maybe 20 cents worth of "savory" fiberboard?
|
|
Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
|
|
f*#kin republicans.
|
|
Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
|
|
It's too cold to be working a chop and table saw outside all day this time of year.
Atlas gloves on, poor pencil marks for cuts. Gloves off, fingers freeze.
|
|
SicMic
climber
two miles from Eldorado
|
|
I won't comment on what seems very obvious. But if the kid asks you to buy condoms, try to stay out of the house after you deliver them.
|
|
happiegrrrl
Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
|
|
I pass everything with flying colors, and in many ways its hard to hide my excrement.
Too much information! (hahah)
|
|
Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
|
|
And second, given the nature of the impending exam, did she really need to leave the room so I could disrobe?
It's not a modesty thing. The switch to turn all the cameras on is in her office, not in the examination room.
2) Is this normally how one entertains "just a friend?"
Sounds like a pretty good idea to me.
3) And when did airline snacks start costing $8 for a box of assorted vacuum sealed pockets of air with maybe 20 cents worth of "savory" fiberboard?
Is that what they do in the back end of the airplane? Are you saying your climbing shoe sponsor and energy bar sponsors make you fly in Economy?
|
|
Da_Dweeb
climber
|
|
For sale, one pair of baby shoes, never worn.
|
|
healyje
Trad climber
Portland, Oregon
|
|
Is this normally how one entertains "just a friend?"
Well, it is NH so it depends, were either one of them wearing plaid?
|
|
Rolfr
Social climber
North Vancouver BC
|
|
I also have a female Doc. I asked her for a second opinion on my prostate exam, she inserted a second finger. Badda Bing!
|
|
MisterE
Social climber
|
|
The Tiny Little Rant Thread
Meh.
|
|
okie
Trad climber
|
|
Did you study for your prostrate exam? Were you...um...prepared for it?
|
|
justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
|
|
F*#king History channel. Since when are "ancient aliens" "history"? My wellspring of useless but fascinating historical trivia has been completely obliterated by fat pawn guys.
PS: @OP At least you were probed by a hottie. Coulda been much worse.
|
|
TwistedCrank
climber
Dingleberry Gulch, Ideeho
|
|
I blame society.
|
|
tinker b
climber
the commonwealth
|
|
i wish that people would always let short people in front of them at live music. everyone would be able to see if we were all shortest to tallest.
and how many f-ing pictures do people need to take, don't people realize that holding their camera in the air taking a hundred drunken pictures is annoying.
and drunk women should not be allowed to wear spikes on the dance floor
thanks for giving me a little rant space
|
|
MisterE
Social climber
|
|
Dr.F: Edge
You need to graduate to full on rant level
Go ahead, let it all out..
Yes, because that is such a pillar of informational wealth on this forum.
What a joke.
|
|
Da_Dweeb
climber
|
|
I shall present a rant in haiku.
Climbers love poop jokes,
but climbers don't like ponies.
Perhaps pony poop?
|
|
WBraun
climber
|
|
Ya don't need any chemtrails.
They're already stupid ......
|
|
MisterE
Social climber
|
|
Like a duck smoking a cigarette stupid?
|
|
Josh Nash
Social climber
riverbank ca
|
|
Teeny Tiny first world rant
1) So sick of the gun debate and how these same "constitutionalists" say nothing about how other civil liberties are really being seriously eroded away far more so than the right to bear arms.
|
|
survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
|
|
2013, no flying cars, NO FLYING CARS!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
|
|
Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
|
|
Wrong, Survival, there just aren't enough people smart enough to drive 'em.
|
|
climber bob
Social climber
maine
|
|
i wrote a limerick about my first colonoscopy..there once was a doctor named howell who's job it was probing my bowel..he cut out a polyp the size of a scallop and wiped his hands on a towel... better?
|
|
Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
|
|
Time for a spelling rant, Bob. Good ditty, but it is a polyp. ;-)
|
|
survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
|
|
Plus you forgot bowel. I was waiting for it. F*#k man, can't you use the obvious f*#king rhyme in yer gawdamn limerick? Why do people always miss the most obvious sh#t?!
(mini-rant)
Breasts for you for trying though.
( * )( * )
Yo Climber Bob, I've got info on a certain somebody. PM me and I will fill you in a little bit.
Peace,
Bruce
|
|
Edge
Trad climber
New Durham, NH
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jan 9, 2013 - 01:45pm PT
|
I was hoping this would evolve into a boob thread.
|
|
Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
|
|
I think there has been a gud showing of boobs already, don't you?
|
|
The Call Of K2 Lou
climber
Squamish
|
|
2013, no flying cars, NO FLYING CARS!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
And said flying cars should be running on water by now.
|
|
Sierra Ledge Rat
Mountain climber
Old and Broken Down in Appalachia
|
|
She didn't need to leave the room to give you privacy. I am a doctor, too. I have better things to do than stand around and wait for people to undress. I have 187 charts that need to be reviewed, 82 x-rays that need QA, and a dozen other patients waiting on me. When you're ready for me, I'll be back.
Why did you pass up the prostate exam? You had the opportunity for a hottie to tickle you in a way that no other woman can. I'd be eating that sh#t up.
|
|
LuckyPink
climber
the last bivy
|
|
RANT: helmet cams.. every idiot has one and knows how to post vid
|
|
Norwegian
Trad climber
Pollock Pines, California
|
|
cleanliness is next to godliness,
so saiz the cliche;
this claim reinforces my dirtbag ambitions.
