End Of The World Tomorrow.....

I need to make proper plans for the end

In a groundbreaking new report, experts say there is a chance the sun will not rise tomorrow and precautions should be taken immediately. Scientists R.W. Hack and P.D. Shill said in a Fox News interview this morning that the idea the sun will rise tomorrow with all certainty is a hoax, perpetrated by radical environmental extremists and supported by the liberal media. Hack and Shill said their research shows there is a significant chance that the sun will not rise tomorrow. It also shows an even greater likelihood that it won’t rise at some point in the future, and that their data supports this conclusion with 100% certainty.

Exxon released a statement in support of the research conducted by these scientists and others, which strongly suggests we need to plan for the possibility that the sun will not rise tomorrow. Exxon has developed new technology in conjunction with General Electric that will allow for artificial sunlight powered by oil. A GE Spokesman added “We bring good things to light.” The two companies are asking for a large government subsidy of taxpayer dollars to allow this project to be implemented.

Senator James Inhofe from OK introduced legislation today on the Senate floor denouncing those who claim with any certainty that the sun will in fact rise tomorrow, and labeled them “Dark Earthers” due to their denial of the possibility that the sun will not rise. He said those “Darkies” are putting our national security at risk, and our children will pay the price if we do not act now. The proposed legislation will give billions of tax dollars to Exxon and GE to implement their Artificial Sun technology. Socialist wing-nut Senator Bernie Sanders from leftist radical Vermont said the technology was not needed, and was untested and unproven as of yet.

After introduction of the legislation, every Senator who is beholden to the fossil-fuel industry signed on as a co-sponsor. There were 99 co-sponsors. The House is expected to take up debate on similar legislation this afternoon. When Dennis Kucinich was asked for his thoughts, the fringe, loony, left-wing, socialist, anarchist, Representative from Cleveland was clearly confused, bewildered, and befuddled, and he had no comment we felt fit to print.

President Obama said he would work with Congress to achieve bipartisan consensus on sound legislation that would be good for Wall Street and Main Street. Later, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs clarified that Pres. Obama was just kidding about helping Main Street. Stocks rallied on Wall Street.

Scientists who are part of the radical "Dark Earthers" environmental movement confirmed that even they cannot say with 100% certainty that the sun will rise tomorrow. Dr James Hansen, the CooCoo-for CoCo-Puffs radical extremist and former head of NASA, admitted science does not back the theory that the sun will rise with 100% certainty. He then added there is a 99.9999999999% chance that it will. Dr Hansen condemned this groundbreaking report, stating that the paper has not been peer-reviewed, and that the so-called scientists not only lack credentials, they are actually high paid lobbyists from a group calling itself Liberty and Independence for Americans Responsible for Security (LIARS), a fossil fuel industry front-group. When asked for comment regarding these allegations, the two scientists said, “I know you are but what am I,” a damning response that critics have yet to respond to. So, the debate rages on.

A peaceful non-violent candlelight vigil was planned for tonight by a group calling itself Citizens for Sane Policy. The group claims to represent the view of 99% of the world that the sun, in fact, will rise tomorrow, and advocates the position that we should not pursue costly legislation that only benefits corporations. Leaders of the group were promptly arrested and held without charge in an undisclosed location because of what Officials called "likely terrorist activities." The Officials added that after searching the group’s headquarters, they found lighters, candles, goggles, protective head gear, and gas masks; these items clearly indicated that the group's intentions were not peaceful. A spokesperson for Citizens for Sane Policy claimed the candles and lighters were needed because it was a candlelight vigil, and the other gear was strictly a precautionary and defensive measure in anticipation of police brutality. She also added that the arrests were not done by police but rather by what appeared to be Blackwater employees.

Three days without the sun coming up, or so I'm told.

IZAMAL, Mexico (Reuters) - Thousands of mystics, New Age dreamers and fans of pre-Hispanic culture have been drawn to Mexico in hopes of witnessing great things when the day in an old Maya calendar dubbed "the end of the world" dawns on Friday.