"i'd rather die in the dirty gutter,
than sink down slowly into golden sand."-rusty miller
all my life adult i have chosen filth and poverty;
i should say, shades of filth, and glimpses of poverty.
i lived on the rails during my college years,
swinging seasons in the valley as coin permitted;
i've abandoned three high-paying corporate gigs;
instead i've chosen the beautiful uncertainty and staggered flow
of self-employment.
i chase the wind when the wind leads me.
i never again will sit in a gypsum-faced room,
caged by double-pain windows,
im my own king,
im also my own servant.
|
|
Sierra Ledge Rat
Mountain climber
Old and Broken Down in Appalachia
|
|
We must know a different set of women....
;-)
Are you saying that your woman regularly tickles your grommet? (:
But a woman doctor knows exactly where to tickle....
|
|
Da_Dweeb
climber
|
|
|
Jan 11, 2013 - 02:56am PT
|
War.
War never changes.
|
|
mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
|
|
|
Jan 11, 2013 - 10:36am PT
|
After all these years, you'd think short people would learn, but they still gotta be picked up when ya just want to say hello.
"Hello, Tony. You sure tiny."--Rancy Newman
|
|
Edge
Trad climber
New Durham, NH
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Feb 20, 2013 - 09:53pm PT
|
The next time someone uses the term "hash tag" in casual conversation, I am going to bean them in the noggin with a can of corned beef and potatoes and yell, "You're it!"
Had to get that off my chest. Carry on.
|
|
Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
|
|
|
Feb 20, 2013 - 11:04pm PT
|
rainbow pony shits?
And What would that sh#t be of?
Poopurri fer shur!
|
|
Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
|
|
|
Feb 20, 2013 - 11:10pm PT
|
#lame rant #climbing
Is that how you use twitter? Did I just tweet?
I see that sh#t all the time on FB and now in print media too. Lame.
|
|
ChizzDizzle
Trad climber
Rocklin,CA
|
|
|
Feb 20, 2013 - 11:36pm PT
|
Starbux and Coffee in the same sentence
Tattoos
I just turned 40 and Dr Jelly Finger coming soon. Will I be excited or afraid? Probably just wear a cape and a mask and act tough! Wah!!
|
|
Da_Dweeb
climber
|
|
|
Feb 21, 2013 - 06:38pm PT
|
|
|
Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
|
|
|
Feb 21, 2013 - 06:44pm PT
|
Maybe.
|
|
Da_Dweeb
climber
|
|
|
Feb 21, 2013 - 07:05pm PT
|
This pleases philosoraptor.
|
|
weezy
climber
|
|
|
Feb 24, 2013 - 04:16pm PT
|
f*#k rock climbing. f*#k rock climbers. f*#k all y'all with your stupid beards and your puffy coats and your trucker caps and your snobby condecending f*#king attitudes. f*#k you and your stupid attention-whorey blogs and your numberchasing and your shallow idea of friendship. newsflash: i don't climb anymore. go find some other sap to belay-bitch you on your chossy project. don't hear from some dipshit for two years and all of a sudden you're my best buddy cuz you don't have a partner for your sierra trip. sorry all your other preferred partners said no and you had to scrape the bottom of the barrel. get my shifts covered at work, pack up the truck, get ready..."oh hey bro, gotta cancel cuz i'm getting married!" f*#k you i hope you get divorced you fairweather friend. thank god for singletracks and full suspension bikes so i can just load up the bike and the dog and don't have to sweat the flakefest anymore or hang out with cheap boring d-bags who think being a climber makes them special. also, dh mountain biking is way more dangerous than climbing so get over yourselves.
|
|
Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
|
|
|
Feb 24, 2013 - 04:18pm PT
|
That, sir, was a good rant.
Chapeau.
|
|
wilbeer
Mountain climber
honeoye falls,ny.greeneck alleghenys
|
|
|
Feb 24, 2013 - 04:55pm PT
|
Weezy,would you like to go kayaking this spring?
|
|
weezy
climber
|
|
|
Feb 24, 2013 - 05:29pm PT
|
oh hell yes wilbeer. i definitely plan on many days on the tandem sit-on-top getting whiskey-drunk and running some class 2 gnar on the daily.
|
|
Srbphoto
climber
Kennewick wa
|
|
|
Feb 24, 2013 - 06:03pm PT
|
Is this normally how one entertains "just a friend?"
Not sure, are you and the Dr. friends?
|
|
wilbeer
Mountain climber
honeoye falls,ny.greeneck alleghenys
|
|
|
Feb 24, 2013 - 06:21pm PT
|
Yep,Dr.Sierra Ledge Rat,weve kayaked...Way to go Weezy
|
|
Bad Climber
climber
|
|
|
Feb 24, 2013 - 07:44pm PT
|
My neighbors' freakin' frackin' dogs that bark all the freakin' frackin' time SUCK! ANd by association, so do their owners! Suck. SUCK. SUCK!! I fantasize about going over there with my .22 pistol--pop! pop! pop!--all's quiet on the western front.
That feels a leetle better.
Cheerios!
BAd
|
|
| Messages 1 - 47 of total 47 in this topic |
|
SuperTopo on the Web
|
Let us know!