But many of today's ethnic Maya cannot understand the fuss. Mostly Christian, they have looked on in wonder at the influx of foreign tourists to ancient cities in southern Mexico and Central America whose heyday passed hundreds of years ago.

For students of ancient Mesoamerican time-keeping, December 21, 2012 marks the end of a 5,125-year cycle in the Maya Long Calendar, an event one leading U.S. scholar said in the 1960s could be interpreted as a kind of Armageddon for the Maya.

Academics and astronomers say too much weight was given to the words and have sought to allay fears the end is nigh.

But over the past few decades, fed by popular culture, Friday became seen by some western followers of alternative religions as a day on which momentous change could occur.

"It's a psychosis, a fad," said psychologist Vera Rodriguez, 29, a Mexican of Maya descent living in Izamal, Yucatan state, near the center of the 2012 festivities, the site of Chichen Itza. "I think it's bad for our society and our culture."

Behind Rodriguez, her two children played in a living room decorated with Christmas trees and Santa Claus figurines.

Mexico's government forecast around 50 million tourists from home and abroad would visit southern Mexico in 2012. Up to 200,000 are expected to descend on Chichen Itza on Friday.

"It's a date for doing business, but for me it's just like any other day," said drinks vendor Julian Nohuicab, 34, an ethnic Maya working in the ruins of the ancient city of Coba in Quintana Roo state, not far from the beach resort of Cancun.

Watching busloads of white-haired pensioners and dreadlocked backpackers pile into their heartland, Maya old and young roll their eyes at the suggestion the world will end.

"We don't believe it," said Socorro Poot, 41, a housewife and mother of three in Holca, a village about 25 miles from Chichen Itza. "Nobody knows the day and the hour. Only God knows."

FOREIGN INVADERS

Tracing its origins to the end of the 4th millennium BC, the ancient Mesoamerican civilization of the Maya reached its peak between A.D. 250 and 900 when they ruled over large swathes of southern Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras and Belize.

Famed for developing hieroglyphic writing and an advanced astronomical system, the Maya then began a slow decline, but pockets of the civilization continued to flourish until they were finally subjugated by the Spanish in the 17th century.

Today, ethnic Maya are believed to number at least 7 million in Mexico, Guatemala and other parts of Central America.

The vast majority are nominally Roman Catholics, though many still uphold elements and rites of their old beliefs. According to a 2000 Mexican census, there were also a few hundred Jews and handful of Buddhists among the Maya.

Tales of human sacrifice, pioneering architectural feats and an interest in the stars burnished the Maya's supernatural reputation. So too, say experts, has the misguided notion that the Maya died out with the arrival of the conquistadors.

"That idea that they disappeared culturally back in the deep past is one of these things that feeds into this idea that they are mysterious, that they are otherworldly," said David Stuart, a Maya expert at the University of Texas.

The reality is that many Maya live in rural areas where water can be scarce, communications poor and education patchy.

Even as some shrug their shoulders at the awe and reverence December 21 has inspired, others worry it has become a free meal ticket for sharp-witted businessmen.

"There's the legend and there's the reality," said Yolanda Cornelio, 21, a tourism official in the city of Merida, whose mother speaks Maya at home. "Some people take the legend and abuse it, using it to make money. There's a lot of con artists."

With scores of old Maya ruins, temples and monuments dotting the landscape between southern Mexico and Central America, locals have plenty of opportunities to impress foreign visitors.

One of the most popular attractions lies in a leafy grove near the crumbling pyramids of Coba, where a large stone tablet records the Maya creation date of August 13, 3114 BC - quite literally the cornerstone of the 2012 phenomenon.

"This is a very powerful, sacred place," said Jonathan Ellerby, 39, a writer from Canada. "I feel something energetic, emotional, and I feel I'm in the right place. I really do."

(Additional reporting by Gabriel Stargardter; editing by Dave Graham and Todd Eastham)